DrewK15

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About DrewK15

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  1. Need support

    @purplepen I gambled away $40k+ on online sports books in my addiction from 22-25 y.o., I think it’s a pretty common problem. I would research my bets all day, place them around 4pm and then lay in my walk in closet smoking weed in the evenings while I watched my bets play out. I considered killing myself once the debt buried me. I filed for bankruptcy while unemployed with $75k in CC debt last year and am in the process of rebuilding my credit. I am so so much more responsible with money than I ever was before and on Addy, there is hope on the other side. It’s hard to get sober and face the consequences, but you need to do it to find freedom.
  2. Alcohol

    I quit Adderall and Alcohol at the same time. May 6, 2018. I absolutely think it’s sped up my healing process. In my mind they are connected. I would have a hard time taking Adderall without drinking and visa versa. I know some here have been able to smoke and drink post Addy, but I am not one of them. I am thankful and happy with my decision to live 100% sober.
  3. Wellburtin feels like adderall?

    Trusting doctors when it comes to psych meds is a tricky topic for me. I personally agree with both @sweetupbaaby and @EricP to an extent. I agree it’s good to keep an open mind when it comes to trying another med for depression, but only after you give yourself some time to see if it will clear up naturally. SSRIs make me crazy and suicidal, but a mild mood stabilizer helped me break through my depression. It’s complicated, and frankly really hard to predict how you will react to a drug before you try it, even for a psychiatrist. To Eric’s point, in some ways I do believe we know more than doctors about Adderall, especially non-psychiatrists. When it comes to Alcoholism, AA is widely accepted as a better place for the alcoholic than a doctors office, I don’t think being an Adderallic is entirely different. Some long term users here have spent hundreds of hours of research on this one topic and experienced years of firsthand use/abuse and recovery. The challenge I see for doctors is that they gather most of their information about these drugs from anecdotal patient experiences. For something like an SSRI, anecdotes might be reliable, but in my opinion anecdotes are extremely unreliable when it comes to drugs of abuse. There are quite a few twenty-somethings in my life at various stages of Adderall use. They think and want to believe it’s working although it’s obvious to everyone around them that they are spiraling slowly into isolation and erratic behavior. Their doctors think they are doing great because they are telling their doctor they are doing great. I used to shave and dress nice when I’d go in for my Addy refills to make it look like I was doing good. In large part psych meds are about how we feel, if something feels good, it’s easy to think it’s working and tell your doctor it is. Adderall feels really good. If doctors actually followed their patients around all day I think some of them would be surprised at what the drugs they prescribe are actually doing. All that said, I’m just another guy on the internet.
  4. A very quick relapse. What am I in for?

    @slowdown123 if you only took it for 2 days that’s not really going to set you back on a brain chemistry level. Psychologically it could be hard. You have what the drugs feel like fresh in your memory again. Don’t use again and you’ll be ok, not much harm at all. But that’s the catch, you’ve made it a little bit harder on yourself now. Stick with it!
  5. Day 1 of Tapering - Nervous/excited?

    @Sydney getting enough sleep is so important for the fatigue. B vitamins help with energy. Drink some coffee. Get some exercise. Just simply hang out as much as you possibly can early on and don’t feel ashamed about it. You’re going to do great. You have the understanding and support you need and we are all here to help as well. Stick to your plan and keep your head up and you’ll get through this.
  6. 2 Months of Quitting Cold Turkey

    Hi @TexasGal929, welcome to the forums! You’re not being overly dramatic, you’re doing something really hard by choosing to quit and 60 days is no small accomplishment! Keep on going! It sounds like you’re doing pretty awesome actually, I think the best thing you can do is control your inner critic and ride this out. If all you gain is 9 lbs and lose it in a year or two, quitting is worth it. If you’re still working out for 25-30 minutes a day early in recovery, that’s a win, not a loss because you aren’t going 60 minutes yet. Your energy will come back to it’s pre Adderall levels in time. As far as supplements, I take a lot of B Vitamins and Fish Oil every morning but that’s it. Nothing fancy. Keep trying to eat well and exercise. Sleep as much as your body needs, you’ll heal. I wasn’t familiar with Mydayis so I googled it, it’s a new med that came out since I quit a couple years ago. The marketing is ridiculous and gross to me. It’s such a blatant message towards women that you need to be all things to all people. That’s not true. It’s not worth it. And it makes me sad that another generation of people turning to their doctor for help will be sucked in by the lie they need to drug themselves into 24/7 productivity to be valuable. Good luck with your recovery, it’s worth it.
  7. Just exhausted.

