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About mkatiara

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  • Birthday 01/24/1991

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  1. update on me!!

    Thank you so much everyone, this means more to me than you know. Still clean, still going strong, but still greatful to have been able to get here. And to motiviation follows action, no need to apologize! you are 100% correct, it is a very risky route to go. i think that although the adderall was dulling it down, i knew in my heart that i needed to commit. and i truly believe that nothing was going to stop me from doing that once it was engrained deep in my mind & heart. so for anyone else that is struggling, remember that you can do anything if you truly believe that you can. <3 alli
  2. update on me!!

    thank you so much!! it's great to feel something again.. im starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! finally...
  3. update on me!!

    hey guys, so i've officially been adderall-free for THREE DAYS NOW!!!! i actually went the gradual route, and it worked so far for me. The second day was the toughest for me, I actually didn't even have the energy to come here and write about it. But today has been good! I got a 90 on my political science quiz, the first test i've taken without the help of adderall!! it wasn't a super long quiz or anything, but it had a lot of emotional significance to me... it gave me the realization that i really CAN do this. I have of course been eating a lot... just walked to safeway and bought some girl scout cookies and some apple slices. then as i was walking back i just stopped and admired the arizona sunset.... i can't remember the last time i just took time to admire the beauty of our world. as dumb as that may sound, i was almost in tears. I know it's going to be a long road (i was out by 9 pm yesterday, of course im still pretty tired), but i think i've got this... last week i honestly didn't think it was possible. but im starting to FEEL things again. i'm starting to geniounly care about people the way that I always knew that I did. I'm starting to get a bit of my sparkle back...and I can't thank you guys enough for helping me get here. -Alli p.s. here's the picture of the sunset tonight...thought I'd share:)
  4. yeah:( well im a college student taking 18 credits, so it's kind of hard for me to just stop taking them altogether. I am on financial ad and cannot take a semester off, or I will lose my scholarship. Very tricky hate this medication
  5. Fast forward to today. Took two just like I had been. Feeling more tired today than I have been in awhile. Skipped my second class because I was so exhausted. I am confused, because it seems like that dosage was more than enough for the last couple of days. Why is this? Does anyone know why this is happening? Thanks for the encouragement, all. -Alli
  6. i will update you guys on my progress. so far i've managed to lower my dose from 8-10 pills to 2 per day. my dose before that was 4. 2 days consistent, and feeling a LOT better. still have a long way to go before i can call myself successful though!
  7. also, this was posted on this site: so i thought id be ok to use that as my guidebook..not a good idea?
  8. Arizona

    i live in az too! but in tucson
  9. i already feel more clear headed with 2 than i did with 10.... i still feel physically awful, but i can at least somewhat think without my brain being in a fog. i know how dangerous this drug is, and so of course my ultimate goal is to stop using it alltogether.
  10. well, i didn't necessary want to quit cold turkey because I read that it's really bad for you. I went from taking 10 pills yesterday, to 2 today. so i know it's not a perfect situation yet, but this is the first time in my 3 years of taking adderall that i even admitted there was a problem, so i am trying.
  11. Thank you for your help! Just an update for you guys, I had a rough last few days. I hadn't 100% made up my mind about what I was going to do about the adderall. I started keeping a journal that records the amount of mg i take per day. Then I mark it up with a green dot if I'm feeling good and not abusing, yellow if I'm on the road to abuse, and red if I'm in the danger zone. All of the dots have been red so far. It's now 11 in the morning, and when I woke up I forced myself to take just one long acting. I'm at such a high dose I don't want to quit cold turkey, but I am FORCING myself to stop this. Last night I had a migraine on the right side of my face, and it felt like someone was putting pressure on it. I am concerned that this abuse could be affecting me neurologically at this point. I am also experiencing a lot of short term memory loss. I'll put my keys down somewhere, then have no idea where I put them. I was at an NBA basketball game last night, and instead of enjoying it, I was dizzy, confused, sick, irritable, and feeling like downright crap. But today is a new day, and I'm making a step in the right direction. I love to hear your guys' stories so that I know that it really isn't just in your head... adderall really is that dangerous.
  12. thank you all! feeling a bit more encouraged today. already am taking a lot lower of a dose than i have been in quite some time. so i know it's only a small step, but ill take what i can get for now.
  13. Fare thee well adderall

    good luck to you, and congratulations on your life change!!
  14. thank you so much for your help! i have tried talking to other people in my life, but i just don't think they understand the extent of what im going through :/ thats why i am so happy that i have this place.