DopeyMean

A Future Worth Traveling To is Reserved for those who have the Capacity and or willingness to plan for it....... The defeating thought that I keep having as I struggle with the ability to recognize which action to take next. This executive functioning/adulting seems almost unattainable. Feel like I have the mind of a child.

Very thoughtful, well written Post. You have a gift. Can you relate to the 8 stages of amphetamine abuse?

Great Book: https://books.google.com/books/about/On_Speed.html?id=1mf5eEG0nRUC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button

Cheerio, I definitely had this experience. It was Ritalin though. I was First Prescribed end of 10th grade in 1988. (Yes, I went to High School with Jesus) I used to give more of my prescription away than I actually took myself. I distinctly remember complaining to my folks that the medication Vulcanized me and I didn't like it. I also remember the 'well it's like a diabetic who needs insulin' mantra being thrown back at me. Adderall reared its ugly head in my life about 12 years later and it was love at first bite.

Shambo, You are an inspiration. Thank You for sharing your strength with us!

Dr. Kelly Brogan is interviewed by Joe Rogan. *This is an excerpt from a much longer interview that is also fascinating. Heads Up: there is some rough language.....

Yah it seems to be something about how Adderall is so wrapped up in goal achievement and success as it relates to day to day living that makes it so evil.

Why Adderall is the only drug that scares me: https://www.elitedaily.com/life/why-adderall-scares-me/1100021?utm_campaign=buffer&utm_content=buffer8211f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com

Great Post LiLTex! Thank You

Their is a book called Ball Four which is an autobiography by professional pitcher Jim Bouton written in 1970. Dextroamphetamine which at the time were referred to on the street as Greenies and pretty much identical to Adderall.....were used far and wide by professional athletes. Here is a quote from that Book. "some of the guys have to take one just to get their hearts to start beating. I've taken Greenies but the trouble with them is that they make you feel so great that you think you're really smoking the ball even when you're not. They give you a false sense of security. The result is is that you get gay, throw it down the middle and get clobbered."

Anyone who wants a better "deep dive" understanding of this Insidious drug needs to read "ON SPEED THE MANY LIVES OF AMPHETAMINE" By Nicolas Rasmussen. Goes into depth of the history/discovery and how it was marketed and sold to the masses. It was used extensively on both sides during World War II and was the first anti depressant. If you think their is an Adderall epidemic now you will be shocked to learn it was alot worse...... https://books.google.com/books/about/On_Speed.html?id=1mf5eEG0nRUC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button

Onsomething, thank you for having the courage to come on the forum and share your experiences. I think most would agree that the more time this drug is out of our systems the more clearly we can see how damaging it was to our lives.....Your right, Adderall really is like a devil out to ruin our lives.....

I think some people think that if you can successfully stay within the parameters of your prescribed amount that somehow that doesn't constitute abuse. If you take speed on a consistent basis for several months and or years on end that is abuse in my view. I don't think just because you stick to the MG amount as deemed appropriate by your Dealer in the white coat that this changes. I have known a 6 year old girl who was prescribed 80 MG of IR a day! I was 30 Year Old and 180 LB's and prescribed 40 MG of IR a day. Both abuse in my book. The length of time you take this drug may be more dangeous than the amount you take (within reason). Is 80 or 100 MG a day for a year worse than 40 MG for a decade? If I follow the advice if my Meth Dealer and don't exceed the recommended dosing schedule a is it abuse? On Something, thank you for sharing your relapse story with us, stay strong, many of us have relapsed. Perhaps it is a blessing that you didn't stick to the prescribed dosing schedule, that may have turned out much worse.....

I really didn't like the way I felt the few times I exceeded the 40 MG of IR Per Day. I felt like I was going to grind my teeth right out of my head..........but 40 MG a day of speed every day for a decade was clearly abuse and it abused me. It completely warped my perception of the world and caused me to make bad decisions very efficiently. Getting off of it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Even the most mundane tasks like making a phone call or brushing my teeth felt like a monumental undertaking.......

I don't remember exceeding 40 MG of IR a day. 2 x 20 IR a day. I think I may have taken an extra 10MG by cutting them in half if I had had a really late night of drinking to much. Exceeding 40mg was rare. A big problem for me was that Adderall accelerated my use of alcohol and nicotine to an extreme degree. *I would argue that 40 MG of Speed every day for years on end is abuse in itself regardless if it was following the parameters of a prescription or not....

Hi Subtracterall, First off, Were you too skinny/underweight on Adderal? Are you saying that if you stayed where you are now (+10) you would be happy/healthy at that weight? Not sure how you define eating healthy and their are many "nutritional philosophies" out there to choose from. The best I can tell is that you should stay away from mainstream dietary advice if it is aligned with the American Food Pyramid, USDA, American Heart Association etc.... This often includes (not always) your family doctor's recommendations as they relate to what constitutes eating healthy. I remember reading an article about 8 years ago that explained when they dig up dead bodies for medical and or criminal forensics they were discovering that we as North Americans were not rotting nearly as quickly as we used to..... I believe if we tried to eat like we did in1818 as opposed to how we generally eat in 2018 we would be much better off........ #gotshelflife 14 Months! Way to go.....You have made it through the worst of the gauntlet. PS: sorry for the nutrition rant, went back and read your post and realized you were not asking for dietary advice. I was chewing nicotine gum and smoking cigs on Adderall (and they actually call it a smart drug), I quit nicotine soon after quitting addy and between both quickly put on an extra 25 LBS....... got back down to a healthy weight shortly after year 2.

Hi Eric, I guess the really bad/hard withdrawals ended in about a year and a half for me. Things were not mentally clear at all during this time period because depression and anxiety ruled my days. I had spent a decade as a human doing and when I said goodbye to the Addy it felt like someone stole my skeleton and I was forced to be a human being and couldn't even stand up in my new costume. During that time for me, the future was just a place where you went to die. However, that slowly got much better, it just took way too long. When I think of my decision-making and thought patterns while on Adderall, I don't think me or anyone else would use mental clarity to define the state I was in. The best I can tell, Adderall was very good at preventing me from knowing who I really was. It stole from me my right to experience reality. That is the ultimate definition of wasted time. I think the mental clarity improves as I become more acquainted with myself. After 10 years on Adderall we were complete strangers.

Long time lurker first time Poster. 40 MG IR for about a decade. Been off it for about 4 years. The Adderall Paradox for me is that it made me 10x more ADHD like while on it as compared to off of it. Especially as it relates to losing things, scattered thought patterns, impulsiveness etc..... I am much more mentally clear off of it. Albeit it took a year and a half of recovery to get there. Drive/Motivation is the thing I miss most although in reality it made me really efficient at making bad decisions.