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About m34

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  1. L-Tyrosine?

    a lot of people say l-tyrosine helps. I took it for a while and didn’t notice much difference. It’s worth a shot. It may work for you
  2. Friday night sober ramblings

    Congrats on day 53 @LuLamb! It’s hard because we aren’t just dropping a pill it’s a lifestyle change. I’m not vegan, but I eat really clean keto. It’s helped me a ton. When I get away from keto my ADD symptoms are way worse. Which triggers me to want adderall. Hope plant based works for you. Whatever it takes! I understand about your neighbor. I feel that way when I’m around my coworkers who are on it. I just want to ask for one! The struggle is real. Even when I see them anxious and stressed over small things. It should make me not want it at all.
  3. HOPE

    @LILTEX41 what a great post. Needed to hear this today! Thanks so much for sharing your story! You’re absolutely right it only gets worse if we go backwards. I need to type that up and put it all around my house. I’m glad you are feeling better!
  4. Friday night sober ramblings

    I also use to go out all the time. I go to bed around 6 or 7 pm now. I literally sleep about 12 hours a night. @DrewK15 thanks for your post. I ended up caving and having some wine over thanksgiving. Not proud of it. I really am better sober and it gave me perspective. I barely even got buzzed just a hangover. Starting month 11 off adderall at least. I’ll keep pushing for 12-18 months. Thanks for the encouragement. @DelaneyJuliette. It is really scary to quit. It is also really scary to not quit. I finally had to get honest with myself. My use wasn’t getting any better and it stopped working. I kept justifying body aches and sleepless nights. I would explain away the comedowns- as bad diet choices or stress. I changed everything except adderall. I finally had to say enough is enough. Yes, obviously it is hard to stay off. At the end of the day it is worth it. When you are off of it the recovery is not all bad. I have good days as well. Hope my post above didn’t scare you. My every day is not that. It comes and goes. You can do this!
  5. Friday night sober ramblings

    @sleepystupid. This is really great advice. You are absolutely right. I am frustrated trying to get back to a state of being that is hard to achieve without substances. I need to let go of it all and just start being “happy” from where I am. Even if it’s a slow crawl. Thanks for the advice!
  6. Friday night sober ramblings

    Thank you for response @Somewhere It is a rollercoaster. Doing a little better after the weekend. I hope you are feeling better. Think the hard part now is just feeling like we should be further along? That’s great you were able to get a run in. I might try that instead of yoga today. I also found a sober workout group in my area. Hoping to to meet this week. I’m not sure if they just work out together, or if they also meet to talk. It just seemed like an interesting concept. I’m pretty much willing to try anything at this point. One day at a time right?
  7. I’m clean and grateful for that. Every day I’m faced with another reason to drink or get a script for adderall. I’m not EXACTLY loving my life sober. Im just sober. period. I want to let it all go. My love /hate relationship, the sweet spot I feel when they both are in my system. the self loathing I feel when they leave my system. Why is this so strong? I hope I can read this one day and realize how ridiculous this sounds. assuming I stay clean. 10 months 22 days off adderall, literally the longest yr of my life. Clearly my brain is addicted to the idea of energy. I have to believe there is an end to this self loathing part. I work on myself every damn day. Meditation, yoga, lists and lists, writing, clean diet, supplements. I mean nothings working right now. I just want to feel good again. The only reason I quit drinking is because my hangovers were so damn bad without adderall. no one in my life gets it. What if this is as good as I’ll ever feel again? can I live with it ? Without any escape I must feel each moment. Is this even necessary?! The only fix is caving and going backwards.I will not go backwards. I must dig deep and find a way to get through this.
  8. Getting through the holidays

    Thank you for your response! @sleepystupid you have a valid point. Maybe it’s the cold and feeling more trapped activity wise... I just need a distraction. Anything is better than getting back on the rollercoaster. I also took it to avoid dealing with family. Just so I could be in a chipper happy FAKE mood. I’m just missing that feeling not the pill. I believe I can create that feeling without pills. Today and every day. One day if I say it enough it will come true right....
  9. Anyone else triggered by holidays ? I’m starting to realize my trigger points in sobriety are really just times when I upped my dosage during my addiction. Holidays were definitely one of those times. Even though I’m slowly creeping through month 10 still feel like I have so far to go...I just want to stop thinking about those stupid pills. I’m feeling better physically and mentally for the most part. outside of these nagging thoughts that go through my head. Daydreaming about boundless energy forgetting the horrific side affects. sorry just venting!
  10. I can't believe it's me...

