Socially awkward

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    Sydney, Australia

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  1. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    @BK99 It’s a shame I don’t live in the US as I’d love a buddy to go hiking with. Since quitting, I’ve managed to reconnect with an old friend who had to ditch me during my period of heavy speed abuse. We went on a short, yet nice beach hike today which was great for boosting endorphins. It’s true that distraction and getting outdoors is the key to a faster recovery xxx
  2. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    @BK99 sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment and hope you start feeling better. Am wondering if this might be PAWS? If so, Just know that it’s temporary and won’t last. You have made an awesome achievement to already reach 142 days! I’m only at day 40 so I’m very much in awe of how far you have come!
  3. withdrawal side effects

    @Stirl87 I am so happy to hear that your 3rd week back at work is going well. Im also really glad to hear your social interactions are improving! You sound really optimistic in your recovery which is inspirational to hear as you are a little further along in your recovery than I am. i just realised I’m at day 40 now! I’m back home from my overseas trip and due to start work next Monday. I can honestly say I haven’t even wanted to pop pills this past week. I can not believe the physical changes I am seeing. I no longer have dark shadows under my eyes and my skin has cleared. My hair has also improved as it was becoming coarse/wiry and had been falling out, now I appear to have normal hair again!! Not sure if it’s the tan, but I look like someone who is healthy as opposed to a person who is seriously ill! I no longer feel angry and little things don’t bother me anymore. I still lack the cognitive ability to read books or interpret/remember information however, I feel this is improving slowly. I am less awkward in social situations now and am starting to feel like I want to interact with people again. quitting has been totally worth it! thanks for checking in on me
  4. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    @BK99 the weight gain is the biggest killer! I’ve actually had to go out and replace clothing I was comfortably wearing at the start of my trip 3 weeks ago and I’ve suddenly developed ugly white stretch marks everywhere. I did gain weight last time I quit but not at this rate. I think eating every meal at a restaurant along with complete inactivity isn’t helping much. do you know of any groups on meet up (or similar apps) that you could join to go hiking with? I might look into this myself along with joining HIIT classes at the gym. I’m also in the situation re: needing to make friends. My addiction has caused me to become a complete loner, partly as a result of the social anxiety it’s caused and the rest is due to me becoming a complete bitch to everyone each time I’m out of pills.
  5. withdrawal side effects

    @Stirl87 I did just have a chuckle about the irony of the name “trivia crack” so maybe I am on the road to recovery after all i think some of my depression is also attributed to not exercising as opposed to solely being amphetamine withdrawal. I’m kinda looking forward to my trip ending soon so I can get back into the gym. I’m shocked with the amount of weight I’ve gained! I’m actually having to replace clothing that fit me comfortably only 3 weeks ago! It’s just out of control! I hope your first day back at work goes smoothly. Sometimes you just gotta put yourself first before work as health matters more. Sounds like you have a good plan in place to help you get through the day smoothly and hopefully not too many emails to deal with.
  6. withdrawal side effects

    @Stirl87 that’s so great you are experiencing real emotions again as opposed to aderrall induced emotions. I can’t even remember the last time I laughed. Im Still an emotionless zombie and hoping this will improve soon. i miss being able to read books and follow conversations the most although I haven’t felt like being around people all that much this past month whilst I’m still in the early withdrawal phase. I’ve fried my brain pretty bad so it’s going to take me awhile to heal. Half the time I struggle to follow posts on this forum but it’s pretty much the only thing I’ve been able to invest any energy into right now. im amazed that you got back to work within 2 weeks! I’m so anxious about returning to work, half of me wishes I was starting back tomorrow just to get it over with so I can stop dreading It. I’ll take your advice and start becoming active again. I’m going to take a morning yoga class tomorrow and will also put the hotel gym to good use. Thanks for all your support
  7. After a Decade on Adderall, I’m 30 Days Clean

    How often do you get the opportunity to go hiking? Seems like this is really helping your recovery as your posts always sound really positive after you have had the chance to get outdoors. Are there any group classes at your gym or do you have to work out on your own using the equipment? I’m struggling with energy and motivation too but I’m only day 27. I think it’s really awesome that you are managing to get to the gym 4-5 times a week and it’s made me feel a bit guilty that I’ve been so lazy in comparison. i hope things continue to get better for you. Hopefully the change of weather will give you more opportunities for exercising outdoors
  8. withdrawal side effects

    @Stirl87 I’m glad to hear you managed to get back into the gym after the first month of quitting. I think I need to focus on doing the same once I fly home from my trip. I feel half the reason for my lack of energy is due to the fact I’m sitting around like a fat slug most of the time. I feel if I exercise it may give me some more energy. I’ve been doing a bit of yoga but don’t seem to enjoy it now that I’m off the Dex. Think it’s going to take my reward system a bit of time to adjust. Did you manage to quit whilst you were working? I’ve had to have 6 weeks off to deal with this. Are you finding your interpersonal skills are also improving at work? I think my biggest worry is falling out with colleagues because of my hostility and mood swings. I am still very hot tempered but way less so than I was in the AWS phase. Im also noticing my comprehension skills have become extremely poor. I’m struggling to follow conversations at times and need to re-read things constantly. It was really obvious when I took a cooking class the other day and I couldn’t even follow the basic instructions. The fact you are noticing big changes around the 3 month mark gives me a lot of inspiration to stay clean. I hope things continue to get better for you. Keep us updated
  9. Finally Opened My Eyes

