Nicole88

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About Nicole88

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    Chicago

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  1. TWO YEARS :)

    As cliche as it sounds, by just taking it one day at a time. Every time things would get difficult, I would ask myself 'Can i get through today, just today?' And the answer was always yes, so that is what I would do. Projecting too far out into the future would send me into a downward spiral. My life was an absolute disaster when I first quit, and I truly did not see how I was going to pull myself out of the situation. If you just continue moving in the right direction, you are going to eventually get where you want to go, but staying in the moment is so important for your sanity. Also accepting that things might get worse before they get better- committing to staying quit no matter what happens. You have to think long term when it comes to the recovery process because it really is a multi year affair, unfortunately. But, we are so lucky to have a community of people who have already gone through the process and can assure us that what we are experiencing is normal and that things DO get better. Stay close to the boards and check in often, you can do this too
  2. TWO YEARS :)

    Thanks Frank! Hope you are doing well! I don't see you around much these days but I'm guessing it is for that very reason. I am big on reminding myself of the hell that is adderall recovery too. I definitely lurk in the shadows around here but should post more. Hope your year 3 gets even better and keep us updated Thank you so much!! Hope you are well I was still super shaky at 1 year and very uncertain of the future. Everything you're going through is still completely normal, and you will be amazed at at the difference a year can make. Most of the things I mentioned were happening at 18 months and beyond so stick with it! Making it as far as you have is a huge accomplishment so don't downplay that. Keep us posted on your progress!
  3. TWO YEARS :)

    Hey QA friends! I can't believe I've finally made it to the elusive 2 year mark. I can see why a lot of people's activity on the forums seems to taper off at this point. I would say life is back to normal, or at least a new normal where my thoughts of adderall are few and far in between. I can't even begin to describe how starkly different years 1 and 2 were from each other. Year 1: depressed, suicidal, isolated, hopeless, seemingly endless weight gain Year 2: Feel natural motivation and happiness, have true and honest relationships, working towards and achieving goals- got a promotion, bought a house, studied for and crushed GMAT, applied to grad school and am starting MBA next month. Basically, i finally have all the things adderall promised but never delivered. A huge thank you to everyone on this site who has been with me on this crazy journey. I absolutely could not have done it without the support of this community and am forever grateful. Hope everyone is well and adderall free!!
  4. 1 YEAR

    Congrats. This is a huge milestone!!!
  5. Wow, crazy how something like this can come out of nowhere. Did you have any suspicion prior to going out that she might be on it? Did you mention at any point your history with adderall? Just curious as to how the whole thing played out.
  6. Two years! I’m back baby!

    Congrats @Danquit!!! I always love your posts, and this one is no different. So happy for you making it to this next milestone in this journey
  7. Just checking in

    Thank you @Danquit! It has been awesome to watch your journey and see just how similar ours have been! Being back to 'normal' is amazing and worth it 1000000x over!!!
  8. Just checking in

    Hey QA friends. It's been awhile since I last checked in. The last post I made several months ago was about some intense cravings I was having and also a bout of depression. I'm happy to report that it passed swiftly, and things have been generally good since then. I recently passed the 20 month mark, and I just closed on my first home a few weeks ago, which is just an incredible blessing of getting off this shit. When I first quit, I was honestly on the brink of financial ruin due to the debt I accumulated using. This was one of the driving factors of me checking myself into rehab after my ex finally kicked me out, I could no longer afford the multiple habits I was trying to maintain. I didn't know how I would ever recover from the disaster I created, but I am amazed time and time again how much my life has improved in such a short time. Sure, life isn't perfect and this process was absolutely brutal, but I am infinitely grateful for this second chance at life. Even though I don't post regularly, I still read posts daily. I am rooting for every last one of you. I have to say that the coolest part of this website is watching people hit milestones in their recovery and hearing all of the successes.
  9. Advice for quitting a third time

    Hey @Catherine1, welcome to the boards! That's great that your work is being supportive and encouraging you to take the time off. As someone who did inpatient rehab, I always highly recommend it if it is an option. I saw you said your insurance doesn't cover it, but usually there are some loopholes. Most insurance will cover detox and then skip over residential to a level of care called 'PHP' (partial hospitalization) which is considered outpatient. Essentially, you're supposed to be in therapy all day and go home or to an unsupervised home in the evening. This is a level above IOP which tends to be a few hours several days a week. Many treatments centers will accept PHP in lieu of residential. They will either 'write off the room and board', balance bill you for legality reasons but straight tell you they don't expect a payment, or they will determine a room and board fee for you to pay before arrival. I know this from experience as my insurance technically did not cover residential IP but I was still able to attend a residential program under detox then PHP coverage. Anyways just wanted to throw that out there in case you might have the same situation. I always advocate for treatment as I truly believe it saved my life best of luck to you and keep us posted on your progress
  10. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    Thank you both!! @sleepystupid those are strikingly similar backgrounds. Are you working for Epic or Cerner by chance? And I agree, it can be a struggle some days to get motivated. I also don't have any real hard deadlines, it's more or less just keeping things moving in the right direction which some days i do a better job than others. Ive come SO far, and I'm grateful that I've managed to adjust off of adderall. Felt like an impossible feat for sure!
  11. Just need to vent

    Love that! I wish there was a way to put in words the gratitude I feel for this community, I truly feel it saved my life and I know countless others feel the same. Does Mike still come around/see donations made to the site?
  12. I think it's super important to mention all of the wins we have in this brutal process, and not just the struggles. I made a post a few months ago about how my boss asked if I would be interested in a promotion to the lead for my area. Obviously the answer was yes! Well the job description/title was FINALLY approved and I found out today that it will become official after the new year. I am still so blown away by my abilities OFF of adderall. For so long I attributed everything I had accomplished to being on it, but the reality is that I am so much better without it. Even more is that my job allows for a lot of freedom in the projects I work on and is very autonomous. For those who don't know, I have a background in healthcare finance/accounting but currently work in data analytics/informatics. I've been working on a self directed project the past few months in any spare time and finally sent out the communication today. I seriously could not have asked for better feedback. They want me to roll out the BI dashboard to Csuite and senior management ASAP. I'm just so proud of myself I could explode! Lol! Going to try to ride this high out as long as possible Thanks for letting me share!
  13. Just need to vent

    Thank you for sharing this. Wow, so much great advice. I read over these posts several times over the past few days and they really helped me get grounded again on why Im doing this in the first place
  14. Just need to vent

    No, it was called Vraylar. I'm sure they're getting kickbacks for both. The whole thing was messed up. I went into the appointment intending to ask for Wellbutrin but also was trying to be as honest as I could about my situation and history of substance abuse. He told me I had 'mood issues' and that I needed a 'mood stabilizer.' It sounded innocent enough, and since he said it wouldn't cause weight gain I thought I would give it a try (serious lapse in judgement after everything I've been through I should have known better). So I look this stuff up as soon as I leave and that's when I find out it's an antipsychotic with HORRIFIC side effects, INCLUDING massive weight gain, but even scarier was brain volume loss!!! Even worse was that this crap was still under patent, $1200 before insurance like 300-400 with insurance. I pretty much just called the office back, flipped out, and have not made another appointment anywhere since lol.
  15. Atlanta

    I will be in Atlanta this coming weekend and am always open to a meetup. Just shoot me a message