Hello,
First-time poster here. I've decided today I'm going to quit Adderall. This idea has been lingering in the back of my mind for about a month now and i'm committed to quitting but anxious about the withdrawals that will surface so I appreciate all the help here....
Some background for context - I started taking adderall 3 years ago after joining a high stakes tech job in SF in November 2015. I have never been prescribed it but I have a friend who went to multiple doctors and he would sell me his other prescription. I was taking two 5mg blue pills (one at 8am and one at 3pm) daily for the last 3 years up until November 2018. Fast forward to early December 2018 and he notified me his doctor had changed and he needed to discontinue selling. I had a major freakout and spent the next week ravenously searching for another prescription I could purchase. Ultimately, I found someone willing to sell me his 20mg immediate releases, however, the anxiety and stress brought upon by the possibility of not having Adderall in my life was extremely disconcerting, to say the least, and I reflected a lot upon my dependency on it. That said, I started to take the 20mg immediate releases (orange pills) 1/4 in the morning and 1/4 in the afternoon - similarly to my old script. However, my skin started to break out immediately like never before - horrible, painful cystic acne all over my face which has caused my self-esteem to plummet where I don't want to even leave the house. I never get acne and so it's Interesting how that works among the blue versus orange pills even though they're chemically similar...but I digress.
My concerns around my dependency and the low self-esteem brought upon by the acne has brought me here today. I'm committed to quitting but I'm very concerned that my relationships and my ability to produce at my job will suffer but I REFUSE to allow this chemical to rule my life. I lived without it before and I WILL thrive without it after. I really want to be gentle to myself and allow myself to experience the withdrawals that should come without identifying with them. I really need the resources and support when i'm not feeling ok as I don't have a significant other or approval of my family to disclose this to them. Anyways, thanks for listening and wish me luck.
