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About DrewK15

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  1. @BK99 congrats on making it 5 months Addy free, that’s worth celebrating! Find some help and do what you need to do to stay off of the alcohol. You’ve done it before and can do it again. Focus on the positives and move on. Progress not perfection.
  2. Nice thread, I’m a huge baseball fan and stat-head. I’ve been following the Chris Davis and amphetamine story since his suspension in 2014 (which was when I was just starting on the drug as well). Looking at his numbers, I’d guess he started on Adderall in either 2012 or 2013 given his massive jump in production. Another interesting fact, I remember reading that after his 2014 suspension he was granted permission to use Vyvanse, not Adderall. It seems the Vyvanse worked well for him in 2015 before turning on him altogether. As someone who used the drug, I can’t believe he scored a $161MM contract after 2 good seasons both fueled by honeymoon stage amphetamine use. Amazing the executives in charge would miss something like that. Given prevalence of use in MLB, I’m sure there are many more users who have had big seasons only to crash a couple years later. PS: I used to think that movie ‘Limitless’ might have been inspired by Adderall, but the more stories I see like this, I’m sure it was. If anyone asks me what Adderall is like, I just tell them to watch that movie.
  3. All of you should do journaling

    Welcome to the forums @ealbrecht09. I’ve struggled with traditional journaling as well. Over time this forum has become my atypical journal. Reading other members’ posts helps me collect my thoughts and better understand what I am feeling, then I am able to post my experience and thoughts for others who are suffering. For me, this way of thinking has been highly motivating and assigns greater significance to my writings. Good luck on your journey.
  4. Is it worth visiting a Neurologist?

    You are still early on in the process. In my opinion, the psychological and emotional damage from long term amphetamine use is far more significant than the neurological consequences. Time and healthy habits alone should heal your physical mind. It’s just hard to be patient while recovering from the Adderall now now now mindset. That said, I completely understand your anxiety about long term damage, I had the same thoughts until about 9 months clean. My armchair expert opinion: don’t make the appointment. Probable best case scenario, the doctor tells you nothing is wrong. Worst case scenario, the doctor misunderstands you, doesn’t understand amphetamine recovery, runs a bunch of bogus tests, and prescribes a chemical that will only complicate and prolong your recovery. Maybe you gather information that helps you justify going back on Adderall. I’m no doctor and ultimately it’s up to you, that’s just my 2 cents.
  5. Podcast, nazi and methamphetamines

    I love learning about this topic. Nazis and their atrocities make so much more sense to me when I remember many of them were meth-heads. Also important to remember amphetamines were used heavily by other axis and allied nations during WW2, including the USA. I think amphetamine use in wartime can teach us something about their true nature. They are tools of compliance and manufactured bravado, not individuality and creativity.
  6. Finally Opened My Eyes

    I didn’t have bloating issues. I experienced erratic breathing when I was high but that’s it. I still had some scary health issues though. I had a seizure for the first time in my life. Severe acid reflux and swollen tonsils (probably from drinking and vaping as well). Severe body aches and headache every single day. It was so bad. The health issues should all go away once you’ve been quit for a while.
  7. Finally Opened My Eyes

    I used for 4 years. Wanted to quit after year 1, so I guess it took me 3 years to successfully quit. I made 3-4 attempts before I put together any significant amount of continuous sobriety.
  8. Finally Opened My Eyes

