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Everything posted by m34

  1. Can't Stop Procrastinating!!!

    I have the same issue. Part of my complete struggle this yr. day by day it will get a little easier. Some days I get a lot done. More done than on adderall. Some days (like to day for me actually) I have to force myself to complete each task. It’s strange. It’s part of recovery though and completely normal. Sometimes I’ll do the 54321 method and just start. Not sure if you have heard of her (Mel Robbins) great person to listen to in recovery! Hope your day got better. I’m also stalling right now lol. I completely understand! @DelaneyJuliette
  2. yes! @Sleepyandsober lol. It’s crazy thinking back to all the times I was “sooooo productive”. Only to dissect it and be like “ umm no” I was literally cleaning for hours, stuff that didn’t need to be cleaned. While leaving the actual stuff that needed to be clean to the side. Especially, my last yr on it. I just wasn’t right. I did this with projects and work. I keep reminding myself about this every day. It really helps me stay clean because that was a horrible time. Sometimes I’d be on a task that I’d know I need to stop and literally couldn’t break away. Not a good place.
  3. Great post. I think it’s the little things that build up to bigger and bigger things. Every day feels like a chore until I fight through my mind to tackle each task. Today I finished a MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded. Then I did spreadsheets. GoD awful spreadsheets for work, only took 2 hours. I did it without adderall and efficiently :-) BEFORE when I’d take an adderall. I would have folded the laundry, then at the peak switch to my spreadsheets. Which would take me a total of IDK ALL DAy -because back then I’d also start cleaning the closet, simultaneously, then decide to wipe the inside of the drawers out and so on. Wtf I don’t miss that girl.
  4. I hate this drug. Everyone is right on this thread. Just keep fighting every day. Even if the only thing we accomplish is staying adderall. This is not an easy battle. Almost at a yr clean now (for the second time .) I’ve been a yr clean before and caved as well @Lizzyc understand. trying to push through this last turning point and never look back. I have to beat it this time. It’s not medicine and it is just f—ingspeed. Think that is the best advice. @sleepystupid
  5. Addicted Artist Looking For Help

    I agree. If I would have recognized at 3 months and quit my life prob would be totally different. I still crave the creativity boost I use to feel. However, the trade off was too much. I paint as a hobby and am getting back my creativity slowly. I don’t get that “amazing” feeling of accomplishment, but it is returning. I know this is different than doing it for work. There is much more pressure. That part is hard!
  6. Acute insomnia after detox

    How many days has it been? I had a few insomnia days in the beginning. All I could do was sleep after a couple of weeks. I was prescribed on and off over a period of 12 yrs. I think it’s a two yr process for most people on for a decade or more. Tell him to hang in there. It will get better, the beginning is the hardest part. Its a roller coaster. For me the sleep evened out. I still sleep 10-12 hours and rarely experience insomnia. I sleep too much -is my current problem and I’m still tired. I’m almost 1 yr clean. Everyone is a little different though. Research 5htp,Gaba, and 1 mg of melatonin at night (or the smallest dose you have). I found I was taking too much melatonin in beginning.
  7. 20 Months Out. Struggling.

