Socially awkward

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    Sydney, Australia

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  1. “What’s Adderall Like” YouTube Video

    @BK99 keep going online and re-reading your old posts if you ever feel you are missing adderall. Also read some of the earlier posts from the veterans on this site to compare how crap their lives were back then as opposed to what they have going on for them now post Adderall. One of the reasons for my frequent posts is not only to give and receive support from others but also to serve as an online journal for myself as a tool in my early quitting phase. When I think I might be missing my Dexamphetamine, Reading over my old posts can act as a reminder of how low I felt prior to quitting and why I decided to quit. good on you for making it to 83 days! I’m envious of your achievement! I bet you can go another 83 days, and then another
  2. “What’s Adderall Like” YouTube Video

    @DrewK15 thanks for the encouragement! I’m so glad I found this forum, it’s helped the get me motivated to quit which is what I’ve been needing to do from day 1 really. I’ve forgotten what the euphoria felt like now. Even the stupid dose I take to work barely cuts it. I still feel sleepy and sluggish on 60mg and increasing this only causes insomnia and nausea. I don’t think I’ll ever feel euphoria from dexamphetamine again. To be honest, I glad. I want these next 3 weeks leading up to my quit date to be as awful as possible so I never, ever want to go back to taking this shit again!
  3. “What’s Adderall Like” YouTube Video

    @quit-once @SeanW @BK99 I’m hearing you!These are the doses I’m needing just to get through work and then spending my days off withdrawing in a world of hurt, feeling like death, convinced I’m about to suffer a heart attack or stroke. I even feel sick at work now due to tapering my dose (which is still stupidly/dangerously high). I cant wait for my 5 weeks leave so I can get off this shit! It’s going to be hell.
  4. “What’s Adderall Like” YouTube Video

    The worst thing about Dexamphetamine/ adderall for me was reaching that point where it no longer did anything but still needing to take ridiculous doses in order to feel “ normal”. I wonder if this is the same for every drug, whether heroin/ meth addicts reach a point where they can no longer get high but keep taking the drug for the sole purpose of avoiding withdrawals?
  5. 22 years old addicted to adderall and marajuana

    Sounds like you have already made some great progress 1. You have recognised at 22yo that you have issues around addiction. Having this self awareness may make you less inclined to attempt other behaviours/ substances in the future as you are aware of the consequences. Unfortunately I didn’t recognise this until I was 36 and have made some pretty stupid decisions that I wished I’d learned earlier on. 2. You have taken a huge leap and flushed those pills! That takes real strength and courage which a lot of people lack. 3. You have already quit weed/ adderall in the past which only goes to prove that you can do this again! 4. Relapse doesn’t = failure. Most of the legends on this forum who have remained clean for yrs, experienced relapses whilst in the early stages of quitting. Re: weed, do you find Adderall induced insomnia to be one of your main reasons for smoking weed? You may find you don’t really need it once you stop Adderall.
  6. Want to lower my bpm

    I also agree with the cardio theory as the others have suggested above. I noticed over the course of 1yr, during which I engaged in regular cardio sessions 6 times a week, my resting HR went from an average of 70BPM down to 50-60BPM, often dropping into the low 40s whilst sleeping- (pre Adderall days.) I noticed once I started using amphetamines, my resting pulse would sit anywhere between 90-110BPM. What is odd, is that after the first yr or so, despite increasing my dose constantly, I found my HR seemed to stabilise to a rate of 65-80BPM regardless to the amount of amphetamines consumed or whether I was having days off. Did anyone else notice that after a period of use (abuse) Adderall did not appear to illicit any impact on HR? I’m a little concerned about this and hoping I haven’t done some form of permanent damage. It’s probably not a good thing that my cardiovascular system has somehow compensated for this.
  7. 9 Months

    This is so inspirational to read. Stories like this help me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually we all have to face up to our issues I managed to escape for 2 yrs but now it’s all caught up with me and I’m having to deal with it and it’s not much fun! I’m glad to hear things are going well for you and your overall well-being has improved tremendously. Thanks for all the advice and encouragement you have given to me and others online. It has really helped to keep me motivated in my efforts to wean myself off amphetamines, which I’m finding really tough.
  8. DAY 3 - When Does it Get Better?

    @flywithme good on you for quitting. I know how hard it is, I’m in the process of tapering down and quitting myself. take a look at the supplements thread as there is some pretty useful information on here. I know it is not a good idea to replace Adderall with something else but I am finding small amounts of L-tyrosine, which you can find at a health food/vitamin store has really helped me with the anger and mood swings I experience when I don’t take Adderall. I used to be so horrible to people when I was withdrawing but I notice I don’t seem to behave like this anymore. I am not sure what helps with low energy. From what others on this forum have recommended, they say it is not good to replace Adderall with another stimulant like caffeine etc. The staff in the healthfood store told me to try L acetyl carnitine powder for energy as I did not want to use a pre-work out supplement that was stimulant based. I tried a small amount today before gym and it seemed to help (although this could also be a placebo effect).
  9. Adderall induced cognitive impairment

    @AbsentMinded I believe you are right, I always feel awful for the first day after I crash but the symptoms have certainly become a lot milder now that I’m only using at work and have cut back on the amount of overtime I have been putting in. I’ve kinda needed to for the sake of my wellbeing although they are not happy I am only working my regular full time hrs at the moment. I’m feeling optimistic that when I return from my break I’ll be able to function without it. I no longer get any real benefit other than it just it just stops the acute withdrawals from happening whilst I’m at work. Without it I feel tired, scattered and very withdrawn. The L tyrosine does seem to be helping though. I never thought of bringing L tyrosine to work with me, I think I might give it a try.
  10. Adderall induced cognitive impairment

    @komgordon I had a look at that reddit thread. Thanks for sharing. I’m not sure my stomach could keep down that many supplements. I am already taking 500mg Ltyrosine x 2 daily and 1 x ginkgo 120mg and the occasional multi vitamin which is already too much. I think I just need to stop popping pills all together and learn to deal with the consequences
  11. Social media garbage.

