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About Tom23Jones

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  • Birthday 01/10/1986

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  1. Do People Know?

    Somehow I kept it hidden from everybody for the most part. But now that I've been off of it for 9 months, my wife realizes how different it actually made me. Now I'm more affectionate, open, honest and just more fun to be around in general. Opposed to the Adderall me who was a liar and a cold person.
  2. Share how you ruined your reputation at work :)

    One of the things that always embarrassed me was when we go on work lunches I would literally have to piss like 5 times in the 45 minutes we were at lunch. I was so tweaked out on adderall and red bull. Sometimes I would feel the urge to pee again the minute I sit down after getting back from the restroom. God I'm thankful I can now sit for a couple hours with peace of mind and not the urge to pee every 10 mins.
  3. Nine Months - Happy Valentine's Day to me!!

    Awesome! I'm pretty much on the same timeline as you're husband. I'll celebrate my 9 months on Feb. 17th I agree with you 100% I've had a few difficult times come up but I know they would be so much more difficult if I was still using adderall. Now I'm able to resolve things with a clear mind and keep pushing forward towards my dreams and goals opposed to when I was using I would just let all the bad things keep compounding. I've read a lot of the struggles on here too and I think it could be complacency. I try to stay vigilant in my recovery and reflect daily on how dark and miserable my life was with Adderall. It consumed my every thought and distracted me from living my life. Breaking free from that hell makes me cry tears of joy sometimes too. ☮ ✌
  4. I feel like it does mess with your metabolism. Unfortunately I haven't found that right combination of nutrition, weight training, and cardio to cut weight. I'm glad you brought this up though and hopefully someone will have some good advice because I feel your frustration.... I've been busting my ass in the gym lifting weights daily and doing cardio a few times a week, while I'm getting stronger and feel much healthier, I'm not noticing the LB's dropping off :-/ I'm hoping its because I'm new to weight lifting and gaining muscle but I've got plenty of extra weight that I can afford to shed.
  5. The +2 Year Mark No

    I took adderall for 10 years and binged daily for the last 2-3 years and I can tell you that my life is 100x better without adderall. You call it a magical pill but that shit lost its magic for me way before I stopped taking it. I'm at 9 months clean and I've got way better/healthier habits than I ever had while using adderall. I've got a better and more honest relationship with my wife, my family and my friends. Sure, I struggle at my job and have a hard time staying on task for 8 hours but I now realize its because I hate this fuckin job lol. I don't want to take a pill that tricks me into thinking what I do for a living is fun. I'm more eager to find a means of income that I'm naturally drawn to.
  6. trying to find a solution

    As soon as you can force yourself to hit the gym, that helps big time too. Whether its weight training or running on the eliptical or treadmill. Your body releases endorphins and it helps me feel better about myself and gives me natural energy for the rest of the day. Plus it gives you that since of accomplishing something thats not easy to do and doing it without the aid of adderall....which always reassures me that I'll be just fine without adderall
  7. Holy Shit! 9 Months!

    Congrats on 9 months Dan! I'm about two weeks from celebrating my 9 months as well. My recovery is super similar to your timeline. During months 1-6 I really struggled with bad anxiety, depression and lack of motivation. But months 7-8 I noticed a lot of the fog lifted and I stopped waiting for that magical motivation to happen and instead just started taking action. Initially it sucked getting up at 5am and hitting the gym for an hour but now it has gotten as routine as brushing my teeth. And its addicting feeling your body change for the better. Naturally that same motivation carried over into my nutrition. I've now became consumed with what I put into my body and how I take care of it. I'm seriously considering eliminating sugar (unless its from fruit) and caffeine from my diet but I haven't pulled the trigger on that yet. The biggest thing I struggle with is motivation to stay on task at my 9-5 office job. Adderall used to make me love this tedious shit I do for a living but now I Fuckin HATE it. But I'm okay with that, because I don't want to take a pill that tricks me into thinking I enjoy shit that I don't. Not taking adderall has given me so much more self awareness. I'm finally maneuvering myself to chase a dream that I've always wanted to. And I think that is really what so many of us struggle with. Its not that we cannot get motivated as much as it is we hate what the fuck were doing. In the past anytime we were faced with something difficult or tedious we'd just take a pill and hey weeee! its fun. Think about it, I don't struggle at all now to get motivated and focus on things that I enjoy; I'm naturally focused and dialed in when I run on a treadmill, lift weights, meal prep for the week, have sex, play poker, play golf. So I think the real key is finding something your passionate about and figure out how to make money at it. ☮ ✌
  8. Hopeful I am Not Hopeless

