Socially awkward

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  1. Did husband leave marriage because of his Adderall?

    It really sounds like the Adderall does not agree with him and seems to exacerbate his bipolar. Also the fact he is mixing it with pot and alcohol is likely making this a lot worse. you need to give yourself more time. It’s only been 5 months so it is pretty normal to be grieving but you will start healing and there will come a time that the pain will no longer be there and you will discover you have moved on. From what you have described, he sounds like a manipulative bully and unfortunately because you have allowed this behaviour for sometime, he doesn’t have respect for you and treats you poorly. you deserve far better than this. Also, had you become pregnant, it could have been very frightening for your future children to witness his outbursts which will likely get worse the longer the addiction continues. It’s more than likely the pot and Adderall have reduced his sperm count so he should be blaming himself and not you for the fact you didn’t get pregnant. please see it as a blessing that this emotional bully is out of your life and don’t let this affect your self esteem or self worth. Are there any clubs, activities or hobbies you can join to help keep your mind occupied and meet other fun non drug taking peeps? It will take time but even if it takes half a century (which it won’t) it is still far better than remaining in an abusive relationship.
  2. My story living with my adderall addicted wife

    @tiptoe for sharing your story, reading about your experience with your wife’s addiction has given me some more insight into my own behaviour. I feel part of the reason I’ve become isolated in the past 2 yrs is due to my horrible mood swings I inflict upon others when I am withdrawing from the drug. I used to think everyone else was to blame but I’ve come to realise it’s because of this stupid addiction that I can no longer sustain. Maybe pointing your wife in the direction of this forum might help if she is having doubts about Adderall as she is likely to relate her experience to others stories. Each story on here reads almost like my own experience and I am beginning to see how much worse things can get the longer I continue. This forum may help to reinforce any negative concerns your wife is having about Adderall and encourage her to give consideration to quitting. You really need to look after yourself too. I know it’s awful for your wife to be experiencing this endless trap of Adderall addiction but her irrational behaviour is making your life pretty damn awful too. You may need to consider whether it is worth continuing this way if she refuses to quit or walking away. You may get another chance of happiness independently or with another woman in the future. I think she needs to see that if her behaviour continues then you will leave the relationship and will not be part of her life unless she quits Adderall. I wish you and your wife good luck. I really feel for both of you in this situation.
  3. Social vs Socially Awkward

    @SeanWIt’s been pretty much the same for me, for the first 2 hrs I am clear headed, social, empathetic, outgoing and come across as someone of intelligence. When the drug starts to wear off it’s like my brain becomes scrambled and I can’t string a sentence together, I become so anxious about my inability to talk or think straight that can’t give eye contact to anyone and try to avoid any interaction
  4. Social vs Socially Awkward

    @DrewK15 it sounds like you have made good progress which gives me hope also. I really need to get out amongst others and stop isolating myself. I think this is hard in the early stages of withdrawal as I tend to feel angry and bitter towards everything. Not sure if it was the same for you? Towards the end of my 2 months I was starting to feel a little better but not great. I just hate that I have undone all my hard work again.
  5. Social vs Socially Awkward

    Prior to amphetamines I had some trouble with social anxiety but I was still able to communicate well and made friends at work (although less easily than most people) In the hedonistic stage, which lasted a good several months for me, I became popular and had no troubles communicating, was not anxious or awkward in anyway. Around the 6 month mark, I became anxious around other people and also very awkward where I mix up my words a lot and don’t finish my sentences. The nerves get to me and I just go blank. I also avoid eye contact and social conversations with work colleagues. I am like this both on and off my pills now. I’m not sure how long it takes after quitting before you start being able to socialise again. . @AbsentMinded @DrewK15 In the past 2 yrs I’ve pretty much isolated myself from all my friends and most of my family members also. I think this was because I became obsessed with working out and made excuses not to see anyone. I also became too hyper focussed at work and didn’t want to socialise. Have you guys found that you have become more social after quitting? Unfortunately I still can’t seem to socialise properly and make friends with others.
  6. Doing it for real this time

    I think you are amazing for keeping your dose this low for all this time. I definitely 2nd the opinion of the others and say quit while you are ahead as things definitely get worse. It only took me a short while to realise this as I became stupid with my doses very early on. The general consensus from reading all the stories on this forum is that this benefit won’t last as you build a tolerance and the drug eventually becomes ineffective. I know Adderall has helped you to excel with your job as it did mine but there comes a time where it will no longer work and you either increase the dose or you just stop it all together. From the sounds of it you have already made the right decision! You sound super intelligent like you don’t need it anyway! You are inspiring me to stop using my pills at work as I keep using work as an excuse!
  7. Relapse

    @SeanW I know many people feel the same way. I don’t think I’ve every been loved before yet I have been in love and somehow managed to move on even though it took me a lot longer than the average person. I think we make the mistake of believing that everything has to be forever and as we are constantly evolving and changing perhaps certain people are not supposed to be in our lives permanently ? I have held on to feelings for ex partners and reunited yrs later only to realise that the fantasy I had imagined was nothing like the reality. I only to regret clinging onto the hope of Reconciliation for so many yrs that I wasted other opportunities. You are certainly capable of loving others and equally as capable of being loved in return. I don’t believe we are destined to be with one person all our lives.
  8. Early Warning Signs

