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About SeanW

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  • Birthday 03/16/1993

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  • Location
    Southern U.S.
  • Interests
    Musician, tennis, diet and health

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  1. Share Your Post Quit Accomplishments

    I've been off for four months now and I'm undertaking my last year of chemical engineering. I plan to be able to have this as a post adderall accomplishment even though I'm a little intimidated at the moment. Just going to take it day by day and do my best.
  2. On Ughhh Days..

    I believe the power of belief is strong enough to compensate to an extent but to truely believe you have to be able to forget. I can't believe it's all in my head because of science. Which there will always be a physical constraint of the physical world but I think if you forgot all your experience and believe in just yourself and the moment you're in, it would compensate a lot for the side effects and that's why some feel better than others. I don't think anyone has a 100% recovery instantly. Also I think another variable to belief therefore side effects is sensitivy. Some people have dull and relatively weak physical sense, they take a lot more stimuli so they go about seemingly easier than someone who is a lot more physically conscious and sensitive where a little change is intense where that same change might not even register to the other person. Just an opinion/idea/theory. The person that is less sensitive will say they're just stronger and tougher and that the sensitive person is weak but again I think perception and the brains sensitivy varies and that both have strengths and weaknesses. So a person who is not very sensitive and refuses to acknowledge the past and scientific data will have a stronger belief in themselves and that it's just in their head and possibly will experience/notice less side effects. And on the other end a really sensitive person who acknowledges the physical chemistry and has vivid strong sensitive memory that is just realistic as the moment their in will notice/experience the drastic difference in their state making it harder to forget and be in the moment and weaker belief it's in their head Just and idea and a relativity thing. I can't say which is better because I think there's something to be learned in each experience and people are just built different for different purposes. Sorry if this is jumbled or hard to follow
  3. Where is everyone from?

    Biloxi, oh no I'm about to say it, Mississippi. The stigma of Mississippi is true to an extent, but the coast is a totally different world.

    Damn nice to know, if anything sounds like it intensified the withdrawal symptoms

    I've used it once in the midst of adderall use so not really of any help but also curious to know post adderall experiences
  6. Do you drink off Adderall?

    Damn man, I kinda know how you feel I stayed on addy partially because of relationship stress but I'm out of that now. We didnt have a kid or anything but damn, that girl sounds pretty terrible, hope the best for you and that you get out of that mess soon.
  7. I am afraid.

    You surely don't deserve to be alone
  8. I am afraid.

    I've had and still am having evenings just like yours, those last few hours in the evening when you've ran out of stuff to keep busy are the worst.. it feels like you're just soaking in pain and disappointment and it's terrible. Totally understand parents over reacting and overwhelming you. You just have to work through the past and keep in mind that it doesn't necessarily determine your future and where you can go from now. It's hard and sometimes seems impossible to let it go and start a new chapter but these are just different ways to look at it to try and help. It's really hard on your own, scrambled from the abuse, and everything else. That's how I've pretty much been doing it and I've spent many evenings in what I consider agony. I just try to get to sleep so I can start a new day. True friends will still be there for you if you try and reconcile. Anyway, try not to be too hard on yourself.. just do your best and hang in there
  9. I am afraid.

    You're very welcome, glad I could help
  10. I am afraid.

    You're beautiful and you'll be okay. Your story/perspective/values/personality etc feel and appear so similar to mine and what I was/am going through. I can relate so hard to the constant philosophy, constant perspective change on topics making so hard to relay a point because you're beautiful and you're considering all these points of view and trying to understand at the deepest of levels while holding so tightly to yourself and your moral standards and values. I've had depression since childhood but also didn't believe in meds, i just was dealt a shit hand and figured i'd just tough it out but my perspective never changed. I stumbled upon adderall and went on a two year conscious endeavor where I lost myself, went through hell with it, had an abusive long term relationship end and developed some serious fear/trauma/paranoia/anxiety. I'm at a point now three months off where my body is much healthier I'm feeling better definitely from when I was on but the thought structure and pattern of always bouncing perspectives leads to in my case multiple emotional selfs because these thoughts from different points of view/perspectives have emotion attatched. This is where we lose our selves/ old self. In my case I'm in a mix of emotions that are too overwhelming to comphrehend. We still have our conscious self "the voice" in our head but it has separated from our emotional chaos. All you can do is stick to your convictions and what you believe even though for some time your emotions won't agree due to all the chaos or abuse but in time the storm will settle and you'll see what remains. These first few months have been rough, but try to find what you believe you should do and remain focused on that while putting your diet and sleep at the top of your priorities. Also, I wouldn't right away but maybe consider therapy and possible light antidepressant since the depression was so pre-existing and long term. You will get yourself back, it's not going to be easy, it has been very very painful so far for me but I'm finally feeling better. I'm considering medication too finally after ten years of foolish pride and pain. We'll see how that goes.. Reading your post felt like I was reading something I wrote. Hang in there, I can tell you're tough and you'll make it back stronger and having learned so much.
  11. Night terrors

    Thanks Cheeri0! Working on it, progress seems so slow but I think that there is some at least.. these last few months off adderall have felt longer than the two years I was on, time is a crazy thing
  12. I feel the same although it's only been three months.. sucks..
  13. Night terrors

    Nope no antibiotics, I think it's just my brain is just traumatized from the two years of literal hell it was put through not from just the heavy adderall and no sleep or food but the emotional abuse and stress from my relationship I was in and the heavy work load. I think the trauma from my relationship and thought patterns took the biggest toll. long road ahead of me...
  14. Night terrors

    Hahah yeah it's quite the adrenaline rush, lucky/unlucky my gf just dumped me so when I'm come thrashing to I'll just sit there looking around for a minute pised off get something to eat and pass back out. Anyway, jus seeing if any others had similar experiences. Hopefully I'll here Pantera in my next battle lol
  15. Night terrors

    Anyone else experience these often? I've about one a week since quitting about 10 weeks ago. I'll have dreams of being strangled or fighting for my life and I'll have dreams inside of dreams. I'll wake up from the first dream to be in my room thinking I'm out of the dream then some crazy shit will happen and I'll be like there's no way this is real and I'll wake up again to actually reality, at least my reality. Hah also, I'll have sleep paralysis during some of the terrors where I'll "wake up" but can't move but I'm my room and there's been shadow figures, actually defined bodies and just feelings of something there and I'll have to first calm myself then fight like hell to come to.. they're really starting to get old.. I'll go to bed around 11pm but don't get decent sleep till around 4am. From 11-4 I can't tell I'm still half awake and that's usually when the terrors or whatever you want to call them happen.