speedracer

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About speedracer

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  1. Wellbutrin During Withdrawal

    HI Ruby, (20 year adderallic - 18 months clean - 3 months on Wellbutrin) I started Wellbutrin 15 months into my recovery and after 30 days felt better. I take 100 mg in the morning and another 100 at lunch time. My depression/ Anhedonia has lifted. I started golfing again and I love it. Socializing is easier. Work performance is getting better. I feel no side effects at all. I learned about Wellbutrin from other posts and Cassidy in particular who provided an amazing timeline on this site. I kinda wish I started taking the Wellbutrin a little sooner but I was convinced it was just part of part of my recovery. My wife insisted I was depressed and should talk to a doctor and I reluctantly agreed. Not only is it working for my depression, but its also helpful for underlying ADD which is why I started taking Adderall in the first place. I am hoping to take if for 6-9 months and then wean off it. Good News! I woke this morning and for the first time since I quit Adderall 18 months ago, I wanted to go through my mail and pay my bills. I just finished going through a stack of mail, paid bills and it didn't bother me at all. Haha... For me, this is a really good sign. ..so my condition continues to improve. I am so grateful I made it 18 months and grateful to those who post their experiences so I can learn to manage this recovery better. In my heart and mind, I set myself up with the expectation, that my brain needs 2 years to recover from the prolonged use of adderall. I also learned that from this site. I am almost there. And its true, its feeling like it will take about 2 years more or less. Good luck!
  2. Sobriety and rocky relationship

    Wow, you really are fighting the good fight. And hats off to your boyfriend for standing by your side. I spent a lot of time looking at my resentments in the first year. I learned in AA literature that we have a choice about our resentments. We can chose to let them go. I practiced doing that and boy things improved overnight. So many battles disappeared. Besides AA's big book, another great book was Dr. Marshal Rosenberg's "Non-violent communications". Ever since I studied that book, and learned about "unmet" needs, I was able to navigate my love life. Its an amazing book and has amazing concepts. We all need to find ways or come up with strategies to get our basic needs met. When I put too much pressure on my wife to meet all my needs, its a disaster. Now when either of us get upset, we do our best to avoid being critical and start thinking about what needs are going unmet. Empathy? Nature? Nurture? Creativiity? Purpose? Its fun when we start getting some awareness about the subject. And find new ways to get those needs met. .God bless you on your journey. 5 months is huge...keep it up. ...
  3. I started doing Wellbutrin 3 months ago.Happy with results. Doesnt feel like Im taking anything at all, but I seem to have lost the depression. Almost 18 months off the speed and I almost back to baseline before adderall started. Definitely talk to your therapist about Wellbutrin too.
  4. A lapse in time

    Hey Sweetupbaby! I appreciate your honesty. I remember when you wrote about your plan to work full time and I remember thinking, "oh no" I couldnt do it. I tried so many times but when the chips were down and I needed to perform at work, I went back to the adderall. I never felt like I had a choice. I finally quit for good (at least I have 17 months) because this last time, I prepared myself for 100% total disability for at least 30 days...like a self imposed rehab program...and then limit my work to part time from there. I had to build that into my recovery plan. I had been trying to quit for 10 years and work always took me out. I have a stressful occupation, so if you can find easy work, thats different. IMHO, we all need to prepare for 3 months of total disability and then another 9 months of partial disability with part time work. On top of all that, we now have the insane challenges of 2020. We need to manage our stress levels. Meetings are great. Finding a sponsor would be awesome. I pray God gives you the time and space to heal and find balance before getting back into the thick of your career.
  5. Great report Brit. Thanks for checking in. Ironically, month 8 was easier for me than month 9. Its so non-linear. I want to encourage you to keep going. I am about to hit 17 months in 2 days. I am twice as good as I was at 8 months. The progress is real. I am sure I was masking some underlying depression too. I went through some tough losses and battles which took their toll and I think I was able to push through it all kind of numbed up on the go go juice. Crazy how normal and peaceful my life is today compared to 10 years ago. Thank you Lord.
  6. Exhaustion

