KimR

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Everything posted by KimR

  1. So, as some of you know, quitting has been hard for me. I recently quit, yet again, but, out of nowhere, I called my doctor for a refill. The problem is they needed to do a pill count. This has never happened! Maybe something new they're doing in Ohio? As far as they knew I had never stopped taking it, so I panicked. I went in and told them I had lost them and was too embarrassed to call and tell them. My doctor said he couldn't refill my dose, and that he'd contact me soon. It was at that moment I knew the jig was up. My immediate response was devastation. But as the days went by, I came to terms with it and actually found peace, or dare I say, found happiness. I was no longer a slave to this awful drug. I didn't hear from him until Monday. When I finally did I was expecting a "I can no longer be your doctor" or at least "You will not be getting any more Adderall". Instead, he said my prescription was ready for me. SAY WHAT? I'm ashamed to say, I was there the next morning the second they opened. He did tell me he would do random pill counts for now on. So now i realize I need to tell him. But I'm afraid. What do I say? I'm 100% dependent and addicted and I need to tell him. I've never had a problem with any other drug. Painkillers, benzos, etc. I have always taken as prescribed. I never ever smoke pot (okay, twice in college). I don't even drink. I want to make it so he will never give me a stimulant again, but I don't want to be put on some "list" that I'm an addict and then not be able to get painkillers when I get my wisdom tooth out. I also have children. I can't risk getting in any kind of trouble. I keep picturing CPS showing up and taking them after coming clean about my addiction. At least my fear of that and the law have made it so that I would never EVER find Adderall illegally, and I know myself well enough that I'll never see another psychiatrist again. Please. Tell me what to do.
  2. I have lost my mind

    Sounds awful. I'll say a prayer for you, friend. My fear of bugs and spiders has increased as well. It sucks having long hair because my hair will sometimes graze my arm and I think there's one crawling up and I freak. Luckily, I love in Ohio. I can't imagine how much worse Florida would be. Adderall sucks.
  3. I finally need to tell my doctor

    Thanks for clearing that up. Quitting Adderall is hard enough, I'll just be honest with him. Honesty is part of recovery, maybe the most important.
  4. I finally need to tell my doctor

    This past year I told him "I want off Adderall. It's just making me feel a little crazy. So... let's not ever prescribe this to me again. It's making me a different person and it's not good." Then I went a month and a half without it. That was until I got a crazy idea that maybe Focalin would work for me, it wasn't an amphetamine after all. So I called and asked for some. I took it for awhile and all it did was make me want Adderall back. He really is a good, decent guy. I just think he has a million patients and forgets stuff. When I told him Focalin was just not cutting it after all, he agreed to put me back on Adderall. Maybe I'll just call his office and say I no longer want to be a patient? And then maybe tell my family doctor to put in my records never to prescribe stimulants.
  5. Two Years!

    Such an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.
  6. Long timer checking in.

    Good to hear.
  7. 3 months clean

    Congratulations! Three months is such a huge milestone. It only gets better.
  8. I'm overweight. My regular doctor wants to put me on Phentermine. I said no, thinking it would be to similar to Adderall. Did I make the right decision?
  9. I like what you say about not even letting Adderall into your mind. You're doing good so far. Keep up the good work.
  10. What do you think?

    What do you think is the percentage of adults prescribed Adderall who have never abused it? And I'm not talking about just major abuse like snorting it or staying up for 48 hours — I'm talking about even once taking more than they were supposed to, say for an exam or business presentation. Interested to hear everyone's input.
  11. What do you think?

    Mad props! That's will power. I was prescribed 70mg a day IR at my highest. When my doctor switched me back to 40 I continued to take 70. Dumb idea. I didn't feel like I was "abusing it" because I thought of it as my right to choose my dose. Stupid. That was a few years ago, before marriage and kids. When Adderall seemed necessary in all aspects of my life. I have bad anxiety, so taking more than prescribed usually just ended in anxiety attacks followed by deep regret. Everyone I know who is prescribed it takes more than their dose, at least from time to time.
  12. Day 6

    We're lucky to have each other! I have friends who are recovering alcoholics, but it's hard to relate to that because alcohol and stimulants are so different. I give mad props to my sober alcoholic friends, though. Can you imagine if you could buy Adderall at the store, gas station, and restaurants? Alcohol is literally everywhere. I don't know how they do it.
  13. Feeling good and very lucky.

