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Everything posted by Kimber

  1. I don't think age makes it harder to quit...I quit Aug. 10, 2017 after being on Adderall 17 years. I too am 52 years old. The last couple of years I was on Adderall I was prescribed 40mg/day, usually running out before end of month. Age for me was, now or never, and there was no more kidding myself about the harm it was doing to me physically. That being said, I got another rx within the last 2 years, so I guess you can say I relapsed, but really it was great for me because for some reason I felt AWFUL on it from the get go...not sure if my metabolism changed or what, but trying them again helped that nagging voice that was in my head go away, that maybe I'd be better on Adderall again. Flushed them after using for a day. You can definitely do it. It is soooo nice to really really laugh again, something I didn't realize that I hadn't done in a long, long time. Also learned about my genetics and vitamins I need to be using to help my ADHD instead of prescriptions, also learned to eat right, something I never bothered to do while using Adderall. Age also gives us a bit more wisdom. Good luck and don't beat yourself up.
  2. Social media garbage.

    YUP having a zero motivation day and made the mistake of thinking "let me look and see what's happening on fb" within seconds of being on there my low motivation mood went to irritation, jealousy, depression,...feeling like i'm wasting my life instead of doing what so and so is doing with there life (as evident on fb) and on downward. Deactivated account.
  3. Social media garbage.

    I detest fb since quitting Adderall... not really sure why...fortunately or unfortunately where we moved to prior to my quitting Adderall is like a wifi dead zone...unbeknownst to us. I definitely notice when I occasionally get on there I feel 10x worse afterwards, so why do it in the first place right?!
  4. Anyone else try NADH? I tried it within my early quit time, maybe within first year, and don't remember much effect. Found in my supplement cabinet and thought I'd try again. Seems like I'm having a halfway decent effect from it this time. Nothing remotely adderall-like, but seems to help with mood and some "get off the couch" feeling. Just curious of others experience ....
  5. Observing Active Users Post-Quit

