• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

212 Excellent


About BK99

  • Rank

Recent Profile Visitors

678 profile views
  1. Day 331 - I have an appointment less than a week away with the doctor. If you asked me yesterday if I’d be tempted to take an Adderall script from him, the answer would be absolutely. Today I’ve done a 180. Just the thought of going back on stimulants is causing massive panic attacks today. My heart can’t handle it - literally and figuratively. It’s amazing how much your mindset can change in one day. I hope I keep this mindset in the week ahead...
  2. Day 330 - I am so far down, I don’t even know where to start today. I saw a new therapist this week and it made me feel 100x worse. I never seem to have luck finding one that agrees with me. At one point during the session, the therapist asked if I thought I needed to be hospitalized because my depression is so severe. Da fuck?! This is why we have such a stigma with mental health. Let’s just throw her in the hospital because she is too far gone at this point. Someone else can deal with her. I walked out of that room feeling so defeated and deflated. I regret opening up so much. I’m going to go for another session, but I’m not feeling great about it. At this point in my mental health journey, I wonder if going back on meds would be better. I’d rather be a little crazy and functioning than bedridden, fat and depressed all the time. If anyone feels like messaging me to support me at this time, that would be great. I am struggling now more than ever..especially after the therapy session I had this week. What a mindf*ck.
  3. Three Years Free

    Needed this today. I’m 11 months in and I want to go back on Adderall. Thank you.
  4. @PP37 Thank you so much. I hope you give your boyfriend props on a daily basis because this can be such an incredibly hard, lonely and isolating fight. I’m coming up on the year mark, and you’re right, I thought I’d feel a little better by now. Thank you for your support. Whenever I get a message/reply like yours, it makes me feel really good.
  5. Day 322 - Looking forward to seeing my new doctor in 2 weeks. I have no idea what she will be like. I just want to feel better, because right now I feel like hell...
  6. Day 317 - It’s been awhile since my last post. I’m not doing well. I’ve been so depressed since coming off Adderall, like nothing I’ve ever felt before...and it just hasn’t gotten better. I’m sorry to those who have turned to me for hope. It’s been almost a year and I haven’t found the light. I started the process in getting help. I fear it’s going to end up in getting scripts for ADD. I feel like I’m on the verge of failure. Pray for me.
  7. 311 days off of Adderall.. My depression doesn’t seem to be getting better so I have an appointment with a therapist next week. What medications have you used post Adderall that worked for depression? I’d like to have some sort of plan going in so I don’t ask for Adderall. I tried WellButrin for a month earlier this year and didn’t really like it.
  8. Day 307 - I thought about calling up my insurance today to get a new list of psychiatrists, but I was too tired. Hoping this rough patch goes away soon.. @m34 I like the 10 day analogy. I will have to try that.
  9. @Doge What happened when you relapsed around this mark? I mean exact details. I feel that knowing this might help me not seek out another doc. @Emily Thank you for the kind words. I’m trying, but I haven’t relapsed yet. I feel I’m in a very dark place right now...probably the darkest time since Day 1. I need all the encouragement right now.
  10. Day 302 - I had some really lousy thoughts this morning. I feel I’m too weak to conquer this. I was thinking I would start looking for a new doctor soon because I’m sick of waking up every morning feeling so low.
  11. Day 300 - Not much to report today other than the usual exhaustion. Just wanted to say I made it to day 300.
  12. @DrewK15 It’s just so frustrating because I’m not drinking or doing any other drugs and I feel this way. The success rate of successfully quitting and staying off this drug must be very small, because I can’t believe I still feel this shitty.
  13. Day 298 - I feel like I’m at wit’s end and need to find a new doctor to prescribe me drugs. I had so much I needed to do this weekend that didn’t happen because I have no energy to do anything. I just changed the cat litter. Now I’m back in bed when I have a hundred other things to do. My husband is tired of seeing me in bed all the time watching TV. I’ve grown tired of this and I’m thinking I need the artificial help. I’m starting to not care about what the outcome will be. I’m beyond frustrated at this point. Sorry so negative. It’s just how I’m feeling most days. I hate this.
  14. Day 296 - Happy Friday. This has been a very tough week energy wise for me, but I’m still chugging along without popping Addies. I’ve had at least 3 nightmares about Adderall this week. They definitely make me crave the drug more. Meh..
  15. Day 295 - Good God, mornings are so tough. I was always a morning person on Adderall. Before Adderall, I got spurts of energy later in the day, rarely in the morning. I need to remind myself of this. Over. And. Over. Again.