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Thanks for the reply and advice duffman, I definitely need to start some form of exercise as I really have not put much effort into my recovery except for waiting. I have tried meditating, it is very hard, especially shutting off my rambling brain but will keep at it. Congrats to you as well.

Hello out there, after months of following the site, and reading all of your stories, feeling strangely connected to all of you, I thought I'd share mine. This place has been my only lifeline in my recovery, some of my worst days have been brightened after reading your journeys, thank you to everyone who has shared, thank you for the hope. 3 months ago I was nearing the end of my monthly binge, I had been taking vyvanse for about 4 years, and abused it immediately, and so the downfall of it all came imminently. Like most of you I did the one to two week binge, awake for days, few hours sleep here and there, zombie mode, wasting countless hours on trivial projects and ideas, then down for the count for 2 plus weeks. For me the biggest deciding factor was my physical health, vyvanse was ripping apart my guts, it felt like it was turning my bones to dust, always scared my next dose would literally burst open my heart. I stumbled upon this site and hours later decided to quit. I filled in my family, they had no idea, then called the pharmacy to delete the prescription. No turning back. It will be 3 months next week and like most of you the struggle is alive and well, I believe I am writing this out of necessity, so far I have had little breakthrough, my biggest fear in quitting was the anhedonia I knew I would face, and as each day goes by I wonder if I'll ever feel joy again, play guitar again, keep up with my two year old, and like I said if it wasn't for this site and you people I would have most definitely been back at it. I have gained over 20lbs, my stomach is still reeling, smoking more, also smoking pot, all day usually, I work from home which has been helpful while recovering, but the hours in between are lethargic at best. I had been hibernating in my home for years, barely in contact with anyone outside my little world, I have begun to be social again but it has been torture, I make myself do it but I've lost all of my close friends over the years, and now I am literally relearning how to engage with people. Ive always had some sort of social anxiety, vyvanse cured that, and it has been painfully awkward since. I can't remember how I use to feel, before vyvanse, I had been on countless different anti depressants, wasted most of my twenties partying and heavy drinking, so it was been almost 6 years since I was me. I would do anything to get that person back, I am scared I may never be that person again, will I even be able to tell? I want my son to know his real dad, he hasn't met him yet. I feel paralyzed, even the steps I know I need to start (exercise,eating well) seem impossible, I relied on vyvanse for everything from cleaning, hobbies, right down to hygiene. I keep reading the benefits of quitting start to be realized around that 7-9 month mark, and its not the wait that is daunting, but getting there and not feeling any different. Until then...thank you all again for making my recovery a little more bearable, my name is Zack, thanks for reading.