Speeder906

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About Speeder906

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  1. I can't believe it's me...

    Oh good. Sorry if you've mentioned that already, I didn't have time to read all the replies. I just think cutting off the supply is the #1 thing I would recommend if trying to quit. I don't think there is a way to really "curb" cravings, but over time if you stick it out you'll see yourself slowly come back. I won't pretend like I didn't struggle and try to get back on it, but that stopped after around the year mark when I was truly remembering and conscious of the damage I was doing to my mind and my body. Perspective isn't something that can be found out of a bottle, in my opinion. I am sure it's been mentioned in this thread, but exercise and being more active definitely helped me get to where I am now. I am not the most healthy person, even less so when I was downing hundreds of mgs of Adderall a day for days in a row, but I would recommend finding some sort of physical activity to at very least take your mind off cravings. Cutting ties to things that remind you of Adderall help. Rearrange your living space, I also feels helps a little. I wish I had a direct answer, but at a certain point you just learn to deal with cravings and later they don't come up as often because you've filled that void or at least fill it on occasion.
  2. I can't believe it's me...

    If I can offer up some advice here, don’t tell your doctor. Instead, make an appointment with a therapist or other doctor within their network and tell that person about your Adderall abuse. Be straight forward and say you’re abusing it and you want off it. It’s much much easier to tell this third party person to relay that you want off the meds rather than to tell the person who has been prescribing you for several years. It’s also a way to ensure you won’t be prescribed again. Of course, this is a nuclear option, but for some of us, myself included, it’s what needs to be done. I wish you the best of luck@NurseAddy
  3. Update: 1.5 years Progress

    I've been off Adderall for roughly a year and half and for anyone reading this struggling I have to tell you it's way better on this side of the fence. Sometimes I'm just blown away by the amount of time, effort, and life force I wasted on Adderall. Ultimately, I am glad it all happened though, believe it or not. It built me up to become the person I am today. Not sure how often people frequent this place anymore, but I think about it from time to time because for a while, this was where I spent hours typing out my frustrations and hoping I would read something that changed my life. Truth is, nothing anyone here says can change how someone lives their life, but can only influence it. Nothing anyone said here was going to stop me from downing an entire months worth of pills in a short few days, and that's just a fact. It helps to know we aren't alone, no doubt about that, but making the tangible real world changes is what makes us better. I was at the gym and Dr. Phil was on the tvs. In the episode it was all about this woman who was addicted to Adderall. I watched it, watched her, and it just reminded me of the hell of a lifestyle that was. It was all too relatable to a past version of myself. I thought about making a post about it on here but I didn't get around to it, but it shook me for a few days. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what my experience was like, and more importantly, the massive amount of progress I have made getting OFF this shit. Specifically, I remember watching her tell Dr. Phil about a phenomenon that all current and former tweakers, I'm sure, understand. She spoke about, up until using Adderall, feeling like a zombie walking throughout life, not really paying attention to anything. When she takes Adderall suddenly everything comes alive. She then went on to describe that random people's t-shirts would be transmitting messages to her as an individual. She didn't know the people but the shirts and the phrases on them applied to HER life somehow. It was the kind of delusion of grandeur I recall having all the time. Dr. Phil, of course, commented about how NOT normal that experience was. It reiterated the point that, in that state of mind, we aren't living. We are over saturated with what we believe makes up life, but it's false, it's artificial, and more importantly: it's a form of delusion. Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this, but this has been cathartic, and one of the rare posts I have written on this website NOT fueled by malnutrition, sleep deprivation, and excessive amounts of amphetamine. The fact that I have been able to write this much somewhat coherently, if I do say so myself, speaks volumes in my opinion. Life is GOOD, man. Like, REALLY good. Stimulant-free life is slower, it's calmer, it's so much bigger than the bubble that we trap ourselves into when we're on a binge. My inbox is always open to anyone going through the thick of it. I've gotten passed the phase where I'm so tempted to try and get my Adderall back because life is so good right now and it has been pretty good for many months. Now I am trying to keep moving forward and perhaps try to give back in some way, shape, or form. Be well, everyone! PS. Here's a link to the Dr. Phil episode I was referring to: https://www.drphil.com/shows/former-anchorwoman-and-beauty-queen-wife-is-she-addicted/
  4. 6 months

    Yes! I came here to possibly make an updated post about how things are going, so thanks for your comment. I'm roughly a year and a half off adderall and life is GOOD man. Hope everything is well with you as well
  5. After 3 years away from this site...

