NotToday
-
Posts
145 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
46
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by NotToday
-
-
Definitely makes sense. I pretty much bought everything and anything out of desperation to no avail. I've got an appointment with a new psych in a few weeks- going to ask about getting on Wellbutrin so fingers crossed
-
1
-
-
Lol @ the supplements. I've spent a ton of money on supplements since quitting and im pretty sure it's all BS too. Sometimes I try and convince myself it's working tho lol!!
-
1
-
-
- Popular Post
- Popular Post
First of all, congratulations on 2 months adderall-free. This is, in itself, a HUGE feat that you cannot downplay. Secondly, what you are experiencing at 2 months is absolutely normal and you will see the same theme play out over and over again in many posts. You have not damaged yourself forever, but recovery from adderall is most definitely a long process.
I can relate to a lot of your story as well. One of my favorite aspects of adderall was the weight loss. Looking back on my 'honeymoon' stage, everything just seemed to come together in my life. Growing up I never really lived up to my full potential and struggled with laziness and overeating, but on adderall I became the person I always thought I was meant to be. I went from pretty much dropping out of several classes my freshman year of college to getting straight As and graduating with honors. I got an internship my senior year which led to being hired full time and two more promotions in just a couple of years. I was quickly moving up the corporate ladder with no signs of slowing down. From the outside, it truly appeared that I finally had it all together. I was willing to pay any price to keep the success, and in turn, the addiction going. I always told myself that i would quit, but when it was the right time. Unfortunately the right time never comes and life will always have its demands.
Adderall is unsustainable in the long term and sooner or later something has to give. I can only speak from my experience, but I wish I would have heeded the early warning signs of isolation and overall just strange behaviors. Instead, I placed my idea of 'success' above everything else until ultimately, I did lose everything else. The one thing left- my job, which I thought was what defined me I would so gladly trade to get back the wasted time and all the relationships I neglected.
You can definitely be successful without the adderall, but give yourself permission to take the needed time to recover first knowing that you still have the rest of your life to make your dreams come true. This is a small sacrifice in the big picture.
Anyways you will find so much great advice and support in these forums. Stick around, you will find a group of people who understand this struggle like no one else can.
-
6
-
Was just watching this and you know what else gets me- when they do the follow up 30 or 60 days into treatment. They make it seem like the person has completely changed their life around and it is all rainbows and butterflies. I was totally riding that pink cloud when I left treatment too... yea that just is not reality at all!!! I would like to see a documentary where they follow someone through the entire first year of recovery..
-
1
-
-
Thanks @bluemoon, I really do appreciate the words of encouragement. Hearing that it gets better is the only thing that keeps me going some days. I was definitely expecting to be feeling better at this point and sometimes the road ahead just seems too long. My mom even suggested I consider being hospitalized for my depression cause she doesn't know what else she can do to help me at this point. That makes me feel all the more pathetic and in those moments I find it hard to be proud of the progress I have made. I was actually seeing a counselor for a few months but it was set up by my EAP and it was too much along the lines of 'only god can save you' so I quit going. I should have made an effort to find a new one but now that you suggest it, I'm definitely going to start looking again. I really am willing to try anything lol.
Happy Easter to you!
-
1
-
-
Every time I think I am making progress I just fall right back into this pit of despair. I'm sick of this depression and I can't help but wonder sometimes if I fucked my brain up for good. I feel so alone and it really is all my fault because I chose to spend years isolating myself on this horrible fucking drug. I had a great life at one point and i threw it all away, and for what?! For the sake of productivity and my ego? What's worse is I had a great boyfriend who only wanted to help me and I wouldn't even admit that I had a problem because I could not let go of this FALSE image I had built with adderall. I would literally give ANYTHING to go back in time and change the path I took. It took months for the fog to clear after stopping but now having to see just how far down the rabbit hole that shit took me is almost more than I can bare. 9 months in, beautiful weather on a Saturday afternoon and I just want to go back to bed. FML
-
4
-
-
Wow, congratulations! 4 years is amazing. So grateful that some of you come back after all that time to encourage us to keep going and that it will eventually get better!
