Tom23Jones

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About Tom23Jones

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 01/10/1986

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Virginia
  • Interests
    Jiu Jitsu
    Wife and pups
    Poker
    Lifting Weights
    Meditation

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  1. I can't believe it's me...

    yeah recovery is definitely not a linear process. And unfortunately you'll have good days and weeks which may be unexpectedly followed up by cravings and feeling of dread. You just have to draw a line in the sand and embrace the suck and never look back. Just find comfort in knowing that all the shitty parts are normal and eventually you'll come out the other side. A lot of people on here advocate that you treat yourself nicely and allow yourself to be lazy and netflix and chill but I think the opposite. I think the faster you can rely on discipline the better. Motivation is bullshit. Anyone can do shit when they are motivated and excited. The hard part is doing difficult things when arent motivated to do so. So you don't feel like going to the gym? Your feelings don't get a vote, you go anyhow. Through this struggle is where you really find yourself and start to value yourself. I recommend a strength training program for 3 to 5 days per week. Lifting weights can help lift depression and anxiety, also helps with cognitive function. I also cannot recommend meditating enough. I thought it was just some hippy shit but it really does quiet the mind of all the background chatter and helps with focus. I use the headspace app. But none of this is instant gratification type stuff that us addie abusers are used to. Its a slow organic process. You might struggle sitting to meditate for weeks before you finally realize the subtle benefits. Lastly, NA meetings have been a huge part of my recovery. I don't go as often anymore as I seldom think of adderall or alcohol but in the beginning when I was really white knuckleing it NA was there. NA is another thing thats super weird at first but everyones story is always super relatable
  2. I can't believe it's me...

    I obsessed over the urge to find more for awhile, at least a few months. I also tried too hard to replace the feeling with caffeine and supplements. At about the 6 month mark I remember it finally clicked that abusing adderall is just slowly committing suicide. It also helped big time when I started replacing my bad habits with positive ones, meditating, exercise, eating healthy, NA Meetings, etc. Lastly, once my crippling anxiety and panic attacks lifted, I knew I could never resort back to adderall which was the cause of my panic attacks. I'll occasionally have anxiety but its very fleeting and manageable. Unlike when I was abusing adderall, the panic attacks were full psychosis hell.
  3. I can't believe it's me...

    Man, I needed to read this today, I've been feeling a lack of gratitude recently but this sure as fuck brought back some memories. Today I'm thankful to not be chained to those fucking pills. Nurse Addy, I hope you are doing well. Hopefully this relapse was a reminder that adderall addiction is pure fucking chaos and in no way sustainable.
  4. What motivates you to stay clean?

    I stay motivated to keep clean because of the peace of mind it offers. The relief of not having to count pills and wonder where your going to get more when you run out. And stress over where your going to get money to get those pills. It was chaos. Also the peace of mind mentioned above, not having to worry about having a stroke or heart attack. At the end it was a complete obsession, there was nothing fucking fun about it. I'd have constant panic/anxiety attacks and still kept popping them like candy. Fucking insanity. But I never have to resort to that bullshit again. Today I'm grateful for the calmness and clarity I have. So much more time and energy to put towards myself, my family, my health instead of thinking about a drug every waking minute.
  5. How did you quit adderall taper or cold turkey?

    Cold turkey. Once my mind was FOR REAL made up that my adderall abuse was not sustainable, I knew I had to quit and never look back.... I knew it was going to suck and be the hardest thing I'd ever done but there is no way I could've slowly tapered off. I tried controlling my using for years so why the fuck would I think I'd be able to control tapering off. Plus I feel like cold turkey is getting a jump on your recovery. Letting your brain start the healing/rewiring process.
  6. I was thinking the same thing about Chris Davis's slump, his amphetamine honeymoon stage is over and now he can't fucking focus
  7. Feeling Lonely

    yeah dude, definitely give yoga a whirl. I've only done it at home on dvds but the people I know that go to hot yoga or any yoga classes say its changed their life. I also recommend jiu jitsu to everyone. Male or female, its incredible. The bond you develop with people doing a martial art together is incredible. It happens quick and you almost instantly feel like family.
  8. New day, same results.

