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Posts posted by nic123

  1. @DrewK15 Thanks for the response. I'm glad you realized your life is worth more and you didn't follow through with ending your life. I cannot imagine how you were feeling. It's sounds like it was pretty horrible for you. It seems like Adderall for a person is a big F you to everyone and everything, since you mentioned you did what ever without any consequences. How long were you using for? What kind of weed did you smoke? Was it flower or wax?

    @sleepystupid Thanks for clarifying any doubts I may have about confusion. It is really sad to hear people make big decisions while abusing Adderall and think their decisions are the best choice. I cannot imagine what a person feels once they really realize what they have done. The obsession part really interests me. I have witnessed odd behavior, new hobbies, different tastes in music or goals. Your cocktail is almost exactly what my STBX .  He started doing the marijuana shatter wax, but the caffeine( 5 hour energies) ,heavy smoker, exact. Did you just smoke the flower weed or vape the wax? He really did not drink for years, but this year something changed. I'm sure he realized something when he had drink on the medicine. Maybe he liked how it made him feel, so it was something else to alter his perception. The cycle sounds also very similar. I'm sure he is at a point where he is no longer losing weight, but gaining. His diet was already horrible and man did he love sugar.



  2. Thank you for all of you who have shared your stories and chimed in on mine. It has helped me understand my situation and what my STBX husband is experiencing.

    Just wanted to ask some of questions that I am curious to learn more about from those who have experienced side effects.

    From what I read progressive stimulant use can leads to confusion. While you were using were you really confused about the decisions you made? Did you ever go back and forth if you made the right decision?

    Did you experience lack of willpower or lack of restraint? Did you do things very impulsively?

    If you had any, what were your obsessive thoughts?

    What was your paranoia? What gave you the most anxiety?

    Did you mix other drugs with your medication?

    I know people lose a lot of weight on Adderall, but at some point did you no longer lose weight but start gaining again?

    When did it become obvious to you the stimulant use was the source your problems?


  3. @joeshmo I was with my husband for 14 years married 4. Our fights were not good this last 1 1/2 of our marriage. When Adderall came into the picture, he was more confrontational and aggressive this last year. 

    He doesn’t seem to think spending hundreds of dollars on cigarettes, pot and energy drink was an issue in a marriage. He didn’t seem to think his addictions had zero impact on our marriage. There may also be a hereditary mental illness involved, but that is currently undiagnosed. His Adderall to him was a godsend. Super confidence, (super ego) weight loss and focus. But I saw what it was doing to him. He didn’t care because according to him too many pros outweighed the cons. 

    I walked on eggshells.Started picking a choosing my battles because the rants were so exhausting and outrageous at times. Some of them literally made me question my own sanity because he would say off the wall things or things that were blatantly not true or completely incorrect.  I dealt with almost daily morning rants and he would ruin my mornings. He would say thing like finding someone else than have to deal with relationship issues. He turned into something else.  Here is a link to my story if your interested.

    After he left a few weeks later he signed up on dating websites and posted some pretty shitty bios. All while I was trying to save the marriage. Not sure why when you look at the situation paper or a computer screen, but I was.  His empathy was gone. The person I knew was gone. But it seem to me his intellect was gone. He is destroying one of his greatest assets.

    I asked to him a few days ago after no phone conversation for about 5 months. I asked him how he was doing and I asked him if this is what he wanted and I didn’t get a yes or a no answer. 

    However we are at the point of divorcing in the next few weeks. I don’t have high hopes for my story, but you may have time to save your marriage. You need to acknowledge and apologize if you want to save your marriage. Apologize to yourself as well. This can help stop the damage you are creating.  It can be hard because I’m sure there are things that bother you that she does.  But addiction is a big deal and very hard on a marriage. Adderall addiction is very brutal to a marriage. You do need to have accountability for your actions and your words. I think that helps with a sincere apology. Get off that life wrecker of a medication before it does more damage to your life and character, your too good for that pill. Everyone is too good for it. And anytime you think about that pill just remember what you have become due to ”all your solutions in a little pill”.

    I’m praying that you are able to recover yourself and your marriage. 