    I felt physically lazy for maybe the first month or so every time I've quit, but to be honest after about three months I feel I have more energy than I did taking it. Maybe because when I'm taking Adderall I'm always extremely dehydrated, have aches and pains all over, and I live on junk food and cigarettes. But the mental laziness was always the worst for me.
  14. Approaching 90 days: a proud update

    Awesome. Keep up the positive thoughts and never forget the bad times on those horrible pills.
  15. Tick Tock- Recovery begins

    I talked to my doctor's nurse before about it, too. I think more than once, actually. The last time I told her that Adderall was ruining my life, making me feel crazy and ridiculously anxious, and to never let me be able to get it again. (This was one week after I called saying I desperately needed an increase of my Adderall. She called back and said the doctor refused.) I told her I never wanted to take it again. She said okay. Two weeks later I caved, called and left a voice mail for a refill, all casual as if the conversation never happened. The next day I got the message "Script ready for pick-up." She's such a nice lady, but forgetful and disorganized. Their office is also majorly understaffed, so they lose track of all kinds of things. All of my past manic phone calls and requests for more pills or early refills should be a red flag to someone over there, or at the pharmacy, but no one seems to care or notice. We have a big opioid pill problem in this area, so I think it makes them not care about ADHD drugs.
  16. Feeling good and very lucky.

    So happy for you! I look forward to that moment. First thing that happens (at least for me) is the never ending need to sleep diminishes, which is nice. Then my emotions get turned back on to their normal state. I can cry, laugh, and feel human. And then the brain fog clears and it's so incredible. I can't wait.
  17. Wellbutrin

    IMO Wellbutrin helps. It's a "stimulant" so it makes the exhaustion more tolerable.
  18. Day 6

    Praying for you, LilTex! You've been such an inspiration to a lot of us on here for years. You had a slip-up, but you're back on the right track. You're human, don't dwell on it, you'll pull through. This probably makes me sound terrible, but it makes me feel better about my relapses. It can happen to any of us. I was clean for almost a year and went back to daily use. My last relapse I had made it about two months and then I went to bed and had the dreaded "Adderall dream" (where in your dream you're using and it's all euphoria and butterflies like in the beginning) and when I woke up I called my doctor immediately, not allowing myself time to stop myself. The obsession with this stupid pill has is unreal.
  19. I did it!

    Woo-hoo! That's a huge accomplishment. Things can only get better from here.
  20. Adderall VS pain pills

    The most I've been prescribed daily, at different times the last few years, Adderall XR 40mg, Adderall IR 70mg, Focalin ER 20mg, and Vyvanse 70mg. My psychiatrist has always put my ADD front and center, although I originally started seeing him for crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Personally, I think ADD is bull. I was told my anxiety was being caused by ADD. The first two years my anxiety was better, but the medication eventually made it 10x worse. And my psychiatrist is actually a good guy who never seems to be drug pushing. It's like he's unaware it could ever become such a problem.
  21. Why is prescription pain medication addiction getting so much attention and Adderall is not. Has Adderall even been on an episode of Intervention? How often does the term 'Adderall abuse' ever get mentioned in the media? Why is this not being talked about? Why can I call my doctor's nurse and demand an increase and get it easily, while after having surgery be asked "Ibuprofen or Tylenol?" Is anyone else bothered by this?
  22. I'm sure this has been asked, but I know there are some newbies and such. I was on it for six years.
  23. Has worked great for anxiety, as well as the brain fog and other mental injuries Adderall left behind. I don't drink the tea or take the pills, I tried the candy. I love it, even though some of the Kava Kava experts will say it's not THAT effective as far as Kava goes, I didn't need a lot. Not looking to feel "high" by any means, just relaxed.
  24. Look up Kava candy on Google and there's only one person who sells it, as far as I know. Or at least the biggest known one. He's awesome.
  25. My health was deteriorating. Hard to breathe, high BP, racing heart, etc. I also did it for my family. You can't be a good wife or mother when you're taking Adderall.