    Same here! Especially when they have told you they have quit and their behavior indicates otherwise.
  6. I've been trying several different Nootropics with varying degrees of success. I forgot I had order Modalert 200mg and took today. I'm approaching the 5month off Adderall mark and while I miss it, will never be on that crap again, nor any other psychiatric medications/drugs. Whew...was wondering what anyone else's experience were...are? There's no way this is a Nootropic in the sense that is doesn't cause harm...feels WAY TOO Adderall-like. And unfortunately I took 2.... Really odd, kind of helped remind me why Adderall was so bad for me, some of the physical side effects I got from Adderall I am experiencing with Modalert. Trouble with body temperature regulations, rapid heartbeat, jittery feeling, shaky hands. I may try just 200mg one day, but probably not soon .... Just curious if anyone else has any experience with...
  7. Great advice! About getting up and doing something ! Anything. When the bad comes it's hard to remember the good, for me anyway. Going to the gym first thing in am definitely helps me, I don't kill it, but just getting there is huge. Sometimes it really is about the little things. Good luck to us all.
  8. After taking Adderall pretty much as prescribed, but for 15+ years, I had quit for 14 months! Unfortunately the brain fog really never lifted for me and I felt unable to anything that required an amount of brain effort. After not working for 10 years, I am having to go back to work and felt I could not pull myself together and asked my doctor to prescribe only 10-20mg pills a month and to not prescribe to me longer than 6 months . Well after using for 10 days, I FELT HORRIBLE! It was as though every bad side effect and then some came on with full force and after the first couple of days, never even got any thing good from using it. All the "day dreaming" for the last 14 months of how much help it would be if I could just have a "little" adderall,....I guess using again really was the only way for me to stop thinking like that. Because shit, I swear I don't remember feeling THAT horrible and now when I think of Adderall that is immediately what i feel instead of a "lost love" feeling. Sooooo....I'm not beating my self up for relapsing....actually the best thing for me .... Just thought I'd share Good Luck to everyone
  9. I am feeling tons better AND love not daydreaming about adderalls "what Ifs" and how much better I'd be if I just had a little adderall! Would never have thought it'd make be feel that bad.
  10. Whew. I can't believe it has been a year ago today that I tore up my last Adderall prescription. Physically I feel 100% better. Mentally I still feel "mushy" ... 17 years is a long, long, long time and it really probably became more a part of me than I cared to admit or could possibly understand. Feel like I'm treading water right now. Not really going anywhere and trying to not beat myself up about not going anywhere, because that is when I think "if i just could have a couple of Adderall to get me going again"... I'm ready for those thoughts to be GONE! And ready for something, I just don't know what.
  11. Thank you both for your responses. Really helps to hear from people who have been there, family and friends try, but just don't get it. It is hard because it truly is like starting ALL over in life... my likes and dislikes are more gray and not as sharp, and some times just blah. Started working out for the first time in 20 years...something I certainly wouldn't have thought possible a year ago when I decided to quit.
  12. While I can't believe its almost been a year, August 10, 2017, I definitely feel like I've hit a wall. I used as prescribed for 17 years 10mg, then 30mg and the last 2 years was on 40mg IR/day, which I knew from the beginning was too much and didn't make me feel very good. I miss almost every day. I think about it every day...sometimes thinking I'm glad I'm not on it any more, sometimes wishing for way to concentrate again. The last couple of months have been a struggle with motivation and mood...more so than the first 6 months sober and am wondering if it is b/c its like "now what". I just started working out...first time in 20+years to try to help with the low mood and motivation and lack of concentration. What are other year long quitter's experiences? I don't want to get back on it. Just surprised I'm still struggling. Obviously my body has rid itself of it and should be healed as much as it is able to from whatever Adderall may have done. Just feel flat. I don't have a job and at this point don't even feel like I am hire-able...brain just doesn't work anymore...
  13. I keep trying to remind myself that almost 20 years is a long time to be on any medication and it formed many habits and thought processes that aren't necessarily congruent with my true nature and getting back on course may take some time...something that is so 180 from the adderall thought process of "pop a pill" and it will come attitude. I know I am a better friend, sibling, wife off adderall... I spend a lot of time alone and on adderall it was easier because it was like I wasn't alone. So now I need to figure out what to do with myself...20 years later. I just struggle with is it too late now....
  14. Do you feel like your personality changed either on Adderall or afterwards adapting to not having the Adderall personality? I feel like I almost don't know who I am sometimes....then sometimes I recognize someone.... I also find I struggle with just being okay with quiet...mentally and physically. I think I got so used to being jacked up, then crashing that that became the norm. So now quiet-time can make me feel very restless...Headspace app is helping. But sometimes just knowing others experience this helps.
  15. God I needed that...your post "four years ago today" brought me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing that. EXACTLY WHAT I needed today. whew. thank you.
  16. BPC 157

    How has it been? I've researched it some, but EVERYTHING gives me side effects. Still looking however....
  17. after yesterday, not so great, made me sleepy....ugh You can buy Novolin R at Walmart pharmacy without a prescription for $22.00. And just put it into a nasal spray container. Everything I've read sounded promising, just not much out there yet. So I'm skeptical now after not feeling the same effect as the first time. Just thought I'd see if anyone else had any experience with it.
  18. I'm at 10month off Adderall after using for 17yrs. I have unsuccessfully tried tons of supplements, nootropics, anti-depressants, vitamins only to find 9 times out of 10 I have horrible side effects that seemingly no one else experiences... The anhedonia is just debilitating sometimes. In searching for help with relieving anhedonia I came across using intranasal insulin. Tried yesterday for 1st time and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Nothing Adderall-like, but I'm really not looking for that, but a nice uptick in mood and energy. I am hesitant and leery, but after reading everything I can find on it's use, hopefully. Just wondering if anyone else has heard of or tried.
  19. This is first time I even remotely thought about the possibility of taking Adderall again, so after over 7 months...I guess not terrible. Just having a rough go right now and haven't had a "good" day in a couple of weeks makes me start searching pretty hard for a "remedy" and/or solution. Zero energy, motivation, drive, sad, ...just difficult right now. Sorry.
  20. Never thought something like high pollen levels would make me crave an Adderall to get me out of this COMA. I'm coming up on 8 months and was doing ok...until last 2 weeks or so. I've always been susceptible to allergies and guess never realized how much Adderall helped get through this season. I'm miserable...I use netipot b/c almost any medication causes me worse side effects...but my mind feels like it is broken. Any help reminding me why I don't want to just get 10mg/day rx ....I did not abuse, and used for 17 long years....this is extremely depression triggering... Sorry to whine...
  21. PAWS or something else wrong?

