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About EricP

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  1. depression Life ruined?

    Just 6mo.
  2. depression Life ruined?

    If you simply google "amphetamine increases risk of Parkinson's" many credible articles come up. Mind you some are more related to the evil twin meth... still the same mechanisms however. I have read a lot about the down regulation we are all suffering from as well possible nerodegeneration (loss of dopamine cells) thus due to the fact that amphetamines are neuro toxic. While you can't measure the specific dopamine level in the brain you can get a PET or DAT scan typically used to aid Parkinson's diagnosis which often report 10-30% less dopamine function (symmetrically, meaning both sides of the brain) in known past amphetamine users. Even up to 50% in extreme cases. Parkinsons patients typically begin reporting mobility related complications around a 50-70% loss. And typically it only affects one side first. Even a patient with 10% loss on these scans have reported extreme depression, concentration and fatigue etc. If this does cause dopamine cell loss as suggested, most of us if scanned are likely a bit compromised "under normal". This does not mean we will all have Parkinsons just means our risk is higher. The causes of Parkinson's is wide spread and still unknown. One of the largest suspects is pesticides and chemicals/toxins. It think amphetamines are certainly in a toxin category however that is just an opinion. I have reviewed this information with my neurologist and he agrees there are potential links however simply there are not enough studies completed to know the effects 100%. Basically we would have had to had a DAT or PET scan before Adderall then 5-10years later have another after taking it for years and then quiting long enough for the brain the recover before scanning again. I have considered getting a scan myself however insurance won't cover all of it. If by 2yrs I still have symptoms like I have now maybe I would spend the money... However a scan would just be information as there is no real treatment for dopamine cell loss. Just a few links, there are many more you can google:
  3. 1 year

    Congrats on the 1yr anniversary. I am only a quarter of the way to 2... Every day so far has been long especially when trying to function while others completely waisted and slipped away. I have also read in many places this is a 2yr process.
  4. ugh. relapse

    I knew you were joking! It did make me think though that if I could go back and choose coke over Addy maybe I'd been better off. Who knows. Yes most of us too old and/or mentally way past the days of experimenting with any substance.
  5. ugh. relapse

    Cocaine wold have likely been an easier and healthier addiction in ways. I have an old friend that got addicted to Meth and tried quitting many times. Wasn't until he followed the suggestion of someone at an NA meeting to try switching to coke for a few months then slowly taper off that he was able to quit everything 100%. He is 5yrs sober now. Not suggesting, just saying

    I agree smaller less intimidating steps do help a lot! Also a lot more rewarding as there are things to do that can be easily crossed off the list. I do can relate to the fear part as well. I think there is often a fear of not performing thus you put itt off or avoid it all together. I am also finally getting to a place where I don't worry as much about having a low day on a day I have committed to something sizable. I seriously would avoid scheduling with people or certain jobs as I was afraid whatever day I chose could be one of the days I could barely get myself out of the house. While I still have low days they are a little less debilitating lately.

    Procrastination is my new word for much of my Adderall recovery! While I have experienced and continue to experience many symptoms of anxiety, depression, fatigue and memory struggles; procrastination seems to be the winner! I know am actually still capable of a lot, I just often seem to wait and wait and wait. Not sure what I am waiting for? The withdrawal to suddenly end on its own?! Whether it's to get up and get a little exercise, head to the store or call a certain client at work it can be a struggle to "just get started" on some of the simplest of things. Funny if you google "drugs to help procrastination" the first thing that pops up is Ritalin, Modafinil and Adderall. Lol Anyway not sure there is a quick fix besides taking it a day at a time and forcing ourselves to keep busy but thought I would share!
  8. Writing off/after Adderall

    I find focus and memory overall compromised. Even something as simple as a birthday card takes me time to find the right mood to focus and write something meaningful. I also find myself questioning and second guessing my spelling more often. My errors are more frequent so when finish I always reread to proof. My hand writing has also become a bit more like "chicken scratch" unless I force myself to focus on it a bit. Making lists of my daly "to do's" has been a very important step of each work morning. Some of this has seemed to improve in the past couple months however it is so gradual it is hard to measure unless I think back to a particular day/time that I was really struggling.
  9. Quitting (again)

    Welcome back and congratulations to your commitment to want to quit! At 22 with a healthy diet and exercise you can easily keep your figure in as good or better than with Adderall. You will end up with a healthy body that is likely more attractive than the Adderall enhanced figure you have now. Keep your spirit up and keep reading and posting questions here. If you have the desire to eat eat something low Cal and healthy. If you are tired go for a walk and try to run or jog during some of it... There is lots of support here, don't give up!
  10. depression Life ruined?