    3 people like this

  4. I agree with @oswhid . I would tell your wife about this website. I came here last month and posted my story. My husband completely changed in a year and a half on Adderall. Now we are in the middle of a divorce that I did not choose. He became very angry, short tempered, easily irritated, lashed out, isolated himself among other things. It's true, it's like the person you knew was hijacked. I am glad you are realizing what it is doing to you. I wished my husband did. Have her come to this site and read everyone's stories. Adderall effects not only the users, but those living with them too. From my perspective from reading all the stories on this site, it seems for the user, Adderall is a godsend and a life saver at the beginning, then in a way becomes a life taker. You can not function without it and it turns you into a completely different person; unhappy, unhealthy and angry.

    4 people like this

  5. @dadof3finallyfree

    I ordered the book recommended from this post. I am currently dealing with the fallout of my marriage with my soon to be ex spouse on Adderall along with other additional addictions. @Yogichris your story has a lot of similarities as mine. 

    Reading, researching, therapy and understanding what happened is truly what is helping me through my divorce.

  6. Sorry to hear all this. This drug can turn a person into somebody you don’t know;I’ve seen it firsthand.

    How long has your ex-wife been on Adderall? I came to this site a couple weeks ago looking for answers for my own marriage or the demise of my marriage I should say.  A lot of people talk about a honeymoon period from this drug, so I was just curious on how long your exwife’s been using it?

    1 person likes this

  7. I have also experienced a similar situation in my marriage. My STBX husband changed once he got on Adderall but my ex also had other addiction issues and possibly an diagnosed mental health issue. Adderall was the one that completely changed him.

    I hope in the very near future this medication gets taken a lot more seriously.

    1 person likes this

  8. As I watch my marriage unfold due to my STBX husband's addictions, Adderall being the prime reason, I started sharing my story with others. I was so desperate to figure out how my marriage collapse within a year and a half of my husband getting on Adderall. I know Adderall was a big factor in the dramatic change in my husband. and I wanted to understand what the hell happened. I began sharing my story, and I have had quite a few people tell me that they were prescribed low doses of Adderall and they were not even diagnosed with ADD. The more I talked to people the more it appear to me these stimulants are getting passed out like candy. These are prescriptions that effect the brain and it seems anyone can get a prescription if using the right terms with doctors. There are websites to instruct a person to fake ADD by telling doctors specific symptoms so they can get prescribed these medications. I feel doctors are becoming very negligent with their prescriptions in this country and are too quick to whip out their prescription pad. With the recent crackdown on opiates in the country, I was wondering if there was such a thing as a stimulant epidemic, so began searching and I came across this article from April 2018. I'm sure there will be more articles to come.

    I hope this gets the same amount of attention soon as the opiates epidemic, because I feel this is much worse.

    1 person likes this

  9. Sorry to hear about what is going on with your wife. It sounds pretty bad. Sounds like the mixture of everything is not agreeing with her. I agree that Adderall is the devil drug. I watched this drug completely change my STBX husband; almost a compete 180. This drug robs them of who they are, and turns them into something almost unrecognizable. I hope finding this site will give you some answers into your wife's behavior. Reading everyone's stories here has helped me realized what this drug does to a person. I unfortunately found this site too late, but this site has really helped me in the healing process and understanding. Everyones stories are so similar. From what I read, at first everything is great and this drug is a life saver, but then it becomes, in a way, a life taker. It takes who they are. You had mentioned talking to her doctor, I think you really should. And if she mentions hurting herself again, you should call the police, I wished I did. Gather what ever you need to prove she has an issue, this way you can support your claim ( so know one thinks your crazy ) and she can't talk her way out of it. She may hate you for doing it until she is gets sober, but you maybe saving her life and your marriage and your children. 

  10. Thank for the response @Socially awkward. Adderall definitely did something to him. He has a direct line family history of a mental health disorder and he is displaying  manic type behavior. Although I did read, Adderall addiction can mimic this behavior as well.

    I agree. I let his behavior slide. Anytime I would try to bring anything up serious or “Adult type conversations” he it would turn into a fight. He complained I was always criticizing him, and that was never my intent. I wanted to communicate to him to start being a little more present in the house, and help more household responsibilities. I notice things getting worse, but I was just so exhausted with dealing with him and backed off. After a while, I was picking and choosing my battles. All I did was try to help him. I was not trying to be codependent, but now realizing I was. I am a natural helper. If someone I know needs help, I want to help them.He has thrown things out of anger.

