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Everything posted by sadderall

  1. what do you consider "hard work"?

    Thanks BeHereNow! I'm glad people appreciate my question. Your answer is one which has been motivating me through the past couple of days of coming off adderall. Especially at work. I get through my shifts at my own pace and am aware how my focus gets easily distracted. I would say "hard work" is being true to yourself and asking "did I get shit done today?" because I ask myself that at the end of every day. It does feel great when I can pat myself on the back and honestly say "yes. I did." also, thanks for informing me on the pomodoro technique! It's pretty cool to look into when wanting to improve your productivity. Thanks for signing on to the site. Honestly, it's the only thing keeping me going during these tough times. I check it more than I check my facebook at this point. I understand how being stuck in adderall mentality can get the best of you but just remember to be easy on yourself and take every task and moment as they come and stay mindful. That's what I've been doing. I've been yawning more than ever now at work and fighting myself to get coffee at 7pm (if I have coffee after 3pm I have horrible anxiety at night), but I just tell myself to embrace the comedown because adderall is not the answer anymore. Thanks for you answer again, and thanks for the congratulations!
  2. what do you consider "hard work"?

    I am doing so. Thanks for the wise words Frank B. I'm sorry you're in a bad relationship, I understand how it can be a setback at times. But at least you are aware of it. You said how it's been a year now that you've been sober. Somehow, that calms me because my crazy brain wants to fast forward through this recovery period so I can be back to normal. I guess no one ever reaches normal again and the beauty of recovery is accepting that. When I was walking dogs today sober- not on adderall, I kept on finding myself sighing because I was tired or irritated because I wasn't energized enough to handle them (they were big dogs). I reminded myself to just breathe and embrace those tough times because I'm going to face them regardless. I laid on my couch when I got home and received a text about an tv audition I had applied for yesterday (while on adderall) saying they wanted to see me in about 45 minutes. I got dressed quick went and auditioned. Not on adderall, extremely nervous but kept my cool. It actually went really well and I'm actually really proud of myself. I had natural energy flowing through me after the whole thing. It's nice to know what truly energizes a persons body and in this case it could have just been, being in front of a camera, working on set or with production. None of my friends truly understand what I'm facing. I can not thank this website enough for being here at this time.
  3. man, this website

    Wow invisibleyellow, your post touched me. I will look into meth side effects which Im sure won't be hard to find. Congrats for being off it for 9 months. You seem to have a good understanding and perspective about quitting. I'm am scared to relapse. I feel like taking adderall has affected me greatly. I don't just call myself "sadderall" for nothing. I am also taking lexapro to deal with the anxiety and depression adderall gives me. Which is why I just need to stop taking it. It's bad side-effects outweighs the good for me. I would love to be off of both of them eventually. Last night I was looking up videos on youtube talking about existentialism. I did feel a little better. I'm in a weird place in life and I think adderall has gotten me here. This website honestly has gotten me through the past couple of days. Thank you so much for being here.
  4. man, this website

    has gotten me through the past month. the community here is one the most honest and genuine ive see on the internet. I did my time just looking through the website for a couple of days and finally decided to make an account bc I too, have a voice. support is the best thing to give and receive. I've been taking adderall for a year and a half. I was prescribed 40 mg a day. I took it mainly because I started university and never felt academically competent enough to other students. I was taking it and staying up all night doing home work. which was absurd. I was delusional to the fact that I was completely unorganized. I thought the adderall would fix everything. it was a big part of why my relationship with family members and some friends were ruined. always tweaked out and not being able to be mindful of my thoughts and expression. I decided to take a break from school for mental health reasons bc of adderall and I am coming to terms with how I never had a problem with school. I was just dependent on the adderall way too much. I realized I wanted to lower my dose and eventually quit when I had no other choice but to. got my prescription late, didn't have adderall for almost two weeks. usually I would ask my friend to spot me some but I decided to stay away. luckily I had the time to recover from not taking it. I noticed my body so fatigued- but I got deeper sleep. my social skills weren't as excellent- but I was mindful of deep conversations. I wasn't as focused and tasks were hard to finish- but my mind wasn't racing and I didn't feel anxious. I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and told him i want to cut my dose in half. so that being 20mg a day. I then decided to start slow. yesterday I took 10mg for the first time in two weeks. I got so much done within the first 3 hrs. I had energy and my mind was focused- but my mouth was dry and I felt my head hurt a bit. I took the other 10mg about 3hrs later- I shouldn't have. it was pointless. I didn't need it and it wasn't worth it. all night I was restless. i went out with a friend and I was coming off rude. my face stiff, my thoughts were a thousand places at once. I couldn't focus on one point, I was talking so much and interrupting. until I had to apologize to my friend "I'm sorry, I started taking adderall again and my mind is everywhere. so my emotions are x10 right now." he chuckled and said I was being fine. was I? or was I just being obsessive about it? I don't know. it's the next day afternoon and I still feel the 20mg in my system. I tried to take a nap (which had been really easy to do those two sober weeks) and I could not. I stayed in bed lying there on my phone. does anyone know how long adderall stays in someone's system? just asking for scale. what I'm getting at is- I am in a place where the side effects are driving me to be a different person. I liked who I was for those two weeks. I was myself- content, funny, and witty. but not taking adderall anymore scares me. I feel like I'll fall into endless fatigue and depression) Any advise on my situation? thx you all so much for being here
  5. what do you consider "hard work"?

    I work retail and do creative work - photography. Unfortunately I am in the midst of trying to find full-time job which seems even more difficult now that I won't have the energy. Or maybe, it's a good thing since I will offer employers my true self (non-adderall.) My photography skills can pay well if I just put in the effort and creative drive. I dropped out of photography school and feel completely depressed about it. I guess thats why I put off the effort into pursuing it anymore. I should stop that. I also walk dogs for extra cash which is helpful while coming off adderall because it gets me out and about and moving. Only thing is, it's so easy to put off being active and walking dogs.
  6. man, this website

    thank you invisibleyellow. your support is much appreciated. I only have 10mg left and am probably just going to take 5mg tomorrow and another 5mg the next day. I have a couple of creative projects coming up and I think this will be one of my first challenges off adderall. I hate being tired or yawning. I know its going to happen. Any advice of preventing it?
  7. what do you consider "hard work"?

    very true frank b. I will keep that in mind as I am not longer taking adderall at work. I'm just scared of living in autopilot mode and never actually being as quick as I once was on adderall. I'm scared I will be slow and a different person.
  8. man, this website

    Back on it at 15mg. Im running out and deciding to quit cold turkey. not ready for the comedown. I'm so depressed already. Im so scared. I don't think I can do it.
  9. I read this and feel so motivated. Thank you.
  10. Wow, same thing happened to me.
  11. Hearing Things

    very true.
  12. Only Two Pills Left

    I am not able to see my physician until June. My toes, hands, (occasionally) crotch have been having the cold sweats. Is it my body telling me to stop? I look inside my medication bottle everyday and see the amount decreasing. Little orange pills leaving. I've decrease my dosage over the past months from 30mg to 15mg a day. Now I should be doing 10mg a day because I look inside my pill bottle and there are only two pills left.
  13. man, this website

    thank you guys so much for the support. over the past week, I've cut down my adderall daily use to 10mg-15mg. I'm still struggling with deciding to take the extra 5mg daily. I still feel jittery at the end of day sometimes.
  14. Day one: feeling grateful (and tired)

    Push through girl! you already got the through some of the toughest parts. as for work, just try to stay busy. as minimal as the task may be.