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About Sleepyandsober

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  1. I did a whole semester of school without adderall. It was super fucking hard, but I did it. After that semester, I decided taking adderall would mitigate some of the difficulty I had faced. I started taking it and crashed and burned in all my classes. I'm having a very difficult time believing in my heart that I can get through school sober. I do know that when I take it, nothing good happens. Loved this post, @dolssa!
  2. For Those Who Need a Little Hope

    Came across this in rehab and loved it: Maybe the best thing you could do right now is just sit with it awhile. Maybe the bravest thing you could do right now is just decide this will not defeat you. Maybe the most productive thing you could do right now is fold your hands in prayerful silence. Maybe the most sensible thing you could do right now is laugh - laugh in the face of it all. Maybe the most powerful thing you could do right now is just close your eyes and envision a positive outcome. Maybe the most loving thing you could do right now is just give yourself room to breathe. Maybe the best thing to do right now looks like nothing at all. But it's not. Because when you're gathering hope, it's patient. When you're gathering strength, it's quiet. When you're gathering resilience, it's unnoticeable. In the face of challenge and uncertainty, sometimes the best thing you can do right now is just hold on. xoxo
  3. People in long term recovery- need advice

    @Lizzyc I am currently en route to rehab ready to rip my skin off! Please fight this disease with all your strength! It aint worth it.
  4. People in long term recovery- need advice

    I identify with so many parts of your post, @Lizzyc. Sounds like this^^ is a great opportunity to go back and work step one: we admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable! what that means for me is that I can't pick up the first one. if you don't pick up, you can't get high. Speaking for myself: i want the drug even when my life is infinitely better when i'm sober because i'm an addict. it's just that simple! and when i'm not fully in the program, those cravings are pretty horrible. my suggestion would be to get out of your head. that's the only way I can escape myself and my cravings. whether this means spending time with friends, family, or going to a meeting -- not isolating is key. Sounds like a reservation to me, which in my experience arises when I haven't worked a thorough first step. if I don't concede that I am truly powerless, I get wrapped up in the illusion that I can use successfully. I'm in the medical profession too. If you continue to use, it is inevitable that you will lose everything you've worked so hard for. please don't beat yourself up for feeling these feelings or having these thoughts. adderall is powerful and addiction even more so. just reread that sentence again and again. you want to choose drugs over your life. you don't have to make any major decisions about your career, relationships, or life today -- just don't use a day at a time. I don't have long-term sobriety currently, but I have before. I relapsed and it was a fucking horror show. I'm here if you ever want to talk!
  5. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    @hyper_critical, is that hard for you, being in AA? I’m in AA and sometimes I really just need to let it all go in a share, but feel self-conscious like I’m an unwelcome guest. Would love to hear about your experience, this is a major issue for me rn.
  6. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    THIS. I could read it again and again!
  7. Unexpected Triggers and Coping

    @m34 thank you for this! for me, the most difficult thing I do all day is wake up. Seriously. If i can get through the agony of showering, drinking coffee, dressing myself and getting to work, it’s usually easier for the rest of the day. Sounds like you got a lot done and reached your body’s natural (necessary) limit! Congratulations too on 11.5, that is amazing! I agree that this thing is best defeated with a community. Speaking for myself, I was definitely hooked on adderall, but I know my real problem is being an addict. Going to AA was the only thing that kept me sober, now i’m dragging my feet getting back into the rooms...this site helps a lot. I definitely can’t do it alone.
  8. Useful Resource

    Hi adderallics, thanks for being so supportive. I'm very grateful for this little online hub. I found this resource for dealing with amphetamine detox/withdrawal, for those who might benefit...hope it is helpful Amphetamine_wdl.pdf
  9. Unexpected Triggers and Coping

    @m34 not yet, I'll just lay it all out - after posting, I went to see my therapist, and at once I realized I need to go back to rehab. I wasn't ready the first time around, and I am just having an immeasurably difficult time staying clean again. The withdrawal is horrendous. I work a very high-pressure job and am trying to get FMLA now, they say it will take a few weeks...and I don't know if my "window of willingness" will last that long. I'm desperate. I have friends around me, but feel so completely alone. I think the last 6 months of using drove everyone career is everything to me, and I'm just not sure what to do: book a flight now, hell with the consequences, and check myself in? Or do I wait for the medical leave to be granted and go in due time, if I'm still willing to go...I wouldn't wish addiction on my worst enemy, and all my friends are recovering alcoholics...I'm in the loneliest place I've been in a long, long time.
  10. Unexpected Triggers and Coping

    Holy fucking shit you guys, when does it get better?! I am lit always hot and sweaty and have slept through several days of work. When will it end??
  11. Relapse after 1.5 years clean

    UGH. 2 days clean now after a 6 month relapse. I'm elated socially but miserable otherwise. My job (which I do really love) feels like a chore. I just want to go home and chain smoke until I fall asleep. I feel like a useless puddle. I know I can do this - I did do this. When I got sober, I was unemployed and just went to meetings all the time. Now, because of sobriety, I have a high-pressure job and school...the pressures got to be too much and I caved. I'm exhausted. Using is not an option anymore. I forgot how hellish early recovery is. Please send good vibes edit: just fell asleep at my desk. dead.
  12. One Word Status Update

  13. Unexpected Triggers and Coping

    @m34 it’s like trying to turn a pickle back into a cucumber
  14. New York City, let's meet up

    @tuneum, I go to AA regularly and per my sponsor's suggestion, have been attending NA 2x/week. No fellowship feels quite "right". Would love others sharing their experiences!
  15. New York City, let's meet up

    I wish there were an Adderallics Anonymous!