    Hey @jpdhh I can relate to the vast majority of your story. I too started in my early 20’s, went from Vyvanse to Adderall IR, lost my personality, started drinking heavily, lost my job, went broke, moved back in with my folks, etc.. The entire experience is rock bottom brother, I’m glad you’re making the choice to quit now. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it will give you a new life that is so much better than the one you have now. Welcome to the forums, keep us posted on how you are doing.
  9. Hey guys, I've been pondering some cool stuff that has been happening in my life and want to get some of it out on here. My whole life I've heard things like "the best things in life take time and hard work" and "chasing happiness breeds unhappiness", but I think I'm really just now getting it. Especially in the context of my Adderall addiction and other addictive behaviors. Even before Adderall, most of my life I had been looking for the next immediate hit of dopamine I could find. Video games, candy, porn, fast food, weed, gambling, alcohol, validation, and the ultimate dopamine solution, Adderall. My reward system was so messed up, I got to a point where winning at Call of Duty high on Adderall was more "satisfying" than graduating from college. How sad. Since I've quit Adderall I've been working on knocking off my vices one at a time. A month ago I made a commitment to quit emotional eating, and 2 weeks ago I quit porn. The result is I can honestly say I'm feeling some true joy. I've lost 10 pounds this month. Last week I had my first post-quit job interview and killed it. I'm talking to a beautiful girl who is into me. None of this would be possible without delayed gratification and the brutal challenges I've gone through the last 11 months. Even better, if I don't get the job or the girl I'm okay with that because I'm committed to doing the next right thing. Stay strong all. I've shared my struggles here and will continue to do so, it's such a blessing to now be able to share some victories too.
  10. Hi! My Story + Questions For You!

    @Stirl87 I was introduced to Adderall by a friend at a party, just by chance. I was instantly hooked and felt like it “fixed” me. I’m a shy, sensitive type and always hated that about myself. Adderall instantly made me into the outgoing, more assertive person I always wanted to be. There’s more to my addiction, but that was the initial draw for me. A couple weeks later I picked up my first prescription from a psychiatrist. I used for 4 years before I got clean; as prescribed for 3 years and binge use for 1. Started when I was 22 and quit at 26.
  11. Hi! My Story + Questions For You!

    It sounds like you are in a good place, keep it up! Concerta/Ritalin (methylphenidate) is a phenethylamine. Still a stimulant, and still highly relatable on this forum, but a little bit different than amphetamines.
  12. Hi! My Story + Questions For You!

    Welcome to the forums @Stirl87, I’m glad you’ve found us. First of all, I think it’s doubtful you’ve endured permanent brain damage from the drug use you describe. Many of us have fully recovered from far more extreme usage patterns. At my absolute worst I was drunk and high on coke, Concerta, Adderall, and weed. All at the same time. I consider my mind to have returned to pre-Adderall functionality around 9 months sober. There is definitely hope for you. My vision changed as well. A simple visit to the eye doctor for an adjustment to my contact/glasses prescription fixed the problem for me. I’d try that if you haven’t already. If I had to guess, my hunch is you will be feeling better pretty soon. Maybe a couple more months. You sound like someone who doesn’t need stimulants, but loves how they feel. I was the same way. If you haven’t tried amphetamines (Adderall/Vyvanse) please don’t. You will probably love it and it might ruin your life. Commit to a drug free life now and save yourself the pain. It sounds like you have a lot to live for.
  13. @Socially awkward this recovery is a chance to reinvent yourself a bit. New places, people, and things. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to quit your job or move, but working some things into your life that you do not associate with Dex is going to help so much. I totally feel you on the music and weed thing. It’s still my biggest trigger. I’ll be listening to a new song I like and find myself thinking “this song would really be awesome if I was high right now”. 10 1/2 months into sobriety I am starting to enjoy music again, although my taste has changed a bit. I think your appreciation for music could come back if you stay off the Dex long enough, it did for me.
  14. Feeling Lonely

    @Kiki I do really want to check out yoga. Never have yet. I think being self conscious about working out in public and looking silly has stopped me in the past. I take myself a lot less seriously now (in a good way) so I suppose it’s time to give it a shot!
  15. Feeling Lonely

    @sleepystupid @BK99 @William Thank you for the kind and encouraging words. You all are awesome! This community is a great place to turn when I’m feeling down. My spirits are much better today. I’m growing a lot by going through painful emotions without numbing myself.