Mark S

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About Mark S

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  1. 3 years!!!

    My heart sank when I read this. Many of us had similar depressive thoughts.This isn’t you talking it’s the adderall. Perseverance. Make the decision to quit again. Sometimes people have to quit a few times . Minutes turn into hours, hours into days , days into weeks. Start building up that momentum. I believe in the power of prayer. I will pray for you starting now. Start climbing again.
  2. Long timer checking in.

    A morale booster to read. Thank your
  3. New to the community

    Before using Adderall I never had a problem with social anxiety, social insecurity, and talking in conversation. There are many side affects from chronic use of Adderall but this is the one I think I hate the most. It slowlychanges your personality to where I didn’t even want to be around family. Since I quit 5 months ago I’m more aware of how isolated I become . I have more awareness of loneliness. It bothers me more now that I’m in recovery than when I was using. I want to enjoy being around people like I used to. I feel better but I still have anxiousness in social situations and in conversation. I wish there was a way to speed up the recovery but I think it takes about a year or so to reclaim this part of our personality back. I hope you quit soon and begin your recovery. Keep us posted. Your not alone
  4. Cognition

    I was taking about the same amount over a 4 year period. I used it as a work drug. I felt energetic focused confident and a little bit inappropriately euphoric at times. I work as an RN and it made my shift go by fast. I used to think why couldn’t I have discovered this drug 10 years ago. I loved it. Just like everyone else you slowly increase the amount you take over time because your brain isn’t as responsive to the drug. The feel good effects also became shorter and shorter. Your mind and body can compensate to a point but then you unravel. Adderall to me is speed similar to meth. It wears your body out in a similar way. By my 3rd and 4th year my personality changed . I became quiet ,anxious and insecure. I tried to avoid people because it made me nervous to hold simple conversations. Socializing was awkward and people started avoiding me. I could not communicate because I had a word finding problems and it was hard to complete a sentence. By now I had physical issues too. Bizarre facial and tongue movements. I looked tired and more aged.had bags under my eyes. More dental problems. Ringing in my ears. I would desperately take 80 to 100 mg in a shot period of time just to get some performance but it was like kicking a dead mule.Nothing . Just more pronounced adverse symptoms. In fact I would get panic attacks and would have to leave the clinical floor. I don’t know why it took so long to realize I had to quit but it seems likely everyone waits too long including you. Unfortunately the first month was hell. Chronic anxiety. Panic attacks. Depression . Scrambled brain. Worried,paranoid that I had irreversible brain damage. I had to quit my job The good news is after 5 months I feel better. No anxiety attacks My general anxiety waxes and wanes but is improving. So is the depression. My mind is clear and I communicate much better. I still tend to isolate myself because socializing makes me nervous but I’m sure this will reverse. Physically I feel better,I look healthier. No facial tics. Still have ringing in my ears. I feel like I can start work again soon. I’m sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you need to quit soon. Eventually the decision is taken out of your hands because you physically and mentally collapse. There’s no running away from the cross. The good news is it’s reversable with time. Just read the columns there are many successful stories. When you quit your going to feel completely broken but soon thereafter you’ll start noticing little improvements then increasing momentum in feeling better. It won’t be easy but you can do it
  5. 9 Months. Help!

    Sorry that was Jordan Peterson not Joseph
  6. 9 Months. Help!

    Congratulations on 9 months. I’m 5 months Adderall free. All in all I’m making progress but I had a flair up of bad anxiety and dread this weekend. All I can do is find a quiet place and ride it out. It’s so isolating . I was exercising quit a bit Thursday and Friday and wondering if this didn’t trigger this horrible anxiety and nervousness. When you hit that wall 8 weeks ago was it just random or did something trigger it. I worry about things like money( I had to take a leave of absence from work) and it exaserbates anxiety but this weekend it just came up on its own. I’m trying to snap myself out of it. I don’t know if you know Joseph Peterson, he’s a clinical psychologist, author and very popular on Y tube. He’s had clinical depression most his life ( runs in his family). He went on a carnivore diet and his depression and mood improved dramatically. I know I’m reaching but I’m going to try it. I’m too nervous to meditate and I definitely don’t want any anti anxiety or depression meds I know this response is unfocused and that the cure is time I'm just depressed I put myself in this situation .i hate being a mess.
  7. Please Help

    I was taking a lot of Adderall like you towards the end. I became chronically anxious with occasional panic attacks. Over time I became increasingly reclusive and withdrawn. Talking to people made me nervous and I made coworkers uncomfortable because they could sense my insecurity. I became increasingly alone ashamed and depressed. I was unraveling I had no choice but to quit. I felt like how you are feeling now. This was 5 months ago. The first couple months I was almost incompacitated with severe anxiety and fear. . It felt like my brain was broken. Fortunately I found this site the 2nd month in and it helped me better understand what I was going through. Even though like you I was at rock bottom, scared depressed and felling defeated by reading the columns it gave me a feeling of hope. Currently It does feel like my brain is healing. My last panic attack was 2 months ago. My anxiety is slowly lifting. My depression is easing up. Even though I have a ways to go I do feel I’m headed in the right direction. We all been where your at and feel your pain. It seems unbearable. But you are not alone. Many people here are getting though this . It comforts me to know if they can do it you can do it. The suffering is not permanent . Deep down in your heart you know you can do this if your committed. Love you bless you