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About m34

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  1. Great post. I think it’s the little things that build up to bigger and bigger things. Every day feels like a chore until I fight through my mind to tackle each task. Today I finished a MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded. Then I did spreadsheets. GoD awful spreadsheets for work, only took 2 hours. I did it without adderall and efficiently :-) BEFORE when I’d take an adderall. I would have folded the laundry, then at the peak switch to my spreadsheets. Which would take me a total of IDK ALL DAy -because back then I’d also start cleaning the closet, simultaneously, then decide to wipe the inside of the drawers out and so on. Wtf I don’t miss that girl.
  2. I hate this drug. Everyone is right on this thread. Just keep fighting every day. Even if the only thing we accomplish is staying adderall. This is not an easy battle. Almost at a yr clean now (for the second time .) I’ve been a yr clean before and caved as well @Lizzyc understand. trying to push through this last turning point and never look back. I have to beat it this time. It’s not medicine and it is just f—ingspeed. Think that is the best advice. @sleepystupid
  3. Addicted Artist Looking For Help

    I agree. If I would have recognized at 3 months and quit my life prob would be totally different. I still crave the creativity boost I use to feel. However, the trade off was too much. I paint as a hobby and am getting back my creativity slowly. I don’t get that “amazing” feeling of accomplishment, but it is returning. I know this is different than doing it for work. There is much more pressure. That part is hard!
  4. Acute insomnia after detox

    How many days has it been? I had a few insomnia days in the beginning. All I could do was sleep after a couple of weeks. I was prescribed on and off over a period of 12 yrs. I think it’s a two yr process for most people on for a decade or more. Tell him to hang in there. It will get better, the beginning is the hardest part. Its a roller coaster. For me the sleep evened out. I still sleep 10-12 hours and rarely experience insomnia. I sleep too much -is my current problem and I’m still tired. I’m almost 1 yr clean. Everyone is a little different though. Research 5htp,Gaba, and 1 mg of melatonin at night (or the smallest dose you have). I found I was taking too much melatonin in beginning.
  5. 20 Months Out. Struggling.

    Congrats on 20 months. From where I sit that sounds like so much progress. You don’t want to find a job on adderall again. It will be one you can’t sustain. My workload is increasing. Feel like I need to get a script just to keep up. Beginning 12 months clean and barely hanging on. This company hired me off adderall, but ONLY because they knew me back when I was on adderall. I was a work a holic. If that makes sense: Little did they know I had my speedy helpers back then and not now) I was a “go getter”, worked way to much. Now I’m doing the bare minimum. I think they keep hoping I’ll whip up some magic, and I’m just out of tricks at this point. Sales is so hard when the real you is an introvert!!! I’m trapped in my own exhausted hell. Ultimately, I see this ending in either a script or me quitting. Guess my point is, I should have waited and found a job I love in a different field. I bet it will be the best feeling when you DO get hired and you WILL. It is worth waiting a couple more months. Think of this as a fresh start. Find a job you love, while you are clean.
  6. I know it is tough! You are not alone. Sending you some love today. You can get through this part. its a long journey. I still battle that addict voice that wants a script. The voice does get quieter the longer you stay clean! Hang in there. You got this!
  7. I also tried strattera. It was about 10 yrs ago. I was a walking zombie for 3 weeks on it. Zero energy lots of “focus”. Not really a good combo and I slept a lot. Everyone is different, of course. Just thought I’d share my experience in case it helps. I ended up right back on stims after that...
  8. I'm having a hard time tonight

    Good job on not taking any @DelaneyJuliette. The holidays are a huge trigger. I’m so ready for January 1 so I can hide again! I have family flying in today, messy house, half a grocery list completed, and I’m still in bed. Not good. Thankfully, it’s my own family and not in-laws. My family can just understand this mess a little more. Although my own family thinks I need meds, but that’s a whole different convo. In law “fun” starts next week. GoD help us all through the holidays. If I had some ADD meds laying around there is no wAy I wouldn’t take it. Grateful I don’t have any..I guess. i just need to get up and start!!!!
  9. @Sleepyandsober hope your weekend got better. I’m still struggling. I worked Thursday Friday and Saturday. Long days and stressful. Made it through. Then made it to an event with my husband Saturday night. I finally felt for the first time in this like I had a handle on things. I didn’t drink at event or need adderall to stay up. Felt pretty great. At 11.5 months clean. I finally felt like Id accomplished or reached a point. Like hey I can do this shit. Then Sunday morning came. Literally was so exhausted felt like right when I got off adderall. Could barely function for the last two days. Even got online to look up doctors today. I didn’t call any, but I had that desperate feeling. The healing in this makes no sense. I know I can’t go back, but feel very alone as well. I read your post and understand. I’m thinking I may have felt better by now if I went to rehab at the start. At least then you’re not completely alone and maybe there is more of a foundation? I’m afraid I’ll go back on if I don’t find some (in person )support. Although this site is great. If you your work will allow it Id say go for it. Whatever it takes. I plan on staying clean don’t get me wrong. I just have so much work to do tmrw because I could barely function today. I too wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! I want to be over this and Adderall out of my mind.
  10. So anxious...

    Yes pic is so creepy, lol! @LILTEX41
  11. So anxious...

    https://youtu.be/LFGsZ6ythQQ here is an example of one that helped, of course who knows if it’s placebo. I still listen to this one a lot. If you look below or enter energizing beats; study beats; sleep,creative etc it will pull up more.
  12. So anxious...

    @LILTEX41 and @DelaneyJuliette I was on adderall for every fender bender I’ve ever been in over the yrs. I never put that together until a couple months ago. Crazy how I never realized. I’m lucky that they weren’t worse. I was always running late, lost, or distracted when driving.
  13. So anxious...

    I know It feels like it will never go away! It will. Right now you are in the worse part. I had rolling anxiety the first 10 days. I don’t know why I called it rolling. It felt like it was rushing through me. As if everything was falling through my finger tips ( literally and figuratively). Have you tried binaural beats ? I listened to those a lot in the beginning. It helped calm me down. Also, GABA worked for anxiety. At least it took the edge off some days. (if you are taking supplements). Hang on because it does get better. Wish there was a perfect withdrawal formula, but it’s a lot of trial and error
  14. @SleepyandsoberThis part is the worse! I remember horrible anxiety in beginning with the night (sometimes day)sweats. Hang in there because you are close! How long has it been since this time when you quit? Have you hit 10 days yet ? That was the mark when it started to get better for me physically at least. I’m still struggling at work with my coworkers on Adderall constantly. I’m almost thinking I need to quit my job. Then I think how ridiculous is that! It’s like I’m letting adderall control me again without being on it. I hope you feel better soon
  15. L-Tyrosine?

    a lot of people say l-tyrosine helps. I took it for a while and didn’t notice much difference. It’s worth a shot. It may work for you