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About Jacob

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  1. 16 Months Update - Feeling better

    Yeah man, before I was prescribed I did anywhere from 5mg to 60mg adderall, and then any dose of vyvanse available a few times a week. I never had an issues with inconsistent usage because my brain had breaks in between whenever I ran out, hell actually began when I was prescribed 20mg XR a day, I thought the issue was from the extended release so I switched to instant release, side effects kept increasing with consistent usage even at a responsible dose. It's a great anxiety mask, but it's not worth what it can take from you.
  2. I haven't been on the forum for a while, particularly because I have been feeling so well that I don't think about my symptoms that often, if I even experience them. I joined this forum four months into PAWS off a normal dose of daily adderall. I would've lost my mind without you guys (Kept googling my symptoms and convinced myself I had schizophrenia, bipolar, whatever else webMD said I had, was very frightening to hear before I knew withdrawal could last a while) so I wanted to come back here to thank you, and provide newcomers with hope as another success story. It's really hard to go through this alone, in addition there aren't any resources online that appear comforting when you're still feeling awful after not having taken anything for a while. Things that helped the most: 1) Quitting Adderall Forum and Reddit's /Stopspeeding forum (It's hard to find people who relate in your own life, people here and on reddit share a lot in common with you) 2) Exercise, Sunlight, Water 3) Being kinder to myself during this time, being with friends/positive people 4) Long-term investments in myself. When you quit adderall you are doing more than being free from a drug, you are embracing the greatest self-improvement journey. Setting goals, and dealing with the most important stressors was very important. Focusing on my career, saving money instead of living to impress/please others, improving my skill set. Do something you are personally proud of. You need to build a new you, a better you. So that you can look back in one year, and say damn I am doing much better, write down anything you've accomplished, and anything bad about this time so that you never forget why you are on this path. If you are at one year and not satisfied keep at it, it'll feel better to say I am doing much better than I was two years ago, three years ago. Withdrawal Timeline: 1-5 Months: Worsening everyday. Every month was better than the previous, but life was still unbearable for me, I relied on adderall a lot and having to now deal with everything I had been burying all at once gave me extreme anxiety (I had a huge mess to clean up academically and financially). Dissociation/Derealization are a freeze response from the brain that tries to protect you, it's an extreme fear response and gets better with time as you deal with the root issues, so as I worked towards dealing with my stressors and improving my health it went away. Part of the stress during this time was my lack of patience, I was on this stuff for years and wanting to feel better the next day, I missed the self I was on adderall, and when you still feel like shit at month four, you begin to get a little hopeless. Resources like the forum got me through this, nothing is more comforting than knowing someone else had to do it too, and made it out for the better. During this time I cannot drink/smoke/use nicotine, anything affecting dopamine gives me extreme anxiety and paranoia. 6-9 Months: More serious improvements, I could finally sleep alone without waking up terrified at night, energy levels are great, anhedonia mostly gone, and I've made good progress towards working through my issues in life. On adderall I felt like I was making progress, but the keyword there is felt. Sometimes you are not meant to feel good, that's how you gauge a healthy response, you cannot always be happy, accepting this will help you a lot in the long-term. I still feel dissociated a lot (Extreme anxiety response), I tried drinking/smoking and it wasn't fun, I feel like my body is twenty years old than it actually is. 12-16 Months: I am drinking/smoking when I have time to have fun and it actually feels good I am feeling healthy enough to endure some good times. I am being responsible with my work, proud of my decisions, derealization is mostly gone. I have way more good days than bad ones and I can control my thoughts more when the negative ones come around. I have worked so hard and completely removed my biggest stressors that plagued me for years. I feel almost brand new. Keep your head up, I am not done healing and being where I want to be, but if you told me I would be here on this day last year I would've saved myself a lot of tears and stress. When you commit to quitting this drug, you are allowing the universe to lead you towards better things. Have faith something better is coming when you stay on this journey, hard work will put you where good luck can find you!
  3. 6 Months Free!

