tallcurrency

The words I'm typing really cannot express how thankful I am for you two. After posting this I stayed strong for a few days then gave back in. I have not checked in on my post for two months, but a recent feeling of helplessness led me back tonight. I've been able to gain somewhat of control of my life back, but then find myself right back to where I was originally. Thankfully, my usage has not increased (but also hasn't decreased), but I'm aware of the risks of this shitty drug and now I cannot continue to live this way. I tried going cold turkey and it was too much with school so I tried to start tappering myself off (went well for a while then back to original starting point). I feel the strongest reason for this is because I'm keeping to myself on this and really need some sort of a support group. In fact, just seeing your replies tonight gave me a Hope I hadn't felt in a while. @sleepystupid There is not a logical answer on me keeping to myself, but Im sure you understand the difficulty in it. In regards to telling my family, I honestly can hardly stomach the disappoint I'm becoming behind closed doors and unless things started to spiral out of control Idk how I would bring myself to tell them. I 100% know they'd be fullying loving and supporting, but just the thought of all their sacrifices for me and the privileges I've been given and knowing I'm essentially disrespecting those sacrafices fills me with an unimaginable shame. For my doc, she is somewhat close with my family and I dont want not to let her know I was deceiving her or make anyone think she acted unprofessionally in prescribing me. All of this being said, if I ever felt severely depressed or at serious risk of failing out of school I would tell both parties immediately. At the moment all of my schooling is in the classroom and high cost makes unreasonable to take time off for me, but if I don't have a handle on this by time I start in clinic and am involved in patient care (albeit extrmely small) then I fully plan to talk to anyone I can and take however long I need off. Anyway, I want to thank you both again and I welcome any advice and support you have to offer. I truly mean that.

I started using 5-10mg of friends addy a few times a week in undergrad. Once I began medical school I exaggerating symptoms to people, got a prescription, and now use 60-100mg/day almost every day of the week for a few months (used about 40mg for few months before that). I qualify for addiction and although there have been no major life problems causes by this; I'm hardly staying afloat and see this not going in a good direction. I cannot go to a treatment center or tell my doc or family about this and have had some success on my own by need a community and people to talk to stop relapsing. What has worked for everyone and what advice do you have for someone who has to do more studying than they've ever had to in their lives while trying to quit adderall?