Kind of crazy how similar my story is to yours. I'm 23 and started taking adderall a little over 3 years ago (10 - 15 mg a day). The doctor prescribed it so, I thought it was safe? Although I know how I felt when I took it, it was an unnatural feeling that put me into "overdrive" mode. I knew one day I was going to have to stop.
About 7 months ago, I changed jobs and moved to a new city and moved in with my boyfriend for the first time. I was THE happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I went to a new doctor in my new city and he told me if he were to continue my prescription that I would need to regularly visit a counselor. I thought, I'm absolutely not seeing a counselor, there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm not going to continue taking a medication that I'll need to be supervised for? This new doctor had no idea that I had been taking Adderall for 3 + years, so I'm assuming, that's why he gave me no heads up that I would very soon be falling into a deep depression, full of anxiety, and feel empty inside. I didn't realize how strong the drug was. I've always been a very happy, healthy, mentally strong person. A couple weeks after I abruptly stopped taking Adderall I was in the darkest place I've ever been in my life, although - I HAD EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT. An amazing new job working from home, a gorgeous new home that I love, a boyfriend that makes me happier than anything else on this planet, and still, I WAS SO DEPRESSED. Didn't make ANY sense to me?? I was at a loss. I wanted to quit my job, move back home to my parent's house, be alone and stop feeling like a burden/ball of negative energy to everyone around me. Thoughts that I've never had in my life before.
And then, I figured out that the way I was feeling had nothing to do with my job, my friends, my boyfriend, my home, where I live. I was blindly suffering from Adderall withdraw/PAWS. I started doing my research. Every single symptom of Adderall withdraws that I came across online perfectly aligned with what I had been feeling.
Now, although I knew the CAUSE of how I was feeling (which was a huge step in the right direction) I still didn't feel 100%. I still don't feel 100%. I'm coming up on month 4 as well and I still ask myself the same questions everyday...
Is this ever going to be over? Is this who I was before Adderall? Should I move home and give up?
My answer is, I'm not giving up a damn thing. The way I feel is not who I truly am or ever was before taking Adderall. Adderall may have me feeling off and not so much like myself right now, but it's not dictating my life and happiness moving forward. I decided to swallow my pride and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist because I know that how I have been feeling is NOT who I am and I AM going to get through this; Regardless of how long/what it takes. I too have not felt excitement, passion, happiness ever since I stopped taking Adderall. You're not alone. But you do need help and professional support, anyone in our same situation does too. Don't give up and don't blame your life circumstances. Happiness is a choice.
I'm going to my first psychiatrist appointment in two weeks and I couldn't be more excited about it. Pretty sad, hu? lol! If I can remember, I'll keep this thread posted on what my results are and what path I'm taking to get better. I hope you do the same, very soon! God Bless!