William

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  1. LILTEX41, Thanks for sharing that insight from Richard Branson! What a great perspective to have!!
  2. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    Well said Frank. I deal with all of the issues you discussed. It’s very frustrating when you’re doing everything you can to maximize potential success across all fronts of life, and you still feel down and totally lost, it’s completely demoralizing. It’s like finally taking responsibility for your actions, recognizing there are no short cuts in life, being willing to put the work in, and addressing all the other bs cliche’s you hear growing up, but after all that, you’re still stuck wondering what’s it all for. Where are the results! Where’s the “fell good” in any of it... At least that’s the circle I’m often in 2.5 years post addy. But not always... I too have delt with depression and anxiety most of my adult life. I started using Addy in my late 20’s, I’m now 46. So no doubt some of what I’m experiencing is not related to long term addy use, but no doubt some is. Of course I also had about 7 years on benzo’s during the nearly 15 years on addy, so my situation is different then many. A word of CAUTION to any one considering using benzo’s to help get off stimulants; DONT! Addy is tough to beat, benzo’s are often far worse for nearly everyone who uses them. I’m not thrilled with how I feel and how my career is going right now, but I’m still in a much better place then I was. And if things were to get infinitely worse, I’d still never ever go back to the Addy years, NEVER! When it comes to antidepressants, I don’t have an all or nothing viewpoint. That is, I don’t think using an antidepressant that helps is a bad thing. So many of us that have lived through the hell of beating Adderall or (benzo’s, opioids,etc.) develop the position that all drugs are evil. Understandably so! But the truth is, there is a significant difference between using/abusing schedule II drugs, and using antidepressants. Yes I’ve had some bad experiences with AD’s, namely of the SSRI varieties. But I’ve found a low dose of Mirtazapine (Remeron) to help me a great deal. And I’m not ashamed of that, or think that it means I’m not “sober”. The brain has an amazing ability to heal itself, but it also has an equally amazing “memory” of pleasurable experiences. Whether or not the pleasure was drug induced. So life after Adderall is always competing against a euphoria standard that is not realistic. It’s ironic that I often hear people say “I’m finally starting to enjoy my old hobbies..” Sometimes I wonder if people are subconsciously responding to big pharma’s AD ad campaigns that often suggest that if you don’t enjoy things you once enjoyed, perhaps you’re depressed.. Here’s a novel idea, our interests change! Sometimes you have to change things up a bit. Going back to the same old things looking for that great spark, can be like getting back with an ex-spouse or girlfriend hoping to find the pleasure you experienced when the relationship got started; it ain’t gonna happen. So somthing I’ve found to help is to try some new things. Volunteer doing something you have never done before. Go somewhere different, talk to different people... It’s a bit awkward at first, but you might just surprise yourself and discover a bit of joy. I’m writing and rambling so much on this post, I’m having flashbacks to addy induced nonsense, lol Keep on fighting the good fight everyone! God bless!
  3. Congratulations Kimber! Making the first year is something to be proud of. Dont be discouraged if you feel “mushy” and like your “treading water”. Your brain is providing you with some accurate feedback, something you weren’t getting while on adderall. It might be that now isn’t the best time for “what’s next”- rather, what is... It’s a common response to want to “take control” after being driven for so long every which way by adderall. Just remind yourself you took control when you stopped taking the drug! Now you need time to reconstruct a life that is driven by well thought out decisions. Not random amphetamine fueled actions. And this takes a long time. So when you feel pestered by thoughts of “what’s next” remember that could likely be a leftover thought process from your adderall days. Start small. Make meaningful decisions daily that you can associate with a larger goal. Just don’t rush the process. I was on Adderall for nearly 15 years at a high dose. I’ve been off now for 2 1/2 years. Things do get better! Be kind to yourself, God bless
  4. Sure is quiet these days.