    This is part of it. I kept telling those thoughts it’s my addiction talking not me.. you can do this! It does get better! Im about to hit 10 months. Still struggling, but nothing is as hard as this beginning phase! You can do this! @quit-once is absolutely right.
  11. What finally made sobriety stick?

    After adderall basically stopped working and almost losing my marriage. About 12 yrs (total) on adderall. I quit two different times. I finally realized the adderall wasn’t worth it. Quit now- don’t be me. Now all I think about is all the yrs I could have just sucked it up and gone through what I’m going through now. People on this site say -quit now or quit later either way you will have to quit. It is absolutely true. Doctors will tell you this drug is a life long drug. It’s different for everyone, but it does eventually stop working. Don’t wait until that day. It will steal more yrs from your life. Hope this helps. You can get off this drug. I was Diagnosed “ADD” over the yrs by 3 different doctors. I finally realized that I had to get over that core belief. I’m healing my ADD naturally now. It can be done. You just have to believe it can be done. I’m about to begin month 10 off adderall. Best decision I ever made
  12. The fact that you are able to workout +work is a really good sign! Hang in there. I remember my first two weeks I was barely getting through 5-10 min forced running sessions a day. It was pretty tough. Be so proud of yourself. This is a long road, but worth it. Hope you are doing ok today! Thanks for sharing your story
  13. I hit a horrible PAWS episode 30+ days of depression and isolation. IT finally lifted and I believe these supplements helped 1500 mg of Niacin ( no flush) 500 mg of glutathione +10 mg of NADH I'm 9 months and 21 days clean. I am also on the Keto diet (plant and meat ) for the last 60days. The healthiest version of it all organic etc. I still worked out 3-4 days a week even through this depression phase ( I was working out 5-6 days a week before) I feel as if I've been walking through honey all day in slow motion. Literally crying myself to sleep at night from exhaustion alone. About three days ago I started on the supplements. Today I feel like I'm waking up out of a coma. I'm sure others have tried this, but thought I'd share just in case. For the first time in 30+ days I have energy again and feel somewhat productive- feels like a mini miracle to me. I'm not sure which supplement is really affecting me the most. It may just be the niacin ( no flush). I just thought if it can help someone else it's worth writing about. Good luck and hope this helps someone.
  14. Hang in there I’m behind you a little over 8 months clean. The fact that you keep posting really helps push me forward. I’m grateful to you for that! Imagine if you quit now. Only to find out that all of this would have lifted in 10 days. I keep telling myself this. For some reason it calms me down. My brain can some how get through the thought of 10 more days. Granted I’ve had a lot of “10 days” ha. It just eases my mind when I can’t stop wishing I had more pills. There’s nothing back there! I’ve quit before for almost a yr. I had no clue about this site or real recovery time. I went back on It never knowing the actual length of time it should take. I quit another time for a couple of months. This has to be my final quit. Each time I’ve gotten back on I’m right back in the cycle real quick. I was on adderall for almost 12 yrs total. The only thing keeping me going now is this site, meditation, excercise, diet, and my damn 10 more day mantra. You can do this for 10 more days. Then decide? You have come really far!! Also, great post @Emily
  15. @DogeVery true.In the beginning I also kept it from everyone except my husband. Mostly, because I didn't know if I was going to keep up with it. I knew once I told even one other person then suddenly it was all real. Around 5 months clean I started to tell a few people. It added another level of accountability. I think it helped fuel my recovery. Last thing I want is to have to back track and explain. It just showed me what I was actually dealing with. I was in extreme denial that I was "addicted". Which added a whole other layer of things. It may have just been me... but I did not blame anything on the pill. I would change everything in my life except that pill. Even when I was out of control with my use I still had a false sense of control. It's pretty messed up mind game. Be proud of yourself for getting off start with that. Its a really big deal to make it another day! @silky