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About Nicole88

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  1. My Struggle As A Stripper

    That's awesome, @Lovebear. Congrats!!!!
  2. CBT experiences anyone?

    I know there's even a bunch on iBooks. I need to look for one that my therapist had given me. Would hate to recommend one that isn't great. i would definitely take up your college counselor!!! Why not if it's free!!! It's way too expensive without the insurance coverage so I get that for sure. I know my insurance gladly covers therapy if it means keeping me out of rehab which carries a way bigger price tag... might be worth mentioning to them.. Let us know how it goes!!!
  3. Adderall caused thyroid/adrenal issues?

    For me, everything started to improve around the 10th month. Both my depression and health significantly got better and continue to as I approach 13 months I'm still way chubbier than I'd like to be but I just feel overall 1000000x better than I did in the early stages...
  4. LOVE this post. This is honestly a fool proof plan, all it takes is the commitment to follow it!!! Cutting off the supply is imperative, although my doctor actually tried to put me back on everything even after I went to rehab and told her to never prescribe it to me again!!! You can also always find a new doctor...The only thing that saved me was the fact I had told all of my friends, family, and even boss about the situation so I had someone to keep me accountable other than myself. Those two things alone are the only reasons I believe my quit stuck!!! Everything else was a matter of surviving the process lol
  5. CBT experiences anyone?

    It's really just a therapy technique so most therapists/psychologists/social workers should have some training it it. I personally saw a LCSW, and it was luckily covered by my insurance. There are a lot of workbooks on the topic tho, and it is proven to be a very effective method if you can stay committed to the process. Definitely don't need someone to walk you through it as they are very easy concepts to grasp. I definitely think it made all the difference in some of the gains I've made in the past few months so worth a shot
  6. CBT experiences anyone?

    CBT is all about recognizing your negative thoughts and turning them around before acting on them. In my experience, you can't always tell it's even CBT, but I do know that therapy helped me TREMENDOUSLY!! They will definitely help you in more than one area as well. I personally have tons of issues lmao!! They will go over all of that with you and decide the best things to work on
  7. I am so happy I have a record of my experiences through this quit process, otherwise I don't think I'd fully comprehend how much progress I've really made. My department is hiring another person for my same role due to the amount of work/projects we have going on right now. My boss asked me today if I would be interested in a promotion to the lead for my division!!!! Who would have known that I actually could still be great at what I do without adderall?!?! I'm seriously blown away and just wanted to post this for anyone else who is still in the early stages struggling. I know it can feel like things will NEVER improve, I really didn't think they would... so grateful for what feels like a second chance at life
  8. Where is everyone from?

    Chicagoland area here
  9. Chicago

    Hey @Max Meadows! I am in the Chicagoland area, northwest Indiana to be specific but def up for meet ups stills. I'm also a few weeks shy of 13 months
  10. Snorting ~150mg Adderall every day that I can

    I have to agree with Frank on this. It's great that you are doing so well, but to think you won't have weak days is foolish. I would recommend tossing them as well.
  11. OMGGGG 1 YEAR!!!

    Congrats!! 3 months is huge!!! Just keep coming back to the boards when things get tough!!! It gets so much better!!
  12. OMGGGG 1 YEAR!!!

    Thanks Frank!!
  13. OMGGGG 1 YEAR!!!

