DrewK15

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About DrewK15

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  1. @BK99 the 9-10 month mark was really tough for me. It’ll keep on getting better. Listen to your body and mind. If you’re physically and mentally exhausted continue to rest. If you start to get bored, get up and do something even if you don’t feel like it. In my opinion boredom was the sign I was ready to get off the couch and get moving. You’re working now so give yourself a break, especially on the weekends, it sounds like you need it and that isn’t a bad thing.
  2. Hey @silky, I can empathize with everything you describe at a deep deep level. I still struggle with depression 16 months clean, but it has improved and changed. At first I would say my depression was very physically debilitating and now it’s more of an emotional and existential battle that I fight. Exercise, eating, sleeping, etc is a start and will clear up physical symptoms, but I think the problem is much deeper than that. I live with a void in my heart and soul that I have to work to fill every day. I’m not too interested in most things I used to love and I don’t even know why I’m on this planet much of the time. But I know I’m not ready to die so I choose to stay sober and fight rather than escape my pain. I pray to God for help. And serving people and focusing on others (including this forum) instead of myself is the only thing that has brought me true joy, but it’s very hard to do consistently. I’m sorry if this only makes it worse, but the best thing I can do for you is describe my struggle and what has worked for me.
  3. I can't believe it's me...

    @NurseAddy hi! It sounds like you’re ready to do this and get off of Adderall for good which is a good start. It’s crazy how many of us crash around the 4-5 year mark, I was the same way (I’m 28 so not too different age wise). As far as long term commitment, start by cutting off your supply, which it sounds like you’re doing. I’d also let your partner know what’s going on and about your desire to quit. Show them this site so they can better understand what you will face. I’m sure the promise of your personality and libido returning will make them very understanding and accommodating. Therapy, support groups, rest and exercise worked wonders for me in my long term recovery. I think it’s a matter of figuring out what works for you. I had a lot of emotional and other addiction issues so seeing a counselor and AA were really important for me. Exercise and rest are good for everyone. Find a balance and don’t push yourself too hard early on. Your mind and body need time to heal. I spent a lot of time the first 9-10 months binging TV shows, which I don’t do at all now. So be kind to yourself when that’s all you feel like doing. Start with some light cardio. Even just 10-15 minutes to get the blood moving. Anyways, that’s some of what worked for me to be successful long term. Good luck!
  4. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    @Aurora29 congratulations on 2 weeks! Do everything you can to hold onto your current attitude and you’re going to make it through this. Patience is the key. We’re not the most patient bunch as Adderall users, so recognizing the importance of that is going to serve you well. Good luck on your journey!
  5. 6 Months Free!

    I’ve dealt with plenty of what I would call PAWS. 16 months clean for me this week. I remember the first 9-10 months of recovery, every time I was feeling overly sleepy, anxious, foggy, whatever, I started thinking OH MY WORD PAWS HAS ME I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN!!! And then slowly without noticing it, I processed a bad day as a bad day, or a bad week as a bad week. Instead of PAWS it’s just a bad day. PAWS is very real and I very much went through it, but how long it lasted is a little less clear. I’ve become a more patient and content person in this recovery so day to day garbage just doesn’t matter as much. Hang in there and keep focusing on making it to bed clean and sober every night, you all are doing a great job!
  6. 40 Days Clean... and I have questions.

    @amcardwell you’re on the right path! For what it’s worth I think your new baby is going to energize you and give you something else to focus on. You sound excited to be a father so I doubt it’s going to feel like you’re forcing yourself to take care of your child. That’s a huge blessing. I can’t wait to get married and have children which is insane because I had no desire for that before I quit Adderall. Continue to use the principles you’ve learned in AA to stay clean, you have a bright future ahead of you!
  7. @Lawyer after reading your post I know you’re going to be ok. You know what you need to do. Time to exercise that discipline and self control you referenced above, it sounds like you are capable of doing your job off of Adderall, it’s just going to suck because you hate it. I get it’s hard, but don’t sacrifice your relationships with your family because your current job circumstances. Your law degree is an asset even if you don’t want to practice. There are all kinds of careers you could leverage yourself into. Sports agents almost always hold a law degree. Consulting pays well and would probably be a lot more fun. Real estate developers often hire in house legal council. Just throwing a few things out there to give you hope. You have an advanced degree and therefore options. I obviously don’t know you, but from what I read in this thread I can say I believe in you and your ability to create a better future for yourself and your family.
  8. When did the cravings stop?