    I remember one time very clearly at the beginning of the year, he was having one of his morning anxiety fits (it appears it could have been a  withdraw period), and I thought to myself “How ll is he going to deal with a crying baby”.

    My therapist and I talk and she told me the current situation in my marriage was a not good for a child. Yes, I knew this, but sometimes the emotions makes it hard to realize it at times. I go to therapy, reads some books and hang around family to pass the time. My life has been calm for almost 5 months now since he has been gone, but it still hurts losing someone you loved for so many years. 

    1 person likes this

  11. I also read a story on this site from @JSS4321 from July 2017, which then compelled me to write my own. This portion of the post I could really relate to:


    he has decided that our marriage was awful the entire time, that I controlled him and never listen to his opinions and that basically I have done the worst things I could possibly do to him.  He decided that he is done with our marriage and wants a divorce.  It's like he has built up this hate for me due to feeling that way about our relationship but it's not the reality of how things really were. Yes, we had issues but everything he believes (including his emotions) are very elevated.  Since he decided that he wants to leave he has shown some pretty erratic, paranoid behavior and has written down some pretty scary things...almost like a manic episode.  He also lies SO easily and its like de doesn't realize he's doing it.  It is like he has become a different person.  Unfortunately, he only behaves that way towards me so family & friends have no idea this is happening but he is starting to show the behavior to a few other people now.

    Yes, I thought I was crazy too. My situation made me literally question myself, but I knew it had something to do with this medication. Everyone’s story on the site has helped me see what a user goes through; what he or she experiences when taking this drug. I had only wished I had found this site sooner. I may have still had a marriage.

    I experienced the same with my STBX starting projects that he did not finish. Making grand plans etc. I just read the post about the “8 Stages of Amphetamine Use/Abuse”; pretty certain my STBX is at stages 6 & 7. I notice stage 6 is the blaming of everyone and everything.

    I wanted so much to help my STBX, but it is out of my hands now. I fought to save my marriage for almost 3 months, until he really threw it in the toilet. He walked away and chose a different path on what he believes .

    I lost my marriage and my best friend. I miss who he was so much, but that person I knew has been gone now for 2 years.  I hope you can help your wife.

    2 people like this

  12. Man does your story sound a lot like mine. I am so sorry you have to go through this.  I just came to this site the other day and posted my story about how I feel I lost my Husband to adderall and possibly an undiagnosed mental illness.

    I understand the eggshells. I feel I had to pick and choose times to bring up anything, because I wasn't sure about his mood. He lacked sooo much empathy after Adderall.  When he first started Adderall now two years ago, he immediately started insulating our garage and wanted to do so many projects that I knew were out of his league. I remember saying to myself, he thinks he could build the Panama canal himself. He had such Grandiosity. He would be easily irritated, anger, raging, he would slap himself, tear shirts off himself and threaten to shoot himself. This was my life the last 1 year and a 1/2 . He had other addiction issues as well.  We also did not go out much either anymore, usually just picked up something to eat. But then I got blamed in the end. I feel I was blamed for everything. I am now in the process of a divorce ( his choice) and have no contact with him other than divorce matters. I hope you can help your wife recognize there is a problem and I hope she really listens to you because I have seen what this pill can do to a relationship, especially if it is abused. 

    2 people like this

  13. Thank you @SeanW and @JumboJimit is horrible to watch something take over a person you love and you cannot do anything to stop it. I am somebody who does not give up easily. But I tried to save my marriage, I put myself through hell to save US and now I'm just at another level of hell trying to get over US. He just went and FUBAR'd the marriage without a care. He wanted to go out in the world and date. I guess it was easier for him to walk away than to look at what he was doing.

    I have read a little bit about everyone's back story and I want to congratulate each and everyone of you who recognized their addiction and had the courage to face it and overcome it. I'm sure from what I have read, it has not been an easy road for any of you. But, you all deserve to be free of this addiction and in time you will be happy and healthy again.

