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About Speeder906

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  1. 6 months

    Hello, Felt like checking in here after 6 MONTHS off adderall. Mostly wanted to come here and tell y’all how fucking incredible it feels to be off this stuff. How amazing it feels to not have that baggage holding me down. When I want to go for a walk, talk to someone, do something, ANYTHING, I don’t have that inkling thought of, “is this adderall making me do this?” It’s just me. I told my doctor I was abusing and that was the best thing I could’ve done. It was a clean cut and I’d do it a thousand times over if I could. I won’t forget walking out of the room after telling my doctor. Like i could finally live my life again. 100% recommend cutting off at the source like that if anyone use or experience with adderall has been anything like mine. It’s hard as hell to do, I’ve tried before a couple times, but once you bite that bullet, it’s done. Of course there’s no option to taper or take back your confession, but if things are as bad as it was for me, it’s fucking worth it Since quitting, not only have I started a new job in a field I want to be in, I’ve been killing it in school, I’ve even gotten into a university (I wasn’t even planning on that when on adderall, that was a 100% ME ambition). I’m excited to start over somewhere new and fully leave all this behind me in every way. I’ve noticed recently my old interests coming back: outdoors and music were the big two. I thought I lost that, but it’s slowly coming back in spurts and I love it. Much to my surprise, I’ve been able to not gain weight since quitting and have even lost some weight. It’s the result of actively trying, but still, I used adderall for weight loss and all it even got me was binge eating episodes on repeat. Not to say it’s been all great since day one, but once you let go, it only gets better, in my opinion and in my experience I’ve been meaning to post an update like this here for a long time, so that was my little brain dump. Take care, everyone!
  2. Update (it’s good this time!)

    @sleepystupid thank you! It was definitely the hardest thing to do, scary as hell, but happy I did it. As for a job, I’ve been working along with going to school already, but I did actually just start working at a new place doing the stuff I’ve been in school for. So far without adderall its been good. I am still in school yes, I am actually doing summer quarter right now but weirdly not behind. There was only one time I was behind and that was the last time I had adderall. Idk, I feel like it just came full circle. I started it to focus in school, now I can’t focus for school when I had it, so it was (among many other reasons) time to let go. But you’re right, I should definitely be thinking ahead. Any suggestions on how to approach that aspect?
  3. I think this may be the first time I’ve been on here not going through the motions, likely the first and only time since joining that I have actual good news. Couple weeks ago I had enough. If anyone remembers my use pattern was binge/crash/repeat. Got so fed up with it and mid-binge made an appointment to see a therapist to come clean. I’ve tried to do this several times over the last 4 years but this time I actually did it. Adderall was discontinued and I’m working on undoing all this shit it’s done to me. I feel so fucking good just not worrying about when my next fill is coming through, what I’ll do with it, and at what point during my binge will I come to this site or any other recovery forums online complaining about what I’m doing. If anyone’s struggling with “controlling” your use. If you’ve tried over and over again and are getting to very high doses (for me it was 250-350mg in a day); don’t keep lying to yourself. End it now. Tell someone. Get help. It’s a weight off my shoulders tbh. Im still struggling to write coherently so apologies if this is kinda rambling of a post. Every day gets better! Not sure why I wanted to post this, I was just in one of those moods of gratitude I guess. Not too much activity here lately but figured I’d share anyway take care everyone!
  4. Second attempt at quitting failed

    Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit. You’re going to fail some of the time. What you do with that failure is what really matters. Each relapse I had (way more than 2) I knew something new about my patterns of use. Try to recognize that. Fail for a third time? Try again. Fail for a fourth? Try again. Best of luck.
  5. Take Your Pills

    Yeah I agree, having people that are addicted would've had more impact. Especially for those college girls that didn't even think about adderall as a drug, just medication to help with school, I just wished they didn't get so much screen time. Wish more people like Eben who had his career ruined or Jasper who wanted off adderall. Other than that there's very little mention of addiction or long-term use. Mostly talks about how it works short-term. I think that's what bugged me the most. Was hoping it'd be like a more people driven doc, rather than presenting a problem with no suggestion for how to resolve it. It honestly made me want to get back on adderall, until I came to my senses.. lol
  6. Take Your Pills

    In my opinion of course.. it’s garbage. Totally glorifies adderall. What did you guys think if you watched the documentary?
  7. New Dream Job...No More Adderall. Help Please

