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About NaterS

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  1. It was hard for me to do a few semesters of biology even with adderall, i have no clue how i would do it without. Chemical engineering is even tougher than bio so i cant even imagine. I wonder if the hardest part is just gonna be getting myself to actually do the assignments and stay motivated throughout all of it. I tend to think adderall made me smarter at times, but I've also seen a study that showed that students only believed they preformed better on adderall and that they just felt more confident but got similar scores without it. I'm hoping this is the case, it would be devastating to go back to school and not get good enough grades without adderall knowing that i was able to get good grades with it.
  2. Hello! I haven't posted for a while because to be quite honest i haven't really thought about adderall a whole lot since quitting it. I have had some genuinely happy times since quitting and do not regret the decision to be clean at all. As of recently though I've had an extremely hard time focusing on life's responsibilities and actually getting them done seems to require what feels like a super human amount of willpower. I am getting dangerously close to the exact same mentality that led me toward getting on adderall in the first place although i don't want to ever go back to it. I told myself after a year of going off adderall I would reassess my life and decide whether or not it was worth it to stay off or get back on and although im not satisfied with my life right now, I REFUSE to start taking it again. I know it will help me get a crazy amount of shit done in the short term but after that I'll be hooked and EVERY good thing that came from quitting will once again be lost. That being said I'm also at the point where i can no longer take things slow and just focus on not being addicted. For the past year I've avoided anything college and career related, and my only real form of productivity has been work. I'm 23 and i live at home with my parents while i work fulltime/part time at a hospital as a cook (dead end job for me). I'm at the stage in my life and recovery where i really need to fight to get myself back on track for a healthy and at least financially stable life, and i'm getting VERY anxious and having doubts on whether or not I'll be able to accomplish these goals. the thing that really scares me though is the possibility of me still feeling depressed and anxious after i complete these goals. When will this anxiety and depression stop? I know i can force my way through college and finding a career but is that gonna make me happy? Once i accomplish the goals i set there's always gonna be new problems to take the place of old ones..
  3. I certainly hope you get back what you lost. To be honest some days aren't so bad and are honestly quiet happy. However the bouts of depression seem to be more often and last longer for me than the happy times. I just hope I'm not fucked either way, but it feels like it a lot of the time. I don't think i'm gonna relapse after all, but man it gets tempting sometimes
  4. Hello everyone I started my adderall free journey about 8 months ago and it has been somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions. I wish I could say everything about it has been positive, and many things have, but it isn't without its down sides. I don't want to go into too much detail, but lately I've been considering relapsing because of a lack of motivation. There are so many things that I want to accomplish and I don't feel as though I have the energy to do any of it. This leads to me feeling depressed and anxious most of the day. My mind is filled today with thoughts of "You can take it temporarily to get yourself to a better place" or "Everything doesn't have to be so hard" and to me these thoughts are very believable, but the logical side of me knows that this wont be the case. If I take adderall once and have a positive experience, i'll be hooked and I bet I'd stay on it again, which will consequently burn down a lot of the progress I have made while being off of it after enough time. I wish I could use adderall as a crutch at times, but I know myself well enough to know that wont ever happen realistically. Anyone else have this sort of problem 8 months clean?
  5. My first post here, I need to be free.

    To answer your question about quitting cold turkey, I quit cold turkey at a dose slightly higher than that after being on it for 5 years. I don't think i would've been able to taper off because in my mind i'd rather just get the worst of it out of the way asap rather than drag it out even longer. I'm somewhere around 4 1/2 months since I quit and nothing bad happened to me because I quit cold turkey. Previously I had tried to quit many times and only made it like 4 days. The difference between this time and that time is that I hated my life SO BAD while on it, that even suffering withdrawals and a long term recovery sounded better to me. The first couple weeks were HARD and I really questioned my ability to do it, but it gets much much easier a little bit down the road and I really have felt better gradually every month. I think the biggest thing that has aided me in recovery has been diet and exercise (I know that sounds very cliche but its true) I have fallen for the "take one now to feel better, regret it later" trap way too many times and am NOT going back to it for anything, literally nothing good came from it. If you feel the same then kick this shit for good and don't look back. Or at the very least, you could try to make yourself go 1 whole year without it before you decide to get back on it.
  6. Using Wellbutrin to help quit

    I also just started using wellbutrin once a day to see if it would help make things a little easier. I'm kind of worried it will work in a few similar ways to adderall and im not super into the idea of getting on another medication. I noticed an improvement shortly after taking it though. Frank did you notice any changes in your weight while taking wellbutrin? I really don't want to lose weight taking a medication if its possible
  7. Difficult Day

