girl_surrendered

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About girl_surrendered

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  1. Broke up with Booze, Now for the Meds...

    @DrewK15 Congrats on 8 months! That's amazing. My first 6 months of sobriety from alcohol were just like that too. Then it gets so much better. But DAMN I hate that space in-between (but that's also where we grow the most I think). Thanks for sharing your experience.
  2. Observing Active Users Post-Quit

    Hey. I totally did this, but with drunk people when I stopped drinking. 2 Things I realized that might help- 1. I realized that whatever kept ruminating in my mind after being with these people, or whatever " thing" especially seemed to rub me the wrong way was usually a reflection of something within myself. For example, the girl drunk crying and fighting with her boyfriend was something I just couldn't let go of. And I realized it was because I still had a lot of shame and hate for my old drinking self as I would usually end up the drunk crying girlfriend at the end of the night. These can be the best clues to what we need to heal / forgive in ourself. 2. Theres something really incredible about being able to see both sides - that a substance is total shit and that it can destroy someone's life. But also the ability to understand why a person uses it, and why they don't want to stop. This is a perspective that not most people have unless they've been through it themselves. And I think that perspective is really helpful not only in your own healing, but will be helpful down the road with others who are struggling.
  3. Broke up with Booze, Now for the Meds...

    @DrewK15 Thank you. I think that's the best thing I need to hear right now - that it's worth it. Can I ask- How long did it take you to start feeling better (or like it was worth it) after you quit?
  4. TLDR- I gave up alcohol 15 months ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Now I'm trying to adjust to the idea of giving up my Vyvanse. Something tells me life can be so much better off it. But I'm also terrified of a life without it. Hello, I don't really know where to start but to tell you that being here, writing this right now, feels like deja-vu. Deja-vu because about a year and a half ago I sat down to write an introduction after joining a private support group, and spilled my guts about a deep down secret that I hadn't told anyone about before - That alcohol was secretly destroying me, controlling me, killing me, while I kept my external world looking perfectly fine. And that I needed help and support to quit, but really didn't think I ever could actually quit- or that life would be worth it. Today I sit here 15 months sober from alcohol, knowing at my core that giving up drinking was the best decision I ever made- realizing how truly lucky I am - to have realized that I don't have to drink. And realizing how much I have grown and changed in the best way over the past year and a half. So today I find myself in a similar position. Sitting at my computer, once again, and finally telling someone that this substance is no longer serving me- its getting more and more uncomfortable. And the discomfort is all too familiar to that insidious feeling that started with alcohol. That it's slowly becoming more and more of something I depend on. Something I have come to believe I cannot function without. But at the same time, something that seems to be numbing me at a soul level, and empty inside. My deepest fear - that if I go off it I will never truly be happy, or productive, again. Because I don't know who I am without it - as a 25 year old that has taken these drugs since I was 17, I'm terrified of meeting my unmedicated self. Looking at those beliefs and fears, I realize they are the exact fears I had around giving up alcohol- that if i gave up the substance, I would also give up my life, my happiness, my control, my self. But in reality- everything that I thought this substance would give me, sobriety delivered in ways that were even better. So, I guess I'm here because there's a little glimmer of hope for freedom. I graduate from nursing school with my BSN in March, and promised myself I would finally ditch the pills after I graduated. But getting closer and closer to that day, I am realizing this is going to be a harder "break-up" than I thought. But maybe, just maybe life without vyvanse won't be absolutely miserable. Maybe, just like when I quit drinking, life will get so much better that I even expected. Not easier. Not perfect. Not even free of pain or discomfort. But real. And FREE. So, in a way I've been here before (when I broke up with booze). But also, in a way I have never been here before-I'm terrified and still adjusting to even the idea of life without my meds. Thank you for reading if you made it this far. If I've learned anything, it's that I'm not supposed to do this thing alone, and groups like this can be an incredible source of strength.