    What a great answer to a tough question Sleepy Stupid. I wasnt sure how to respond. "It depends on how you define exhaustion". At 15 months I started on Wellbutrin and it has helped lift a depression I didnt know I had. I have been taking it for two months and its really helped me with my "exhaustion". I still have days of anhedonia and depression, but so so much better for the past 30 days. Quaility of Life is better. Its actually good. I dont feel like "Whats the point?" anymore. 20 years of perscribed adderall really sucked all the feel good chemicles and life energy right out of me. I didnt expect to feel better until after two years, but I think the wellbutrin may be making a big difference. Just wanted to put that out there. Everybody is different.
  7. October Month of Magic

    Thank you GeorgiaRigby! Great thread! I appreciate how you described your crazy relationship to this drug. I get it. I read it a couple of times to remind me what it was like. I would pop a pill to get something done, go to parties, long road trips, packing, moving, TAXES, or whatever. The pills gave me so much courage and motivation. With underlying ADD, the medications worked wonders for me. I thought of them as my glasses. I had clarity. I could see what needed be done. I had executive functioning. But like the info on the first pages of this website, I had lots of problems and the drug stopped working like it used to. My brain is selective. It only remembers the good times, and not all the negative side affects, the health issues, the loss of dignity in getting perscriptions filled, the combativeness and the hair trigger fights, the increased ego and loss of humility. I think there are strategies to accelerate the recovery which need to be tweeked for each of us. No pun intended. Diet, exercise, sleep, spiritulaity, a new daily routine to get the maximum results. I went to AA for the first 11 months of my sobriety and I loved the program and the 12 steps. Although I am not the type of acloholic who cant stop drinking once he starts, I drank alcoholically for years and years while using adderall. AA states "the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking". So I went to AA and made some new friends and the support really helped alot. But then after 16 months of total sobriety, and with the encouragement of my wife, I decided to have a few margaritas on her birthday. She is convinced adderall is my nightmare, not alcohol. So I went for it and It was anti climactic. We had a great time but I lost interest in booze after 2 drinks. That never happened when I was on adderall. I also had a few beers this last weekend socializing and again no big deal. So thats a good sign. I will keep you posted as time goes on. Best of luck on your road to recovery.
  8. When will I feel again?

    Thank you for sharing your story. It helps us all to hear from you. I am sorry you are suffering so much. You got 12 weeks after 6 years of low dosage and yet your brain seems to be reacting terribly to the quit. The more posts I see like this, the more it seems the dosage is not as significant as the length of time using. Your brain needs time to heal and I constantly tell myself it might take two years to get to a baseline of recovery. This drug really is scary because after using it for long periods of time, we all end up depleted and depressed. After 14 months, my wife convinced me to talk to a doctor about depression. I was reluctant becuase I thought it was just part of the recovery. But i started on Wellbutrin about 5 weeks ago and I do feel better. My mojo is low today, but the week before was great and I got lots done. You obviously had a terrible reaction to the Zoloft. Maybe ask your doctor about Wellbutrin? It seems to be the most effective medication as far as this forum goes. And understand the waves of PAWS during the first couple of years. Track your days with a journel. At 12 weeks, you are well on your way! You will get throught this. You are passing through. It is temporary. Acceptance is key. Accept your feelings, your moods, your depression as where your supposed to be. Let your family know it will take some time. For all intents and purposes, your on disability. You are healing. You should be at least 50% better by the time you get married. Maybe even 100%. Diet and exercise are critical. Dont eat bad mood foods.
  9. 8 days ago I posted I would cut out social media becuase I was feeling so stressed out and depressed. Too much politics, coronavirus, and BLM. So I have cut down , and I do feel much better. But I must be addicted becuase I cant stop. LOL I still check in. Could I really be feeling better because I cut down on social media? Today and yesterday I had great days with family. Took the wife on a date night last night and then we had a soccer game for the kids this morning. Last night I almost drank a beer. Its been 16 months of complete sobriety and now I am thinking about tipping my toes into drinking again socially. Generally and objectively speaking, life is improving. Good things are happening despite the crazy in our world today. I dont want to screw it up. But maybe I can drink beer or wine safely without any problems. What do you guys think? Any thoughts? Anybody try beer and wine after 1 or more years off adderall?
  10. Adding to sleepystupid, the last few years of my adderall career, I noticed a huge problem with the medicaitons itself. The quality of the drugs turned into total crap.Different manufacturers came up with different products. Some of them were pure poison to me. Total ADD symptoms from hell. I had to take full bottles to my doctor and give them to him so he could write a new persciription. That sh.. was super scary and toxic. It took me awhile to figure it out...I think aerobindo was the scariest of them all. I always had to buy the generic. So its true, some of those meds are very toxic.
  11. Hey Lolbats! Congrats on making the decision to quit! No better time than today, especially since you no longer have that stressful day job. Your story is interesting because you used for 3 years at relatively low dosage and yet you still have the same issues as the rest of us. But you should probably have a shorter recovery period. I used 20-30 mg per day for 15 years or so, and I am giving myself 2 years to reach some sort of baseline. It will be super interesting to see how it goes for you. Thank God you surrendered when you did because you will have saved yourself from all sorts of suffering. Welcome to the journey back to health! I looked at my first month off this drug as a form of disability. After several months, I looked at it as partial disability. At 16 months, I have returned to work "full duty" but I still get days where I cant function. Acceptance is the key. Not rushing yourself or giving in to unrealistic expectations of performance. There are so many great posts with timelines. Even at 3 years, your dopamine system got hijacked and will need time to restore itself. From my experience, we have injured our brains and that body part needs time to heal. The good news? LIfe is generally better and more rewarding than it was taking adderall. Egos get deflated, a new perspective sinks in, and life gets better and better as the quality of our relationships improve. As for career, give yourself plenty of time to heal before you set new goals or put pressure on yourself. Its ok to feel disabled. You are! I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Pray, eat well, move your body, hydrate, and take care of yoursef. Its ok to be selfish during this period of your life. Look forward to hearing more about your progress.
  12. Sleep PAWS?

