LiberatedMind

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About LiberatedMind

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  1. What are your experiences with rehab centers?

    Whoa that place is a ton of money. It looks nice, but do you know any others?
  2. I like your video. Adderall really is a dangerous road that eventually leads to hell.
  3. I feel stuck, I am in hell, and I hate this....

    For real. There has to be something that can be worked on every day to lead to some major goal, something that will make you feel REALLY GOOD about yourself as whole. I really do believe that focusing on the lack of Adderall makes the whole quitting process a ton harder than it needs to be. Something that I do, is that I ALWAYS keep my dream alive in my head. It makes foregoing Adderall a no-brainer. Like it's not even an option to consider. The cheap momentary thrills of speeding bear no weight when compared to feeling GOOD and ACHIEVED!!!!!! Imagine getting your dream body. Imagine exploring a new area of the world you never been in, and have the most craziest conversations with someone you just met for the first time, because your mind is calm and FREE from its own prison, and you can go out exploring and get new experiences. Imagine the emotional and mental resilience you will have once you accustom yourself to being strong. Adderall makes you weak, you cannot possibly achieve your potential with it destroying you from the inside out. As high the level of pain you can tolerate, the rewards will be at least of the same level. And you will forget ALL the pain you feel now!!! It doesn't last!! Fight for longlasting true pleasure. There is certain pain of quitting, this is very true. It's the price you have to pay. But you don't have to suffer. Accept the minimal amount of pain that comes with making the change you have no choice about that, and fill in the rest of the vacant space of your personal dream life coming true and the longlasting hope that will put the force of life back within you.
  4. Hello. I am actually posting this on behalf of someone else in my life who has reached a really severe level of addiction. I need to know what are your recommendations and/or experiences with rehab centers? Are there any that are based in very tranquil, nature settings? Like in a beautiful nature reserve of sorts, with lots of healthy food and activities? Something that doesn't feel like an institution? If anybody here has helpful information, please pass it on to me here in the post (or PM if you feel it is too private to share publicly), I would really appreciate it. Thank you all!
  5. I feel stuck, I am in hell, and I hate this....

    I quit on April 8, relapsed on May 21. Back to day 2 now. I feel so much pain right now and I am disappointed in myself, but I am not going to make this mistake again. I understand you, my friend. This is not an easy journey. My best advice is to find within yourself a big dream or goal that will directly benefit from you NOT taking Adderall. For me, it is physical fitness - as Adderall destroys my conditioning. Nothing is going to fall in place by itself. Want proof? Okay, here it is: has it happened yet? Is today all that different than yesterday? How about the day before that? Or before that? Or before THAT? Will tomorrow (assuming nothing changes) be very different from today? If your answer is "probably not", then the bitter truth is that nothing will change. But YOU can make it change!!!!!! Just take the first step, one day at a time. Compartmentalize every day if you can. Focus on the benefits of quitting, not the pain, as much as you can.
  6. Some important observations I've made about Adderall

    I am happy that you were able to connect to my post. I hope so much for you that you will gather enough strength and willpower to make the decision that you truly need to make. Every day is precious. Days pass in an instant. Do not allow those pills in your drawer to rob you of your life. I support you, my friend!
  7. I feel stuck, I am in hell, and I hate this....

