So, as some of you know, quitting has been hard for me. I recently quit, yet again, but, out of nowhere, I called my doctor for a refill.
The problem is they needed to do a pill count. This has never happened! Maybe something new they're doing in Ohio? As far as they knew I had never stopped taking it, so I panicked. I went in and told them I had lost them and was too embarrassed to call and tell them. My doctor said he couldn't refill my dose, and that he'd contact me soon. It was at that moment I knew the jig was up. My immediate response was devastation.
But as the days went by, I came to terms with it and actually found peace, or dare I say, found happiness. I was no longer a slave to this awful drug.
I didn't hear from him until Monday. When I finally did I was expecting a "I can no longer be your doctor" or at least "You will not be getting any more Adderall".
Instead, he said my prescription was ready for me. SAY WHAT? I'm ashamed to say, I was there the next morning the second they opened. He did tell me he would do random pill counts for now on.
So now i realize I need to tell him. But I'm afraid. What do I say? I'm 100% dependent and addicted and I need to tell him.
I've never had a problem with any other drug. Painkillers, benzos, etc. I have always taken as prescribed. I never ever smoke pot (okay, twice in college). I don't even drink.
I want to make it so he will never give me a stimulant again, but I don't want to be put on some "list" that I'm an addict and then not be able to get painkillers when I get my wisdom tooth out.
I also have children. I can't risk getting in any kind of trouble. I keep picturing CPS showing up and taking them after coming clean about my addiction.
At least my fear of that and the law have made it so that I would never EVER find Adderall illegally, and I know myself well enough that I'll never see another psychiatrist again.
Please. Tell me what to do.