    Tomorrow officially marks 1 year adderall free!!! Writing the post today since I won't be around tomorrow, and I'm almost too excited to wait anyways!!! All I can say is I NEVER thought I would see this day, but I am grateful beyond words for having closed that chapter of my life. There was a point when I honestly thought that using would kill me and I didn't even care, I just didn't think quitting was possible. I could never thank the ppl on these boards enough for encouraging me to push on when it felt like I could not go another day. This year has been the most brutally painful of my life, but I am finally coming out the other side. I am also so excited to see what the future brings as I've learned from the boards that I can still expect improvements well into the second year!! I haven't been on much the last couple of months, but I am so incredibly happy to report that my depression has been almost non existent. While I certainly still struggle with motivation at work and around the house, and I'm also not at all content with my weight, I can attribute much of the gains I've made to rebuilding old relationships and staying very busy this summer. I've also started seeing someone new and I think that has helped a lot with getting over my ex (who I've mentioned in several posts). I just can't beat myself up anymore over the mistakes I've made, time to move forward!!! Im going to try to make a timeline of my experience, but I'll say what has been said so many times before- it is not a linear process!! I've had good and bays throughout, and I've had many times where I thought I had made significant progress only to fall back into a deep depression. Month 1- I was fortunate enough to be able to take FMLA for 4 weeks and go to rehab. This definitely made coming off easier (adderall, benzos, and alcohol) as I was on a 10 day benzo taper that kept me very comfortable. I put on about 15-20 lbs but didn't care too much as I was just happy to get off the shit. Not having any responsibilities to worry about also lessened the blow. Months 2-3- I tried to keep the momentum going when I got home. I ate very well during this time and was going to the gym often. I lost much of the weight I gained in rehab during this time. I pretty much had zero expectations for myself at work and allowed myself to do the bare minimum with no guilt. This honestly just helped me to survive this period. There was definitely depression, but I was still feeling such gratitude for having gotten off adderall that I was able to ignore it. Months 3-6- This was the worst period for me. I started to worry that I would never have motivation again and that I would not be able to do my job without. I had several meltdowns during this time where I was ready to say fck it all, quit my job, move back in with my parents and start over. I gained back all the weight I had lost plus some and just fell into a terrible depression. My routine was pretty much go to work, go home and retreat to my bedroom. I spent the weekends isolated at home as well and it spiraled down quickly. I saw my old doctor during this time who tried to put me back on everything, and I came very close to relapsing!! Thank god for these boards for giving me some kind of hope that I would see better days. Months 7-10- I honestly would have diagnosed myself as bipolar during this time(and I actually did receive that diagnosis!! Lol) I was so up and down, having several good days only to have the depression come crashing back down. I stayed very close to the boards to remind myself that what I was experiencing was normal and that hopefully I was very close to some stability!! I also started seeing a new counselor which helped TREMENDOUSLY!! She gave me the motivation I needed to move past the guilt I was feeling, rebuild my social life, and put myself back out there. Months 11-12- I reconnected with a bunch of old friends and started dating a bit. Honestly kept myself too busy but was at least happily distracted from everything else that had happened this past year. Depression has almost disappeared completely. I'm also finally trying to build some better habits, get this weight off, and doing some planning for the future!! I hope everyone is well, and to all those new on the boards, a better life is possibly!!! Yes it is going to suck, and there will be tons of sacrifices, but you do not have to live this way forever!!
  14. Depression sets back in

    Yesterday was 11 months adderall free for me so just wanting to check in. I've been feeling pretty good these last few weeks. Happy that time also seems to go much faster than it did in the beginning. I did end up seeing my ex, and I finally got to tell him the truth about what was really going on when we were together. I definitely think that it has brought me a bit of closure and more acceptance for the situation. I also got together with some old friends and opened up to them about everything. Gosh it is so nice to have the unconditional support of good friends, don't know why I was so withdrawn for so long. Took a week vacation to myrtle beach which was REJUVENATING. I came back with a renewed motivation for continuing to work my way through the mess I've created. The nice weather is also helping and looking forward to some fun summer festivities. Hope all is well with everyone!! Keep on with good fight
  15. Discussed quitting with doctor?

    I called my doctor from rehab and told her to not prescribe it to me ever again. She did mention that she would 'Work with me" on my depression still but I didn't go back to see her (except for about 5 months later and she tried giving me adderall again, don't know if she forgot or what) but needless to say, that was my last time seeing her. I chose to tell her because I knew I needed to cut off the supply because there would be weak days ahead. I think it's very important to tell your doctor to have a successful quit, whether it be tapering or cold turkey, it somewhat keeps you accountable.