NurseAddy

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About NurseAddy

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  1. I can't believe it's me...

    @Tom23Jones I too have been taking caffeine pills to try and reproduce my high feelings, never with any luck. I suppose I naively expected this recovery to be quick when I abused for years and am only a month in to sobriety. Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate you replying. May I ask what you did, specifically, at the beginning to help with the recovery? What exercises and how often etc?
  2. I can't believe it's me...

    @LuLamb First, congrats on 30 days! Second, I fully regretting my choice to take that spare pill as all I’m thinking about now is how to get more, how to get high again. Such a shame. I know for certain I’d take at least 5 pills in a day if given access to more, wrecking my health again, but it doesn’t matter. I just crave more. Evil little orange bastards.... @Tom23Jones I’m glad I could inspire you to keep on the straight and narrow path, if only I could practice what I preach. I’m just craving it like mad now, hoping not to score some the back route. The cravings have been relentless this past month for me. When did you stop craving it, if I may ask?
  3. I can't believe it's me...

    @quit-once I’m sad to say I had about enough will power to question flushing it once and then took it. Now I’ve scoured my house hoping to find more without any luck. I hate this.
  4. I can't believe it's me...

    I woke the dragon. I found a lone pill in my drawer (I feel like the devil himself planted it) and now I can’t stop thinking about how to score more. The craving is RIDICULOUS. This pill may still have a chance to ruin my life. How do I stop thinking about it??? Help...
  5. I can't believe it's me...

    @m34 Thank you for the reply and the words of encouragement. Definitely needed right now!
  6. I can't believe it's me...

    @quit-once Love the analogy, you’re absolutely correct. I will try and look at the whole picture in a more positive light. Thank you!
  7. I can't believe it's me...

    Day 23 and I’m really struggling with depression and just a feeling of absolute worthlessness. Almost like a ‘pit in the stomach’ feeling when you’re dreading a certain something, except mine is dreading waking up without Adderall. Any advice or thoughts from those veteran sobriety friends?
  8. I can't believe it's me...

    @mad_stoic I couldn’t agree with @sleepystupid more about NEEDING off the pills. The want seems like it will never be there, but the innate NEED for your body and mind to be sober is incredibly strong once you actually step out of the nightmare of adderall and into a scary reality of sobriety. It’s terrifying, but flush those oval f*ckers and force yourself into at least a month of no access so you realize what your missing. Don’t get me wrong, the first week or two is a big ole bitch, but once your body starts re-stabilizing, the realm of sobriety warms you like adderall never could. You don’t NEED Adderall, it needs you. You don’t need a crutch, a comfort blanket or a way out. You need help. You deserve a life of not being chained to pills, not wondering when the next refill is, not calculating how many pills you have left till you’re out, not racking your brain thinking of how to score more, not dreading the crash after a binge and not fearing when there’s only one pill left. You deserve to sleep, eat and feel normal. You deserve to live reality and not escape it. You deserve to live, without adderall. Do NOT be fooled, there is no connection nor harmonizing with adderall. We are addicts, there is no two way street nor will there ever be. We are slaves to a fake notion of happiness. We live in a fantasy that was once adderall and is no longer obtainable through addiction. Whatever feeling, productivity or studying ability you’re trying to recreate time and time again, will drift further and further away along with your mind, friends, family and happiness. I promise. It’s crazy how much different sober feels from the addict. Granted, I’m still scared shitless of what I may have irreversibly ruined, but I’ve promised myself a life I want to live. What’s the point of living when all you live for is the next pill? You deserve more, we all do. Best wishes.
  9. I can't believe it's me...

    @LuLamb I’m feeling pretty good, considering I’m only on day 12! Thanks for asking! How about you? Feeling ok or going through the dreaded withdrawal process?
  10. @LuLamb It gets better! I too cut off my supply just today and I’m both excited and nervous for what the future holds sans Adderall. My longest period of sobriety was 4 months and I felt great but it never stopped the thoughts of ‘maybe it’ll be different this time’ when the refill was always an option. We’re both on to a better life, without needing Adderall! Good luck!!!
  11. I can't believe it's me...

    I did it! I bucked up and told my PCP I no longer want the pill I’ve been a cracked out slave to for years. No more supply, no more Adderall. Feels incredibly liberating and terrifying at the same time, but I know the cycle would never cease unless I permanently stopped it. Here’s to being 10 days clean and free from the ball and chain I call Adderall!
  12. Affair on aderall

    @Marty Sorry to read about your troubles with adderall and your marriage. I agree with @sleepystupid in that it almost gives you a split personality while high. Mine was more so “I don’t give a f*ck” while high but I definitely knew right from wrong, even when cracked out. Hopefully things will get better for you both.
  13. I can't believe it's me...

    @SeanW Thank you again, Cameron. I definitely have the angel and the devil on each shoulder but with support from here as well home, I’m favoring the angel. Thanks and thanks again. Really, I appreciate your time in replying to me. It helps all too much.
  14. I can't believe it's me...

    @SeanW Thank you for that. It’s what I needed to read for getting the courage to tell my doc not to prescribe me it anymore on Tuesday. Here’s to hoping I keep up that momentum!
  15. I can't believe it's me...

    @demi24 Thank you for your reply again. Sadly, I’ve flushed those bastards numerous times, just doesn’t stop me from refilling. My PCP appointment is next week and since I flushed my pills, I couldn’t get them even if I wanted to. Great idea though. I’m currently on a Keto diet or I’d LOVE to eat my emotions. What makes me happy? My life should but I’m not sure if the adderall has ruined that or if I’m missing something?