OnSomething

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About OnSomething

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    Female
  • Interests
    Not Adderall
  1. Relapse Damage

    @DopeyMean Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should have a thankful heart to have learned my lessons the hard way and got the drug out of my life vs never quite being the same with it at the prescribed amount in my system for the rest of my life
  2. Relapse Damage

    I made the mistake of justifying the reasons to try "just taking my prescribed amount" again. Of course I ended up binging almost the entire bottle within a few days and making some awful decisions- such as seeing my ex-abuser. The worst part is I don't even realize the extent of the damage that I'm doing when I'm high. Looking back, I wasn't ever myself even when I took my prescribed amount for a year. Adderall really is like a devil out to ruin my life. So today is my day one again, pills flushed and all.
  3. Feeling good and very lucky.

    THIS. Seriously. There are little to no trials on long-term effects on speed withdrawals in general (not just Adderall) but I feel like it shouldn't be so hard for doctors to piece together recovered =/= overcoming the earliest withdrawal stages. I consider anyone who wants to quit any addiction to be much stronger than the average person. Every day we go without speed is a huge success, even if we haven't done much else. It's a bummer so many people have such judgemental and old fashion views of addicts.
  4. Day 13 Update

    Doesn't that just creep you out? I feel like there are chunks of my life missing and frankly I don't really want to know what I was doing with that time. I'm thankful for a sober mind now!
  5. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't

    This is a tough place to be in and I feel for you. I was a pre-med student but am taking a break to quit Adderall because I know it would be impossible to stop while on campus. What am I doing while I recover? Making porn. I can't wait to go back to school, as I feel so stupid for where I am in life, but for now I just can't. I think we're in a place in life that only addicts would understand. Adderall is dehumanizing in how it gives you so much confidence- but really think about it. Your career won't get easier after you pass the exam, it will only get harder. There will always be a time where Adderall sounds seductive and helpful. If you give in now, what's to stop you in the future?
  6. Day 13 Update

    Tomorrow will be 2 weeks clean from Adderall! I went from 140mg a day to nothing and it honestly felt like I was waking up from a coma. By day 8 I actually felt a moment of HOPE and excitement for my future for the first time since before my addiction. I am obviously still early in my recovery but I think it'd be good for people who visit this site to see that recovery doesn't have to be excruciatingly painful. Every time I had tried to quit it was, but this time is different because I let my love for Adderall die first. Anyways, being an Adderall addict is no way to live and I pray for everyone who is on edge of quitting! If anyone has advice for finishing up my first month that'd be great :')
  7. How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

    Hey Cheeri0! I'm glad you brought that up! The night before I quit I bought an AA 12 step book and I don't really have an excuse for not trying NA because I know deep down I should. That's very encouraging to hear it's helped you. I only want to go through these withdrawals once so I know I have to stay clean, I think NA would be a lifeline for me
  8. How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

    This is so reassuring to read! Tonight I was out with friends and they were not taking me seriously when I brought up my recovery. I don't think people understand how much effort I'm giving to do the bare minimum and I guess it was a little embarrassing, so thank you for your kind words! I think that's super good advice to start the positive habits you'd like to have now. I'm trying to workout more, RELAX, and, like you said, basically do everything opposite of what I did on Adderall. Hope you're doing well!
  9. Tick Tock- Recovery begins

    I'm probably missing something here, but by firing your doctor do you mean just finding a new doctor? Because every rx you've ever taken will be in your medical records that get xfered over to your new dr of choice. So unless you tell them to stop filling it and/or you have a problem with abusing it, it will continue to show ADD/ADHD as a continuing condition in which you need an rx for. Or is there a way to work around that?
  10. Who were you on Adderall??

    I actually laughed reading this because I made porn folders on my computer too. I remember googling good porn organization and getting pissed that there weren't any women answering (lol). The only main difference is instead of just watching porn, I'd make it. I have countless videos with guys I couldn't even tell you the names of. I'm a pre-med student so I get how Adderall works, but I still feel like it's odd how horny it makes, like, everyone?
  11. Adderall VS pain pills

    I was still being prescribed IR and I just quit this month. It seems like physicians are not on the same page about anything with this drug. I work at a doc office that requires a checkup every 3 months before we prescribe more, but I personally have never been asked to have a follow up apt with this drug since being prescribed years ago. I recently recommended to our office that it could be a good idea for patients coming in to “discuss ADD/ADHD” to fill out a PHQ9 (a quick depression questionnaire) because depression can cause ADD/ADHD like symptoms and I was nearly fired. They looked at me like I was an idiot. The whole thing is such a mess I’m questioning if I should change my major.
  12. I could really use some encouragement from people who have gotten their life together after quitting. If I continue using I’ll be dead, but figuring out how to fix what Adderall broke in my life (which is everything) is paralyzing me. What routines did you create? How did you transition back to life? I need hope.
  13. Who were you on Adderall??

    What was your normal day like? My Fridays usually included hand picking hairs out of my carpet (because if I was vacuuming at 2am that'd look suspicious), spending 4 hours at Fred Myers to get like 1 item, then attempting to rearrange all of my papers but usually I'd end up getting too sick to actually do anything so I'd pace around for a few hours mentally prepping to do it. My binge days were even worse.
  14. Triggers

    I’m trying to figure out what I even like about this drug. I really can’t. It was killing me towards the end so I know I really can’t afford to ever take one again, but I’m not as scared of this drug as I should be. I was wondering what prevents you guys from going back to this drug that you probably hate too? I’m trying to figure out some possible triggers so I can dodge that shit.
  15. Probably could have died

    One of the worst things about Adderall for me was when I stopped getting high from them, I’d forget that every pill I took was in my system even if I didn’t feel it & never processed that taking more wouldn’t get me high. I knew I needed to sleep, eat, or do something to take care of myself because getting that close to overdose was shitty but I was stubborn and continued popping more hoping something would hit. Nothing ever did. I don’t know why I continued to take it when I hated it. Man God wants you alive, it’s time to figure out why. If you want to stop we can make a plan with you if you want. You are not alone, I never realized anyone else was in my position too until I found this website.