Cheeri0

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About Cheeri0

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  1. Do you drink off Adderall?

    Good question, I often wonder the same thing. When I first quit adderall I still drank. I didn't even think twice about a glass of wine at dinner now and then because I never had an issue with booze. However, after a few weeks off the pills when my cravings got more intense I started getting serious about my NA program. NA literature is very clear: "alcohol is a drug" and addicts need to nix all drugs to recover, or else we run the risk of substituting one for the other. The more I thought about it, the more I agreed. I quit drinking a month after I quit adderall and don't regret it at all (though I'm not 100 percent sure it was necessary to recover from amphetamine addiction). If I'm honest with myself, I think the real reason I quit drinking was to feel a sense of belonging in NA. And it has been absolutely worth it. I was so isolated before... like, epically lonely. And I really needed to focus on my recovery. If quitting drinking meant I got to solve both of those problems at once ,then so be it. Wine doesn't mean more to me than emotional sanity, yknow? The relationships I have in NA and the spiritual progress I've made are HUGE pros that outwiegh the cons of teetotaling! Could I have found a way to happiness that didn't include NA and quitting drinking? Probably. But I was out of time, was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and just picked an available method I thought would work for me instead of waiting for the "perfect formula" to come around. I don't regret it a bit. Curious to hear other perspectives!
  2. Night terrors

    Wishing you the best Sean, it's awesome that you're putting your health first now and taking care of yourself!
  3. Hey Speeder - just to be frank with you: this is gonna get worse before it gets better. In about two weeks, you're going to feel so full of lethargy that your mind is gonna start playing tricks on you. You'll remember your Psych's suggestion about ritalin and you'll start thinking to yourself "hmmm maybe he's right, maybe that would work." Don't let it win. Be clear with him upfront that you're not interested in taking any stimulants, ever, period, point blank. They all lead down the same miserable road for addicts, and you've continuously proven you are one. As far as the prozac is concerned, they put me on it for a month or two back in my using days. It's definitely the most "up" SSRI. Won't immediately put you to sleep like zoloft will, but it will tucker you out. So be prepared for some foggyness. I've personally been on the 0 pharmaceutical train ever since I quit adderall (I think it's the most direct road to sanity, and especially worth trying for us younger folks), but antidepressants have helped a lot of people here so do what feels right for your body. Just don't take something you aren't sure you need. Best of luck, bud. Congrats - you made a huge step. Stay strong and don't fuck it up. Cheerio
  4. Night terrors

    You haven't been taking any antibiotics for an infection have you? My dreams definitely became more intense after I quit, but I was lucky enough to never deal with night terrors. However, I have many friends who got wicked night terrors after being prescribed strong antibiotics for ear infections and the like. Just a thought! Hope the dreams ease
  5. You sound so much like me. I would binge heavily during finals, was terrified to tell my parents what was going on, asked friends to hide my pills, and sporadically tried NA meetings also. I'm sorry you're going through this... the depersonalization especially is hellish. I feel for you. Just know that you're not alone and other people have felt exactly what you're feeling now. It's time to make a change, though. Sooner rather than later. Eventually your body won't be able to handle it anymore. You need to take a step back, congratulate yourself for making it through the semester, and ask yourself what you really want. Look out for yourself, no one else is going to. We're here for you.
  6. While you're on a high dose, it sounds like you've never abused your script. Is that true? If so, you might have avoided the very slippery slope of binge use (which, at your monthly consumption levels is pretty life-saving). If you feel spiritually/mentally/physically off, college (although stressful) might actually be an ideal time to experiment with sobriety. Building sober confidence now would serve you well in the future if you decide to stay med-free. Please keep us updated and let us know what you decide! We're all rooting for you.
  7. Hm. I've taken Vyvanse quite a bit and definitely wouldn't describe it as mellow. I know that the comedowns are a lot less harsh and it doesn't cause that immediate RUSH that adderall does, but it's chemically still an amphetamine and the reward system it enacts in your brain is identical. If you think the adderall caused some chemical damage to your brain, taking vyvanse (which is very similar) isn't going to help. And as far as the breaks you talk about: it took my head about 4 months to feel normal again after quitting speed. If you're taking two month breaks and then pumping your brain full of amphetamines again it's not going to heal completely, and you'll still be craving amphetamines and relying on them to function. If I were you, and worried that adderall had damaged my brain and health, I wouldn't be messing around with its chemical cousin lightly.
  8. Hey Zay, have you stopped amphetamines entirely yet? Like, no vyvanse at all?
  9. PASSED MY CLASSES!