    Oh man.. reading what I wrote makes me cringe and feel bad for my old self. Doesn't even seem like something I would write at this point. I'm roughly a year and a half off adderall. Life is GOOD man. Came online to actually maybe make a post about how things have been going because I feel so good lately. Thanks for the reply anyways
  6. 6 months

    Hello, Felt like checking in here after 6 MONTHS off adderall. Mostly wanted to come here and tell y’all how fucking incredible it feels to be off this stuff. How amazing it feels to not have that baggage holding me down. When I want to go for a walk, talk to someone, do something, ANYTHING, I don’t have that inkling thought of, “is this adderall making me do this?” It’s just me. I told my doctor I was abusing and that was the best thing I could’ve done. It was a clean cut and I’d do it a thousand times over if I could. I won’t forget walking out of the room after telling my doctor. Like i could finally live my life again. 100% recommend cutting off at the source like that if anyone use or experience with adderall has been anything like mine. It’s hard as hell to do, I’ve tried before a couple times, but once you bite that bullet, it’s done. Of course there’s no option to taper or take back your confession, but if things are as bad as it was for me, it’s fucking worth it Since quitting, not only have I started a new job in a field I want to be in, I’ve been killing it in school, I’ve even gotten into a university (I wasn’t even planning on that when on adderall, that was a 100% ME ambition). I’m excited to start over somewhere new and fully leave all this behind me in every way. I’ve noticed recently my old interests coming back: outdoors and music were the big two. I thought I lost that, but it’s slowly coming back in spurts and I love it. Much to my surprise, I’ve been able to not gain weight since quitting and have even lost some weight. It’s the result of actively trying, but still, I used adderall for weight loss and all it even got me was binge eating episodes on repeat. Not to say it’s been all great since day one, but once you let go, it only gets better, in my opinion and in my experience I’ve been meaning to post an update like this here for a long time, so that was my little brain dump. Take care, everyone!
  7. Update (it’s good this time!)

    @sleepystupid thank you! It was definitely the hardest thing to do, scary as hell, but happy I did it. As for a job, I’ve been working along with going to school already, but I did actually just start working at a new place doing the stuff I’ve been in school for. So far without adderall its been good. I am still in school yes, I am actually doing summer quarter right now but weirdly not behind. There was only one time I was behind and that was the last time I had adderall. Idk, I feel like it just came full circle. I started it to focus in school, now I can’t focus for school when I had it, so it was (among many other reasons) time to let go. But you’re right, I should definitely be thinking ahead. Any suggestions on how to approach that aspect?
  8. I think this may be the first time I’ve been on here not going through the motions, likely the first and only time since joining that I have actual good news. Couple weeks ago I had enough. If anyone remembers my use pattern was binge/crash/repeat. Got so fed up with it and mid-binge made an appointment to see a therapist to come clean. I’ve tried to do this several times over the last 4 years but this time I actually did it. Adderall was discontinued and I’m working on undoing all this shit it’s done to me. I feel so fucking good just not worrying about when my next fill is coming through, what I’ll do with it, and at what point during my binge will I come to this site or any other recovery forums online complaining about what I’m doing. If anyone’s struggling with “controlling” your use. If you’ve tried over and over again and are getting to very high doses (for me it was 250-350mg in a day); don’t keep lying to yourself. End it now. Tell someone. Get help. It’s a weight off my shoulders tbh. Im still struggling to write coherently so apologies if this is kinda rambling of a post. Every day gets better! Not sure why I wanted to post this, I was just in one of those moods of gratitude I guess. Not too much activity here lately but figured I’d share anyway take care everyone!
  9. Second attempt at quitting failed

    Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit. You’re going to fail some of the time. What you do with that failure is what really matters. Each relapse I had (way more than 2) I knew something new about my patterns of use. Try to recognize that. Fail for a third time? Try again. Fail for a fourth? Try again. Best of luck.
  10. Take Your Pills

    Yeah I agree, having people that are addicted would've had more impact. Especially for those college girls that didn't even think about adderall as a drug, just medication to help with school, I just wished they didn't get so much screen time. Wish more people like Eben who had his career ruined or Jasper who wanted off adderall. Other than that there's very little mention of addiction or long-term use. Mostly talks about how it works short-term. I think that's what bugged me the most. Was hoping it'd be like a more people driven doc, rather than presenting a problem with no suggestion for how to resolve it. It honestly made me want to get back on adderall, until I came to my senses.. lol
  11. Take Your Pills

    In my opinion of course.. it’s garbage. Totally glorifies adderall. What did you guys think if you watched the documentary?
  12. New Dream Job...No More Adderall. Help Please

    Good luck!
  13. Netflix documentary on Adderall

    I was thinking the same thing Eric. Hopefully the back half is more about the problem use of these drugs cause.
  14. I think you answered your own question here bud. I'm 21 as well and I used Adderall to get an "edge" on school so I totally see where you're coming from. I really do, but imo you gotta tell your doctor asap, especially cause of the nose bleed thing, that's not something to overlook. You're early enough in your Adderall prescription that your doctor will be much more inclined to help rather than if you keep it to yourself. If you wait much longer (I stupidly waited 3 years) you run the risk of them taking more extreme precautions because (1) your more dependent on the drug itself and (2) you've proven you're not above lying to their face. Don't flush your pills just dispose if them properly if you can. Doctors typically use that fact against you in the future if you are that impulsive. Just my opinion. Good luck!
  15. Wrote a 6 page report on Adderall for school

    Sure I'll send it in a message. If anyone else is also interested in seeing it just shoot me a message.