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About LiberatedMind

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  1. This may sound really odd, but ever since I had my last ingestion of Adderall (December 4th, 2017 OMFG it's been 6 weeks!!!) the first month was actually a breeze!! After the first 4-5 days which were just like BLAH DAYS (literally just "existing" no desire to do shit), my moods and physical well-being IMPROVED drastically and quickly!!! I was like "yay I am totally FREE!!!" and I felt so liberated on cloud 9 etc, even having very positive interactions with people I did not expect. However, in the last 2 weeks or so I have been feeling off, completely off. I have had more than one interaction which made me think "damn, if only I was on Adderall this would go better", which is a DANGEROUS thought to have and made me feel HORRIBLE about myself and filled me with self-doubt. On top of that, negative emotions and general states of energy depletion have increased. I have had SEVERAL negative social interactions in the past couple of weeks, and the negative emotions I have been feeling have been really fucking intense. In response to the energy depletion states as well as the general "downed mood", I have been taking some Sudafed which appears to help on the days I take it, making me awake and alert and even in an elevated mood but without the narcotic effects of Adderall. The Sudafed also makes my workouts intense, really intense!! I know that this is no long term solution, and it might be making it worse, I do not know. But either way regardless, I feel like I am going through withdrawal NOW, my questions are 1) "What the hell?!" -and- 2) "WHY?!".... Does this happen to anyone else? Is this normal??????????? I will tell you something, one of my BIGGEST challenges in life ever always was (and still is) overcoming my emotions and mental states, i.e. choosing to do something despite not feeling like it or have a clashing mental state. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SLAVE TO MY EMOTIONS AND MENTAL STATES!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am listening to this audiobook called "48 Laws of Power" and honestly it's purely a guidebook for psychopaths and to take advantage of people etc, which I have no intention of doing although this book is super interesting and I think it has some incredible life lessons in it in general, BUUUUTT one of the first things the author mentions is that the first step is to control your emotions, otherwise you literally cannot apply the laws. And I was thinking "HOLY SHIT THAT'S LITERALLY MY BIGGEST LIFE CHALLENGE CONTROLLING MY EMOTIONS". So while I am indeed being a bit tormented over the past two weeks, and I am feeling a bit frightened because I had several negative social interactions with some people, I am afraid that things will get worse and I am afraid that this weekend (where I will meet some new coworkers and spend all day with them) things will be bad because I had some bad interactions in the past few weeks, despite it being completely separate and I should have SOME control of what I exhibit and act like despite the way I may feel or not feel inside????????????? I can do this. If anybody has gone through this "delayed withdrawal" experience, I'd love to hear that I am not alone, and even if I am that's fine, at least maybe give me some advice? Even if no advice, that's fine I still love you all, I just wanted to vent and unleash my mind and emotions out so it doesn't stay all bundled up inside waiting to explode in one huge nuclear bomb of emotions. THANK YOU!!!!!!
  2. My first post here, I need to be free.

    Wow thank you all so much for your responses!! I really feel a lot better that I am not alone in my process, and I am honestly positively shocked (in a really good way) that others here have habitually been binging on much higher doses for much longer than me and they got through it. Today I am on my 5th day, completely clean. The longest streak I have done so far in the past 5-6 months. I have been sleeping much better and had longer lasting energy plateaus throughout the day, yesterday I totally destroyed myself in the gym haha, I was able to just keep on going. It feels great! I feel a lot more stable mentally and emotionally. I feel a lot more in control of myself, like I can manage tiredness a lot better and can manage various states of mind instead of succumbing to the momentary emotion. I am the captain of this ship! However, I am also feeling bouts of negative thoughts here and there, and I am simply not enjoying sex like I've become accustomed to while on Adderall. I don't care. Well, I do care but I realize it's not what is important. I reached the conclusion long ago that instant sexual gratification is not worth sacrificing my entire future, because honestly I would just spend hours (not even kidding, literally from like 4 pm until 2 am, nearly every day) just chatting girls up on Tinder etc. I hated myself for wasting so much time every day on stupid shit like that because I felt constantly "on the hunt" for that perfect orgasm! I hope it's okay for me to share this aspect, and that it's appropriate, because it's a MAJOR component of what made me (and kept me) addicted... I would say at least 60% of the reason I constantly took it was that. Without the sexual perceived benefit, I'd only take it once in a while when I really "needed" it (not very often at all). I can't just repeat these empty days hyperfocused on all that, I do not even want it right now it lost its appeal (for obvious reasons). But now I do not know what to do with all this free time on my hands. I need to find a new hobby or/and a new job, something to get me off my ass because now I am waking up from this slavery ridden dream. Ah that feels good to let out. Thank you all for being awesome and clean and free.
  3. I was never diagnosed with a learning disorder. I have been on Adderall for about 3 years, consistently (before that it was just once in a while). All my choice. I am in my late twenties. I have had several "attempts" to quit. The longest attempt lasted 3 months about one year ago. My consistency has really increased in the last months. Officially I am prescribed 20 mg IR a day, but I use it like 2-3 in one day then stop for a couple days and back again. Other times a few days in a row at that dosage. Basically, abusing it. I personally have used it for sexual activities, because it makes my mental arousal so much more intense. The longest I have gone without it in the last 6 months was about 3 days. In the past two months, even in those three days my withdrawal symptoms were much more noticeable and harder to deal with: tight headaches (around forehead, back of head, temples), pressure behind eyes, a head in the sky feeling, completely dead sex drive, sadness, irritability, etc. And most of all, nearly every single time I said I wouldn't take it, I did. Sometimes just to relieve the pain. I tried tapering down, like 15 times (at least). Did not work. Was never able to stick with the lower dosage. I have quit cigarettes about 5 years ago, and the way I did it was cold turkey. The only way that worked. I am thinking this is the only way here too. But given that I have been really abusing this shit, is there any danger in going cold turkey? I never reached this stage before in Adderall addiction. Anything I should look out for? I have finished my supply today, which incidentally was my "emergency supply" that was supposed to last me until the end of the week cause I said I will at least hold off until Friday, today is Monday (only had a little left). I want my mind back. This is taking my inner spirit out. My inner fire. I feel like a zombie, occasionally animated. I need to stop. My supply is done. I have been lurking this site for the last year. I am ready. I don't know what else to write, I think I'll just leave it at that.