    Howdy Frank, It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. You make an excellent point. I’ve wondered the same thing; where are all the new folks looking to quit? I believe I was a few months behind you on quit dates and continue to be free of adderall. I still deal with anxiety issues, but attribute it to my brain still trying to normalize from the benzos. Great to see yours and everyone’s posts here. God bless
  5. I almost gave up hope....

    I think I sounded a bit off track there. I'm sure your sleep and anxiety were miserable. Guess I'm more looking for details. I'm only getting 4-5 hours of relief a day from near panic level anxiety. But I'm not aware of what the hell I'm anxious about other then will survive my symptoms... Sorry to ramble and make this about me. Please forgive me I'm just in a desperate state of being. God bless
  6. I almost gave up hope....

    Thank you for posting your success story. It is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm fighting like hell to try and make it to 7 months. So happy to hear you have come through on the other side. Would you mind sharing what the worst part of PAWS was for you? I like so many here look at these to remind ourselves that we are normal. That skin crawling hell of withdrawal is normal. How was your sleep and anxiety? Thanks again and God Bless.
  7. Temptations

    Frank, nice job stopping the devil! Wow, crazy how that stuff seems to play out. You no have that success to stack on all your others.
  8. 6 months

    Thanks Frank. I tried melatonin last night. Got maybe 3-4 hours. Don't think it did much. I'm going to pick up some Zquil. I don't think that's to be ashamed of. If it makes me able to survive this period so be it. I can't keep going like this. The sleep depervation alone would make a non recovering person insane. I'm hanging on by such a small string and scared to death.
  9. Almost a year sober 😀

    Congrats on making it so long. You are an inspiration. I'm so worried that by suggesting this I might alienate myself, but do you use prayer at all? I find that it is what makes the difference for me when I just can't stand another minute on my own. Keep on looking forward! You are doing amazing! Good luck and God Bless!
  10. One Word Status Update

    Lord help me. You are my salvation....
  11. "Full version"

    Ok. I've figured out how to use the full screen version on my phone. Sorry for confusion!!
  12. Slump

    I use my phone for this forum because my lap top is a POS and won't stay online. So I can't figure out how to "like" what someone posts using my phone😖 For the record I check this site obsessively and LIKE every post on here. It's probably keeping me alive. Thanks to everyone who is apart of this lifeline.
  13. 6 months

    Thanks Zerokewl. Even though I read old posts from others over and over about their 6 month timeline battles with crushing anxiety, when I'm in the grips of hell hour after hour with hardly a 5 minute break, my brain can't process what I've read to the extent I actually believe it or something... Sorry not sure I'm making any damn sence about it! I agree about all these sciency F'ing words! I'm sure it was my issues with depression that ended me up married to addy. Which plays into the whole torture chamber going through this. That voice that try's to tell me I'm F'd no matter what I do or how long I last off that shit! But I cling to memories of short periods of relief where I'm not to dizy to drive a car or make repairs to things for work, and in that moment I find hope... Like this moment right now. God how I wish I could make these moments last longer.
  14. 6 months

    Thank you Dufman. Thank you for sharing your story and your daily journey. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and literally holding back tears as I type. I'm so impressed with your strength and your ability to express the complexities of this hell in ways I and others I'm sure can understand. What a great thing that you're going into a career helping others HEAL. I know you're going to make it! All of us here are going to make it. What a true blessing that we can lean on each other through the darkest periods of this hell on earth. Life on adderall was surrounded with poor decisions and often hanging around others who were all about the party... It feels incredible to talk on here with others that are committed to turning their life around, and to helping others do the same. Keep doing what your doing duffman! I have no doubt you are the rock of your relationship. I wish you the very best as you start your next rotation! Remember to take time for yourself whenever possible to recharge! Peace
  15. 6 months

    Thank you so much😊 I'm so glad you have been feeling better. You answered my cry for help and it made all the difference. The pendulum example is very comforting too. I'm so ready for that thing to swing out of the depths of despair