    @Socially awkward it sounds like you are doing really well, congrats on making it to 6 months clean! Cravings are going to happen sometimes, even when there seems to be no reason and life is going well. Cravings when life is going well are a different struggle. Sometimes I have an awesome day, but I still don’t feel as good as I did high on Adderall, so the thought that things would be even better with Adderall will come into my head. This is the addiction talking. Yes, maybe you would experience a temporary feeling you can’t find off of Adderall, but it costs too much. It sounds like you know that. I don’t know when the cravings stop all together. Maybe they won’t. What I do know is that they get less frequent and intense the longer you are clean. At 15 1/2 months clean I deal with thoughts of Adderall once or twice a month and that’s something I can deal with even if it never stops completely. Maybe a mindset change is in order, at 6 months clean you are free of this addiction. It doesn’t control your days and nights anymore. Think of your addiction as a poisonous snake. You’ve cut off it’s head. It’s dead. But the head is sitting there, fangs still loaded with venom and you need to be careful not to step on it.
  9. Hey guys, I’m at 15 months and wanted to hop on and check in. Things are going well, I’m in a good place emotionally and physically. Haven’t started work again yet, but I plan on starting full time work by the end of September. I’ve started volunteering working with young kids in my community which I’ve never done before and that has been an awesome, happy, and rewarding experience. At this point I’d say my mind is finally in a “normal” pre-Adderall place from a focus and clarity perspective. It takes time, but it will get better for those of you who are early on in this recovery.
  10. Day 14.

    @idkanymore whatever you are doing, keep doing it. You are the first person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as “great” 2 weeks after dropping a 200mg/day habit. And you do legitimately seem good, it’s amazing to hear. Keep getting good rest, eat well, and get in a little cardio if you’re up to it. The mouth sores/scars should go away. I had those when I quit and they went away completely after a couple months.
  11. Day 4

    Hi @idkanymore. I feel for you, I can only imagine what it’s like trying to quit this drug with the responsibilities of full time work and a young child. It’s hard, but you can do it, and you’ll look back so happy that you did. Don’t try to do it alone. Use this forum, talk to your doctor, tell some friends/family that have your trust. Hopefully your boyfriend will support you as well. Show him these forums. Tell him why you want to quit and what the benefits will be on the other side. Other than yourself, those closest to you have the most to gain by you quitting Adderall. You will be able to love your boyfriend more wholeheartedly off of Adderall. Tell him that and ask for his support while you’re going through the hell of early recovery. Best of wishes on your journey.
  12. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos yeah, even at those doses Adderall seriously messes with your emotions and personality. That’s where most difficult recovery takes place. I relate deeply with the fear of not being able to produce feelings of success/confidence without Adderall. Know it does exist. You just have to work really hard for it instead of taking a pill. Take it easy and get some sleep this week. It’ll be hard in the beginning, but Your wife and kids are going to be so thankful for your willingness to recover in the long run.
  13. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos welcome back to the forums! I like the way you mentioned and articulated mistaking lifestyle choices for true ADD. That’s so true. In my case it was weed. Of course getting high every night and sleeping poorly was causing focus problems. But I couldn’t admit that. Adderall enabled me to practice bad habits at night and produce at work by day. If you stuck with your prescribed dosage of 15mg your prognosis is quite good. I’m not trying to downplay the struggle because it is very real for you; but that is on the low end of dosage for most of us here. Your physical recovery should be swift, the emotional and psychological work will take longer. Your confidence and willpower will take a hit, but it’ll return if you stick with it. Good luck!
  14. Checking In, 402 Days

    Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help.
  15. Checking In, 402 Days

    Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.