    Congrats on 20 months. From where I sit that sounds like so much progress. You don’t want to find a job on adderall again. It will be one you can’t sustain. My workload is increasing. Feel like I need to get a script just to keep up. Beginning 12 months clean and barely hanging on. This company hired me off adderall, but ONLY because they knew me back when I was on adderall. I was a work a holic. If that makes sense: Little did they know I had my speedy helpers back then and not now) I was a “go getter”, worked way to much. Now I’m doing the bare minimum. I think they keep hoping I’ll whip up some magic, and I’m just out of tricks at this point. Sales is so hard when the real you is an introvert!!! I’m trapped in my own exhausted hell. Ultimately, I see this ending in either a script or me quitting. Guess my point is, I should have waited and found a job I love in a different field. I bet it will be the best feeling when you DO get hired and you WILL. It is worth waiting a couple more months. Think of this as a fresh start. Find a job you love, while you are clean.
  8. I know it is tough! You are not alone. Sending you some love today. You can get through this part. its a long journey. I still battle that addict voice that wants a script. The voice does get quieter the longer you stay clean! Hang in there. You got this!
  9. I also tried strattera. It was about 10 yrs ago. I was a walking zombie for 3 weeks on it. Zero energy lots of “focus”. Not really a good combo and I slept a lot. Everyone is different, of course. Just thought I’d share my experience in case it helps. I ended up right back on stims after that...
  10. I am 7 months and 28 days clean today. I started a new job 6 weeks ago. It took me about three weeks to adjust to working. I'm back doing what I was doing before (when I was on Adderall. ) different company. I noticed my coworkers were bouncing off the walls from day 1. I thought in the back of my mind they were both on Adderall. Then I let it go. I just assumed that my energy is so low that everyone seems high on life compared. However, now that they've gotten more comfortable with me they have separately admitted they are on it in a joking manner. Since I've found out (officially) Ive been so triggered. The other day it took all my will power to not ask for one. What did I expect that I would return to my Adderall filled world with no one on it? I'm not planning on getting back on. Just venting because I have no one to share this with. If anyone has had similar experiences Id love to know. Is the whole damn world just on Adderall?
  11. I'm having a hard time tonight

    Good job on not taking any @DelaneyJuliette. The holidays are a huge trigger. I’m so ready for January 1 so I can hide again! I have family flying in today, messy house, half a grocery list completed, and I’m still in bed. Not good. Thankfully, it’s my own family and not in-laws. My family can just understand this mess a little more. Although my own family thinks I need meds, but that’s a whole different convo. In law “fun” starts next week. GoD help us all through the holidays. If I had some ADD meds laying around there is no wAy I wouldn’t take it. Grateful I don’t have any..I guess. i just need to get up and start!!!!
  12. @Sleepyandsober hope your weekend got better. I’m still struggling. I worked Thursday Friday and Saturday. Long days and stressful. Made it through. Then made it to an event with my husband Saturday night. I finally felt for the first time in this like I had a handle on things. I didn’t drink at event or need adderall to stay up. Felt pretty great. At 11.5 months clean. I finally felt like Id accomplished or reached a point. Like hey I can do this shit. Then Sunday morning came. Literally was so exhausted felt like right when I got off adderall. Could barely function for the last two days. Even got online to look up doctors today. I didn’t call any, but I had that desperate feeling. The healing in this makes no sense. I know I can’t go back, but feel very alone as well. I read your post and understand. I’m thinking I may have felt better by now if I went to rehab at the start. At least then you’re not completely alone and maybe there is more of a foundation? I’m afraid I’ll go back on if I don’t find some (in person )support. Although this site is great. If you your work will allow it Id say go for it. Whatever it takes. I plan on staying clean don’t get me wrong. I just have so much work to do tmrw because I could barely function today. I too wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! I want to be over this and Adderall out of my mind.
  13. So anxious...

    Yes pic is so creepy, lol! @LILTEX41
  14. So anxious...

    https://youtu.be/LFGsZ6ythQQ here is an example of one that helped, of course who knows if it’s placebo. I still listen to this one a lot. If you look below or enter energizing beats; study beats; sleep,creative etc it will pull up more.
  15. So anxious...

    @LILTEX41 and @DelaneyJuliette I was on adderall for every fender bender I’ve ever been in over the yrs. I never put that together until a couple months ago. Crazy how I never realized. I’m lucky that they weren’t worse. I was always running late, lost, or distracted when driving.
  16. So anxious...