    1 person likes this

  14. thanks @Frank B things changed dramatically when Adderall came into our lives. It was the pill that unleashed a beast inside of my husband.  @Cheeri0 I appreciate the prayers and oswhid's recommendation.. Even though my husband has left and my marriage is over, I'm still interested in the medication that assisted IMO hijacking my husband along with his other addictions.

    @oswhid Yeah I don't know which one it is? He has not been diagnosed with any mental health disorder. He would not go and see a Psychiatrist. All I know is Adderall did something to him and it wasn't good from my view. I'm trying to read up on different members stories to get an understanding. I have been researching both Adderall addiction and manic symptoms related to bipolar. Yes they both have similar symptoms of Mania. All I know is he is gone. He left and never came back.

  15. @DrewK15 @Subtracterall @SeanW Thank you for sharing and for the feedback, it really helps. I never have experienced anything in my life like this. I tried to get him to talk to someone, but nothing ever came of it. My heart is broken, but I am getting better each day. I'm going through what they call the 5 stages of grief. I just can't believe I'm getting a divorce. I was trying so hard to work this out and hold on to my marriage. I am very new to this forum and I notice a lot of people reference a "Honeymoon period" . Is that something that is experienced for a few years?

    I'm moving forward with my life, but I can't say I didn't wish some act of God would save our marriage. I feel no matter what I did , I didn't have a hope in hell.  I kept telling him something was wrong, and he didn't care. I could see what was happening and no matter what it was, it didn't matter .  He had been complaining for years about how he needed to get back on some kind of medicine because he had trouble concentrating and focusing.After many years, I encouraged him to go to our doctor to talk to him about getting back on some kind of ADD medicine. I was trying to help him.

    It is such a confusing experience to go through something like this. The rollercoaster of emotions to walk away from what was your future and a person you loved so deeply. Now I find myself asking "What Now"?

    Just wondering if anyone ever came to there senses before they threw their marriage/relationship away?

  16. Trying to figure out if this is a mental health disorder induced by Adderall or a mixture of things. Or Adderall addiction? My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years and my life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago.

    My husband has past and present addiction issues. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and has not been on any medication for many years. Then about 1 year ago. Adderall came into our lives and, it changed him.

    Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated. When he got angry he would sometimes say self harm comments.= and was sleeping very little. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much the last few years. This past year I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house.

    I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. I know he would take more than prescribed.

    There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he did anything passive aggressive.

    His daily cocktail consists of energy drinks, high potency marijuana, cigarettes, Adderall 30 RX and a bit of an excessive spender.

    In the middle of July, my marriage abruptly ended. The night before a big fight , my husband  did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since refilling his Adderall prescription and had some drinks the night before. I has stopped at home after work before I went to an appointment and I could tell his mood wasn’t good and he didn’t sleep the night before.  When I returned it was like all hell broke loose. My husband really wanted to start a family and I did too. He was upset because he had found out his friend was going to have a baby and we were not pregnant and he felt I wasn’t trying and their was no intimacy. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on. My husband spent more time to himself and I felt I was taking on more responsibilities around house. He felt that I wasn’t wanting to have kids and wasn’t trying which was not true. Sure, I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true.

    Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. He yelled horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that did not make sense to me at all. So within a few day of the fight, he filed for divorce and then no really type of communication.

    While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating websites and didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. He was still angry about a fight we had a few weeks back. I had said some mean things to him out of anger and frustration; I didn’t help I had some drinks before hand.

    Left the house and all his responsibilities and I have not seen him since. Is this Adderall behavior or addiction behavior or maybe something else?

    Once on Adderall his personality changed and he just isolated himself . We would argued with him about how he was not present in the house. Increased anxiety and panic attacks become very noticeable after getting on Adderall.

    I was thinking about divorce back in November. I was so tried of the fights and passive aggressive behavior, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We barley attended couseling and never got to any issues. We stopped going but agreed to continue in the fall. I know I was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed.

    I'm left wondering is it possibly some type of manic episode? Or the Adderall or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of manic type behavior if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. This was all very confusing to me.

    I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone.

    I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants. Her comment was until he got completely off everything he really could not be diagnosed.

    He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.