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About SeanW

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  • Birthday 03/16/1993

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  • Location
    Southern U.S.
  • Interests
    Musician, tennis, diet and health

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  1. Do you drink off Adderall?

    Damn man, I kinda know how you feel I stayed on addy partially because of relationship stress but I'm out of that now. We didnt have a kid or anything but damn, that girl sounds pretty terrible, hope the best for you and that you get out of that mess soon.
  2. I am afraid.

    You surely don't deserve to be alone
  3. I am afraid.

    I've had and still am having evenings just like yours, those last few hours in the evening when you've ran out of stuff to keep busy are the worst.. it feels like you're just soaking in pain and disappointment and it's terrible. Totally understand parents over reacting and overwhelming you. You just have to work through the past and keep in mind that it doesn't necessarily determine your future and where you can go from now. It's hard and sometimes seems impossible to let it go and start a new chapter but these are just different ways to look at it to try and help. It's really hard on your own, scrambled from the abuse, and everything else. That's how I've pretty much been doing it and I've spent many evenings in what I consider agony. I just try to get to sleep so I can start a new day. True friends will still be there for you if you try and reconcile. Anyway, try not to be too hard on yourself.. just do your best and hang in there
  4. I am afraid.

    You're very welcome, glad I could help
  5. I am afraid.

    You're beautiful and you'll be okay. Your story/perspective/values/personality etc feel and appear so similar to mine and what I was/am going through. I can relate so hard to the constant philosophy, constant perspective change on topics making so hard to relay a point because you're beautiful and you're considering all these points of view and trying to understand at the deepest of levels while holding so tightly to yourself and your moral standards and values. I've had depression since childhood but also didn't believe in meds, i just was dealt a shit hand and figured i'd just tough it out but my perspective never changed. I stumbled upon adderall and went on a two year conscious endeavor where I lost myself, went through hell with it, had an abusive long term relationship end and developed some serious fear/trauma/paranoia/anxiety. I'm at a point now three months off where my body is much healthier I'm feeling better definitely from when I was on but the thought structure and pattern of always bouncing perspectives leads to in my case multiple emotional selfs because these thoughts from different points of view/perspectives have emotion attatched. This is where we lose our selves/ old self. In my case I'm in a mix of emotions that are too overwhelming to comphrehend. We still have our conscious self "the voice" in our head but it has separated from our emotional chaos. All you can do is stick to your convictions and what you believe even though for some time your emotions won't agree due to all the chaos or abuse but in time the storm will settle and you'll see what remains. These first few months have been rough, but try to find what you believe you should do and remain focused on that while putting your diet and sleep at the top of your priorities. Also, I wouldn't right away but maybe consider therapy and possible light antidepressant since the depression was so pre-existing and long term. You will get yourself back, it's not going to be easy, it has been very very painful so far for me but I'm finally feeling better. I'm considering medication too finally after ten years of foolish pride and pain. We'll see how that goes.. Reading your post felt like I was reading something I wrote. Hang in there, I can tell you're tough and you'll make it back stronger and having learned so much.
  6. Night terrors

    Thanks Cheeri0! Working on it, progress seems so slow but I think that there is some at least.. these last few months off adderall have felt longer than the two years I was on, time is a crazy thing
  7. I feel the same although it's only been three months.. sucks..
  8. Night terrors

    Nope no antibiotics, I think it's just my brain is just traumatized from the two years of literal hell it was put through not from just the heavy adderall and no sleep or food but the emotional abuse and stress from my relationship I was in and the heavy work load. I think the trauma from my relationship and thought patterns took the biggest toll. long road ahead of me...
  9. Night terrors

    Hahah yeah it's quite the adrenaline rush, lucky/unlucky my gf just dumped me so when I'm come thrashing to I'll just sit there looking around for a minute pised off get something to eat and pass back out. Anyway, jus seeing if any others had similar experiences. Hopefully I'll here Pantera in my next battle lol
  10. Night terrors

    Anyone else experience these often? I've about one a week since quitting about 10 weeks ago. I'll have dreams of being strangled or fighting for my life and I'll have dreams inside of dreams. I'll wake up from the first dream to be in my room thinking I'm out of the dream then some crazy shit will happen and I'll be like there's no way this is real and I'll wake up again to actually reality, at least my reality. Hah also, I'll have sleep paralysis during some of the terrors where I'll "wake up" but can't move but I'm my room and there's been shadow figures, actually defined bodies and just feelings of something there and I'll have to first calm myself then fight like hell to come to.. they're really starting to get old.. I'll go to bed around 11pm but don't get decent sleep till around 4am. From 11-4 I can't tell I'm still half awake and that's usually when the terrors or whatever you want to call them happen.
  11. Disgusting

    Holyshit, that's ridiculous.. poor kids..
  12. Yeah forreal, just want to lay down and feel genuinely relaxed.. its nice to hang out with friends but I still catch myself noticing how tense I am. Another day down!
  13. Will the drive ever come back?

    I totally understand how daunting it seems and the feeling of damned if you damned if you don't. But as mentioned we're so young, im right there with you at 24, and even if it takes 2,3,4 years to get it back we won't even have reached 30 yet. And conquering a task like this will stick with you the rest your life and encourage you along with so many people that you can do anything you put mind to consistently. I really feel for you. I believe you can do it especially with help/support.
  14. Strange habits after quitting? Nail biting

    I never had any anxious habits before adderall but now going through quitting my legs are restless all the time. I think it's a lot to do with just the anxiety of going through withdrawal and quitting. Before using adderall it might of just been a habit that started from an earlier anxious period. Only advice I can think of would be working to calm yourself through yoga/music/meditation or keep yourself/hands busy through any hobby, working out would be good for both calming and staying busy. I know you can keep your hands busy constantly but slowly reducing the time you have to bite maybe eventually you'll be able to stop. Also a reward system for going without, starting with small periods/goals. Talking about and exploring/understanding the reasons behind it and the anxiety would definitely be a good idea too.
  15. Quitting again after a setback

    I've been in exactly the same position and you did the right thing by flushing them. Hang in there and stay strong you can do it.