    I used to take ambien to get to sleep after a day on adderall. That lasted for almost 10 years which is probably another huge aspect of my recovery. When I quit adderall, I quit the ambien and the booze. These days I take all sorts of over the counter stuff like advil PM, benedryl, melatonin, valerain root. I havent even tried to sleep without taking something. But even with some of this, when I do have a PAWS episode, your right, my sleeps really suck. I got a sleep app on my iphone which tracks my sleep called Sleep Score. Its kind of cool. Not perfect, but its free and it give me a great idea how I am doing with REM, Deep sleep, light sleep, how long I slept, and how many times I woke up. If anybody has any more advise, I am all ears.
  13. Great advise my friend. Thank you! I will do that starting today. And if I like it, i wil roll it into a 90 day commitment.
  14. Oh boy, I am sorry to hear about your tragic loss and suffering. Sounds like a real Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde story. I dont think I have ever heard anything like as far as it relates to this drug. I know it changes personalities, but this is over the top scary. I will be praying for all your recoveries.
  15. Hi guys! Just curious how the events of 2020 are affecting your recovery? After a stern warning from the wife this morning that I am more interested in facebook, youtube, and the news than her, I had to admit she had a point. So I am taking a good look at myself. I apologized. I am dealing with anhedonia at month 16, so I not very motivated to begin with. I used to party hard on occassions and we used to have good times. Now I am completely sober and kinda I started wondering if the stress and isolation of 2020 may also have something to do with it. I obssess too much on politics, and I admit facebook and other social media is starting to feel like an addiction. The division and hate in our country is freaking me out. Bible prophecy seems to be unfolding in front of my face. BLM, Trump vs Biden, truth vs lies, left vs right, and the dystopian society we are living through with face masks and social distancing is all so creepy. My pscyhe may be fragile after 20 years of adderall use, even if I mostly took it as prescibed. I have symptoms of depression which i attributed to recovery and I started taking some wellbutrin 3 weeks ago. Mental health is the big goal. Improving my quality of life is the whole point. I dont want to hurt my chances by veering out of bounds with obssesive thoughts about the "end times" or civil unrest. My wife scared me this morning when I could see we have a serious problem beyond just the recovery. If I dont make a course correction, I might not have a wife when this journey is over. I think its partly due to the underlying ADD, but I also think I am distracted by the crazy events of 2020 and what looks like the most important election of our lifetimes. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? Is social media stealing your attention? Is the stress of 2020 aggravating or interfering with recovery? Do you have underlying ADD issues? Should we be avoiding the news, social media, and any other potential sources of stress until we are out of the woods with recovery?