    Good luck!
  8. Netflix documentary on Adderall

    I was thinking the same thing Eric. Hopefully the back half is more about the problem use of these drugs cause.
  9. I think you answered your own question here bud. I'm 21 as well and I used Adderall to get an "edge" on school so I totally see where you're coming from. I really do, but imo you gotta tell your doctor asap, especially cause of the nose bleed thing, that's not something to overlook. You're early enough in your Adderall prescription that your doctor will be much more inclined to help rather than if you keep it to yourself. If you wait much longer (I stupidly waited 3 years) you run the risk of them taking more extreme precautions because (1) your more dependent on the drug itself and (2) you've proven you're not above lying to their face. Don't flush your pills just dispose if them properly if you can. Doctors typically use that fact against you in the future if you are that impulsive. Just my opinion. Good luck!
  10. Wrote a 6 page report on Adderall for school

    Sure I'll send it in a message. If anyone else is also interested in seeing it just shoot me a message.
  11. Hey everyone, I just spent the better of the the day writing a six page paper about adderall type meds and how much they actually affect cognition and performance. Seemed worthwhile cause that was my exact reason for starting Adderall. Tbh I was worried that starting my paper would make me romantize Adderall again and get myself back on it but nope. I won't go into too much detail here but y'all can imagine my findings essentially said Adderall doesn't do jack for cognition or grades in the long run. If anything it helps with deficits not cognitive performance so it's wild that we call it a "smart" drug. Hope this wasn't too preachy. Take care forum!
  12. How long after quitting did you let yourself be lazy? I have heard some people need some recovery time and others need to just go right back into their life. Few days clean and feel lazy and just wanna lay around all weekend eating.. but then another part of me knows I'm getting fatter by the day and I should go to the gym. Where do you guys land on this?
  13. When I'm off Adderall (going to be quitting tomorrow again), I remember getting really triggered when someone says the word Adderall and that makes me just see what they are feeling: only the good things about the drug. I have none of those when using but when i am sober I struggle with remembering that. When I see someone super talkative or energized especially at school, I start trying to figure out if they're on Adderall or not. It's like this weird obsession that when I'm not on Adderall I live vicariously through others and I hate that because it usually makes me rationalize my abuse and I talk myself into thinking I'd be more responsible if I was to go back on it. So im just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Maybe how to manage this? Or just tips on stress management that might be of use to a college student that up until recently has relied on Adderall to do all my studying. Thanks
  14. Obligatory Relapse Rant / Update

    Thanks Sean. Clearly I was in a bad place last night haha. You're totally right tho I thought I was already at that point a couple months ago but I guess I was wrong. Just trying to get through the day at the moment. Appreciate the reply.
  15. Hey y'all. It's 2am and I'm awake, on this forum, so you guessed it.. back at it again and I didn't think it was possible but I've hit a new low. Probably just need to rant a little and get it out of my system in the fee hours I have before I have to 'wake up' for work tomorrow.. err I mean today.. I thought I was really done with this crap. I told my psych id like to stop Adderall cause it doesn't help anymore and I was free for a while until she put me on Ritalin. Idk why but I agreed thinking maybe this will be different, maybe I can use stimulants properly just not Adderall... Less than 24 hours later poof! Month's supply gone and the worst part? I was empty and zoned out the whole time but I still took more hoping I'd feel something eventually. Next thing I know school is piling up and in a panic I write her asking to go back to Adderall for the rest of the quarter. Quick fixes at it's finest, am I right? It's so sad how I really genuinely believe this refill would be better, I wouldn't binge it, I was happy Adderall free generally so why would I want to lose all that? Next thing I know it's almost 3am, three days and approx 500mg later and my brain is fried. I'm so exhausted you guys. Not from the lack of sleep, food, and social interaction but exhausted from the constant reminder that I'm getting worse every passing month. It's exhausting to prove myself right that I'm an addict. Then to prove myself wrong that I can survive without it. Half of the month is usually me Adderall free and the short period of time with Adderall is always the worst. Every time. Probably gonna delete this post tomorrow but for now I'm gonna leave it at this cause I really gotta sleep. I have a pounding headache and I have had it for days. Praying work isn't hectic. Also praying my heart doesn't quit on me. Surprised it hasn't with the blur of a few days it's been. Byeee