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About HairsprayQueen

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  1. Why, exactly, does tapering "not work"?

    I’m interested to hear what others have to say, because tapering is not a thing I’ve ever been able to do. Every month, I end up running out with at least a week left before my next refill and every month I tell myself that I’m going to taper next time. I never do.
  2. My Brain is Mean

    Yes! This is exactly how I feel too...every single unresolved issue that I’ve pushed away. It is so exhausting.
  3. My Brain is Mean

    I’m trying to quit after a particularly bad relapse and binge. Today, my brain chained me to the couch in that weird state of sleep that comes during the “acute phase” of withdrawal. During those hours, my brain drug me through every sad thought and fucked up past rejection and regret it could imagine. My brain gave me ideas to message exes, even suggestions for what to say. Thank God I didn’t follow through on any of this, but now that I’m awake, I feel like I’ve been through war. I checked Facebook in an attempt to fill my thoughts with other people’s problems, only to learn that one of my first patients passed away this morning. All I want to do is sit in my bathtub and cry. Can anyone relate?
  4. I wish for more connection...

    I’m always here to talk. I’ll try to do a better job of checking messages on here.
  5. Irritability

    Anyone have any strategies for how to cope with extreme irritability during the first month of quitting? Maybe it lasts longer than a month, I don’t really know because I haven’t managed to make it past that point...yet.
  6. Sitting in the waiting room

    Thanks for the congrats, but unfortunately I did get back on my script. I feel like I learned quite a bit about myself during the past month though. If I can establish some productive habits (like following a schedule), my next attempt at quitting might be more successful
  7. Sitting in the waiting room

    After 7 years of Adderall I managed to survive for one month without it. I slept until I couldn't and I've eaten everything in sight. I gained 15 lbs. My clothes no longer fit and I can't stand to look in the mirror. I lose everything I touch. My working memory doesn't exist and I feel selfish for all the failure that has come as a result. Right now, I'm waiting to be called back so I can confess my failure to my GP (whom I highly respect) and score more speed. Spilling all these words onto the forum is making me feel less wretched, so thank you for that opportunity.
  8. I’m hopeful

    That’s awesome!!
  9. Going back to work...

    Thank you so much for these words! I survived! It wasn’t one bit of fun, but I made it!
  10. Going back to work...

    I’ve been off adderall for 3 weeks now and was fortunate to be able to take off work. Today is my first day back and I’m SO anxious. I want so badly to call my doctor, schedule an appointment, and refill my prescription. Any words of advice and/or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!!
  11. Started off great, recovery now getting harder

    You’re so right. I might actually get off the couch and do a chore or two this morning. Thanks for the motivation!!
  12. Quitting adderall podcasts?

    I’ve searched and haven’t found any :/
  13. Finally Ready To Quit, But Terrified

    We have quite a bit in common! I'm 32, single, and NEED to quit. My useage started getting out of control in grad school and it's still out of control now that I'm working. Be careful with Wellbutrin. I tried it and it made things worse for me. If you want a friend to check in with, feel free to message me and I'll give you my contact info ❤️
  14. Losing Touch with Reality....Again

    That's a really good point. I imagine I could even fake some sort of event to give me an excuse for slacking. I wish we weren't in this situation, but it's really helpful to know I'm not alone. It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who takes stupid amounts and cant, under any circumstances, completely fall apart. Maybe if we keep in contact, even if just to complain, we'll have better luck.
  15. Losing Touch with Reality....Again

    This is me, almost identically. I finished a master's program recently and I'm stuck in the same cycle. I'm just now realized how out of control it is. I can't just quit, my career doesn't allow for that kind of crash. As I get down to the final 3.5 pills I come back to this predictable. I'm afraid.