    What book? Is it the 12 rules one? I read that one. Which part are you referring to? And wow congrats on being clean for such an extended period of time!!!!! That is amazing!!
  8. I relapsed one month ago, after stopping for 7 months. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did it anyways, because everything was boring. I gave in to my cravings. And now things are much worse. I am in a lot of pain and now I hate myself. Literally. And I know the answer, but I feel like I am stuck. I am also getting fat on Adderall. My body is losing tone, losing muscle. Getting flabby. No surprise there. Without Adderall, I have a strict diet and exercise regimen, that I adhere to 95% of the time. Alcohol is a rarity. Fitness IS my obsession!!!!! Now not only am I skipping out on the gym, my diet has gone to shit, I drink alcohol much more often as well. I spend money on shit that doesn't matter, and I waste time. A lot of time. My time is being wasted on Adderall. And it is DESTROYING my goals that I have worked so hard on for the last 7 months!!!! FUCK THIS!!!! Now here is the thing, I KNOW THE ANSWER is throw this shit away, and never look back. Don't even consider it a possibility. But I have the pills, and there is something that is stopping me from flushing them down the toilet. I am hesitant because I am scared. Because they do some things for me. They give me benefit in the "here and now" in exchange for completely destroying my future. I am 30 years old. If I continue living like this, I will be like this at 40. Why would anything change? What about my dreams? I have dreams I want to achieve. And most of these dreams I have to work very hard on with absolutely no positive returns for a while (e.g. getting in shape, acting I very much like acting it makes me feel so healed inside even though it is scary). I am afraid of cravings, I am afraid of regretting my decision. But I am afraid of losing my dreams. I am in hell right now. Even without Adderall, I find it difficult to stick to things. One thing I hate about myself. I avoid pain, and I avoid things that "I just don't feel like doing". That's why I constantly give up the moment my momentary motivation decreases, as it always invariably will. No one stays motivated 24/7. Discipline is where it's at. But Adderall, that EVIL PIECE OF SHIT DRUG makes pain MORE painful, makes me weaker as a person and destroys my inner being. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, focusing on everything I lost. My past girlfriends, my personal goals, my life. I wake up and feel wasted. I go pee then go back to bed, looking at my messy room, my flabby body, and my wasted life. I WANT ADDERALL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!! But I don't want to experience the pain of quitting or the regret of throwing it away when craving it. I want to enjoy things. And Adderall helps me enjoy things, the only price I pay for that is that I HATE MYSELF!! I also need to learn to stick to things. I can make that a personal goal. I took upon myself to learn a specific course, health related. 18 chapters long, stopped at chapter 8. Soon thereafter started Adderall again. Will things ever change? Or am I constantly going to and from the same exact repeating patterns of behavior and loops that I always experienced? HOW DO YOU BREAK THE CODE?!!!!! THIS STUFF IS BAD!!!!! MAYBE I JUST HATE MYSELF REGARDLESS I DON'T KNOW. I am confused right now. I also only slept two hours last night. I want to eat and rest and sleep. I need to heal.
  9. It makes my moments easier, but my life harder. This is by far the most important realization I made about Adderall. My everyday chores/experiences may be "enhanced" or "easier" with Adderall taking care of them for me, but the quality of my life drastically decreases as a whole. This observation plagues me, because I know it is true. And I relapsed, even after I realized this observation. Quitting Adderall, as hard of a decision as it may be, is nowhere near as hard as STAYING off of Adderall. Quitting while experiencing the pain of the hell that Adderall puts you through is easy, relatively speaking. Any change you make in your life is easy once the pain of staying the same overpowers the pain of the change in question. Yeah it is scary and the fearful thought of "how will I function without it" is kind of drowned out by the pain of your experience on it once you have had enough of destroying yourself. Once that pain disappears into the background however, getting farther and farther away many months later, it becomes more of a distant memory that doesn't seem half as bad once life returns back to normal again, and when normal everyday shit is boring. Especially when you realize that you simply don't enjoy things like you used to, THIS is the danger zone!!!!!! And it could happen fucking 7 months later after you've been 100% clean no problem!!! It is not enough to simply quit. There has to be some long and/or short term aspirations/goals/dreams that DIRECTLY benefit from not taking Adderall! I find that just focusing on quitting with nothing else added in the picture to take your mind off of Adderall (or even better, to make you feel thankful you are not on it), makes quitting much harder. For me at the present time this is about getting more into shape. Off of Adderall, my physical conditioning is insane. I could spend 45 minutes weightlifting and right after that incorporate 45 minutes HIIT. On Adderall, even if one or two days after taking it, I am thankful if I can even make it 30 minutes total before I am winded! I am trying to find other activities as well. Not just the gym. Ultimately, my goal is to not even think about Adderall, due to the fact that there are way too many important things I am working on that Adderall will directly damage. Imagine not even thinking about it. You know, like someone who has never taken it? How awesome would that be!!!! If you made the decision to quit permanently, but haven't gotten rid of your pills, then you haven't made the decision to quit. I am guilty of this myself. And my biggest reason for not throwing them away is "what if there is just one time that I REALLY need them? How about I'll ONLY do it that one time, and ONLY if I truly really need to?".... Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh right. Welcome to self-deception. Nobody can scam you as good as you can scam yourself. The ship cannot sail unless you untie the rope from port. Flush them down the fucking toilet. You are addicted for life, even if you never pop an Adderall again. This one may sound extreme, but this is the way I truly feel about Adderall. After 7 months of being clean, while admittedly not a super long time being clean, it IS substantial given that it was cold turkey after obsessive extended daily use - I very quickly (within a week) fell into the EXACT same patterns of use and behavior as I did when I was at my lowest point with Adderall. Like no issues whatsoever getting right back into the swing of things. Feelings often follow action, not the other way around. This came from my experience in sales, where newbies would only attempt to make sales once they feel confident and happy and when the "right moment" comes around. Of course, all the hesitance just increased their anxieties (and my own when I would do this). Jumping into action will follow by the appropriate feelings. Just take the first step. This realization is more of a general realization and kind of experimental because most of the time after I quit I felt lethargic a lot. And I am sure that in the beginning it was real, but how long can it possibly last? I am starting to think because I became accustomed to not pushing myself DESPITE not "feeling like it", I was in a constant state of lethargy and I blamed it on quitting Adderall, even though it had nothing to do with Adderall at a certain point. I am starting to think I should just push myself to go out even if I am tired, and while being out my mood and energy levels will pick up. Does anyone here share my observations, or is this all purely my own subjective experience?
  10. Adderall Recovery Guide

