So today is day 7 of quitting, and I found out that my doctor called in my prescriptions for Adderall and Vyvanse (I meant to tell him Friday but the office was closed when I got there--sketchy) so I see him this Friday. My husband told me if I don't have the strength to resist that he would pick them up for me and throw them away when I am at work. I slept for about 2 hours on Saturday but seemed slightly less fatigued on Sunday but I know I'm probably experiencing a "pink cloud", I still have zero motivation at work but was starting to feel like myself more yesterday and the day before--less fatigue and the sillier self that I used to be--laughing a lot and talking to friends. Last night I told my family and some close friends and even though they are supportive and say they aren't disappointed with me and that addiction never goes away but I feel so terrible and ashamed. I'm sitting at my desk right now at work trying not to bawl. I feel like such a failure for letting it get to this point, and I am praying that I have the strength to not pick up those prescriptions. I keep reminding myself how bad it had gotten halfway through taking Adderall, barely having the strength to shower or brush my teeth, getting up ten minutes before I had to go to work, sleeping with the bottle next to my bed because I physically could not get up without taking it first. I couldn't exercise because I thought I would have a heart attack and I would go all day without eating and then binge at night when it wore off- I didn't even lose any weight and I'm afraid of gaining more now. I am giving myself a week to eat whatever I want and then going to clean eating. I stopped my antidepressants and mood stabilizer and did feel better but I can't figure out if its from not taking Adderall or if its because I've been medicated for 15 years and I dont know what it feels like to be off of these drugs, so I decided to start taking them again since I don't want to do too much at once. I know I'm lucky to have such a good support system but I just feel so ashamed of myself and I know I will have good and bad days but it is so hard.It's hard for me to even write a simple email at work and I find myself ignoring them until the last minute. I do feel more outgoing but my biggest problem is I have massive anxiety and am prescribed to Klonopin. I'm afraid of stopping this at the same time but know I can't be on it forever, especially if I want to have kids one day. I contacted my old therapist (who I blew off last time) and considered meetings, but from my past experience they are not very open to people taking any kind of psychiatric medication so I am reluctant to go--I dont want to build relationships based on a lie. But maybe things have changed as I havent been to a meeting in years. Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This site has helped me tremendously and ultimately led me to the decision to quit. I know I can't live like that anymore or I will lose everything. I'm having some other health problems but I am hoping they dissipate as time goes on...heres hoping. I'm glad I was even able to write this and that gives me some hope.