Leslie Johnson

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About Leslie Johnson

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  1. Struggling. 5 months out.

    @sleepystupid @hyper_critical @EricP Thank you guys, so much. I appreciate the support. I was feeling pretty hopeless on the night I posted this. Sometimes I find myself researching too much about what's wrong with me, and not enough about what I can do to improve myself. This is definitely the most challenging/unique battles I've ever had to overcome in my life. One moment I feel as if there is light at the end of the tunnel, and the next moment I find myself doubting that anything positive could be at the end of the road due to how long I've been struggling. I'm almost to the 6 month mark. I'm not any worse, I do have to say I've made improvements. But I still feel like there's a lot of time and struggle between now and the time that I'll feel content with where my outlook on life is. Positives I've Noticed: I'm starting not to have nightmares as much. I laugh and smile a little bit more. I've been getting things done around the house more often. I joined a fitness program that I think I'm going to like. My anxiety frequency and intensity is a little bit less intense than times in the past. Struggle Areas: I do still have anxiety, worrying about what the future holds. Doctors have not been able to help.. I struggle with hopelessness. Constantly trying to figure out if there's an easy-way-out.. knowing there's not and it just takes time. Anhedonia. Again, thank you guys! I am so thankful for this site and those who contribute.
  2. Take it or Tough it out?

    @Cassie @SeanW @Frank B @EricP I really appreciate each one of you for taking the time to share your feedback with me. I'll provide an update below... So I did not end up taking the Zoloft. The doctor that prescribed it to me did not make me feel very comfortable taking it and basically said she didn't believe that my symptoms were in relation to discontinuing the aderrall. Just by her saying that, and the very minimal time she spent with me on my initial appointment made me lose trust in her. I did some more research and was actually able to find a different psychiatrists office in the area that advertised that they DO NOT ever prescribe stimulants to anyone for any reason. Awesome, right? I went to my first appointment that was quite lengthy because she really took the time to ask questions and seemed like she actually cared. By the end of the appointment, I did feel as though she had all good intention and she decided to start me on Prozac. Although unfortunately, I did take the prozac for about 5 days and every day that I took it I felt much worse, so I stopped taking it. I let the doctor know it didn't mesh well with me and I'm still waiting for a response, but I'm a bit more determined now to take things into my own hands and try the all-natural exercise route. Yesterday I joined a new fitness program called Pure Barre, I'm hoping it will help me make a lifestyle change and improve my day-to-day. Currently, I don't feel intensely depressed. But I still don't get very excited, about anything. I don't look forward to things that I used to look forward to (Travel, Working Out, Building a successful career). I have anxiety about not feeling like myself again because it has affected my work performance, relationship, and personality overall. I just keep telling myself everyday to keep holding on. I miss feeling full of life and excitement. I don't want to just keep "making it through the day". It's frustrating. But I'm here! And I'm going to keep trying! Happy New Year Everyone
  3. Struggling. 5 months out.

    I just want my life back. I am more depressed than I ever knew was humanly possible. Full of anxiety about things that I've never had anxiety about before. This is not who I am...
  4. Take it or Tough it out?

    I'm having Doctor trust issues.. Today I went to my first psychiatrist appointment and explained what I have been experiencing the past 5 months since I stopped taking Aderrall. I wasn't on a high dosage.. 15 - 20 mg a day, but I took it every day for almost 3 years, and I stopped taking it cold turkey. The doctor said I shouldn't have gone through withdraw since I was on such a low dosage, which was kind of disappointing/confusing to me because my thought is, if I haven't been suffering from withdraw, wtf is wrong with me? Is this just how unhappy/depressed I naturally am? I have no reason to be depressed and I've never experienced depression like this before for this amount of time. When I first stopped taking it I experienced major anxiety and panic, which has slowly simmered down, thank god. But now I'm dealing with this lingering depression that has me feeling pretty lifeless. How could this not be withdraw if these episodes started directly after I stopped taking aderrall?? Anyways.. She prescribed me Zoloff since I have been experiencing depression for this extended amount of time. What I'm really struggling with is whether or not I should wait, tough it out for another few months and try to get to the 9-10 month mark to see if I start feeling like myself again by that time. After reading through a few posts it seems like that time frame is the trend. One of the main reasons I stopped taking Aderrall is because I don't want to be dependent on a drug for my happiness. I want organic happiness. I don't want artificial happiness stemming from an anti-depressant. I am desperate for relief, but really want to make the right decision.. Although it's a very personal one I'm looking for feedback, maybe one of you has had to make the same decision? Questions haunting me... Am I being too paranoid? Am I denying myself help that I should have? What happens if I take it, feel better, and my body becomes dependent on an anti-depressant? What if I don't take it, get to month 10 or 11 and don't feel better? I'm tired of feeling like a burden on those around me..
  5. Anhedonia and Depression (coming up on 4 months)