    Hi @sweetupbaaby. I’m 3 months into a new job after 2+ years of full time recovery. I can relate to some of what you’re going through, it’s tough to work without Adderall at first after relying on it to get stuff done. In other ways I can’t relate because I had the luxury of taking time to get well, I want to be honest with you about that. Here are a couple things to think about that have helped me. Is anyone (bosses most importantly) negatively criticizing your work? I have found I am my own worst critic. Us Adderall people can be like that. I often feel like I’m doing terrible when none of my supervisors have an issue with my work and have actually told me I’m doing a great job. You’ll get more confident in time. I was terrified of not being good enough or having enough energy when I first started. A few months in I am way more confident and have done things without Adderall that I never thought were possible. There have been a couple projects I worked on where I went into a flow state and it felt incredible. This process is like working out. You start light and over time you lift more and more until you can lift far more than you could when you started. There is hope of being more energetic, confident, and sharp than you are capable of today.
  8. 9 months

    @dolssa I think trying something like Wellbutrin is a good idea at 9 months if you’re still struggling with depression. I did the first 7 months med free and then went on Lamictal at 7 months (I have really mild bipolar) It was a turning point for me. It stopped my dark and suicidal thoughts which took a lot of psychological stress off of me and allowed me to move forward in recovery. I plan on getting off of it within the next couple years, but I don’t see any point right now because I don’t experience any side effects. My point is, don’t feel any shame for needing some help right now. Be careful and weigh the risks of whatever is prescribed. Wellbutrin is a good and relatively risk free thing to try.
  9. Almost relapsed. Thank you all

    @EthericTraveler @letsgetzooted pay attention to how other things such as food, alcohol, weed, etc. impact your desire and cravings for Adderall. The day after drinking, post-smoking fog, etc. made me crave Adderall because I desired the clarity. When I would eat candy and fast food I also desired Adderall because those things make me feel like garbage and Adderall is really good at masking ‘feeling like garbage’. I quit weed and alcohol at the same time as Adderall. I wouldn’t have been able to quit without doing it that way. A year into recovery I quit nicotine and started eating much better and it only helped lower my desire to use. This was my experience, take it as you will. You’re on the right path.
  10. How is it dating without adderall?

    @Brit I didn’t really date much before or during Adderall. I went on dates every once in a while and had a couple 1-2 month “relationships” but that’s it. I was too worried about myself (for reference I was 26 when I quit and had never been in a relationship for longer than a couple months). 11 months clean I started dating my girlfriend and we’ve been together for more than a year. I’ve never been happier with that part of life.
  11. Had to Know, Now I know

    @speedracer good call in waiting 6 months to start out on any new meds. I believe that is a good practice. I think getting on another drug too soon can mess up the diagnosis due to early withdrawal symptoms. I waited 7 months before considering any meds. In my case I was mildly bipolar (more depressive really) and a small dose of lamotragine has worked wonders. No side effects and it actually helps me without changing me!
  12. To fill or not to fill

    @sweetupbaaby I too have found that telling myself I don't use Adderall (or any other drugs) has helped. For me the difference between I don't and I can't is huge. I don't makes my quitting a positive part of my identity. Telling myself I can't tends to make me irritable because I feel like something I want is being withheld from me. Whenever I am having a really hard day dwelling on a temptation to use, usually I am telling myself I can't use Adderall. The truth is we all can use if we would like. We have the freedom to use, but we also have the freedom to not use. The question is, how are we going to use our freedom? Do we want freedom to use Adderall, or freedom from Adderall? I hope you don't fill the script, you have a few weeks behind you now and that's not worth giving up. Good luck on your continued journey!
  13. First Day Back to Work

    Today marks day 1 of my return to the workforce after a couple years away. I was fortunate to have family that met my basic needs while I worked on recovery. It took me about a year to feel mentally ready to return to work, and then another year to take care of some other stuff and find the right job. And it went great. I spaced out a few times, but I snapped out of it pretty quick. I did my first full day of Addy free work in 6 years. Today was a win. I know some hard days are coming, but I’m ready to face them!
  14. Anyone else lost all patience?

    I never really had a whole lot of patience to begin with. And it only got worse during my time on Adderall. I’m still working on being a more patient person, it’s probably my biggest character issue! Not necessarily in a raging, snapping at people kind of way; but I simply struggle contentedly waiting and working for the good things in life. I want it all and I want it right now. And when I get it, then I want the next thing and the next thing. I think ‘they’ call it a destination mindset. If I’m not careful, I can go through my days so focused on where I’m going and want to be that I totally miss out on ever experiencing a present moment. Being aware of this is the first step to healing. Slowing down is hard. This is one of those things that’s a life issue, not just an Adderall issue. And I can relate so deeply. There is hope, I’ve gotten so much better at being patient in recovery, and you will too! You just have to be patient....
  15. I’m sorry you’re have a rough day, and congrats on 40 days. You may feel unproductive, but it sounds like you’re holding down a job. Are you at risk of getting fired due to poor performance? As long as your getting by I wouldn’t worry too much about that right now. Staying clean has to be your first priority. The motivation issues and sadness/depression could be PAWS. Or you could simply be experiencing real life again. Sometimes you have bad days or weeks, and they do come and go. It sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well, it’s going to be ok if you just stay the course! Cancel the appointment or be honest with your doctor. You decided to quit. Tell your doctor why and ask respectfully that they no longer prescribe you Vyvanse/Adderall. If you keep options open for getting more pills, you’ll probably relapse. It’s not complicated, cut off your supply and don’t look back.