    @EricP I’m not sure how long it takes to feel normal again. I felt that quitting recently for the 2 months wasn’t so bad, however now having used again for this past month I am really struggling, I have only managed to not take it on my days off (only for this past week) and I am super depressed and angry. I also find it isn’t working anymore yet still feel compelled to use it for some stupid unknown reason. Have you thought about maybe trying antidepressants for awhile until the worst of it has passed? I went on pristiq for 4 yrs and found it actually helped with focus as well as depression maybe as it is an SNRI as opposed to an SSRI? Of course only a Dr could advise you as I am no means an expert in pharmacology, just remember it helped me a lot with being able to cope with depression and I was also able to study at the time without needing a stimulant. I was by no means an A+ student but I managed to get by and finish assignments etc. I wish I’d just tried that again instead of amphetamines, I stopped taking it yrs ago as I felt I no longer needed it. A lot of people seem to suggest that things get a whole lot better after the 2 yr mark and you are half way there already! I wish I could make it to 1 yr too.
  9. Early Warning Signs

    I was off for 2 months but relapsed again recently. I’m in the process of re-quitting all over again but finding I’m still needing to take it at work just to function. I find the worst part about quitting is I become so irritable and say the most awful things to people which is so different to the person I am normally. I’m hoping it won’t cost me my job but I’m realising this isn’t something I can sustain in the long run. how long were you taking Adderall for? From what I seen on this forum, it looks like it takes 2-3yrs for most people to get back to normal again. That’s really awesome that you have already been a whole yr off the pills. I’m hoping this will be me soon. If only we’d known what we were getting ourselves into at the start.
  10. Early Warning Signs

    I couldn’t agree with you more! Especially the last bit about it being worse than heroin, coke and meth. The only difference is instead of giving $ to drug cartels we are feeding the pharmaceutical industry who are equally as corrupt IMO. i read all the glowing reviews on WebMD and RXlist of all the users who had just staring taking it. I’d have given a glowing 10 star review also back then but not anymore knowing what I know now.
  11. Relapse

    All I can say is that when one door closes another one opens. I think a lot of us have been there before and know how much it hurts. Took me about 5yrs to move on from my ex, I hung on to the pain and obsession, which i guess is an addiction in itself really. He used to cheat on me too and I kept taking him back knowing I couldn’t trust him. It doesn’t matter whether it takes you one yr or 10 to meet someone, you will when the time is right and you don’t need someone to make you whole. What I’m realising is you need to love yourself first before you can really love someone and be loved in return. I find from my own experiences and hearing others is that if you don’t have self love then you tend to be treated badly as you can’t be respected when you don’t respect yourself. im new to this forum but your responses to my posts give me inspiration and hope when I felt at my lowest and ready to give up. Hang in there man, I know you can beat this!
  12. Early Warning Signs

    My early warning signs started when I began using the drug not only for work but also for things like socialising, working out, even doing yoga can you believe! I used to enjoy all of these things before I started taking pills but sadly these days I find I no longer enjoy anything unless I have amphetamines in my system. I loved how productive I became as I no longer needed sleep and managed to complete a post grad degree at the same time as working full time plus overtime. Towards the end I needed them just to function at the baseline of what a normal/average person would function at without drugs. Now without them, I am only really capable of sleeping and eating. To anyone who might be considering it, I certainly wouldn’t recommend. It’s just not worth it.
  13. Another relapse after almost 2 months! - so disappointed with myself

    Thanks for your support. I’m having the worst time with this. I am still having to take my pills at work in order to function to some degree but having cut back I still feel unmotivated and tired when I am there but trying not to let it show. I’m no longer using on my days off and all I do is sleep. I was supposed to go to my work Xmas party today and I slept for 16hrs solid and missed it. I feel bad as don’t want to appear antisocial but it’s probably a good thing as I am so angry and depressed I’d probably make a bad impression. I have had the past 3 days off work and haven’t used but haven’t left the house either. I know I should do some form of exercise but I can’t, I’m not even motivated enough to eat or watch TV. I am going to drag myself out of bed and do a yin yoga class tonight as it doesn’t require any energy and maybe get a massage. I am back at work tomorrow and not sure if I can get through my 12hr shift without taking this stupid drug.
  14. How many unsuccessful attempts did it take before you quit for good?

    I think that’s the one thing that worries me is the fact that if I don’t quit there is the strong possibility I might end up losing it also. I can remember one incident about 6 months into my use when I didn’t sleep for 4 days and started to hear a constant humming in my ears which I mistook for the radio. That scared me into quitting for 2 weeks. I haven’t had anything like this happen again although I have noticed I get horrendous mood swings on the days I don’t use and I say horrible things and it’s as though I hate everyone and everything. It worries me as I don’t like to upset people. Sometimes I use this as an excuse to use again which I know is pathetic really. Thank you for sharing your experiences
  15. Triggers

    The trigger for me is just waking up every morning in need of a good hit to recover from all the anti-histamines and Pregabalin I needed to pop in order to fall asleep. This morning however I woke up and the thought of tasting those chemicals in my mouth all day is making my stomach churn and I actually feel I might be sick if I take anymore pills. I have decided to have a coffee instead. i also used to think I had a hot ass body on pills. Oddly enough, no one is interested in me and I’ve been single this entire time. Probably because I’ve become so awkward and socially retarded to the point of not being able to hold a conversation or even give eye contact. No one cares about your 6 pack if you can’t hold a decent conversation or act like a normal human being. Im sure that taking these pills probably speeds up your metabolism and your body has had to compensate somehow so expect to get fatter than you were before you even discovered this med. Is it really worth dying at a young age from a heart attack in order to have abs? I think my family would rather have me alive and a little fat.