    @eric Stress will definitely make things worse or feel worse. I've noticed a lot of people who aren't dealing with withdrawal and abuse themselves much harder aren't normally so knowledgeable about how they can be affected, or simply just don't have much to care about other than the present, I didn't know much when I started medication and my obligations have nearly tripled. The negative feelings you experience are responses to you re adapting to handling negativity, I have to say stress and physical exertion were much easier to handle on medication initially, but the new you will become stronger than the dependent you was, you are solid from within regardless of conditions. After a while you become adapted to stress, and not having something to forcibly make you happy. I've said in other posts that's why its good to treat yourself for doing the right thing, eating junk food after a week of exercise and sobriety is always well deserved. @DrewK15 It's great to hear someone's made it out the other end. Month six is so much better than month five it's actually crazy. I'm really looking forward to month 7. Even though you are at 16 months, I believe the benefits continue to accumulate if I'm correct, have you noticed any other positive changes after the ceasing of PAWS or do you feel durable again in a sense?
  4. 6 Months Free!

    @eric Hi Eric, Thanks so much! Day 35 is a big deal, I often wouldn't make it passed day 3-4 when I tried before. Don't make the mistake of trying to go back before you see it through. For me honestly months 1-3 were harder than the first week. I don't know if you'll have the same difficulties you may recover much much quicker, we're all different and my recovery is considered to be on the more serious side though adderall became a huge part of my personality, and life making it much harder to quit, and start over. If you don't feel better immediately I have been collecting some anecdotes on others who have had polydrug addictions, and adderall use that describe feeling much better after a more prolonged period and I assure you that they all took just as long so if you aren't where you want to be mentally soon, don't give up, I've been feeling better than I have ever at points, keep track of your good days! I'm here for you just like everyone else on the forum is. I was really afraid I was going to lose my mind around month 2 when I hadn't felt better yet, then I found this forum and found I wasn't alone. I hope to continue hearing from you!
  5. 6 Months Free!

    Yesterday marked 6 months free. I'm still having trouble adjusting to anxiety, but so much has improved compared to months 1-4. I can actually sleep alone now, I don't have panic attacks as often, I've been doing a lot of work towards fixing the messes I've created while on adderall, I didn't gain back a ton of weight and if anything I'm more consistent than I ever was, my memory is also much better. I'm really excited to see how I feel at the 9-12 month marks. Be excited if you've made the decision to quit. It does get a lot better. Sometimes you won't even notice that you aren't dealing with things you wished would end when you get to this point. I'd love to hear more from others who had PAWS. - Jacob
  6. Panic Attacks

    @Andyd2 Hi Andy, I've noticed weight lifting helps me a lot with both better sleep, and relieving stress especially afterward while during it feels just like any other workout. I don't do HIIT, but going for a jog or a walk of about a mile in nature with no stimulation (music, phone use) is often very helpful. I also highly recommend socializing or picking up a sport, I'm in college and haven't been very involved the first two years because of my adderall use. After stopping I've become more focused on grades and joined a sport. Meeting new people helped me very much with redeeming confidence, and having a consistent program. As for supplements honestly i didn't use too many or anything extremely altering, I would just eat a lot of protein since they contain precursors for dopamine/serotonin, magnesium/potassium and iron were all helpful. I'm still not done healing, but I am doing much better now. Take care of the things that are stressing you, it'll help you feel a lot better long-term.
  7. Panic Attacks

    I'd say give it more time man, I had a panic attacks constantly the last 5 months off of adderall with derealization, depression, etc. I've noticed a lot of improvement since quitting the first few months, and on certain days my mood was better than it was on medication like today for example. You were on it for about 11 years, I would say definitely wait at least a year or more before trying to rush into something else. Psychological aspects affect biological aspects, and vice versa, that's why you were able to get off these medications with EMDR. You weren't built to last forever, but you were built to survive so give your body time to heal. Exercise, supplements, and a good diet will make this process work a lot faster. Avoid stress if you can. I read some guy on here felt like he did pre-adderall after 15 months, whenever I'm having a bad day I try to remind myself I'm not the only one who's taking forever to get better. Whenever I have a panic attack at night I go for a walk, and reward myself for making the decision to get off pills by eating something nice and watching tv. Also keep track of the days you feel good, and if you are noticing long-term improvement that will definitely help you when you go through an episode of panic attacks. I honestly believe most people don't need medication except for extreme cases, therapy is the cure, medication is the treatment, the only way to get rid of feeling like this forever is to work hard, to talk out the emotional causes of these issues, and to keep doing things you are proud of.
  8. NAD+ IV Therapy = Miracle

    @SamJo Interested in trying this myself, how do you feel today?