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About Cheeri0

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  1. Take Your Pills

    Yeah, I hadn't thought about it this way but you're exactly right. I feel exactly the same way. We have to stay strong!
  2. Take Your Pills

    I watched it yesterday. It definitely stirred up using thoughts in me, and I definitely see your point about glorifying the drug. However, I didn't find it as offensive as I'd have guessed. I like how it focused on the systemic societal issues that make us so production-driven. They didn't really cover an addiction story, just lightly glossed over the fact that it could happen. I wish they had had a recovering addict play a more central role. But it wasn't ALL terrible, just mostly IMO.
  3. Second attempt at quitting failed

    Keep trying. It took me 4/5 quit attempts before mine stuck, and I celebrated 18 months yesterday! Always forward, always improve, always keep learning. You're on the right track with being honest here, if you keep that habit it up it'll help a lot in your journey! Happy you're here, you're in the right place.
  4. New Adderall documentary

    Yeah, the fact that this is what people want is what upsets me. It's telling about American culture. That's what I meant. I couldn't care less about the media. The fact that this is what capitalism has created shows what America is really about right now. Which is upsetting to me.
  5. New Adderall documentary

    Nah Frank, I haven't watched it. The trailer itself was enough to make me think about using... It stirs up these ugly feelings of inadequacy in me. Those are the same feelings that fueled my addiction. It comes out on Friday which is actually the same day I celebrate 18 months!
  6. New Adderall documentary

    Garbage. Fucking garbage. It's so telling to me that a group of intelligent adults sat around in a room and decided this was the kind of content Americans wanted to see and were willing to pay for. Living a natural life in the body that I was given by the universe and embracing its design sounds more appealing to me than pumping it full of man-made chemicals for the sake of accumulating more shit I don't need. I understand the desire for success. I'm an adderall addict, of course I have the desire for greatness. But hopefully people will realize that ultimately this drug makes things worse, not better. I don't want any success I wasn't capable of achieving with the tools I was given by my higher power. I try not to get preachy/too idealistic on these forums, but God damn. That trash riled me up.
  7. Hey - fellow programmer, here. One of the main reasons I got into adderall heavily was to write code quickly and efficiently. Programming/math and amphetamines seem to be a match made in heaven sometimes. Learn from my mistake, though. Quit now. This shit is capable of taking everything you love from you. Don't underestimate it. You can do it, friend.
  8. How long did you give yourself a pass?

    I'm in the "as much time as you need" camp. Your number one priority should always be not doing speed, regardless of how much netflix it requires. Not using always comes first. I get how this mentality can keep you from recovering as fast if you aren't pushing yourself to adopt healthy habits (eating well, exercise, working, etc.), but I feel like if I had swung to far in the "be productive" direction too early I would have gotten too hard on myself, freaked out, and sought out pills to help me cope. Balance is probably the key to your question, but I definitely swung more to the "lazy for too long" side.
  9. Obligatory Relapse Rant / Update

    You never have to use again. YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN. Let that sink in. Please, don't delete this post. As heartbreaking as it is, it's part of your journey. One day you'll look back on it and be grateful you took the time to reach out. It's a courageous thing to do. You're so, so valuable and beautiful the way you are. You're also not alone. You're one of us. We all know how this feels. We know the hell. Welcome. Come weather this storm with us. It's not always fun, but it's so fulfilling when we all join in and jump hurdles together. This disease will kill you if you let it. The fight is fixed.
  10. Headaches

    Have these started recently? It's cold and flu season, could be early signs of a virus. Also, PSA to all of you: GET YOUR FLU SHOTS THIS YEAR. I've been at home miserably ill for days and I wish so whole heartedly that I had gotten a flu shot. Learn from my mistake, y'all.
  11. PhD, adderall-free!

    Congrats!!!!! How amazing. So many of us struggle academically and turn to adderall as a way to cope so this is particularly inspiring! You should be so thrilled
  12. Libido, where'd you go? I miss you.

    Hey - female here! I experienced the insatiable thing early on as well, but toward the end of my addiction my mental health had deteriorated so immensely that sex was low on the priority list. It wasn't until I had a few months clean under my belt and my life was less of a dumpster fire that I started feeling natural libido again. I just picked up 15 months and I'm happy to report I'm back to my normal self as far as sexual desire is concerned (it's maybe even more fervent than before, honestly). I'm 25, by the way, if that means anything to you. I wouldn't be too worried about anything long term if I were you, though general health can be a big factor in libido as well. Hate to give you the typical slew of advice: but eating right, exercising, and looking after your mental health are probably the best things you can do if you have concerns!
  13. AA/NA meetings

    Hey Taylor, I'm involved in both fellowships, but more active in NA. In my area, there's a lot of crossover between the two. The main reason why I prefer NA is the literature, it's much newer and more applicable to my life. I'd suggest Living Clean the Journey Continues. There's nothing wrong with AA, and there does tend to be a little more sobriety in terms of collective years in AA fellowships because of the relative ages of the programs. But for me, I always felt a little phoney in AA rooms because I was never a huge drinker. I think the difference between the two is super obvious in their first steps: AA: "powerless over alcohol" NA: "powerless over our addiction." I prefer to focus on the disease of addiction because I believe it was THAT that ld me to adderall, not the substance itself. Good luck to you, I hope you find peace in whichever you decide! 12 Step fellowships are beautiful things. Early on, I'd really suggest just going to as many meetings as possible in both programs and really finding ones where you feel comfortable, there's a lot more diversity/variety in meeting type/ambiance than you'd think - be proactive about finding what works for you! Just for Today, Cheeri0
  14. Hey Everyone! Just wanted to shoot you all a quick update, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I know a lot of people come to this site for information about recovery timelines (including a bunch of lurkers who never post anything) so I thought I'd contribute some recent developments regarding my recovery. Stats: 5'5'', Female, abusing up to 200 mgs daily for 7 years, 24 years old and 120 lbs when I quit, minimal exercise throughout recovery process and a pretty unhealthy diet. I just passed the 14 month mark, and I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still feeling cognitive improvements. I thought that I'd "back to normal" by the year mark, but I'm still feeling better every day. I feel 85 percent back to "normal" at this point, hoping that exercise and spinach will push me to 100 percent by month 18 but who knows. I will say that my exercise routine and diet have been awful recently, and I might be further along in the brain-healing process had I been more vigilant about healthy habits early on. It is what it is, though. I plan on making both more of a priority from here on out! The big development these past few months is that I feel like my emotions have finally started to regulate themselves. I no longer have mood swings! I have a really good idea what my emotional baseline is, and am finally able to accurately identify feelings and their causes. I felt physically back to normal around month 7, but this emotional acuity is new! I just love you all. I've browsed this forum every week for the past 14 months and have really come to depend on you all and the stories you share. Never doubt that you're helping people because you've truly been an integral part of saving my life, all of you. What a fucking beautiful day to be clean. <3