    Sounds good that you are so determined this time. Its going to suck for awhile, there is no way around that but there is plenty of proof throughout these forums that it eventually gets better. As adderall addicts we are so hooked on that instant gratification that it makes early recovery really hard because we know that little pill will get rid of that lethargic lazy and depressed feeling but stay strong, time makes it all better. And there is no better feeling than when you finally feel free from the addiction. I thank God everyday that I'm not constantly thinking about Adderall, counting and recounting my pills, looking at my finances to see if I can afford more from my dealer... that was a truly exhausting way to live.
  9. Hopeful I am Not Hopeless

    I was on a similar cycle as you for a long time. I'd take over 100mg most days and I'd tell my self every month that this is the last time. I'd say I'm done with this sh*t, I hate the way it made me so tweaked out but yet I still kept popping them like candy. It sounds like deep down you already know what needs to be done. All of us addicts try to lie to ourselves and think maybe one day we can handle adderall in moderation and have the magic we used to get from it but the truth is the magic is gone and we know we cannot handle this poison in any moderation. I think it would help if you got 100% honest with either your parents, sister, or boyfriend. Let them know the grip this drug has on your life. The only reason I say that is because I tried quitting on my own a bazillion times but when I finally broke down and told my wife how bad my addiction was is when I committed myself to quitting. I had hid it from her and lied about so many things, and most of my lies were setup to conceal this addiction so I wouldn't ever have to stop taking them. But telling her was so liberating, I ripped up the next two months of scripts I had and I gave her the phone # of my dealer who I was buying additional addies from. I told her, if you ever see that number on our phone bill then I have relapsed and to confront me about it. All that happened 8 months ago and I haven't had adderall since. And I can tell you that its going to suck for a few months but whats a few months vs the rest of your life? You have to really go all in though, you've gotta make up your mind that you aren't going to "try" to quit and see how it goes. You've gotta treat recovery like a BEAST. Refuse to ever put that sh*t in your body again. And I can tell you the trend that I see on here from myself and other people who successfully quit is at about 8-12 months of life without adderall things start getting drastically better. We all tend to start going to the extreme of taking care of our mind, body and soul. Its weird, its like the total opposite of life on adderall. I've started getting the proper amount of sleep every night, I go to the gym every weekday morning, I'm slowly removing caffeine and sugar from my diet, I meditate as often as I remember to. I can tell you there was a time where I assumed I'd take adderall forever and I just might not live as long as I should. How f*cking crazy is that? But now I'd never fathom putting another adderall in my body. Hopefully that gives you some hope that it can be done no matter what your current state of mind is. Lastly, you mentioned NA meetings, I highly recommend that. Its kinda weird at first and has sort of a cult atmosphere but you'll quickly realize how much you have in common with the peoples stories at these meetings. I've been going once a week since I quit and everyone recommends that I go to more meetings but one a week has been sufficient for me. The rare occasion I miss a week, I can tell my desire to stay 100% clean slips a little so clearly I'm getting some benefit from it. Good luck and keep us posted! ☮ ✌
  10. Help me forum - you're my only hope

    I agree 100%. You have to mentally really commit to being done forever. I know how hard that is though, I let the addiction go on for about 7-8 years too long. I think it would help if you tell at least told one person close to you what you are going through and let them know you are quitting. It felt so awesome when I finally made up my mind and told my wife I was abusing adderall and I ripped up my next two months worth of scripts. It was scary as fu*k but at the same time it felt so good to take back control of my own life VS. the strangle hold adderall had on me. I also gave her the phone number of my dealer who I was buying extra addies from. I told her that if that phone number ever pops up on the phone bill then that means I relapsed. I also highly recommend NA meetings. It will seem like a cult atmosphere initially and maybe like you don't belong. You might even have to try a couple different meetings to find the one that is the right fit for you but once you do, you'll realize those addicts in recovery have so much experience, strength, and hope to share with you.
  11. Help me forum - you're my only hope

