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About SeanW

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  • Birthday 03/16/1993

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  • Location
    Southern U.S.
  • Interests
    Musician, tennis, diet and health

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  1. Long timer checking in.

    Glad you're back!!
  2. Two Years!

    Happy for you! Coming up on 17 months and just started a new job and I'm planning to complete my bachelors next semester. Super nervous about my ability to finish this degree that demands 40-50 hours a week "chemical engineering". I relied heavily on adderall to get to my senior year then I went psychotic and dropped out to get clean and save my life. It's nice to see you were able to finish your degree. I hope I can do the same! I'm finally feeling better with this job even though it's just to fill my time till I finish school. I hope to be in your shoes when I hit two years! You've given me hope and something to aim for! If all goes as planned I'll have graduated and landed a job making about the same and hopefully be living my own!! Again, I'm so happy for you and hope to share a similar experience:)
  3. Very well put. Being around friends and going out I too see the joy and wish I felt it like they do. I get very brief moments where I'm in the moment and full of joy but I watch it quickly fade away. Wish my damn brain would fix its self but maybe it'll never be the same. Hopefully years down the road I'll be able to live joyfully. Gotta keep some hope that I will at least..
  4. I'm so tired.. so tired of this.. so tired of pain.. I don't want to be here anymore..
  5. I'm in the same exact position just at 17 months off and trying to decide to go back to college this semester or in the spring. I'm 25 and am also nervous about my ability to finish my degree since I relied heavily on adderall to get to my senior year where of he curriculum is ridiculous "chemical engineering" so idk whether to finish it or take a different path.
  6. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    Kratoms not a good idea. You can abuse that shit too. Which I did during my adderall days. Kratom was one of the downers I used and that shit is potent. To me it was just a strong or stronger than hydro and oxy codon. The only difference is it won't kill you but I'm pretty sure it still does a number on your brain. I'm 17 months clean off adderall and I'm still recovering. The cocktail of shit I was using really did a number on me. I can relate to feeling like you always need something from even before I found adderall I was much more manageable drug user and pretty much perfectly functional. Sucks now post adderall not using anything expect occasional alcohol and nicotine. Never thought I could fuck my self up this bad. I guess being young and dumb thinking I was invincible.. nobody could of taken the amount of shit I was taking and not had some sort of mind fuck. Anyways, at least I'm only 25 and maybe ten years from now at some point I'll hopefully find some way out of this. Just thought I'd share my experience with kratom. Did it for about two years straight and that stuffs no joke, gets you high as shit.
  7. Vision Changes

    I've been getting blurry and double vision lately
  8. Sure is quiet these days.

    Yeah I check in often too but not much to see. I'm coming up on 16 months and I'm in a daily outpatient rehab along with starting a part time job. Feeling better each day. Looking forward to this cash flow.
  9. Cold Turkey or Taper Down

    3rd attempt isn't too bad. Took me till bout my 15th attempt.
  10. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Yeah you don't want psychosis especially if it sticks around like mine has
  11. I have reached a new level of addiction

    I've been off for 15 months and just started a outpatient daily rehab. You have group therapies where you discuss your self and traumas and problems. You also meet individually with therapist and you learn to love yourself and how to cope with healthy habits.
  12. I have reached a new level of addiction

    We've all been in your position. It's a stage of addiction. You can reach many conclusions that seem to comfort and make sense of things and bring wisdom but in the end the answer is the same, quit.
  13. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    My dad doesn't believe the adderall is the problem he just thinks I'm a lazy ass, I've tried telling him and showing stories on here and he's just like, "that is out of your system in a month, you should be fine" he's just recently told me he's going to kick me out if I don't get my shit together. But yeah, I still agree I've been very lucky he's helped me out this far.
  14. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    Yeah I've been there too. Contemplating hanging, holding a gun to my head. The only reason I haven't is knowing how it would crush my family and my dad.. if he wasn't here then I would have already..
  15. Anthony Bourdain suicide

    Yeah I could see that. Too bad he left an 11 year old daughter behind.