OnSomething

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About OnSomething

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    Female
  • Interests
    Not Adderall
  1. Triggers

    I could definitely see how Adderall could be a major tool in modeling. I pole dance so the appetite loss was just another reason for me to love Adderall, I had absolute control over everything I ate. Sorry I don't have much advice on how to handle that trigger, it might just take time and some planning. Keep me updated on everything!
  2. If I were to summarize my 2-3 year addy addiction, this would be it. It was the first thing I noticed during my first high and what I chased for years- it made me "empathetic". It made me lose my emotions and helped me overcome my major depression for a short while by just not caring and using that energy to love myself instead. It's very hard to explain but I know what you mean. It was obviously a fake feeling and a fantasy for me, but it felt good while it lasted. Anyway, I'm also coming up on my 3 months sober so it's interesting to see someone in a similar place as me. Keep pushing on
  3. 3 months clean

    Hey guys! I'm entering month 3 of being clean and I realize this is probably already answered somewhere, but what things in your life improved for you in month 3 & 4? I can't exactly remember what normal feels like and I would love something to look forward to during this next month or two.
  4. Doctor appointment today

    Yes! They aren't the same but similar enough to where I'd say you made the right decision. I'm guessing your doctor doesn't know you're recovering? Maybe you should tell him/her. Also, there are so many ways to lose weight and working out and eating healthier foods will help you so much more in your recovery than that drug would.
  5. 4.5 YEARS of chasing my tail

    Welcome back! Honestly, I saw so much of my old self when I was reading this. We are all similar in so many ways, the only variants really being how much and how long. I took 6-10 20mg Adderall IR a day for 3 years, give or take. I have been sober coming up on 2 months and I truly gave up on the thought of becoming sober a long time ago. For me, it took drastic changes (moving schools out of state, etc). I feel like it's helped me be more comfortable with rewiring my brain because it's all new territory, and I really think that's the only way I could have gotten sober but of course that's an extreme example and there are so many life changes you can make that can help you recover. If I have any advice it would be to keep coming onto this website, even if you continue using. You mentioned you're in an okay spot w/ your job to start detoxing, so I would. You might not be in that spot forever. You might think you're doing okay in your workplace but lets be real, you're high everyday. It's noticeable. It will catchup. You should stop while you can because I promise you your addiction will get worse. Start researching what detoxes are like and just start. Just do it, even if you relapse. Good luck
  6. Addict Mentaltiy

    @livey12 Congrats on your 6 mo! I feel like the physical side effects were a huge contributing factor to me wanting to quit as well. Journaling is a good idea, I was always too high and OCD-like to write in one so it will feel good to be able to sit down and try now. Best of luck in your recovery, we're here for you!
  7. Addict Mentaltiy

    I'm back to the beginning of my recovery (day 8 I believe) as I have relapsed recently. My brain feels so off. I know it will get better with time but I feel as if I cannot trust my thoughts right now as I'm craving amphetamines so much & it is taking all of my strength to keep saying no. I was using heavy amounts but I'd love advice from anyone, no matter how much or little you used, how do you recognize an addict-type of thought and get into a sober mentality? Why do I only remember the "positive" times I've had with amphetamines when I crave it and forget how it wrecked my life? What do you do to help?
  8. Addict Mentaltiy

    I'm back to the beginning of my recovery (day 8 I believe) as I have relapsed recently. My brain feels so off. I know it will get better with time but I feel as if I cannot trust my thoughts right now as I'm craving amphetamines so much & it is taking all of my strength to keep saying no. I was using heavy amounts but I'd love advice from anyone, no matter how much or little you used, how do you recognize an addict-type of thought and get into a sober mentality? Why do I only remember the "positive" times I've had with amphetamines when I crave it and forget how it wrecked my life? What do you do to help?
  9. Relapse Damage

    @DopeyMean Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should have a thankful heart to have learned my lessons the hard way and got the drug out of my life vs never quite being the same with it at the prescribed amount in my system for the rest of my life
  10. Relapse Damage

    I made the mistake of justifying the reasons to try "just taking my prescribed amount" again. Of course I ended up binging almost the entire bottle within a few days and making some awful decisions- such as seeing my ex-abuser. The worst part is I don't even realize the extent of the damage that I'm doing when I'm high. Looking back, I wasn't ever myself even when I took my prescribed amount for a year. Adderall really is like a devil out to ruin my life. So today is my day one again, pills flushed and all.
  11. Feeling good and very lucky.

    THIS. Seriously. There are little to no trials on long-term effects on speed withdrawals in general (not just Adderall) but I feel like it shouldn't be so hard for doctors to piece together recovered =/= overcoming the earliest withdrawal stages. I consider anyone who wants to quit any addiction to be much stronger than the average person. Every day we go without speed is a huge success, even if we haven't done much else. It's a bummer so many people have such judgemental and old fashion views of addicts.
  12. Day 13 Update

    Doesn't that just creep you out? I feel like there are chunks of my life missing and frankly I don't really want to know what I was doing with that time. I'm thankful for a sober mind now!
  13. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't

    This is a tough place to be in and I feel for you. I was a pre-med student but am taking a break to quit Adderall because I know it would be impossible to stop while on campus. What am I doing while I recover? Making porn. I can't wait to go back to school, as I feel so stupid for where I am in life, but for now I just can't. I think we're in a place in life that only addicts would understand. Adderall is dehumanizing in how it gives you so much confidence- but really think about it. Your career won't get easier after you pass the exam, it will only get harder. There will always be a time where Adderall sounds seductive and helpful. If you give in now, what's to stop you in the future?
  14. Day 13 Update

    Tomorrow will be 2 weeks clean from Adderall! I went from 140mg a day to nothing and it honestly felt like I was waking up from a coma. By day 8 I actually felt a moment of HOPE and excitement for my future for the first time since before my addiction. I am obviously still early in my recovery but I think it'd be good for people who visit this site to see that recovery doesn't have to be excruciatingly painful. Every time I had tried to quit it was, but this time is different because I let my love for Adderall die first. Anyways, being an Adderall addict is no way to live and I pray for everyone who is on edge of quitting! If anyone has advice for finishing up my first month that'd be great :')
  15. How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

    Hey Cheeri0! I'm glad you brought that up! The night before I quit I bought an AA 12 step book and I don't really have an excuse for not trying NA because I know deep down I should. That's very encouraging to hear it's helped you. I only want to go through these withdrawals once so I know I have to stay clean, I think NA would be a lifeline for me