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About Subtracterall

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  1. Advice for quitting a third time

    Way to go! I’m proud of you too!! Keep it up you can do this!!
  2. How long did it take for your anhedonia to go away?

    I take that back - There were times when I feared I might not recover physically. I feared I might be bound to a wheel chair because if my leg veins. But I’m not.
  3. How long did it take for your anhedonia to go away?

    I used 40 mg per day for years and years. 12 - 13 years total. Everyday even weekends. Very Rarely skipped a day. 40 mg may not seem like a lot for some but I am female 5’6, 120 lbs. took it from ages 25-40 something with a three year break to have a baby. I got to the place where I could not take it anymore because of physical side effects on my veinous system. My recovery has not been linear. I remember getting chills to music within the first six months or so off of Adderall while driving down the freeway with my stereo loud. But I’ve had bouts of depression and anxiety too. but good times too with hard belly laughs and tears of sadness and joy. It seems like I don’t always react with max levels of pleasure to things that should create joy but sometimes I do and sometimes it’s intense joy. Intense happiness and joy are not around as much as I would like but I’m only a little over a year off Adderall and I have hope that good times will get more and more with more time off the drug. You gotta give yourself more time to heal your insides. It’s gonna get better but it takes time. I know it sounds like a broken record but exercise is key. I have been exercising since the first day I quit, I had to for my circulation to repair itself. Exercising will make a difference and so will eating healthy foods. its going to get better. It never occurred to me that I might not recover. I believe we all have a shot at recovery. You can do this. It’s the hardest thing but think of how much stronger you will become.
  4. Your mom does not know about the Adderall addiction. If she did, and she understood how bad the withdrawal is, and she knew you were tempted to go back to Adderall because of this test, chances are good she would support the sick note. IMO, if you can get that sick note do it and don’t go back to Adderall.
  5. Echocardiogram and peace of mind

    Yay that’s wonderful news Tom!! Thank you for sharing!
  6. Different experience

    Hi Kimber, I hear you on the curiousity about the age thing. I’m 43 now but when I first got hooked on Adderall I was 25. It is difficult for me to differentiate between which physical symptoms are Adderall recovery related and what is a result of naturally decreasing levels of hormones/increasing age. I suspect I am perimentopausal and I’m also starting my mid life crisis and when you add that to Adderall recovery you get a real sh!t storm.
  7. Weight stabilization

    If you gained weight when you quit Adderall, how long would you say it took for your weight to stabilize? By stabilize I mean how long until you stopped gaining? I’ve been off for about 14 months and I’ve gained 10 lbs. I definitely eat more food now that I don’t have Adderall and I dont see that changing because I eat healthy, but worry that the gaining will never end. I cannot go back to how I ate on Adderall because I was not eating enough food on Adderall. also I feel embarrassed like people are thinking boy she really packed on the weight this year. One of the reasons I got immediately hooked on Adderall was because I had an eating disorder and Adderall allowed me to obsess over other things besides food and stay skinny. Anyway if you made it this far thanks for listening. feeling bummed a lot lately about my weight gain and worried it won’t stop.
  8. Different experience

    “Couldnt keep my eyes open, they would roll in the back of my head constantly. I can't even describe the feeling. Like it was agony to keep my eyes open. But I don't think I would have actually fallen asleep and stayed asleep” i remember this withdrawal symptom when I would try to abstain on led me to take it 365 days a year never able to get through even one day without it.
  9. Different experience

    IMO you should continue to stay off. You have made it 14 months, I don’t think that’s long enough to be fully recovered. from what others say it can take three years. You have made it this far. Don’t give up now or you will have to start over from scratch. Even tho you took a low dose and seemed to have it under control, you’re not going to be able to take it into your 60s and 70s, so eventually you have to come off. We know what the potential long term heath consequences are and they are not desirable. Will you avoid any health consequences because you took a low dose? only you can decide if it’s worth the risk to go back on, but I don’t think it is. I was forced into quitting because of cardiovascular side effects. The cardio problems seemed to come out nowhere but they are bad enough that I can’t take Adderall anymore. so you never know when this drug is going to turn on you. Sounds like you’ve been lucky so far. I took a somewhat low dose (20-40 mg per day, every day) but for 12 years. I have also been off for about 14 months and I do not feel fully recovered. I still feel exhausted most of the time and very much unmotivated but I expect this is going to get better with more time off the drug. Congrats on making it 14 months.
  10. Adrenaline

    How long have you been off? I wonder what would happen if you went sky diving a bunch of times in a row. Like would it help get the adrenaline juices get flowing leading to a faster recovery. Wish we could try that! Glad you are okay!
  11. I want to die.

    Kiona, You have value. You have worth. I saw you on here not long ago lifting someone up out of a difficult situation/state of mind. That right there is tangible evidence of your worth and value. Your father should not be saying those things to you because they are not true. Please do not repeat those negative words to yourself - ever. Replace it with positive self-talk, even if it sounds strange at first. Keep practicing positive self-talk until it sounds normal. I second the go outside and walk suggestion. Walk briskly for at least 20 minutes. Longer if possible. If you don’t want people to see you, go when the sun is setting, or before it rises. The walk will release endorphins that will make you feel better. Even if it’s just a little better. It’s a start. I wish you had some other place to sleep tonight. You need space away from your Dad. Even if it is just for a night or two.
  12. Coping with triggers/stress?

    Hey Speeder I hope you are still quitting today. I work with a bunch of software developers and I suspect three of them must be on Adderall. They are skinny, have really dry mouths, and are way too excited about sitting in a cave staring at a screen all day long. One guy is particularly awkward. I try to see if their eyes are dilated but they have dark eyes so it’s difficult to see if they are or not. When I am in meetings wiTh them, I think about....when it’s their time to stop what will they go through. Will they take a leave of absence? Will they lose their passion for software? Will they hate life as much as I did when I quit and will they put on weight. I imagine the hell they are in for when their time on Adderall is up. Because no one can take this stuff forever. Then I think about how glad I am that I don’t have to quit this stuff again.
  13. How many years were you on Adderall?

    I took Adderall for 10 years. Then I got pregnant and quit for three years. That quit was relatively easy for some reason I think pregnancy made it easier to quit. After I was done nursing my son I started Adderall again and took it for another 2-3 years and then was forced to quit because of bad side effects/health reasons. This quit has been extremely difficult to say the least. I never took more than 40 mg per day for all those years but that’s a long time to be a slave to Adderall.
  14. Deep deep sleep one year out

    Thanks for the replies. I should have been more specific. This does not happen every night. It’s after a long day or a particularly exhausting day around 10 or 11 at night I can’t stay awake any longer no matter how hard I try. My physical body has decided it’s going to sleep and there is nothing my brain can do to stop it. It feels like I don’t have the choice to stay awake. I don’t remember it being like this before I ever took Adderall. When this happens my sleep feels so deep like nothing could wake me, even my son calling me from his room.
  15. Deep deep sleep one year out

    Been off for a year now. Wondering if it is normal to sleep this deeply at night or am I still recovering? My sleep is so deep it does not feel normal. It almost feels like I can’t control it sometimes. Granted I didn’t sleep well for a long time (12-15 years) during my addiction. but I figured by now I would be all caught up. Anybody else out there with a similar experience?