    I couldn’t agree more. It is all false. I recently looked back at my old FB posts from 4yrs ago back when I was traveling the world for 18months and it gives the impression I was “living the dream” when really it was the complete opposite. I was letting go of a lot of things emotionally and wasn’t in a good place mentally at all! I no longer post shit on there and only use FB messenger. I don’t quite get Instagram especially all the millennials posting pics of themselves in bikinis etc, it’s like look at me, look at me!!! Essentially I did the same in my travel pics (minus the bikini) when realistically no one really cares about what you are doing it’s all driven by ego and competition. It’s like everyone needs those “likes” just to know their peers approve, almost like status points in a way. Why do we care so much about what other people think of us?
  12. Adderall induced cognitive impairment

    Thanks everyone for your feedback. I have been using for 2 yrs and have recently began tapering over the past month or so with my quit day being March 6th. I am only using it for work and abstaining the rest of the time. I have 5 weeks off work from March 6 and will be overseas and won’t have access. this drug is also illegal where I am traveling. I am hoping by the time I return to work mid April I will be recovered enough to perform at my job and I would have forgotten that amphetamines even existed. i started noticing these memory issues a couple of yrs before I was prescribed amphetamines which was the reason I was diagnosed as having ADHD in the first place. I now believe this could have been an anxiety related cause and low IQ, not ADHD. Anyways I think my level of cognition has declined rapidly in the 2 yrs I’ve been using, especially over the past 6 months. I feel I am the most stupid towards the end of my 12 hr shift when the drug is wearing off and I really struggle to string a sentence together. It’s like I can’t remember anything that has happened over the past 2 yrs. i tried to go without my pills at work yesterday and lasted 2 hrs and it felt like I didn’t know how to do my job and I felt scared and anxious to speak to people so I ended up taking my pills. When I am meeting friends on my days off I feel like a zombie and I have trouble focusing on conversations etc. I feel tempted to cave in and use in these situations, but since speaking to my dr and having my prescription cutback I am stopped knowing if I do, I won’t have enough pills to get me through work. I checked out that link 8 stages of amphetamine abuse. I believe I am at stage 6 although I haven’t quite reached psychosis, the rest all rings true. To be honest, I’m probably not far off and I hope I can make it until the 6th of March before the psychosis does decide to show its ugly head. i don’t want to replace amphetamines with another substance but have found L tyrosine and ginkgo biloba supplements seem to be helping somewhat. I feel I am making progress as I starting to get out of bed and do things on my days off where as previously I wasn’t capable of doing anything. I just hope my brain hasn’t become permanently damaged to the extent of not being able to work or earn an income in the foreseeable future.
  13. Hi, I am just wondering if any former (or current) Adderall abusers have ever experienced a rapid decrease in learning ability and memory including difficulting finding/remembering words during conversations? If so, how long did it take for your brain to recover? Or is this damage permanent? Some days I feel like I could have early onset dementia and have actually considered getting an MRI done.
  14. Terrified of Quitting!

    @sleepystupid this sums up my experience in a nutshell! Wish I’d known back then
  15. Terrified of Quitting!

    @Janna Banana, I can relate to your experience, am currently going through this myself at the moment. I’m extremely lucky in the sense that I managed to get 5 weeks leave in March and planning to detox completely. I’m regarded as a hard worker that goes above and beyond and I’m terrified I won’t be able to function at this level anymore. I’ve realised that decreased work performance is bound to happen anyways as if you continue to up the dose, eventually you become physically and mentally unwell and won’t be able to work at all. I’ve been using only slightly longer than you have (2 yrs )and this drug has really taken its physical toll in the past 6 months. Almost 2 months ago, I began tapering my dose at work and am no longer using on my days off. It hasn’t been easy and I still have a long way to go in order to get clean but I am starting to feel less dependent on the drug since I’ve cut back. I had to ask my psychiatrist to adjust my script so I can now only collect every 30 days as opposed to every 20 which is forcing me to ration my supply. My script expires in March so I will no longer be able to use after this. If you are unable to get time off work and worried about the acute withdrawals costing you your job, could you look at slowly cutting back the dose on work days and being strong willed and not using on days off? The general consensus seems to be that cold turkey is the best way to go but I know I wouldn’t have kept my job had I done this. I’m noticing on the days I don’t use, I am now actually able to get out of bed and do things and the withdrawals are becoming less and less. Initially I wasn’t able to get out of bed on my pill free daysKeep us posted on how your progress is going. I wish you the best and hope you can get some days off work to reset. X