    You are so right about this Frank. I've thought a lot about possibly speaking on these issues at college campuses or at least doing something to spread awareness about how powerful and dangerous this drug is. But I want to be farther along in recovery and have more examples in my life of success after adderall. Its crazy how liberal these docs are with prescribing these strong stimulants. Almost every friend or family member I have that has went to college has at least experimented with adderall. Luckily the majority of them didn't become full blown dependent on it. It makes me sick how these docs give this $hit out like its candy. I know for a fact some of the doctors I used to visit knew I was abusing the drugs but they'd still up my dosage. I'd be in the docs office completely tweaked out but still leave with more of that poison. What a joke, I don't know how they sleep at night.
  12. Help me forum - you're my only hope

    Your story and mine are very similar. I progressed from 20mg per day to averaging 150mg daily. At one point I had a script for (90) 20mg xrs per month and I was buying an additional 30-60 from a "friend". I'd still run out in 2 weeks or less. The good thing is you sound like you aren't in denial about you're addiction and the control it has over you. You admit that taking the prescribed dose would not work for you. It took me a very long time to realize that. I'd lie to myself month after month, year after year. It sounds like you already know the best and only option. Adderall has lost its magic and its time to give it up. The vicious cycle of binging, being all tweaked out and anxious for a couple of weeks and then a couple weeks of withdrawl is not sustainable for anyone. And its no way to live. Its F*cking miserable! Don't get me wrong though. Quitting isn't easy. There are going to be some low times and its going to suck for awhile. But since I quit 8 months ago, I haven't once ever regretted it. I'm getting better with each and every month. Good luck kid, you are a young guy or girl and you have the best years of your life ahead of you. ☮ ✌
  13. How's Everybody doing Physically?

    This was an awesome idea Duff. As soon as I have time today I'll do my physical self assessment.
  14. Road to recovery

    We absolutely all care about each others recovery. Thats why we are here. Your road to recovery will depend a lot on how long you've been on adderall and what kind of dosages you were taking. Obviously if you've been on them for a long time at higher doses it will be harder but there are plenty of examples on these forums to show you that it can be done. Theres a little bit of a honeymoon period when you first quit where its not super difficult and for me it even felt really good, almost euphoric some days. BUT... then you'll face some difficult days, weeks, and months following that. My best advice is to be patient and trust the process. And if you have a significant other, let that person know that its going to be hard some days and ask that they support you and have patience. Also, I'm not sure how mentally strenuous your job is but it would be good if its possible to take some time off or do minimal work during your hardest days. Lastly, I'm a big advocate for NA meetings and these forums. I tried to quit for a couple years on my own but I was only able to kick the habit when I found the rooms of narcotics anonymous and these forums. Best of luck and keep us posted!
  15. 7 Month Struggles

    Appreciate that Frank. Sometimes it helps just knowing I'm not the only one going through these struggles. I only recently joined the gym and I do plan to hit it hard starting January. I've read so much about how cardio and weight training can help with recovery and also alleviate anxiety. Plus I need to shed some of the weight I gained after quitting. Its funny you mention you're wife thinking you were lying because occasionally my wife still gets uneasy if I'm doing anything away from the house for more than a couple hours. And I respect that because I've put her through so much in the past. I can't expect her to just regain all of my trust immediately. Its going to take a long time of doing the right things before I have her 100% trust back. I can also relate to what you mentioned about not being as passionate about your trade as you were on adderall. I can't stand my 9-5 office job now that I'm off adderall. Its so strange that taking that shit makes you think you enjoy anything that requires focus. I would mess with a rubiks cube for hours when I was tweeked out on adderall. Now that I'm clean, I'm considering so many different career paths. Money isn't even the ultimate determining factor for me. I just want a higher quality of life and to find something I actually enjoy.