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About Aurora29

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  • Birthday 12/21/1989

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  1. Thank you, for your input and advice I am on day 23 off Adderall, been taking the 25 mg of Zoloft for 4 days and I haven't cried as much, helped me stop bing eating and then vomiting after (was bulimic for many yrs) and maybe had 1 small panic attacks a day which is an improvement. I am still really struggling with school and might try to work this week. Considering dropping the semester and focusing on therapy and minimal work. Feel numb and tired, been going to bed around 7 pm most days although I don't sleep the whole night and am up by 5 am. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive for which I am thankful. Intuitively I want to flush the Zoloft but after the panic attacks and extreme suicidal obsession I went through I am scared of myself. I used to be a powerhouse, but feel like I know to live in the mind of a 6-year-old. On the positive, I cleaned my condo over the weekend and have been doing some kind of physical activity most days. Cheers!
  2. Hi tomorrow will officially be 3 weeks Adderall free, it has been difficult dealing with the side effects, I got suicidal last week and self-admitted at a hospital to avoid hurting myself. The doctor wants me to try ZOLOFT but I am scared, have any of you had experiences with antidepressants post Adderall. Debating if to try or continue waiting. I have not worked or done school since I quit on the 18th of January 2020. Thank you
  3. Help- Please tell me I am not alone....

    I had been on Adderall RX for 5 years but started binging and abusing over the past 7 months, sometimes taking over 100 a day and ending my day with numb lips and insomnia. Inevitably I would use my prescription in 2 weeks. To than deal with a couple of weeks of hell. This self-destructive cycle became my new normal. In the last 6 months, I found myself lying to the doctor to get my hands on more Adderall and visiting different doctors to get more. This is unlikely behaviour of me and I feel ashamed of what the addiction took me to. I am only 30 and am exhausted, the last pill was on January 18th and I am done. I do not want to go through this hell again. Today I spoke with a psychiatrist and he is cutting me off its terrifying but I am proud of myself because it is the first time in 5 years I have truly come clean about abusing this drug. He prescribed me an antidepressant but I am having doubts about messing with my already stressed and anxious brain. Today I feel a tiny bit of peace in knowing I won't be able to run to the doctor to get more no matter how tough it gets. Constant panic attacks have been my normal since going through the withdraws, they often start as soon as its time to wake up or in the middle of the night, its frustrating and exhausting. Smoking weed helps but makes me hungrier than I already am Since quitting I have not been able to keep up with homework and stopped working, thankfully I enjoy lifting weights and have managed to lift, on a positive note I feel stronger at the gym it might be the extra food and sleep but lifting feels good. One day at a time, you are not alone.
  4. Forced to quit by moving to a remote island

    Hey, girl, I understand how tough it can seem but at least you have a partner who is able to support you. I am working on quitting its been 5 years... Honestly living in Canada where I can run to the doctor every time I just can't cope isent helping me quit for good. This summer has been 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off for a while. I need to go off tomorrow (i used my month's worth in like 10 days I am prescribed 15rx) I am dreading it. We will just have to find the strength within ourselves to refind and rebuild. I don't have the solutions but I encourage you to fight. Start unpacking slowly even if its 1 box a day. I am working on accepting my personality off Adderall it's not easy but it's me and thats all I have. I can't say that I love myself every day but I am trying to remember that this 2 shall pass. Hugs
  5. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    I fucked up and gave in a few days after the post My trigger was this big work project that I wanted to get done before starting school. I totally binged and here I am Honestly I am considering asking my landlord to let me off the lease early to move in with my mom and siblings. Thats depressing but I currently am living alone in a condo downtown and if I move in with them my cost of living will drop significantly that would mean less pressure. I know I would miss my Independence but I have to bust my ass to afford this lifestyle. Off addy its not sustainable right know to much pressure.
  6. 2 years with no adderall

    This gives me hope thank you! On day 14
  7. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    Hey I am ok today is officially 2 weeks Couple things I read today trying to stay mentally strong and truly embrace that life will be more beautiful than every one day. To be patient and embrace the journey being as positive as I can. “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese proverb . “Recovery is not a race. You don’t have to feel guilty if it takes you longer than you thought it would.” – Unknown “Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it.” – J. Petit Senn Cheers!
  8. Favorite things about being adderall-free!

    I can absolutely relate to this, I would call that state like coma hibernation time, My body would be so exhausted from overworking and pushing my body that I would need crash days at least once every 10 days or so Basically smoke weed all day, eat and take sleeping pills Being completely burned out and exhausted all the time probably isent normal behavior for a 29 year old with much to be thankful for. These posts help keep me accountable
  9. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    I am also just having terrible side effects Nightmares I wake up drenched in sweat , I dream of my pills, I cry everyday even if its just for a little, I feel sluggish but am becoming more functional and regaining some social interest, I feel more creative but still lack the ability to sit and execute parsley due to general fatigue and getting distracted very easily. Other than that I feel like I am waking up from a self induced coma emotionally Its exciting to feel genuine JOY cluster out from within I also have been meeting people here and there wich is unusual for me due to me always being in a rush trying to accomplish my never ending to do list ....
  10. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    Hey Eric this quote got me thru a couple of days I am lucky to work for myself at this point in time and have been spending a lot of time smoking weed and doing yoga. The yoga has become a moving meditation of some sort. When I took adderall I was so angry that the only thing that calmed me down was lifting heavy weights. The idea of stepping into the gym is still terrifying but I will do it when winter starts or sooner. Today I called my Doctor twice and hung-up that made me feel so drained. I am normaling and I have a big progect that is triggering me but I gotta remind myslef that I am my own boss and this is my present reality and that the end result might take a bit longer to acheive and without that nice speed perhaps it wont be as polished but it will be the best I can do in recovery. In my meditations I remembered fasting for 21 days in Tijuana on phentermine his like speed like diet pill to lose like 20 pounds... Than efredrine to cut later when I got into crossfit I think everyone has weaknesses to certain things and SPEED is my choice of drug. Anyhow I made it thru day without taking a pill so its almost 2 weeks but it feels like forever....
  11. How did 5 yrs fly by?

    Hi my name is Aurora, I have been taking from 15-30 xr over the past 5 years. For the last bit I started noticing general life burnout and also a great desire to be alone which I am not sure is me. I have attempted to quit several times and fall back into it due to the feeling of life falling apart around me without the pills. This time I am just hoping that I make it cause its uncomfortable like my brain hurts. These 8 days have felt like a eternity so many emotions coming up while not being able to force myself to do much more than the minimum. Just keep reminding myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel....