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About Sleepyandsober

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  1. 12 Step Programs

    Hi adderallics, I know there’s been some discussion about this (I myself have contributed to threads about it), but I’m reaching out again. I’m struggling with the 12 step fellowship. I got sober for the first time in AA in 2018. I’ve been to NA, AA, CA, CMA, PA. I so wish there were a place just for me. Meetings are nice and I get stuff out of them, and I do think there is a solution for my addiction in AA. But — it just doesn’t feel like it fits sometimes. I’m jealous of alcoholics who can just go dump their shit at a meeting, unbridled. I am constantly using metaphors and talking around what’s really going on in my life. Would anyone support a letter to AA GSO? Can anyone relate? Is there traction around starting a new 12 step fellowship? Is there a need? Please share! xo
  2. Day 4

    right on, @eric! It's past midnight here and I'm still in the office working, on a can be done sober! yeehaw!
  3. Day 4

    my fellow day counters, @eric & @DelaneyJuliette, where do y'all live? I'm in NYC and open to hitting meetings!
  4. @DelaneyJuliette give it time!
  5. lol! @m34, peak switching between laundry and spreadsheets, I know it too well. We have to have a sense of humor about how crazy this was, yeah?
  6. Day 4

    You are never alone! I am on day 14 today. Like you, mornings are tough. I don't necessarily feel anxious, but exhausted, and those first thoughts creeping in..."oh, I don't have any adderall. I don't take adderall anymore. Shit!" (or something to that effect). I would look forward to waking up in the morning just to take a pill. But then as I dove deeper into my addiction, I wasn't even able to wake up in the morning...or if I did, I was exhausted and sleep-deprived. This morning, I woke up and threw myself a dance party. Something I like to do in sobriety is actively list the things I realize I love, but forgot about or neglected when I was using. I love music and dancing -- but I couldn't feel that when I was using, that is a SOUL thing! Make a list. Listen to music. Dance. EAT something and actually enjoy it. Sleep when you need to. Don't push yourself. And share, share, share. On these message boards and in those rooms of recovery. ♥
  7. Day 4

    Get it, @DelaneyJuliette! ❤️

    oh, and as far as meetings go! I go to AA daily. that's the fellowship I like the most. I also go to NA to get more specific identification (viz. drug use). I've also been to CA, CMA, MA...etc. Whatever works for you!

    Hey, @LuLamb! I feel your pain. In no way am I giving you medical advice, but I'd avoid taking too much pseudoephedrine! That can't be great for you, I bet. Adderall is a super powerful drug, and it's no wonder the detox is so awful. Do you have a psychiatrist? Wellbutrin has been tremendously helpful for me. It doesn't feel like adderall, but it does have similar norepinephrine reuptake properties. It really helped to curb the cravings and keep my energy level above subthreshold. I know others on this site have echoed this, as well. I also got sober without wellbutrin two years ago, it was really hard but it is possible. Your energy level WILL come back, I promise!
  10. I did a whole semester of school without adderall. It was super fucking hard, but I did it. After that semester, I decided taking adderall would mitigate some of the difficulty I had faced. I started taking it and crashed and burned in all my classes. I'm having a very difficult time believing in my heart that I can get through school sober. I do know that when I take it, nothing good happens. Loved this post, @dolssa!
  11. For Those Who Need a Little Hope

    Came across this in rehab and loved it: Maybe the best thing you could do right now is just sit with it awhile. Maybe the bravest thing you could do right now is just decide this will not defeat you. Maybe the most productive thing you could do right now is fold your hands in prayerful silence. Maybe the most sensible thing you could do right now is laugh - laugh in the face of it all. Maybe the most powerful thing you could do right now is just close your eyes and envision a positive outcome. Maybe the most loving thing you could do right now is just give yourself room to breathe. Maybe the best thing to do right now looks like nothing at all. But it's not. Because when you're gathering hope, it's patient. When you're gathering strength, it's quiet. When you're gathering resilience, it's unnoticeable. In the face of challenge and uncertainty, sometimes the best thing you can do right now is just hold on. xoxo
  12. People in long term recovery- need advice

    @Lizzyc I am currently en route to rehab ready to rip my skin off! Please fight this disease with all your strength! It aint worth it.
  13. People in long term recovery- need advice

    I identify with so many parts of your post, @Lizzyc. Sounds like this^^ is a great opportunity to go back and work step one: we admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable! what that means for me is that I can't pick up the first one. if you don't pick up, you can't get high. Speaking for myself: i want the drug even when my life is infinitely better when i'm sober because i'm an addict. it's just that simple! and when i'm not fully in the program, those cravings are pretty horrible. my suggestion would be to get out of your head. that's the only way I can escape myself and my cravings. whether this means spending time with friends, family, or going to a meeting -- not isolating is key. Sounds like a reservation to me, which in my experience arises when I haven't worked a thorough first step. if I don't concede that I am truly powerless, I get wrapped up in the illusion that I can use successfully. I'm in the medical profession too. If you continue to use, it is inevitable that you will lose everything you've worked so hard for. please don't beat yourself up for feeling these feelings or having these thoughts. adderall is powerful and addiction even more so. just reread that sentence again and again. you want to choose drugs over your life. you don't have to make any major decisions about your career, relationships, or life today -- just don't use a day at a time. I don't have long-term sobriety currently, but I have before. I relapsed and it was a fucking horror show. I'm here if you ever want to talk!
  14. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    @hyper_critical, is that hard for you, being in AA? I’m in AA and sometimes I really just need to let it all go in a share, but feel self-conscious like I’m an unwelcome guest. Would love to hear about your experience, this is a major issue for me rn.
  15. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    THIS. I could read it again and again!