joeshmo

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About joeshmo

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  1. Is Adderall ruining my life??

    @nic123 thank you so much for your story and suggestions, that helps so much. Yes, I think the mornings were like a withdrawal feeling for me too. I had some really bad mornings. Now that I have admitted to the world (& everyone here) that I am addicted its like I have a new perspective on the past. I look back on moments and its like Im just a viewer in the memory now and I'm looking at myself instead of just being me and looking at the world. Its like my body was hijacked. I dont like the person I am seeing in those memories now. I am committed to being off Adderall. I havent taken that shitty pill for 8 days. Its been incredibly hard. I am depressed and keep reaching in my pocket like its there. My brain wants it so bad but it has completely screwed up my life. I cant take it anymore after what its done to me. This forum really helps. Thank you for your comments and encouragement.
  2. Is Adderall ruining my life??

    @nic123 your description exactly matches what I was going through. It totally hijacked my body. How bad did your fights get? I have come to this realization that i need to quit now but I fear it is too late for my marriage.
  3. Is Adderall ruining my life??

    @oswhid - thanks for your response. How bad did your fights get? Ours got pretty bad - I yelled and screamed and called her names. My wife thinks there is a deeper issue with our relationship that just quitting adderall cant fix. I am unable to express fully how impactful the addiction had on me and thus our relationship. I am at a loss right now as we are going through a breakup.
  4. Thanks for sharing your story Jason. I'm beginning my journey as well. Wanting it for yourself is a must but also know that people in your life care about you and want you to be the best you possible. Hang in there!
  5. I was perscribed adderall about 7 years ago and (generally) too the perscribed amount. For the past 1-2 years, my usage and abuse has spiraled out of control. At my worst I was taking over 200mg on a daily basis for weeks on end. I couldnt stop. I estimate at least two nights a week I would get ZERO sleep, the other nights i would get 2-4 hours. On weekends i wouldnt take any and just sleep all day to gather just enough strength to do it all again. It was a vicious cycle. After taking so much, the reasons I even took it in the first place didnt work. I would throw pill after pill down the hatch and couldnt even complete the most mundane tasks. I became incredibly lazy and irritated. I withdrew socially and stopped reaching out to my friends. I neglected my health, hygiene and didn't care about things that were important to me. My dentist saw the calluses on my tongue that built up from biting them so much. It was embarrassing. The worst part is how terribly I treated my wife. She is currently in the process of leaving me. I treated our relatinship so poorly, now I am witnessing the results. She thinks of me as this argumentative, angry person. I would get irritated by her for anything, argue about anything and hold grudges we couldnt get over even the stupidist things. She saw how little I was sleeping and I got so defensive when she would ask me about it. I would get mad at HER for asking ME. I was fine, my sleep was fine. But I was hiding this big secret from her. And myself. I never used to be this person, I cared about my wellbeing, I was social, I have tons of friends. My values were corrupted. I am a family man, its the most important thing to me. I would never turn on family or my closest relationships. Is this change in me happening because of adderall? I havent taken any for two days and I am struggling really bad. Is there any hope for me?