    The basic problem is the longer you take adderall the more you need adderall and at higher doses. There are numerous studies that show that amphetamines are neuro toxic. This means that over time it kill's dopamine receptors. And no they do not regenerate. In an extreme case of dopamine receptor loss is Parkinson's, however typically in this disease they die on their own for unknown reasons. With Adderall we begin taking it for ADHD or whatever reason needing dopamine stimulation to function the way we want, however once we stop not only have we been teased with the feeling of adderall and also we now have less receptors than when we first got prescribed adderall. Based on my reserch it seems that over time peoples brain adjusts to this new lower dopamine output however we will likely never be better than before we started the adderall.
  11. Depression or ADD or addiction???

    I am about half way to 11mo. I am certainly hoping to feel better than the way I feel now by then however your description sounds like I feel now. I do believe underlying depression has something to do with it. Then there is our brain still adjusting to the lacking dopamine flood stimulatin. I don't think we will ever feel anywhere close to Adderall days however I pray a new "normal" is coming! How is your nightly sleep? Do you get a solid 8hrs?
  12. depression Life ruined?

    Yes it is sad but true... I have had at least 5 doctors even including the 1 that supports me quitting tell me "that it is possible I need adderall to function normally"... I have decided no doc appts for at least 6mo so I will be at 1yr before discussing it again with them.
  13. depression Life ruined?

    Agree as well. I am at almost 6mo and I had a couple weeks where I felt pretty good, yet now I am at another low now. This recovery is very up and down and yes very lonely. Exercise I do believe helps a lot however some weeks it just seems impossible to take that step among just barely functioning. Doctors do not understand how bad this drug is, when I question them on it they always tell me there are not enough "credible studies" and that it has been used successfully for decades. While I can find many articles googling many are abstract and others are on meth which doctors do not view as the same. I believe no "credible studies" are done as there is no "profit" for big pharma in taking a drug off the market... Unless a competing big pharma company did one to eliminate a competitor.
  14. 6 months out--hasn't been hard at all

    In a funny way it is all "in our head" as that is where dopamine comes from However physically and mentally PAWS is very exhausting.
  15. Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

    I must say your situation does sound very complicated. I am sorry to hear about the little ones health. I pray he is ok. Knowing your husband was promiscuous before marriage and being able to forgive that is a "big one" as many people that alone would be a deal breaker. Moving on beyond that if he doesn't get to a point where he does not show any effort or express wanting to try therapy and/or giving up Adderall for you and his kids then you will have no choice but to take steps to protect your future, saving money etc. I have no idea the laws etc if you were to move back to UK where you have family support for your children. However a good argument would be if he is seeking other relationships and not contributing then he is not making any effort to help raise/support them here and you need to be somewhere with support. I don't know how financially invested you are in the house however if you were wiling to give it up to some degree perhaps moving away would allow him to go ahead and "leave you" as he threatens and then ultimately crash and realize his mistakes and eventually step up even if not for you at least for the kids. I also went thru a divorce a few years ago as my wife was also promiscuous and constantly seeking attention from men. Once I found out some of the details as much as I wanted to save the marriage for my young girls I had just completely lost all emotional attachments to her even after trying counseling etc. The choice to move on was healthiest for my heart and in the end I became a better father without the tensions of an unhealthy relationship. We share custody 50/50 as we live in the same town and when the kids are with me I give 110% and when they are with her I am still available to help and keep in contact with them. Looking back I don't regret it. We just became two different people or basically grew apart. In ways I probably got on Adderall after the divorce due to mentally being a bit lost and having trouble focusing and needed to snap out of it and make a living. It worked business wise however not worth it personally. You are also going to have to be careful as this site may be able to help him however if he reads your posts he is going to likely be more angry and know your thoughts/plans. Unless its already been told to him... Just saying... If you can get him to stop Adderall you may have a chance... However he needs to be committed! I can say for me within a week or two of being off I became emotional and past and recent situations with people that I knew I handled inappropriately were immediately strong on my mind and I reached out and sincerely apologized to them. Sobriety changed me very quickly. I cant say that is the same for everyone however for me it was a big shift. My grudges melted away rapidly... As for what helps me cope most right now... Anything that reduces stress... Downtime, time with my kids, sun, acupuncture, massage, biweekly counseling, this site, sleep, exercise and crossing even the smallest things off my list... Work is the hardest right now above all as I am having a hard time keeping my energy and mental focus on it and am letting some things slip... I am praying in the next few months this will get better and I do not loose too many clients in the meantime. Hope this helps guide you a little...