    @jpdhh I can relate to the erratic breathing and GI issues. These have improved significantly 26 days into quitting. Pretty much everyone on here has experienced this and it miraculously resolved as soon as Adderrall was removed from the equation. Yes! Not psoriasis but revolting looking back acne. This seems to have disappeared completely! My skin is still dry but not as bad as it was a month ago when I was still using and it now doesn’t seem to itch as much either. good on you for taking the first step towards quitting and sharing your story on here. Keep coming back as often as you can as you will really draw a lot of motivation from visiting this forum xx
  10. Some important observations I've made about Adderall

    I can relate to EVERYTHING you have said in your post! I had to come back and re-read this tonight. These 2 points above are the ones I’m struggling with the most 26days into quitting. Anhedonia- i have reached a point over these past 2 days whereby I feel bored and underwhelmed with everything in life right now. I am not enjoying any of the things I once did and a couple of times I caught myself thinking “this would be so much more fun if I could just take a small 30mg (6 pills) of dexamphetamine”. The point you raised about not flushing the last of the pills is the one that has resonated with me the most. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this and my intention was to physically take them all before my holiday. I was so unwell in the 2 days leading up to my flight that I just couldn’t. I know I have approximately 20 tablets in my top drawer waiting for me when I fly home. It’s enough to get me through 1 or maybe 2 days at work. It’s actually pathetic of me to be thinking like this whilst encouraging others on here to remain clean and to not give up but it’s honestly how I’ve been feeling these last couple of days. i know this shit will only get harder each time I relapse and quit until I eventually die from it. I don’t want to be that person. All the stories I’ve read from the others who are roughly around the 2-3 yr mark are generally positive and inspirational which is one of the main reasons I’m trying my hardest to hang in there and wait for this to pass and things to improve.
  11. withdrawal side effects

    @Stirl87I can’t really pinpoint what triggers these brain zaps other than to say they occur mainly in the evening. I am still experiencing them tonight and did so yesterday evening. They don’t seem to happen throughout the day anymore. ive started feeling a bit bummed out the past couple of days also. I’m roughly day 26 now and I am experiencing anhedonia with activities that I once found enjoyable. Not sure if this could be PAWS or if it’s too early. I also had a dream that I returned to work and started taking my Dexamphetamines again and that my work colleagues had discovered I was a speed addict. I haven’t really been able to shake off the bad feeling since then. I hope it’s not a glimpse into my immediate future as I am absolutely terrified about returning to work without my pills.
  12. I feel stuck, I am in hell, and I hate this....

    I wish I had some advice to give. I’m only a month into quitting so I have very limited knowledge about what works and what doesn’t. My last attempt of quitting didn’t go well and I relapsed after 2 months. I wasn’t as committed back then as I am now that the ill physical health side effects have finally taken their toll on me. It’s interesting you are more physically active off Adderrall. I found I became a gym junkie on the stims. It seems a waste to throw all your progress health wise now for the sake of Adderall. It will still be fairly easy to get back your gains if you stop now as a month off isn’t a huge amount of time. The AWS is going to suck but at least it’s only that first week or so. Get back into your health course as it will help with the motivation part. are you working at the moment? The only other thing I could suggest that might help is a road trip or a break somewhere to remove yourself from all the triggers that make you want to use. The worst thing I find about stims is the depression that goes with it. Everything appears 1000 times worse than it actually is because of this shitty drug altering our perception. You haven’t wasted your life if you haven’t achieved your goals at 30. You can totally turn things around, it’s just the stims fucking with our happiness/reward system which makes us feel like everything is doom and gloom when infact it isn’t.
  13. withdrawal side effects

    @quit-once I never noticed the search feature before. Thanks for pointing this out. @Stirl87 Thanks for your feedback, this is reassuring to know. I haven’t had any of these brain zaps today (so far) and they seemed a lot less frequent yesterday so hopefully it’s a sign it may have resolved. It just seems weird I only started getting them around the 3 week mark and not at the start. To be honest though, I was that messed up in that first week I probably wouldn’t have noticed as I was dealing with far more horrific side effects then this.
  14. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @Kiki despite being a hell of a lot lazier and fairly inactive, I must say overall I’m feeling a lot better and my disgusting back acne has completely vanished without a trace! A few family members have actually commented that I am looking a lot trimmer in my holiday snaps. I’m certainly eating a lot more but it’s all fresh organic produce as opposed to the highly processed crap I was consuming before I quit. I’m wondering if the weight gain is more mental than anything? Guess I’ll know when I step back on the scales in 2 weeks time. If becoming fat is what it takes to quit then I best start shopping for some new clothes! I practically own nothing that isn’t active wear
  15. withdrawal side effects

    I’m just over 3 weeks clean now and generally feeling a lot better. Over the past couple of days I’ve started experiencing this weird side effect which I think could be related to my dexamphetamine (adderral) abuse. It’s hard to describe but I occasionally get these ‘brain zaps’ associated with vertigo and mild nausea. It seems to come and go but is happening more often in the evenings. I’m still taking a low dose of Ltyosine 500mg x1 but nothing else. Has anyone else experienced this? How long does this last? Thanks