Emmz12

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About Emmz12

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  1. Motivation help

    My energy levels start out low but then increase over time. I'm a bartender so most days I don't wake up until noon, get energized by 6 and then go to bed by 2 am... it's more my motivation that's the problem. I don't want to do anything on my days off but just sit on the couch or in bed watching TV. If I have plans with people I go, and I usually have a good time, but most people are at work during his time. I think I was mentally better off during a time where I had a normal 9 to 5 job. I can get myself out of bed to go to work, but not if I don't have anything to do...
  2. Different experience

    I shouldn't have said I didn't have side effects... but the side effects didn't nearly affect me as much as the day to day withdrawl. I was so useless if I didn't take it for one day. Couldnt keep my eyes open, they would roll in the back of my head constantly. I can't even describe the feeling. Like it was agony to keep my eyes open. But I don't think I would have actually fallen asleep and stayed asleep, just continually nod off over and over again. This no longer happens to me (thank GOD) as it was the worst of my withdrawl symptoms. I can function a lot better than I would be able to before but I still have a long ways to go. I am currently stuck thinking is this low motivation because of the adderall or is this a separate depression issue. I'm also feeling very indifferent about things. Not super happy, not super sad, just I don't care. I guess I was feeling that way on the adderall as well though.
  3. Different experience

    Hey all I am posting again because I really want to know what you all think. I have had a very different experience with adderall than everyone else on here. Although I too felt I could not function without it, I was on therapeutic doses for 20 years. I was on between 10 mg to 20 mg every day and never did I feel the need to do more. I felt normal, balanced, and a sense of clarity. I was however obsessed with the question of could I function without it. I ran across this site and decided to give it a try. I'm currently 14 months in and, while yes, I am surviving.... I am not thriving like I was on adderall. I am lethargic, I am tired. I have no motovqtion, paired with a job that allows me to sleep in past noon every day. I feel like such a waste of space, and now depression and anxiety are creeping in. To the doctors it's a no brainer. Get back on adderall. I had little to no side effects and I was completely in control of my dosage. But I do remember feeling like a slave to it. Constant worry about whether I accidentally forgot my medication, or god forbid if someone stole my prescription out of my purse (happened multiple times in college)... being off of it for even one day was way worse than being off of it for 1 year +. When it's in my system and I forget to take it for a day I am not at all functional. Currently im getting by, occasionally indulging in a pre work out drink to help me get to the gym. I actually feel like myself after I've had a pre work out drink, but surprise surprise it's got an amphetamine in it. I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm so tired of being scattered and tired and not motivated... is this a chemical imbalance? Or is it from 20 years of therapeutic daily adderall use? I'm so unhappy about life and don't see the point in living his way. It seems so much easier just to get back on it, but what if it really is ruining my brain and I just keep making it worse the longer I'm on it! I need help!!!
  4. Motivation help

    I might add that I have tried l-tyrosine and it didn't seem to help much, neither has fish oils and DMAE made me feel 100 times worse!
  5. Motivation help

    14 months in, and still doing poorly. I'm mainly suffering from low motivation and energy levels. I'm still wondering if it's actually depression that's really at play l, and I was using adderall to treat that as well as ADD. I never abused adderall, but I was on it from a very young age (6 years old!) and used it daily (between 10 to 20 mg daily) for 20 years. I was not fictional when I was off it. Could not find the motivation to get out of bed, always hungry, couldn't keep my legs still, (having a mix between restlessness and low motivation to move is a very mentally exhausting battle). Well I wanted to know if I could actually function off of adderall if I quit. So I weaned off of it for about a year, and now I've been off of it for 14 months. Some of my symptoms have proven to be withdrawl. They went away in the first couple of months. Motivation and energy have yet to come about. I walk around with no sense of purpose, sometimes not leaving my house all day, often bargaining with myself to even get out of bed. To me this sounds like depression, although I'm not sad. Feeling hopeless, yes, but not sad really. I was on cymbalta for a while and that made the hopelessness go away... I was content in my laziness... but still low motivation and energy levels. Now I have just started taking sertraline... it hasn't started working yet. Looking for suggestions on which supplements to take to help with the motivation and the energy. Was thinking Wellbutrin, DL-phenylalanine, or lithium orotate... thoughts?
  6. Arizona

    Arcadia area here!!!
  7. Stuck in the middle

    What is air hunger???
  8. 1 year

    I'm a half a month away from one year adderall free. Good to know paws will only effect me for one year more and not forever, as it seems like...
  9. depression Life ruined?

    Well that's insanely depressing...
  10. depression Life ruined?

    I've had a few doctors over time tell me that quitting adderall was not worth it because I needed it to function. The said its all unnecessary suffering. I believed them for so long. Some bad days I still believe it and it's been 11 months with no adderall.........
  11. Depression or ADD or addiction???

    I've been using for over 20 years though... It's prob going to take me longer to kick this than most... I'm not even kidding when I say most nights I get around 10 hours of sleep. I'm a bartender so I can sleep in all I want.... Which I've found out is bad.... Lol! I know it's possible that I'm sleeping too much... But i only sleep so much because I feel completely useless without that much sleep. Actually feel pretty useless with any amount, so I figure I need more. Ugh it's a never ending fatigue cycle.
  12. Depression or ADD or addiction???

    It's not so much that I feel depressed as in sad... It's more like I just don't have the energy or motivation to do the things I should be doing. I sleep all day when I have the day off and at work I'm a half asleep zombie the first part of every day. Is this lack of energy and motivation? Or PAWS? Now that I have discovered this thread and realized that this is a thing (today!!!) I finally might think its still withdrawal from adderall. Before today I had suspicions of it still being an issue but intense fears that I was just always going to be this tired and lethargic and lazy for the rest of my life. I was on adderall or some other amphetamine for over 20 years. Never with a dose of over 20 mg a day, tapered off my dose and quit several times in the last 5 years, and even was able to end it up doing 5 mg every other day. But even the small doses that I was on gave me some sort this of stimulating effect...
  13. Great things about not taking adderall

    Not a single panic attack since quitting adderall 11 months ago! Not so easily agitated...
  14. Depression or ADD or addiction???

    I've though about this a lot lately. It's been 11 months since I took my last adderall and I have ups and downs. Some days I feel okay (these are unfortunately the ups) and other days I feel completely useless. Like I could sleep for 28 hours straight and still not be rested. I often think, is this because I'm still not over my adderall addiction? Or is this because I have some sort of motivational depression and this is just the new norm for me. I'd be devastated if this was the new norm for me. Would drive me to use adderall again. It sucks.
  15. Using Wellbutrin to help quit

    That's very interesting, i wouldn't have put that together but now that you mention it yes. One day last week we were understaffed and super busy at the bar that I work at so I had to work like a maniac just to keep up. By the end I was physically and mentally exhausted and it took me like three or four days of feeling useless to recover.