-
4
-
-
Has anyone taken up any new hobbies since quitting adderall?
I recently joined an indoor rock climbing gym with the hopes of training and learning to actually go outside. Really enjoying it so far and excited to throw myself into something new. I think working towards new goals works amazing in taking my mind off of everything else going on.
-
1
-
-
If it's just a week away, I would say use it to finish out your thesis, and then quit. The first few weeks coming off are brutal, and I would not recommend it with a deadline.
Youre right in saying that the lifestyle is not worth it, but don't subject yourself to unnecessary torture. Once you finish the thesis, try to take a few days off completely to sleep of the worst of it.
-
1
-
-
I feel your pain, its horrible!! I feel so uncomfortable in everything :(. I managed to lose about 15 lbs at one point in my quit, but I ended up gaining it all back plus some! FML
-
Thought I would bump this thread and see if anyone is making progress on their weight loss?
I attempted to go shopping today but I just REFUSE to buy any larger of clothes. I'm living in sweat pants these days lol. I've gained almost 30 lbs since quitting and I think, at this point, it is definitely contributing to my depression as well. Please tell me there is hope lol
-
On 3/6/2017 at 11:59 AM, Frank B said:
Well hate to say this but the Wellbutrin so far has done way more for me vs working out, eating right and spending hundreds on herbal supplements. Then again I've been battling some harsh depression. I still plan on keeping up the diet and work outs for sure it helps.
@Frank B Are you still seeing benefits from the welbutrin? I've been struggling with depression too and though I really didn't want to get on more medications, I am getting desperate!! Seems like it works for a lot of people...
-
- Popular Post
- Popular Post
I attend NA meetings but have not committed to working the steps yet. Truth be told, I also enjoy the literature. I remember the first time I read 'who is an addict,' I cried.
The meetings help me immensely when I am feeling depressed or anxious. They remind me that I'm not alone and at the end of the day, I don't need to take myself so seriously. This situation is only temporary and all I need to do is keep movingly in the right direction.
-
5
-
Aww you're welcome! The struggle is SO real lol!
I had tried countless over the counter products with no luck, not to mention all the wasted money. Wish I had found this years ago! Good luck and let me know how it goes
-
1
-
-
I wanted to share my experience with this in case anyone is having the same problems.
As a teenager, I struggled with occasional breakouts. It was mostly hormonal and never too severe. In my early 20s, for the most part, I had nice clear skin. However, after I started taking adderall, the health of my skin deteriorated.
Not only did I suffer breakouts, my skin tone just always seemed blotchy! I definitely think that it was a combination of the drug itself mixed along with the poor eating and sleeping habits that came with it. I was hoping most of it would clear up after I stopped the adderall, but 6 months in and my skin was still a mess.
I went to a dermatologist who prescribed clyndamycin (an anti biotic to stop the acne causing bacteria) and tretinoin (retin-a; a miracle cream, for acne as well as anti-aging). Within a month my skin completely cleared up, and I have not had a single break out since. What's better, though, is that the tretinoin cream is drastically reducing the appearance of blemishes left behind. The treatment is supposed to work great in the long term, so I am very hopeful in getting my skin close to its condition pre-adderall.
-
1
-
-
The NA daily meditation for today goes with this topic perfectly!
Just For Today
March 31
“Insides Outsides”“Our real value is in being ourselves.”
Basic Text p. 101As we work the steps, we’re bound to discover some basic truths about ourselves. The process of uncovering our secrets, exposing them, and searching our characters reveals our true nature. As we become acquainted with ourselves, we’ll need to make a decision to be just who we are.