    @Frank B We all have times where it gets extra tough, or things get extra dark and gloomy. Just stay patient man, adderall is definitely not the answer which I think you fucking know that man. They say change happens when the pain of staying the same gets greater than the pain of change... It seems like your at a point where its time to change things up. I've always said massive action is the cure all. You are already doing so much right but it seems like its time for a few more radical changes. It could be anything that'll spark a positive mindset shift. Join jiu jitsu and get your kids into it too, cut out alcohol 100% and never drink again, go to a bunch of NA meetings, start a gratitude journal, take up yoga and/or meditation, sign up for a marathon or tough mudder and start training.... any or all of those things could be the turnaround you need. Can't hurt right? your mood and motivation is already shit right now. Go get after it buddy, your life and your kids lives depend on it
  9. 7 Month Struggles

    Hey TL Things have gotten significantly better. I'm finally beyond the obsessed feeling that my heart is damaged. I had an EKG several months ago and some other tests and all came back normal. I have some anxiety and depersonalization but its very fleeting. I've become obsessed with lifting weights, practicing jiu jitsu (recommend to everyone) and meditation. I 100% believe daily meditation helps with the anxiety, depression, and depersonalization. Without meditation I would latch on to every negative thought or feeling and obsess over it until I spiral into a full blow panic attack. Meditation has taught me to see the anxiety, recognize it for what it is and kind of detach, if that makes sense. Anyways, yeah things are much better. My marriage and family relationships are 1000 times better, I'm open and honest with everyone and no longer have to walk around carrying all the lies that had while in active addiction. Just not having to ever lie offers such a peace of mind! I also still regularly attend NA meetings. I've been going for about 3 years now. I don't work the program by the book but I attend meetings on the reg and I've stayed sober so it works for me Peace! -TJ
  10. 3 years!!!

    Hey brother, please don't do anything drastic. One things for sure, we've all felt similar hopeless feelings like you mention here and even when you think theres no fucking chance it'll get better, it fucking can man. Just one day at a time, keep doing the next right thing and eventually you can pull yourself from hopeless to hopeful. Get to a narcotics anonymous meeting and either listen or pour your heart out on how your feeling. You'll be met with love and open arms there
  11. Sounds like your already on the right track with a multivitamin and magnesium. Maybe also add in some vitamin D. I never really found any supplements that made a profound difference. One of the best things you could do is make it to the gym and do some cardio and weights. The thing is, your not going to feel like it when your irritable and having mood swings but if you can force yourself there, I think the fog starts to lift much quicker.
  12. Things better than a high?

    I used to pop adderall and play tennis or pickup football but I felt so robotic and analytical about the game. Every point was like match point at a major championship. Adderall caused me to treat those pickup games with such intensity that there was no camaraderie with the people I was playing with. But intense exercise while sober is fucking awesome. I love Jiu Jitsu, (recommend it to all) weight lifting, basketball, any cardio really. You never feel more present than when practicing jiu jitsu. I mean you and another person are trying to choke or armbar one another while defending against the same. Its kind of hard to worry about anything else in life while doing that. And then you shake hands afterwards and build a bond like no other.
  13. Letting Go Completely

    Don't even try to trick yourself into knowing what you'll be doing a few years down the road. Its okay to say "I'm not sure where I'll be in a few years" but for today, I don't have to use adderall. I don't think too much about adderall anymore, and I firmly believe I'll never put that shit in my body again....But I do occasionally romanticize alcohol/drinking and when I start obsessing about drinking at some future hypothetical event, I just tell myself, I'm not sure if will or won't but I know I don't have to drink TODAY. Seems to help close the loop of those obsessive thoughts
  14. Sober November

    cool man, I always love following Joe Rogan and those other guys doing their Sober October bets. Keep us posted, I'm curious to see how much better you feel after a month off boos. I gave it up over a year ago and feel awesome. I know you've already cut back on sugar and processed foods so this should make you feel even healthier
  15. Hi Tom,

    Thanks for taking the time to read my post. It was not an easy thing to write so I appreciate the encouragement.

    Michael