    Hey guys - just wanted to share some good news. I've spent the last 4 years of my life failing out of and re-enrolling in college. I've had sporadic employment along the way, but I've been a (bad) student above all else. Addiction chewed me up and spit me back out more times than I can count, always thwarting the plans I had for myself. I always started the semester with the best of intentions ("things will be better this time") and then immediately fell into destructive, addictive habits. At the first sign of academic or personal stress I would reach for my pills, and by the end of that week I would be so cracked out I couldn't see or think straight. It's been embarrassing to constantly feel like a failure. To be 24 years old, in a class surrounded by teenagers, and not be able to measure up - year after year sitting through a graduation where I watch friends accomplish something I couldn't. It's honestly been the toughest few years of my life. Being Van Wilder in a shitty college town, going on year 7 of trying to get a degree. Feeling like nothing. But thanks to this forum and Narcotics Anonymous, for the first time in years I was able to successfully accumulate credits. I didn't get straight As, but a 2.5 GPA is better than flunking. After all of those years praying that adderall would turn me into a success, I finally realized that short cuts don't work. It was time to get honest and face the music. Accepting my "shortcomings" for what they are and embracing my own humanity has been the hardest thing I've ever done. One more year and I'll finally have my degree, and hopefully with this semester under my belt things will only get easier. I get 9 months clean tomorrow. I'm just pretty mind-blown, y'all. I can't thank you enough.
  10. Maintain Responsibilities-Highest Dosages

    What are your responsibilities? Make a detailed list. Put it on paper. Think of this as homework I'm giving you. Write a detailed list of everything you have to do to achieve the BARE MINIMUM it will take for your life to not fall apart. I was taking 120-150 mgs a day at 130 pounds. If you take into account mgs/body weight that's pretty damn high. I'm 9 months clean now. What I did? Asked my boss to work 3 days a week for a few months. I told him I needed a few days a week to work on homework for an online class I wasn't taking. My coworkers thought I was all at school when really I was watching netflix trying to get my brain to recover a little. And when I was at work, I did jack shit. Barely made my deadlines and did really low quality work. They hardly noticed, it was surprising. And then I just waited. That's all you can do. Do the minimum, take care of yourself, and wait. Make your list! Best, cheerio.
  11. Could it be OCD?

    Thanks for the replies! It's been a few months since I wrote this post and things have improved. I think it's just all about patience and persistence. No judgement to anyone who looks to medication for some help, but that's definitely not the road for me. I've been on pretty much every stimulant/antidepressant on the books and have found all of them to be more disruptive (to my soul, if not body) than helpful, though I know this isn't everyone's experience. I tend to agree with you Sunnie about the validity of psychological disorders. I think it's more about learning to live life with your natural brain chemistry than accepting that yours is "wrong." Although medicines can help in this learning process if used short term. Whatever everyone's most comfortable with for their own bodies is right for them, and I've just learned that medication is not an option for me if I'm seeking long-term happiness. Getting off of adderall is like being an infant in so many ways... 8 months in and my learning curve is still steep as hell. It brings me a lot of comfort knowing I'm not alone, though, Jennifer. I'd love an update on how you're doing a few months from now, look out for a direct message from me at some point!
  12. One Month Sober - Just Relapsed :(

    Hey Speeder, it happens. I don't want to tell you it's okay, because it's not... but I relapsed 3 times before being able to kick it for good and you have to pick yourself up and embrace this as part of the process. We're here for you. I work an NA program, and someone told me once that after a relapse, you get credit for time served. The wisdom you gained in your 30 days clean will be waiting for you when you start again. You'll be stronger this time around. Keep posting, keep being honest, and keep trying. Be kind to yourself!
  13. Holy Shit! 9 Months!

    Congrats Danquit and TomJones on having 9 (and almost 9) months! Huge achievements. Reading about your progress these past few months has helped me during the dark days... couldn't have got this far without you guys. I'm still really struggling, though. I'm feeling super isolated/unmotivated and failing a few of my college courses this semester. I'll have 8 months in a few weeks and am still just feeling really rough... sometimes I wonder if I'm not progressing as fast as everyone else in their recovery. Any tips other than exercise that'll help me feel more on track? It might be just a mindset issue but I'm feeling super stuck. Thanks, Cheerio
  14. Regrets

    I'm dealing with a bunch of regrets too! Also jealousy. The two seem to go hand in hand for me. I keep wondering where I would have been if I had listen to my gut and tossed the pills sooner... and then I spent hours on facebook sifting through friends' photos looking at all the things I could have had if I had gotten my shit together when I was younger. I know it's just indulgent thoughts on my end that don't serve me at all... but something about submitting myself to the torture ends up making me feel better (in the short term) in a sick way. Also, just as a side note, I completely understand the dental trouble from the shitty hygiene/dry mouth/grinding of using.... I had to have a root canal and 12 cavities filled after I got clean. Talk about an expensive habit. We just have to keep chugging through it together!!
  15. Trying to get off adderall without CRASHING

    Hi Jade, welcome! I relate to your frustration. With adderall, we all at one point or another came to the realization that we didn't know how to live with or without it. Not knowing how to live without it is the really scary part. As a single mother of 3 with little support, it's going to be an uphill battle to stop using adderall, but you are definitely capable of it. You've taken the first step, which is coming here and admitting that its affecting your life negatively. Unfortunately, I don't know of any way to completely avoid the crash. They can be really debilitating. Exercise, a lot of sleep, and eating well will help lessen the struggle, but it'll still be rough. I don't want to discourage you though. It's manageable. You just have to power through and know that it gets better. If there were an easy way to do this, this website wouldn't exist. It's tough! These forums are rich with tips and tricks, though... look through them for encouragement! You got this.