    I know It feels like it will never go away! It will. Right now you are in the worse part. I had rolling anxiety the first 10 days. I don’t know why I called it rolling. It felt like it was rushing through me. As if everything was falling through my finger tips ( literally and figuratively). Have you tried binaural beats ? I listened to those a lot in the beginning. It helped calm me down. Also, GABA worked for anxiety. At least it took the edge off some days. (if you are taking supplements). Hang on because it does get better. Wish there was a perfect withdrawal formula, but it’s a lot of trial and error
  17. @SleepyandsoberThis part is the worse! I remember horrible anxiety in beginning with the night (sometimes day)sweats. Hang in there because you are close! How long has it been since this time when you quit? Have you hit 10 days yet ? That was the mark when it started to get better for me physically at least. I’m still struggling at work with my coworkers on Adderall constantly. I’m almost thinking I need to quit my job. Then I think how ridiculous is that! It’s like I’m letting adderall control me again without being on it. I hope you feel better soon
  18. I’m clean and grateful for that. Every day I’m faced with another reason to drink or get a script for adderall. I’m not EXACTLY loving my life sober. Im just sober. period. I want to let it all go. My love /hate relationship, the sweet spot I feel when they both are in my system. the self loathing I feel when they leave my system. Why is this so strong? I hope I can read this one day and realize how ridiculous this sounds. assuming I stay clean. 10 months 22 days off adderall, literally the longest yr of my life. Clearly my brain is addicted to the idea of energy. I have to believe there is an end to this self loathing part. I work on myself every damn day. Meditation, yoga, lists and lists, writing, clean diet, supplements. I mean nothings working right now. I just want to feel good again. The only reason I quit drinking is because my hangovers were so damn bad without adderall. no one in my life gets it. What if this is as good as I’ll ever feel again? can I live with it ? Without any escape I must feel each moment. Is this even necessary?! The only fix is caving and going backwards.I will not go backwards. I must dig deep and find a way to get through this.
  19. L-Tyrosine?

    a lot of people say l-tyrosine helps. I took it for a while and didn’t notice much difference. It’s worth a shot. It may work for you
  20. Friday night sober ramblings

    Congrats on day 53 @LuLamb! It’s hard because we aren’t just dropping a pill it’s a lifestyle change. I’m not vegan, but I eat really clean keto. It’s helped me a ton. When I get away from keto my ADD symptoms are way worse. Which triggers me to want adderall. Hope plant based works for you. Whatever it takes! I understand about your neighbor. I feel that way when I’m around my coworkers who are on it. I just want to ask for one! The struggle is real. Even when I see them anxious and stressed over small things. It should make me not want it at all.
  21. HOPE

    @LILTEX41 what a great post. Needed to hear this today! Thanks so much for sharing your story! You’re absolutely right it only gets worse if we go backwards. I need to type that up and put it all around my house. I’m glad you are feeling better!
  22. Friday night sober ramblings

    I also use to go out all the time. I go to bed around 6 or 7 pm now. I literally sleep about 12 hours a night. @DrewK15 thanks for your post. I ended up caving and having some wine over thanksgiving. Not proud of it. I really am better sober and it gave me perspective. I barely even got buzzed just a hangover. Starting month 11 off adderall at least. I’ll keep pushing for 12-18 months. Thanks for the encouragement. @DelaneyJuliette. It is really scary to quit. It is also really scary to not quit. I finally had to get honest with myself. My use wasn’t getting any better and it stopped working. I kept justifying body aches and sleepless nights. I would explain away the comedowns- as bad diet choices or stress. I changed everything except adderall. I finally had to say enough is enough. Yes, obviously it is hard to stay off. At the end of the day it is worth it. When you are off of it the recovery is not all bad. I have good days as well. Hope my post above didn’t scare you. My every day is not that. It comes and goes. You can do this!
  23. Friday night sober ramblings

    @sleepystupid. This is really great advice. You are absolutely right. I am frustrated trying to get back to a state of being that is hard to achieve without substances. I need to let go of it all and just start being “happy” from where I am. Even if it’s a slow crawl. Thanks for the advice!
  24. Friday night sober ramblings

    Thank you for response @Somewhere It is a rollercoaster. Doing a little better after the weekend. I hope you are feeling better. Think the hard part now is just feeling like we should be further along? That’s great you were able to get a run in. I might try that instead of yoga today. I also found a sober workout group in my area. Hoping to to meet this week. I’m not sure if they just work out together, or if they also meet to talk. It just seemed like an interesting concept. I’m pretty much willing to try anything at this point. One day at a time right?
  25. Getting through the holidays

    Thank you for your response! @sleepystupid you have a valid point. Maybe it’s the cold and feeling more trapped activity wise... I just need a distraction. Anything is better than getting back on the rollercoaster. I also took it to avoid dealing with family. Just so I could be in a chipper happy FAKE mood. I’m just missing that feeling not the pill. I believe I can create that feeling without pills. Today and every day. One day if I say it enough it will come true right....