    Your doctor prescribed it for you?
  11. Adderall Recovery Guide

    What vitamins and supplements helped you in the early recovery? What dosage, how often, and for how long? And how did it help?
  12. Will it really take a few years? I do not like this, not one bit.
  13. I am starting to hate myself. Nobody I know in my life can truly understand me as it stands now. How do you develop real life therapeutic relationships? Maybe that can help? I have no money for therapists.
  14. I found my trigger. I feel like my life is bland, and empty. Not exciting. Nothing is happening. Things are un-enjoyable, I am bored. Daily grind, everything is boring. Even dates feel stupid to me. Sex is boring. Don't really feel like doing anything. I am feeling lazy in general, my focus on little projects I set for myself has gone all over the place. This is exactly the reason I decided to quit. Because I wanted to live life and enjoy things, and I felt Adderall was taking that option away from me. And here I am 7 months later, feeling the same. I am not very objective right now though, because I am looking at my life through the lens of "You are bored! Want to make things exciting and fun? Take Adderall!".. Maybe this is just who I am, and the person whom I default to and I just placed the blame on Adderall? My mind is not very balanced at the moment. I am constantly searching for justifications to obtain it. I also do not like dealing with certain aspects of myself, and Adderall is an escape for me. I admit this. I try to be as honest with myself as possible, even when I am making bad decisions. I do have some relief expressing my frustration and challenges here, and I appreciate all your support. I really do. I am not trying to ride a pity train here, I just need an outlet to express myself. And I know myself well enough that when I reach this stage of contemplation (i.e. "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no" to getting Adderall) eventually it just turns into a hard yes. I know this because it happened probably well over 25 times already. The only way to not do it is not to think about it, that's how I quit cigarettes. Something is different about Adderall addiciton though. Cigarettes were literally a "habit addiction", I only smoked them because I was used to smoking them. I get zero cravings for them anymore, I hate cigarettes now (I smoked 10 years, and quit 5 years ago). Adderall seems to touch upon my inner self, something much deeper, I almost feel like I cannot connect to certain parts of myself without it. It does give me some relief to express myself here. I hope to be as strong as everyone else here, I am not feeling very strong at the moment.
  15. Last time I had Adderall was in July 2018, didn't even touch it once since then. Over the last two weeks, I cannot rid myself of the cravings to take it. And today, I know that if it were in front of me right now, I would take it without a doubt. I am contemplating getting it. I am freaking out here, because I know I shouldn't. What the hell are these sudden cravings? What's going on?!