We may want to take a look at what we present to our fellow addicts and the world and see if it matches up with what we’ve discovered inside. Do we pretend that nothing bothers us when, in truth, we’re very sensitive? Do we cover our insecurities with obnoxious jokes, or do we share our fears with someone? Do we dress like a teenager when we’re approaching forty and are basically conservative?
We may want to take another look at those things which we thought “weren’t us:” Maybe we’ve avoided NA activities because we “don’t like crowds!” Or maybe we have a secret dream of changing careers but have put off taking action because our dream “wasn’t really right” for us. As we attain a new understanding of ourselves, we’ll want to adjust our behavior accordingly. We want to be genuine examples of who we are.
Just for today: I will check my outsides to make sure they match my insides. I will try to act on the growth I have experienced in recovery.
******************************************
-
1
-
-
@Dclayton93 , thank you for sharing that. My experience was very similar. For a long time, I was casually drinking in the evening to ease the come down. But, it kept progressing, and over time I was drinking as soon as I got off work and up until I went to bed. Occasionally I experienced tremors in my hands and feet. It definitely resembled mid stage alcoholism.
In fact, my ex whom I was living with never knew about my adderall addiction, but he thought I had a drinking problem. The last 6 months of my using got pretty scary- I started having a drink or two during lunch, because like you mentioned, the pull to drink started earlier and earlier and then as soon as the pills kicked in. On the weekend I found myself 'drunk' by noon, though I never really felt drunk no matter how much I drank. I still knew that this was the result of the adderall, though, because there was no desire to drink when I was not taking the pills. While there were still a ton more of negative side effects from the adderall, the drinking and its consequences were major factors in my ultimate reasons for quitting as well.
-
You can do this. You will find lots of good advice and support in these forums. Try to check in often and reach out for help when you need it. Check out your local NA meetings as well.
-
-
I feel like I could have written these posts myself. So grateful I have a place to vent my frustrations and have a group of people who understand the struggle ❤️
-
2
-
-
While exericise, diet, and supplements can certainly help, I think the best advice when it comes to the fatigue is to just accept it as it is for awhile.
When I took away the pressure of trying to maintain my adderall fueled life and gave myself permission to do the bare minimum, it was much easier.
-
2
-
-
The hardest thing for me has been identity crisis- 'who am I without it?' One of mikes posts about each day off adderall being like a funeral and a birthday at the same time sums it up perfectly. Having to let go of things you so highly valued but at the end of the day weren't really you to begin with- it really has been an excruciating process for me...
-
4
-
-
Thanks for sharing. Love the empty sink! Lol
Honestly though, the two most basic simple pleasures that I did not enjoy or missed on adderall were sleeping and eating! I literally forgot what it meant to eat everyday, let alone 3 meals a day!! The only thing being put in my system was coffee! And whats a normal sleep schedule?!? Wake up well rested? Never- that's what adderall is for. Sometimes it really blows my mind just how crazy it is living like that but how you just accept it as normal when you're doing it..,
-
1
-
-
I'm curious if anyone else is struggling with regrets. As much as I know that this does not serve me, and that there's nothing I can do to change it, I can't help but get caught up in it sometimes. The main things I'm struggling with are a ruined relationship (he's seeing someone else now, and it kills me, and the damage I've done to my teeth (2 root canals, 3 crowns). Need some cosmetic work done from all the grinding, but I just cannot afford it right now and I'm so self conscious about it. As much as some days I do feel overwhelmed with gratitude for having gotten off that evil f*cking drug, other days I can't help but just cry. Ugh sorry for the negative post, I suppose I just needed to vent. I know the only way to get through this is to go through it- one day at a time.
-
2
-
Quitting again after a setback
in General Discussion
Posted
Don't beat yourself up over it. Getting off this crap is HARD!! It's scary how the addicted brain can convince you to take something you swore you had no intention to ever touch again. Try to take this as a lesson learned, and now you always have this post to come back to if you need a reminder that it will only leave you feeling worse off than before. I personally find it really helpful to read my older posts when I'm feeling down or questioning my decision to quit.