m34

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About m34

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  1. I’m going through serious mental gymnastics over here. I really felt like my job was making progress and Id been feeling like my life was back on track before all this shit. We are in shelter in place order where I live. I’m so thankful to be sober and clean off adderall. However, I’m feeling like my world is crashing down around me. Both my husband and I have jobs that are potentially about to be obsolete. We both kind of have side projects going, so guess that could be our plan B. Maybe it’s for the best. My creativity is kicking back in, feeling more like myself (aside from the stress of the pending apocalypse and all). All I want is to escape this nightmare! Sending love to anyone else struggling. Hope everyone is safe and healthy tonight. You are not alone!
  2. I relate to this! Back when adderall really worked for me the years it “changed my life” and “I would just take as prescribed or as needed. “ everyone else was abusing it I was prescribed... all the pretty little lies I told myself. Calm before the storm. That’s what’s so evil about this drug. It gets you hooked without even realizing it. I would have defended it to the end. It’s therapeutic “My doctor this and researched that.” “It’s not the same as meth.” It’s changed my life. You couldn’t have told me different. We have all been where you are. We hear you. when your ready to quit come back on here. It’s not a matter of if, but when. sadly it’s the same for all the millions of people who it’s effective for...just a matter of time.
  3. GETTING THERE

    I’m so happy for you. I know it feels like baby steps now, but it’s worth it! You’re having way more progress than you realize. Congrats on 4months!
  4. I have this same issue. Think there are two parts finding ourself and having to face who we may have been on Adderall. Last night went to an event (I was also sober) with some of my old “party” friends. it’s hard to be around the same people. I still had fun. I’m just different now. I had a friend there who also quit Adderall, she seems to be the only one I connect with for obvious reasons. also, seeing everyone hyped up,drunk and addy,d up is both triggering and sobering the same time. I don’t want to be that way ever again. I love waking up with no hangover and be the real me. That’s something worth hanging on for...even if I’m tired. Lol wish we could hang out!
  5. @Clavicula you have had quite a journey. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough it has been on you. Keep writing. Being sober is the only way to even begin to help yourself navigate schizophrenia. (Easier said than done I know). Especially, when all you want is to escape. Long term use of adderall and stimulants (meth) can induce schizophrenic like behaviors. I’m sure you are well aware. Which to me would be hopeful in your case. Because maybe it’s the drugs pushing you into schizophrenic behavior w/ a mis diagnosis from a physician during a drug infuced psychosis? This happened with someone I use to know. I obviously don’t know your situation. Once they got sober (it took a couple yrs) their symptoms faded into the background and they could manage. Because doctors are not educated on anything outside of the DSM they miss so much and we trust them more than we should. Psychologically once we receive a diagnosis that is ingrained in our unconscious mind, I’d love to read your poetry book. Have you published them or have a link to purchase? I remember in the beginning of my recovery I read your post on how you were able to write and publish your poetry books clean. That gave me so much hope that day. Thinking of you and you are not alone on here!
  6. 2 Years!

    Hang in there. I went through a really rough time around 10 months. It will get easier and you will start to see better days. Now at 13 months I can honestly say my hell first yr clean was worth it. I know I have so far to go, but finally have hope. @Ready2Change
  7. I tried......

    You have to know this can't last forever or you wouldn't be reaching out for help. It will get easier, but the fairytale "30- 90 day" recovery that websites and therapisst tell us-- IS FALSE! It's 1 yr to 3 years. You have two options quit or just get further into Adderall addiction. It will not get better. It just gets worse the longer you take Adderall. I was on for a total of 12 yrs. I feel your pain. Quit many times before I finally had to say enough. Push through every single day. Almost at 13 months clean now @four months I couldn't even see this far ahead. I'm finally seeing the light. You are stronger than you think!
  8. adderall induced eating disorder

    I have/ had same issue. I exercised and ate well even through the depression phases. I held onto about 5-7 lbs that I couldn’t lose for anything between months 2-8. That is a lot for me because I’m short. Around 8-10 months clean the weight just fell off. Hang in there because you won’t hold onto the weight forever. It’s still a battle of cravings for me... without those little helpers!
  9. fuck fuck fuck

    @dolssahang in there. The fact that you flushed the pill speaks volumes. The 3 month mark is hard because that’s when my body felt better, but the anhedonia really kicked in for me. This will pass. You won’t feel the way you do today for the rest of the yr + I also think since you were only 20mg it may not take you as long as to get through this part! You can do this!
  10. 1yr clean today.

    Thanks for your reply @eric! Congrats on day 15 it does get better!
  11. Story of hope!

    Thanks for sharing @Adderall OG! It really does give me some hope as well. @dolssa hang in there you can do this!
  12. 1yr clean today.

    Today is officially one yr clean. Felt like I needed to post. I’m not jumping up and down or throwing a party in celebration mode. However, feel like I’m coming out of the darkness a little bit at a time. This really has been the hardest yr of my life. I think about adderall less and I’m powering through. That’s progress. Very grateful for this site. Even though we are anonymously helping each other, it still makes an impact. Maybe we have to go through this for a reason. Maybe we need to get our stories out so less people fall into the trap of adderall addiction. Sending lots of love and healing to anyone struggling today.
  13. Cunning Little Pill

    If you can feel your body shutting down then now would be a great time to quit. I wish I quit back then, I pretty much kept going until it just stopped working. Month after month same BS, kept thinking it would be different. Not a good place to be. If you quit now the sooner you will be recovered. Maybe you don’t need a good reason. Maybe your future self just wants you off it :-)
  14. Can't Stop Procrastinating!!!

    How are you today? It’s such a process. I wish I had a magic formula, but the beginning is just hard as hell. I could barely function. It was so bad. Give yourself some credit because you are still alive and clean. Some days that just needs to be enough. Even if you got nothing done.
  15. Day 2 Clean

    Congrats on day 2. Right now is the hardest time. Hang in there. In my experience I just can’t have it around. Thankfully, my husband does not have a script. probably the only way I’ve stayed clean in this first yr. Maybe others can give you better advice. For me having it in the house is what kept me on it for so many yrs. In the past when I’ve dated people w/ a script or even had a roommate with a script it was a never ending cycle. If I finished script early they would spot me and vice versa. However, back then I was never trying to quit. Just remember this part is the hardest. Each stage comes with its own challenges, but right now you need to have it away from you at all costs. Does your boyfriend know you are quitting? Maybe he can help by keeping it completely out of sight, I know that’s easier said than done? You are not alone. Keep coming on here to post. Some days it’s the only thing that gets me through it!