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About DrewK15

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  1. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos yeah, even at those doses Adderall seriously messes with your emotions and personality. That’s where most difficult recovery takes place. I relate deeply with the fear of not being able to produce feelings of success/confidence without Adderall. Know it does exist. You just have to work really hard for it instead of taking a pill. Take it easy and get some sleep this week. It’ll be hard in the beginning, but Your wife and kids are going to be so thankful for your willingness to recover in the long run.
  2. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos welcome back to the forums! I like the way you mentioned and articulated mistaking lifestyle choices for true ADD. That’s so true. In my case it was weed. Of course getting high every night and sleeping poorly was causing focus problems. But I couldn’t admit that. Adderall enabled me to practice bad habits at night and produce at work by day. If you stuck with your prescribed dosage of 15mg your prognosis is quite good. I’m not trying to downplay the struggle because it is very real for you; but that is on the low end of dosage for most of us here. Your physical recovery should be swift, the emotional and psychological work will take longer. Your confidence and willpower will take a hit, but it’ll return if you stick with it. Good luck!
  3. Checking In, 402 Days

    Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help.
  4. Checking In, 402 Days

    Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.
  5. All out.... so here we go!

    @growingupistheworst welcome to the forums, you’re making the right decision to get off of the Vyvanse. I want to hop in and encourage you to get off of alcohol again, at least in the early stages of your quit. Regardless of whether or not you identify as an alcoholic, you have a history of problem drinking and seem to be a person who copes with negative emotions by using alcohol/drugs. I also told myself my drinking would get better when I quit Vyvanse, but it only got worse. You’re going to feel depressed for a while, and the temptation to drink more and more will be strong. I don’t mean to be harsh or tell you what to do; I just don’t want you to go down the same path of destruction that I did. Be honest with yourself and use this as an opportunity to take steps in the direction of a better life. Keep checking in, if you took a triple dose of Vyvanse yesterday it’s most likely not completely out of your system yet. Stay strong and good luck.
  6. Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.
  7. Optimism

    Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. I was having a moment when I wrote this post. The first couple weeks after hitting one year have been tough on my patience. It’s easy to feel like I should be further along, but it took me 4 years to get into this mess and it’s going to take some more time to get out. I’m at peace about losing that job opportunity. It did turn out to be bad timing. I still need to work on my confidence and belief I can function in the real world after spending the last year focused on recovery.
  8. Optimism

    I need to talk something out. Anyone else experience and now miss the unshakable optimism that came along with Adderall use? I mean, it was irrational and kept me in my use pattern, but always believing things were going to work out for me was a nice effect. A month ago I interviewed for and was given an offer for a corporate finance job. Great pay, benefits, and it would have allowed me to move out of my folks’ place pretty much immediately. But then I failed the background check. My pending bankruptcy was a red flag I was going to be a loose cannon on the job. Basically my past haunted me in a big way. Now I’m still crashing with my family, trying to figure out what to do next one year into this recovery. It’s really tough to believe things are going to work themselves out in times like this. I’ll keep pressing on. I don’t have much optimism, but I do have a little bit of hope and I’ll hold on to that for now.
  9. Way to go @BK99, that’s freaking awesome! Filling out forms and following up on stuff are no small achievements post Addy. I cleaned out my closet today after 5 months of procrastinating and it just about killed me. But I’m done and feel great!
  10. @Neildeni hang in there, it sounds like you need some help brother. If you can’t go to your parents with your issues, finding a friend, uncle, counselor, etc, you can be transparent with will work wonders. I can relate deeply with what you are feeling. You have identified some trouble spots in your life and that is the first step to recovery. I’d address the drinking next now that you’re off of Adderall. Willpower, AA, rehab, whatever it takes. But it sounds like you know you need to stop. For sexual issues like what you describe, I recommend doing NoFap hard-mode for a while (google if you haven’t heard of it, I don’t want to go into it on here).
  11. 1 Year Free!!!

    Hi all. I’m not sure the exact day, but I know this week marks one year since I last took Adderall/Vyvanse! It’s been a month full of emotion thinking back to my last days of using and how far I have come. I want to encourage all newcomers to stick with it, and thank everyone on here for contributing to my recovery. When I got started on this journey I was hopeless and thought I wanted to die. Now I have a life that is still filled with struggle, but also hope, joy, and laughter. The pain of fighting through this recovery is worth it!
  12. @BK99 congrats on making it 5 months Addy free, that’s worth celebrating! Find some help and do what you need to do to stay off of the alcohol. You’ve done it before and can do it again. Focus on the positives and move on. Progress not perfection.
  13. Nice thread, I’m a huge baseball fan and stat-head. I’ve been following the Chris Davis and amphetamine story since his suspension in 2014 (which was when I was just starting on the drug as well). Looking at his numbers, I’d guess he started on Adderall in either 2012 or 2013 given his massive jump in production. Another interesting fact, I remember reading that after his 2014 suspension he was granted permission to use Vyvanse, not Adderall. It seems the Vyvanse worked well for him in 2015 before turning on him altogether. As someone who used the drug, I can’t believe he scored a $161MM contract after 2 good seasons both fueled by honeymoon stage amphetamine use. Amazing the executives in charge would miss something like that. Given prevalence of use in MLB, I’m sure there are many more users who have had big seasons only to crash a couple years later. PS: I used to think that movie ‘Limitless’ might have been inspired by Adderall, but the more stories I see like this, I’m sure it was. If anyone asks me what Adderall is like, I just tell them to watch that movie.
  14. All of you should do journaling

    Welcome to the forums @ealbrecht09. I’ve struggled with traditional journaling as well. Over time this forum has become my atypical journal. Reading other members’ posts helps me collect my thoughts and better understand what I am feeling, then I am able to post my experience and thoughts for others who are suffering. For me, this way of thinking has been highly motivating and assigns greater significance to my writings. Good luck on your journey.
  15. Is it worth visiting a Neurologist?

    You are still early on in the process. In my opinion, the psychological and emotional damage from long term amphetamine use is far more significant than the neurological consequences. Time and healthy habits alone should heal your physical mind. It’s just hard to be patient while recovering from the Adderall now now now mindset. That said, I completely understand your anxiety about long term damage, I had the same thoughts until about 9 months clean. My armchair expert opinion: don’t make the appointment. Probable best case scenario, the doctor tells you nothing is wrong. Worst case scenario, the doctor misunderstands you, doesn’t understand amphetamine recovery, runs a bunch of bogus tests, and prescribes a chemical that will only complicate and prolong your recovery. Maybe you gather information that helps you justify going back on Adderall. I’m no doctor and ultimately it’s up to you, that’s just my 2 cents.