    I'm going through a lot of the same things, I'm barely over 2 1/2 months off of it. I think the hardest part for me is having to see all my insecurities and weaknesses, and then just having to be ok with them for now. if anything else, at least you might find comfort in knowing you aren't alone.
  8. 10 Months Adderall Free

    I used to think there was no way I could go longer than a day or two without adderall. I wasn't truly ready to quit taking it until I was so unhappy with my life that I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried so many times and only got like 3 days into it before taking another and then staying on it. This time just felt different. It was almost like my body was telling me that I need to stop. I've been off it for a little less than three months and although recovering REALLY sucks, for the first time in a long time I feel like my life is heading toward a much more positive direction
  9. Tried Many Times to Quit

    Hi everyone. It's been about 2 months since quitting adderall and its already been quite a journey. This is the farthest I have ever made it without adderall since it has been introduced into my life. It's been very rewarding at times and also very soul crushing at times. I'd have to say overall things have been more positive than negative. A desire to be more healthy is probably the driving reason behind me quitting. I cannot express how satisfying it is to be able to get in my bed at 10 or 11 pm and actually fall asleep and wake up at a decent time in the morning. It is also nice not looking like a pale zombie with baggy eyes. When I was on adderall, sleep wasn't always an option. If I had to up up early for anything while being on adderall I would either have to find an excuse to get out of it, or stay up the whole night. Now I am able to go to sleep at night knowing that I have to get up early to make it somewhere on time, and not have crazy anxiety over whether or not I'll have insomnia. Another huge positive about quitting adderall so far has been the ability to gain weight. I have always been a skinny dude with a desire to workout and get big and I have let adderall ruin that goal of mine for YEARS now. While I was on adderall my weight dropped pretty low and I found myself unable to keep my progress from working out so I eventually stopped working out all together because it just caused even more weight loss for me. Recently the past 2 weeks I have started going to the gym again and although I am unable to workout for very long, it is very rewarding to see muscle mass coming back already. I don't have to dread eating the calories I need or fear losing my progress. This reason is by far the biggest reason I despise the idea of ever getting back on adderall. It is quite hard to muster the energy to get to the gym most days, but I'm hoping this will get better with time. I am still worried about what to do about my job, but for right now things are under control. I have moved down to only working 2 days a week and plan on working my way up to more. I am very fortunate to have no bills to pay right now, my car is paid off and my parents have agreed to let me live at home and recover. I am able to do my job on those days, but my mental stamina does run out quickly. Anything mentally demanding drains me out, and I'm hoping this too will get better with time. I have yet to cut off my supply of adderall, but I would rather not tell the doctor I'm abusing adderall (I never really did abuse it by their definition). Although I currently am winning the battle against the desire to take adderall, it seems unwise to still have this bottle of adderall right here if I ever couldn't resist the urge. Now that I think about it, the fact that the bottle of adderall is STILL here proves that I'm not 100% committed to this.. Edit: Never mind the pills are gone, i just threw them in the trash where they belong.
  10. Tried Many Times to Quit

    Hi everyone. I'm new to these forums, but not new to trying to quit adderall. I'm 22 years old have have been on adderall for 5 years. I took it to help with ADD and initially I thought it really helped. I was actually able to focus on homework and my job and really feel confident in myself. Like all of you know it eventually becomes a curse. Any sort of job I have is traumatic without adderall and is the main reason I keep taking it. I've taken it long enough that the days I don't, I'm so depressed and low on energy to even shower and go anywhere. I can't seem to do anything without the medication and really want off of it. The longest I've ever been able to go without adderall is a week before I am too depressed and lifeless that I feel the need to relapse, usually because of work or piled up chores. I've tried to get by only using adderall situationally but as you all know this always leads to taking it regularly again. Recently I went 5 days without taking it (which is the longest I've gone in a LONG time) and it was more or less do'able until today when I had to work. About an hour and a half in I experienced extreme anxiety and incompetence and just couldn't bare it. Reluctantly I ended up taking the smallest dose I could to make it through the day. I was so sad and felt like this whole week suffering through withdrawals was for nothing. This cycle needs to end. For those of you who quit adderall successfully, what helped? I have a loving family but they don't understand this struggle I'm going through. Every attempt to quit is failed when I feel overwhelming hopelessness during withdrawal and feel like I have no choice but to take a small dose. I'm getting set up with a therapist that I want to see once a day until the most severe withdrawal effects are over. Other than that I have no clue how to go about this the right way... Please anyone, help me beat this. I can't afford to keep losing this battle.