LiberatedMind

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About LiberatedMind

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  1. My first post here, I need to be free.

    Wow thank you all so much for your responses!! I really feel a lot better that I am not alone in my process, and I am honestly positively shocked (in a really good way) that others here have habitually been binging on much higher doses for much longer than me and they got through it. Today I am on my 5th day, completely clean. The longest streak I have done so far in the past 5-6 months. I have been sleeping much better and had longer lasting energy plateaus throughout the day, yesterday I totally destroyed myself in the gym haha, I was able to just keep on going. It feels great! I feel a lot more stable mentally and emotionally. I feel a lot more in control of myself, like I can manage tiredness a lot better and can manage various states of mind instead of succumbing to the momentary emotion. I am the captain of this ship! However, I am also feeling bouts of negative thoughts here and there, and I am simply not enjoying sex like I've become accustomed to while on Adderall. I don't care. Well, I do care but I realize it's not what is important. I reached the conclusion long ago that instant sexual gratification is not worth sacrificing my entire future, because honestly I would just spend hours (not even kidding, literally from like 4 pm until 2 am, nearly every day) just chatting girls up on Tinder etc. I hated myself for wasting so much time every day on stupid shit like that because I felt constantly "on the hunt" for that perfect orgasm! I hope it's okay for me to share this aspect, and that it's appropriate, because it's a MAJOR component of what made me (and kept me) addicted... I would say at least 60% of the reason I constantly took it was that. Without the sexual perceived benefit, I'd only take it once in a while when I really "needed" it (not very often at all). I can't just repeat these empty days hyperfocused on all that, I do not even want it right now it lost its appeal (for obvious reasons). But now I do not know what to do with all this free time on my hands. I need to find a new hobby or/and a new job, something to get me off my ass because now I am waking up from this slavery ridden dream. Ah that feels good to let out. Thank you all for being awesome and clean and free.
  2. I was never diagnosed with a learning disorder. I have been on Adderall for about 3 years, consistently (before that it was just once in a while). All my choice. I am in my late twenties. I have had several "attempts" to quit. The longest attempt lasted 3 months about one year ago. My consistency has really increased in the last months. Officially I am prescribed 20 mg IR a day, but I use it like 2-3 in one day then stop for a couple days and back again. Other times a few days in a row at that dosage. Basically, abusing it. I personally have used it for sexual activities, because it makes my mental arousal so much more intense. The longest I have gone without it in the last 6 months was about 3 days. In the past two months, even in those three days my withdrawal symptoms were much more noticeable and harder to deal with: tight headaches (around forehead, back of head, temples), pressure behind eyes, a head in the sky feeling, completely dead sex drive, sadness, irritability, etc. And most of all, nearly every single time I said I wouldn't take it, I did. Sometimes just to relieve the pain. I tried tapering down, like 15 times (at least). Did not work. Was never able to stick with the lower dosage. I have quit cigarettes about 5 years ago, and the way I did it was cold turkey. The only way that worked. I am thinking this is the only way here too. But given that I have been really abusing this shit, is there any danger in going cold turkey? I never reached this stage before in Adderall addiction. Anything I should look out for? I have finished my supply today, which incidentally was my "emergency supply" that was supposed to last me until the end of the week cause I said I will at least hold off until Friday, today is Monday (only had a little left). I want my mind back. This is taking my inner spirit out. My inner fire. I feel like a zombie, occasionally animated. I need to stop. My supply is done. I have been lurking this site for the last year. I am ready. I don't know what else to write, I think I'll just leave it at that.