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About Kiki

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  1. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @Socially awkward give yourself time! You just need to accept that you will gain weight at first. It will take time for sure. I’m still 10 pounds heavier than I was at my adderall weight (I initially gained 60 pounds- but I was pregnant so I think that helped me with just accepting it) but I’m ok with being a tad curvier and healthier rather thinner and sicker! You will feel better in time. Try to eat clean and move your body when you can. Another benefit of quitting is my skin looks sooo much better- no more cystic acne and green tinge!
  2. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @sleepystupidThank you for sharing that point of time reference. It’s so true-time off of speed is actual time felt. Now what I need to work on is using my time efficiently. Making a list for daily activities had helped me recently, so I’m sure incorporating that into work would help with time management as well. Thank you for your insight! @Socially awkwardWow Indonesia seems like a beautiful place to recover! I don’t think it’s that extreme at all, I think everyone has their own way of doing things and only you know yourself the best, as well as what’s likely to work for you. I actually took a cross country road trip when I quit for three weeks- luckily my husband was able to do all the driving but a change in scenery and culture can really help your mind focus on other things besides everything you are experiencing with your withdraw. As far as taking adderall as an appetite suppressant, this was me 100% as well. I did get decent sleep surprising my time of use but I attribute that to drinking so much and just pure exhaustion on my body from being overworked/malnourished. ps-I apologize for the weird text and my lack of format. I’ve been traveling this week and can’t seem to figure things easily on my phone. I hope everyone has a good weekend!
  3. Feeling Lonely

    Hey Drew, have you ever tried checking out yoga? I met a few new friends that way this year. Plus its great for mental health. Side note- my brother who is also 27 has recently started yoga and brags about all the "hot chicks" he's been meeting lately (insert eye roll) if thats any motivation....anyway glad you're feeling better today. I agree this seems like an awesome community to come to and check in!
  4. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @Socially awkward I could go on the longest rant about adderall in the medical field! Like here work 12 hour shifts with no lunch break, always understaffed, always non-stop craziness. Its no surprise so many nurses and doctors are hooked on this shit. Im definitely scared to return to work, and haven't done so yet because of the insane work environment's I've been exposed to in the past. I still have thoughts of "how could I work so hard/fast without adderall". Ive been able to do tutoring to nursing students taking the NCLEX and that has been fine, so Id like to think Im taking baby steps. Do you have any tips or advice you can give me as a nurse? Also congrats to you too, Im sure Lyrica was hard to let go of as well. Thats a double wammy, awesome job getting clean and keep up the good work!!
  5. New day, same results.

    Happy to hear you're feeling better, Frank. I didn't read the entire thread but I know I can relate in feeling lack of motivation, and its been almost two years for me. Some days are good, some days are bad, but overall much better than the adderall days. Remember like others have said, spring is coming and that always seems to help for me at least. Please don't go back on adderall, you've come so far! Stay strong!!
  6. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @EricP yes adderall basically turned me into a raging alcoholic it was horrible. I wouldn’t eat all day, then I would drink all night. It makes me cringe when I think of all the embarrassment and things that happened along the years because of this. As far as health issues it’s hard to say how long it actually took because of being pregnant at the same time. The circulation issues resolved almost immediately and my bp did go back to normal right after being pregnant. Like I said i still am going through some memory issues/brain fog even at 22mo and I do have some anxiety, but these have drastically improved since quitting. I do take l-tyrosine it seems to help. I know I burned a lot of brain receptors in those 13years but I am hopeful things will continue to get better! Congrats to you too and thanks :-)
  7. Mom- 22 mo clean after 13 years

    @sleepystupid thanks for the kind words! We’ve got this!!
  8. I was on Adderall for 13 years...from the time I was 18-31. I’m now 22 months clean. There were so many layers to my adderall obsession. I started at only 10mg/day my freshman year of college. Initially the results were GPA was high, I had endless energy and social skills, perfect bikini body, all the typical traps that Adderall uses to lure you in deeper. By the time I was 25 I was prescribed 20xr in am, 20mg IR early afternoon and a 10 mg IR. late afternoon. 50mg of speed a day for a 110 pound lady is a lot, but hey I was prescribed so it couldn’t be that bad right? At the time I was a nurse on a fast paced medical unit and I had convinced myself I needed my medication to survive my shifts. From the outside looking in I was often told I was “perfect”. I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist so as you can imagine adderall heightened all these symptoms in a horrible way of fixation, wasting time obsessing on the smallest things, etc. I hid my use from all family and friends, I was embarrassed/ashamed that I was on this poison. It was my deep dark secret. Throughout the years not only did I develop anxiety, depression, isolation, I had also acquired serious cardiovascular and health problems. I had high blood pressure, Reynauds syndrome (a circulation issue where my feet and hands would Turn purple) and a noted lack of cognitive responses in daily conversations/memory issues. When I would get home from work I would crash so hard and literally be wanting so go to bed at what did I start doing to help with the come down? I drank a bottle of wine- every. single.night. Fast forward a few years to when things progressively got worse. I finally had my dream job and was running a health program. I had so much work to do all the time, it was such a high pressure position. I would pop adderall all day and could not survive with out it. I would loose track of how much I was taking and when I would run out of them I couldn’t get out of bed or function. I was a slave to adderall, it took over every aspect of my life. This somehow continued for about two years. I continued to lie to myself, rationalizing for my prescribed addiction. When I found out I was pregnant I knew I couldn’t live with myself using adderall (even though my doctor recommended a continue dose-unbelievable!) I quit cold turkey and it was miserable. I ended up quitting my job about two months in and I haven’t been back to work, besides my new job as a stay at home mom...which is an entire separate struggle. Being a new parent is so exhausting. I actually still crave adderall sometimes, just for the sake of false thinking it could give me some much needed energy-how crazy is that, even after two years I’m still having cravings for this poison. I also think societal pressure on moms to be perfect is out of control and I believe amphetamines will be the next opioid crisis. It sounds cliche but for me a healthy diet and exercise routine really do seem to help me stay focused on an adderall free life. The best part of being off adderall is actually feeling alive again, and not like a walking zombie all the time. All my medical issues have magically disappeared, I do still have brain fog on occasion but it continues to get better with time. Life without adderall is hard, but I tell myself life is hard regardless! I have come to this site to look at other stories when I am feeling weak and it has really helped me in the past. I can honestly say getting off Adderall has been, and remains one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it is possible! I’m afraid of things to deal with in the future- like returning to work and grad school eventually, but I know I can come here for support. Thanks for listening, sorry so long..and remember- you’ve got this! Also if anyone wants to talk I’m here:-) K.