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About DrewK15

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  1. When did the cravings stop?

    @Socially awkward it sounds like you are doing really well, congrats on making it to 6 months clean! Cravings are going to happen sometimes, even when there seems to be no reason and life is going well. Cravings when life is going well are a different struggle. Sometimes I have an awesome day, but I still don’t feel as good as I did high on Adderall, so the thought that things would be even better with Adderall will come into my head. This is the addiction talking. Yes, maybe you would experience a temporary feeling you can’t find off of Adderall, but it costs too much. It sounds like you know that. I don’t know when the cravings stop all together. Maybe they won’t. What I do know is that they get less frequent and intense the longer you are clean. At 15 1/2 months clean I deal with thoughts of Adderall once or twice a month and that’s something I can deal with even if it never stops completely. Maybe a mindset change is in order, at 6 months clean you are free of this addiction. It doesn’t control your days and nights anymore. Think of your addiction as a poisonous snake. You’ve cut off it’s head. It’s dead. But the head is sitting there, fangs still loaded with venom and you need to be careful not to step on it.
  2. Want to help someone

    I’m sorry you are having to go through this @Quit'19. Nothing you do will matter until she wants to quit. And it sounds like she isn’t ready. That’s heartbreaking and I’m so sorry. My advice? Postpone marrying her at least until she takes some steps towards quitting and getting healthy. If you love her, and want to stay around and encourage her recovery, go for it. But marrying an active Adderall and Xanax addict is a very very bad idea. Respect yourself enough to put your foot down and see if she loves you or the drugs more. I’m sorry if this post comes across as harsh, but know it’s coming from a place of love and concern. Your girlfriend is going to hurt you badly if you stay with her and she doesn’t quit.
  3. Hey guys, I’m at 15 months and wanted to hop on and check in. Things are going well, I’m in a good place emotionally and physically. Haven’t started work again yet, but I plan on starting full time work by the end of September. I’ve started volunteering working with young kids in my community which I’ve never done before and that has been an awesome, happy, and rewarding experience. At this point I’d say my mind is finally in a “normal” pre-Adderall place from a focus and clarity perspective. It takes time, but it will get better for those of you who are early on in this recovery.
  4. Day 14.

    @idkanymore whatever you are doing, keep doing it. You are the first person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as “great” 2 weeks after dropping a 200mg/day habit. And you do legitimately seem good, it’s amazing to hear. Keep getting good rest, eat well, and get in a little cardio if you’re up to it. The mouth sores/scars should go away. I had those when I quit and they went away completely after a couple months.
  5. Day 4

    Hi @idkanymore. I feel for you, I can only imagine what it’s like trying to quit this drug with the responsibilities of full time work and a young child. It’s hard, but you can do it, and you’ll look back so happy that you did. Don’t try to do it alone. Use this forum, talk to your doctor, tell some friends/family that have your trust. Hopefully your boyfriend will support you as well. Show him these forums. Tell him why you want to quit and what the benefits will be on the other side. Other than yourself, those closest to you have the most to gain by you quitting Adderall. You will be able to love your boyfriend more wholeheartedly off of Adderall. Tell him that and ask for his support while you’re going through the hell of early recovery. Best of wishes on your journey.
  6. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos yeah, even at those doses Adderall seriously messes with your emotions and personality. That’s where most difficult recovery takes place. I relate deeply with the fear of not being able to produce feelings of success/confidence without Adderall. Know it does exist. You just have to work really hard for it instead of taking a pill. Take it easy and get some sleep this week. It’ll be hard in the beginning, but Your wife and kids are going to be so thankful for your willingness to recover in the long run.
  7. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos welcome back to the forums! I like the way you mentioned and articulated mistaking lifestyle choices for true ADD. That’s so true. In my case it was weed. Of course getting high every night and sleeping poorly was causing focus problems. But I couldn’t admit that. Adderall enabled me to practice bad habits at night and produce at work by day. If you stuck with your prescribed dosage of 15mg your prognosis is quite good. I’m not trying to downplay the struggle because it is very real for you; but that is on the low end of dosage for most of us here. Your physical recovery should be swift, the emotional and psychological work will take longer. Your confidence and willpower will take a hit, but it’ll return if you stick with it. Good luck!
  8. Checking In, 402 Days

    Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help.
  9. Checking In, 402 Days

    Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.
  10. All out.... so here we go!

    @growingupistheworst welcome to the forums, you’re making the right decision to get off of the Vyvanse. I want to hop in and encourage you to get off of alcohol again, at least in the early stages of your quit. Regardless of whether or not you identify as an alcoholic, you have a history of problem drinking and seem to be a person who copes with negative emotions by using alcohol/drugs. I also told myself my drinking would get better when I quit Vyvanse, but it only got worse. You’re going to feel depressed for a while, and the temptation to drink more and more will be strong. I don’t mean to be harsh or tell you what to do; I just don’t want you to go down the same path of destruction that I did. Be honest with yourself and use this as an opportunity to take steps in the direction of a better life. Keep checking in, if you took a triple dose of Vyvanse yesterday it’s most likely not completely out of your system yet. Stay strong and good luck.
  11. Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.
  12. Optimism

    Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. I was having a moment when I wrote this post. The first couple weeks after hitting one year have been tough on my patience. It’s easy to feel like I should be further along, but it took me 4 years to get into this mess and it’s going to take some more time to get out. I’m at peace about losing that job opportunity. It did turn out to be bad timing. I still need to work on my confidence and belief I can function in the real world after spending the last year focused on recovery.
  13. Optimism

    I need to talk something out. Anyone else experience and now miss the unshakable optimism that came along with Adderall use? I mean, it was irrational and kept me in my use pattern, but always believing things were going to work out for me was a nice effect. A month ago I interviewed for and was given an offer for a corporate finance job. Great pay, benefits, and it would have allowed me to move out of my folks’ place pretty much immediately. But then I failed the background check. My pending bankruptcy was a red flag I was going to be a loose cannon on the job. Basically my past haunted me in a big way. Now I’m still crashing with my family, trying to figure out what to do next one year into this recovery. It’s really tough to believe things are going to work themselves out in times like this. I’ll keep pressing on. I don’t have much optimism, but I do have a little bit of hope and I’ll hold on to that for now.
  14. Way to go @BK99, that’s freaking awesome! Filling out forms and following up on stuff are no small achievements post Addy. I cleaned out my closet today after 5 months of procrastinating and it just about killed me. But I’m done and feel great!
  15. @Neildeni hang in there, it sounds like you need some help brother. If you can’t go to your parents with your issues, finding a friend, uncle, counselor, etc, you can be transparent with will work wonders. I can relate deeply with what you are feeling. You have identified some trouble spots in your life and that is the first step to recovery. I’d address the drinking next now that you’re off of Adderall. Willpower, AA, rehab, whatever it takes. But it sounds like you know you need to stop. For sexual issues like what you describe, I recommend doing NoFap hard-mode for a while (google if you haven’t heard of it, I don’t want to go into it on here).