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About Nicole88

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  1. Just checking in

    Hey QA friends. It's been awhile since I last checked in. The last post I made several months ago was about some intense cravings I was having and also a bout of depression. I'm happy to report that it passed swiftly, and things have been generally good since then. I recently passed the 20 month mark, and I just closed on my first home a few weeks ago, which is just an incredible blessing of getting off this shit. When I first quit, I was honestly on the brink of financial ruin due to the debt I accumulated using. This was one of the driving factors of me checking myself into rehab after my ex finally kicked me out, I could no longer afford the multiple habits I was trying to maintain. I didn't know how I would ever recover from the disaster I created, but I am amazed time and time again how much my life has improved in such a short time. Sure, life isn't perfect and this process was absolutely brutal, but I am infinitely grateful for this second chance at life. Even though I don't post regularly, I still read posts daily. I am rooting for every last one of you. I have to say that the coolest part of this website is watching people hit milestones in their recovery and hearing all of the successes.
  2. Advice for quitting a third time

    Hey @Catherine1, welcome to the boards! That's great that your work is being supportive and encouraging you to take the time off. As someone who did inpatient rehab, I always highly recommend it if it is an option. I saw you said your insurance doesn't cover it, but usually there are some loopholes. Most insurance will cover detox and then skip over residential to a level of care called 'PHP' (partial hospitalization) which is considered outpatient. Essentially, you're supposed to be in therapy all day and go home or to an unsupervised home in the evening. This is a level above IOP which tends to be a few hours several days a week. Many treatments centers will accept PHP in lieu of residential. They will either 'write off the room and board', balance bill you for legality reasons but straight tell you they don't expect a payment, or they will determine a room and board fee for you to pay before arrival. I know this from experience as my insurance technically did not cover residential IP but I was still able to attend a residential program under detox then PHP coverage. Anyways just wanted to throw that out there in case you might have the same situation. I always advocate for treatment as I truly believe it saved my life best of luck to you and keep us posted on your progress
  3. Sharing the triumphs with the struggles

    Thank you both!! @sleepystupid those are strikingly similar backgrounds. Are you working for Epic or Cerner by chance? And I agree, it can be a struggle some days to get motivated. I also don't have any real hard deadlines, it's more or less just keeping things moving in the right direction which some days i do a better job than others. Ive come SO far, and I'm grateful that I've managed to adjust off of adderall. Felt like an impossible feat for sure!
  4. Just need to vent

    Love that! I wish there was a way to put in words the gratitude I feel for this community, I truly feel it saved my life and I know countless others feel the same. Does Mike still come around/see donations made to the site?
  5. I think it's super important to mention all of the wins we have in this brutal process, and not just the struggles. I made a post a few months ago about how my boss asked if I would be interested in a promotion to the lead for my area. Obviously the answer was yes! Well the job description/title was FINALLY approved and I found out today that it will become official after the new year. I am still so blown away by my abilities OFF of adderall. For so long I attributed everything I had accomplished to being on it, but the reality is that I am so much better without it. Even more is that my job allows for a lot of freedom in the projects I work on and is very autonomous. For those who don't know, I have a background in healthcare finance/accounting but currently work in data analytics/informatics. I've been working on a self directed project the past few months in any spare time and finally sent out the communication today. I seriously could not have asked for better feedback. They want me to roll out the BI dashboard to Csuite and senior management ASAP. I'm just so proud of myself I could explode! Lol! Going to try to ride this high out as long as possible Thanks for letting me share!
  6. Just need to vent

    Thank you for sharing this. Wow, so much great advice. I read over these posts several times over the past few days and they really helped me get grounded again on why Im doing this in the first place
  7. Just need to vent

    No, it was called Vraylar. I'm sure they're getting kickbacks for both. The whole thing was messed up. I went into the appointment intending to ask for Wellbutrin but also was trying to be as honest as I could about my situation and history of substance abuse. He told me I had 'mood issues' and that I needed a 'mood stabilizer.' It sounded innocent enough, and since he said it wouldn't cause weight gain I thought I would give it a try (serious lapse in judgement after everything I've been through I should have known better). So I look this stuff up as soon as I leave and that's when I find out it's an antipsychotic with HORRIFIC side effects, INCLUDING massive weight gain, but even scarier was brain volume loss!!! Even worse was that this crap was still under patent, $1200 before insurance like 300-400 with insurance. I pretty much just called the office back, flipped out, and have not made another appointment anywhere since lol.
  8. Atlanta

    I will be in Atlanta this coming weekend and am always open to a meetup. Just shoot me a message
  9. Just need to vent

    @sleepystupid I can see how easy it would be to still relapse that far in. I have had more 'fuck it' moments than I could possibly count, esp in that first year, and the only thing that kept me from relapsing was the sheer fact that I didn't have any adderall. I tried to get on Wellbutrin but doc refused to prescribe it to me and instead said I was bipolar and tried to give me an antipsychotic. Think that was around month 10 and since then have not even considered another drug, so sick of, as frank put it, being a lab rat for big pharma. Glad you picked yourself back up and are trying again. Hope the lithium orotate works for you. I plan on posting my experience in the next few weeks.
  10. Just need to vent

    Thank you all so much for responding. I really really needed to hear that. I'm so grateful for this community. @Tom23Jones you're so right, something in the combination of the weather and holidays sends me in a tailspin until I don't see the point of anything. I'm with you on craving pills to get through social events. I never really considered benzos a doc for me but rather a means of coming off adderall but I find myself occasionally wishing I could take it again. Have to shut that down immediately lol. Alcohol is definitely a tough one, so I can relate to that. It's just in your face everywhere. I haven't managed more than 90 days without it but it has caused me enough heartache in the past to give it up completely so it's something I am still trying to figure out. Keep it up, hopefully at 6 months you are through the hardest part. @Danquit i absolutely do not want to go through that again!!! I don't think I even could tbh, that was the worst year of my life. I'm glad you are feeling good at 20 months, I feel like my recovery has mirrored yours in so many ways that I can almost base my expectations off of your updates lol. I don't know what I would do without this site and have no plans to ever stop reading And I agree, fuck adderall!!! @Frank B I'm going to go ahead and order some. I know, like me, you have tried every supplement under the sun so I am hopeful that I might also see the benefits of this one. I'm really happy you found something that works for you. As for diet and exercise, ive FINALLY gotten into a regular gym routine and am going 4-5 times a week with almost no exception. My diet could still use some improvement, and that is a work in progress. Hoping that as I get more and more consistent that I will continue to feel better.
  11. Anyone ever try Strattera?

    Hey Eric, I have no personal experience with Strattera but I do recall reading a few horror stories about it in the forums. Try the forum search function and im sure they'll come up.
  12. Just need to vent

    Tomorrow will be 17 months adderall free, but I am embarrassed and somewhat horrified to admit that the past few days I have had incessant thoughts that if I had anything, I would use it. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, but I do think now that I am affected by seasonal depression. I've been in a pretty good place for almost 7 months and out of nowhere I feel consumed with hopelessness. I'm sure it will pass, and I don't plan on going back, but this sucks....
  13. Sober Grid

    Anyone on here use Sober Grid? It's like FB but for recovery....
  14. Want to lower my bpm

    Yea I realized the same thing when I started tracking the sleep. Had no idea how much I was actually awake on and off throughout the night..
  15. 6 months out--hasn't been hard at all

    Agree, while not everyone experiences PAWS to the same extent, it's certainly not just 'all in our head'....