    Weird Frank, might be on to something...this last week on the cloudy days I've been coma-like on velcro sofa. The sunny days we've had this week I walked 4 miles outside with my dog. And I too take vit. D. I don't really "notice" anything from taking vitamins or not.
  22. Trying to get off adderall without CRASHING

    I feel same...7 months clean and my motivation comes from remotely being able to help someone else not go down this path or help them get to this point. I SOOOOO feel for those that were put on this medication as a child. For me a doctor recommended it at 30 years old when I started. IMO it is 100% cruel to put a child or young adult on this crap. THAT IS THE crime. Each doctor that writes this for someone under 18 should have to take it themselves, then see if they think it is something an 8 year old child should be on!!! Soooooo sorry Jade. BUT you are so incredibly strong and you can do it. Just say how can I get through just one day at a time and for me it was getting mad at Adderall for highjacking my life and I didn't it want to control one more minute of my life. Best of luck.
  23. PAWS or something else wrong?

    Ha. Sorry, but I’m sooo there, passing 7month, and eat better than my whole life, and exercise.. I am fairly positive I won’t be back on Adderall again. And like you, when I’m good, I’m good, then the low mood days come and I am frantically searching for an answer. While typing this I wonder if that itself isnt some residual Adderall stuff...both in maybe not accepting lows with the highs since Adderall is always trying to make our brains think its all about the highs and 2ndly the researching that i constantly did on Adderall?... But I really struggle with accepting that I’m having a down day, then I overthink it into “something” that is actually NOTHING! Just my mind spinning off and me following it... After quitting I did Genesight and it came back that Adderall was actually a drug in the “red”for me...for 17 years I guess...just did 23and me to about some other crap.... I’ve seen probably 8 doctors in last 2 yrs, spent so much money on tons of tests and am finally thinking it is adderall and/or how adderall sets you up to not learn to process negative feelings or thoughts and make those feeling or thoughts just another thing for your adderall brain to figure out. But it can’t. So long story short. I totally share this feeling and/or habit when I’m down...the last couple of days have been shit. Maybe seasonal stuff accerbates symptoms too...who knows
  24. Advice for quitting a third time

    Hi Catherine. Tapering didn’t work for me for a couple of reasons i think...I was soooo ready to be done with it and sickened with myself when I did use it, I was tired of bashing myself for using it and tired of knowing that if I had it around I probably use whatever I needed in my warped mind to get through the day and it was always not the amount I was supposed to be tapering on, then I’d feel guilty and that vicious cycle was motivating enough to make me tear up my rx. I was just soooo done, my body had had enough of Adderall damage. My mind NEVER SHUTS OFF. I tried to use Headspace using Adderall, between my heart beating out of my chest and my mind racing, it was impossible...Now at 7months I’m just at 10 minutes/day and for those 10 minutes i’m “Present” maybe 7 minutes. 7 minutes more than on Adderall. You are soooo ready and you know it. And you know it is going to suck, but you will feel so proud of yourself for making it through that first day, then week. Do NOT discount these steps. They are huge! I’m thinking of you.
  25. Advice for quitting a third time

    I was on Adderall for 17 years. Quit cold turkey 7 months ago. It sucks but after trying tapering, i just said screw it and told myself I’m not going to die quitting Adderall, but NOT quitting May kill me. Adderall was making me overthink quitting and trying to know all the possible scenarios and potential problems of quitting. IMO an app like headspace helps realize all the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts you will go through are not you...Adderall is not your friend and it does NOT make you a better just make you think that... EAT good for you stuff, don’t drink and walk or light exercise outside, animals help too. I promise. You will get through it. This place has saved me!