    Eric I wanted to share this Sermon with you. In times like this I’ve relied heavily on faith and hope to help me get out of bed in the morning and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Ive had no other choice but to find strength, hope, and faith. I strongly encourage you to dive into this pastors sermons to help you find faith and hope. His name is Steven Furtick. I listened to this sermon today and it helped get my thoughts back on track. The message I took from this is... I knew I was going to have to stop taking the Aderal, there would never be a good time in my life to go through the withdraw that I’ve been going through, but, IT HAD TO HAPPEN. The longer I took it, the more damage it would’ve done. God Bless!
  6. Anhedonia and Depression (coming up on 4 months)

    Hi Sebastion, Kind of crazy how similar my story is to yours. I'm 23 and started taking adderall a little over 3 years ago (10 - 15 mg a day). The doctor prescribed it so, I thought it was safe? Although I know how I felt when I took it, it was an unnatural feeling that put me into "overdrive" mode. I knew one day I was going to have to stop. About 7 months ago, I changed jobs and moved to a new city and moved in with my boyfriend for the first time. I was THE happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I went to a new doctor in my new city and he told me if he were to continue my prescription that I would need to regularly visit a counselor. I thought, I'm absolutely not seeing a counselor, there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm not going to continue taking a medication that I'll need to be supervised for? This new doctor had no idea that I had been taking Adderall for 3 + years, so I'm assuming, that's why he gave me no heads up that I would very soon be falling into a deep depression, full of anxiety, and feel empty inside. I didn't realize how strong the drug was. I've always been a very happy, healthy, mentally strong person. A couple weeks after I abruptly stopped taking Adderall I was in the darkest place I've ever been in my life, although - I HAD EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT. An amazing new job working from home, a gorgeous new home that I love, a boyfriend that makes me happier than anything else on this planet, and still, I WAS SO DEPRESSED. Didn't make ANY sense to me?? I was at a loss. I wanted to quit my job, move back home to my parent's house, be alone and stop feeling like a burden/ball of negative energy to everyone around me. Thoughts that I've never had in my life before. And then, I figured out that the way I was feeling had nothing to do with my job, my friends, my boyfriend, my home, where I live. I was blindly suffering from Adderall withdraw/PAWS. I started doing my research. Every single symptom of Adderall withdraws that I came across online perfectly aligned with what I had been feeling. Now, although I knew the CAUSE of how I was feeling (which was a huge step in the right direction) I still didn't feel 100%. I still don't feel 100%. I'm coming up on month 4 as well and I still ask myself the same questions everyday... Is this ever going to be over? Is this who I was before Adderall? Should I move home and give up? My answer is, I'm not giving up a damn thing. The way I feel is not who I truly am or ever was before taking Adderall. Adderall may have me feeling off and not so much like myself right now, but it's not dictating my life and happiness moving forward. I decided to swallow my pride and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist because I know that how I have been feeling is NOT who I am and I AM going to get through this; Regardless of how long/what it takes. I too have not felt excitement, passion, happiness ever since I stopped taking Adderall. You're not alone. But you do need help and professional support, anyone in our same situation does too. Don't give up and don't blame your life circumstances. Happiness is a choice. I'm going to my first psychiatrist appointment in two weeks and I couldn't be more excited about it. Pretty sad, hu? lol! If I can remember, I'll keep this thread posted on what my results are and what path I'm taking to get better. I hope you do the same, very soon! God Bless!