SeanW

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About SeanW

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 03/16/1993

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Southern U.S.
  • Interests
    Musician, tennis, diet and health

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  1. Cold Turkey or Taper Down

    3rd attempt isn't too bad. Took me till bout my 15th attempt.
  2. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Yeah you don't want psychosis especially if it sticks around like mine has
  3. I have reached a new level of addiction

    I've been off for 15 months and just started a outpatient daily rehab. You have group therapies where you discuss your self and traumas and problems. You also meet individually with therapist and you learn to love yourself and how to cope with healthy habits.
  4. I have reached a new level of addiction

    We've all been in your position. It's a stage of addiction. You can reach many conclusions that seem to comfort and make sense of things and bring wisdom but in the end the answer is the same, quit.
  5. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    My dad doesn't believe the adderall is the problem he just thinks I'm a lazy ass, I've tried telling him and showing stories on here and he's just like, "that is out of your system in a month, you should be fine" he's just recently told me he's going to kick me out if I don't get my shit together. But yeah, I still agree I've been very lucky he's helped me out this far.
  6. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    Yeah I've been there too. Contemplating hanging, holding a gun to my head. The only reason I haven't is knowing how it would crush my family and my dad.. if he wasn't here then I would have already..
  7. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    Yeah I could see that. Too bad he left an 11 year old daughter behind.
  8. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't

    From the way it sounds it's not going to help you pass. I don't want to advocate any use but if you're talking your career and future and a living and you believe it'll help you pass take a minimum amount only a couple times a week and don't skip meals and sleep. You wont be getting high or chasing a high you have to control yourself for the sake of your life.
  9. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't

    Man I've been in literally the exact same situation with the exact same thoughts and feelings. Like not being able to feel and connect to god and how the adderall just made me want to smoke and use other drugs and not eat. Instead of the bar it was my senior year of chemical engineering at a really competitive/tough school. Wish I had good news for you but I ended up choosing health and dropped out and have been luckyily able to stay back at my dads. It's been a year and I still didn't feel like I was capable of finishing my last year off adderall so I relapsed. All I can say is keep hope that things can only get better if you're taking care of yourself.. it might not be on the timeline you want but eventually, whether you fail or pass this time, take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself while using then stop but take care of yourself and with time things have to get better. Did I mention take care of yourself? lol you HAVE to eat and sleep or you're headed up shit creek.
  10. Relapse..

    Thanks for the replies guys. I haven't touched it since I wrote this post, but I do feel that old addict desire to take it which I had pretty much forgotten about prior to the relapse. The relapse pretty much instantly reestablished those neural path ways of the addict.
  11. Who were you on Adderall??

    I obsessed over recording and playing and would play songs a ridiculous amount of times and it would never sound just how I wanted. I would half ass learn like a 100 songs a day any song you can think of I probably learned it and recorded it. I would pretty much berate and hate myself for any hiccup in the song or if I couldn't hit the notes lol
  12. Relapse..

    It hurts to write this but I relapsed.. Last Thursday I went to a psychiatrist because I've been really struggling with dillusions and what feels like psychosis from my drug days. I ended up with a script for 20mg vyvanse and have been on everyday since.. It felt good at first and I felt clarity which I haven't felt at all in recovery. But of course the oh so familiar terrible crash came. I'm so confused about my feelings and what is real and what isn't real because people around me seem happier when I'm on vyvanse and all through recovery it has felt like people were really bothered with my sober presence. I'm in such a terrible place in life right now and it overwhelms me. I'm jobless and living at home and I'm just swamped and crushed by the idea of how much work I have to do to get back on my feet. To the point that sometimes it doesn't feel worth it like I'd much rather die. None of this matters because I don't have an option.. it's work or die. It just sucks I'm consumed by this drug induced fear that I've been trying to conquer since I quit all the drugs last year. I'm a schiz anyways.. I'll post later this week on what's going on.. for anyone reading this this who hasn't quit, this time last year I was on track to finish my chemical engineering degree at a well known engineering school and thanks to adderall I dropped out and not only that it has ruined my ability to function and be a productive member of society. I could of been 24 years old chemical engineer making 70k and I'm now 25 have only my car to my name, jobless, living at home and unable to communicate and possibly not even capable of finishing my degree.
  13. Who were you on Adderall??

    lol yes it does make you so damn horny. I too spent countless hours on porn when I wasn't with my girlfriend which I usually felt guilty afterwards
  14. Probably could have died

    Yeah it's different and functioning differently but in time it might be a better way of functioning who knows
  15. Relapsed :(

    Yep, I mean it would get rid of the fatigue but just put me in a state of mania without euphoria and I'd rather be a zombie then a maniac