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About NurseAddy

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  1. @quit-once and @SleepyStupid Thank you for your words of wisdom. I want to be done, it’s just crazy the grips these pills have on a rational mind. Makes me feel crazy for continuing to do this to myself. Alas, I’ve cut off my supplier and am giving it my all. Thank you again for the motivation.
  2. @LuLamb Reading your 1 year post hit me like a ton of bricks. Time sure does fly. We quit around the same time and I can’t tell you how happy I am for you for sticking with it. We quit around the same time, but I wish I could say that I too am at the 1 year mark. Unfortunately, I sit here typing this utterly bitter at myself, still addicted. Still spinning in the hamster wheel. My face is on fire from picking it apart, my teeth feel weak from clenching my jaw for days on end, my body aches from being on 100+mg of amphetamines, I don’t remember the last time I’ve gotten eight hours of sleep and at this point I’m taking adderall to simply function and not because I feel anything of a high. Reading your post gives me hope though. Thank you for sharing with us your success, it truly is valuable. I hope you’re living your best life, even during a pandemic. Congratulations. So awesome. ❤️
  3. I can't believe it's me...

    @DelaneyJuliette Don’t be so hard on yourself. I obviously don’t always hate it or I wouldn’t be addicted and you don’t always find relief taking it or you wouldn’t be here searching for light in this dark tunnel of addiction. I understand what you’re saying though, it’s a temporary relief for a lifetime of hate, I feel. I still crave the first few days of a high as those are the best until I ALWAYS end up hating the choice strung out with no sleep, picked off face, aching muscles and still a desire to find the next self destructive pill. Every day is a struggle, but every day sober is worth far more than a lifetime of addiction. As you know, addiction is controlling those ‘happy’ thoughts you have about adderall but wouldn’t you love to be in control of your own life? If not for yourself, for your children? Wouldn’t you love to not place priority in pills? You are fully capable of taking back that control. You deserve control of a sober, healthy life as do your children deserve a sober mother. You can do this, don’t let a pill control your life!
  4. @LuLamb Congratulations on 5 months! Holy hell! As you know, no matter what struggles you’re dealing with sober, are 10,000x better than the struggles of being high. So proud of you. Keep it up!
  5. Relapse after almost 6 years clean

    @clinx Withdrawal sucks, but being addicted sucks more. You said, “I didn’t need drugs to function.” Tell that to your last line, you don’t have to take anything to function. It’s a manipulative and mental battle, period. Don’t let the drugs win. You can and will win. Best of luck!
  6. Relapse after almost 6 years clean

    @clinx Sorry to read about your relapse. I can’t imagine the burden you’re carrying around being the best mom you can be and doing it under such emotional stress. Kudos to you for tackling motherhood, but you don’t need the drugs to be a badass mother. As for the cheater, if that’s the case, cut him and the drugs out for good. You don’t need either of those toxic pieces of shit. Like @dolssa said, cut off your supplier as well. You’ve done it before, and you sure as shit can do it again. Do it for that precious baby and do it for yourself! You’re above being an addict and being cheated on! You’ve got this, and we’re all cheering and supporting you here. Find that inner woman and mother and give yourself the new freedom of not being tied to him nor the adderall. You deserve to be free of both! You deserve to be loved and to love yourself. Find the sober you again. Find freedom. Get it, girl!
  7. I can't believe it's me...

    @quit-once Thank you for your condolences and the same to you from me. I can obviously empathize with you and can’t imagine the loss of a child if this is what losing a fur child is like. Utter darkness, for sure. Thank you also for the advice, it’s time I get my phat ass to the gym. Make it my new addiction. New attitude, no adderall.
  8. I can't believe it's me...

    @sleepystupid Thank you. Thank you for always being around to comment/advise/reply. It’s crazy how much difference a small response makes in this world of addiction. I appreciate you. 18 days and counting!
  9. I can't believe it's me...

    I’m sorry to keep chiming in on my thread, but I’ve hit a bit of a wall. My refill date is the 20th, I’ve reached out to some counselors by both phone and email but I’ve heard nothing. My 15yo dog had to be mercy euthanized lastnight and I’m struggling to not want to escape the pain the best way I know how. I’ve also tried signing up to go to the gym but never end up going. Do I have to actually go into these offices to get an appt? I told them all I have insurance and money so I’m baffled that I haven’t heard back. I was hoping to see someone before the refill date rolled around and now that I‘ve lost what felt like my child (I have no children) I’m really trying to not cave. Any advice/words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Feeling like a broken soul with a broken heart and the addict is feeding off that flame. ☹️
  10. I can't believe it's me...

    @OnTheMend Thank you. Thank you so much for chiming in. I needed to read that. We’re all in this together. No matter the relapses and rehab stints, I hope we can all rely on each other, much like you have for me and now I for you. Congratulations on 92 days. What a fucking feat! Keep it up!
  11. My face :(

    @OWG_8 I agree with @sleepystupid and also say to avoid any other stimulants and appetite suppressants ie cigarettes/tobacco and caffeine as those can also stifle the appetite.
  12. I can't believe it's me...

    @DrewK15 Thank you so much for the advice and kind words! Have not picked up the script as I can’t until the 16th anyway. Thought about cutting it off again but I just end up spending more money bumming stimulants off other connections. That being said, I genuinely WANT to not be tied down to this stupid drug. I’ve never seen a counselor before and actually just called to get into one today. Hopefully I hear back before the 16th. I’m also signing up for a gym. Pulling out all the stops in hopes I can kick the addiction. Thank you again!
  13. I can't believe it's me...

    Thank you, @Doge. Going to try my best.
  14. I can't believe it's me...

    Day 1 began today. I caved to my addiction, I caved to Adderall. Disappointment and depression have set it and all I honestly want is to have more Adderall to escape the feelings of regret. I went so far as to call my PCP and convince her to reinstate my script. Fucking ridiculous. I can’t believe I caved. Still can’t believe I’m such a slave to this drug. I know now I can’t win this battle on my own, and even though this site gives me more courage than I ever could by myself, I need help. Hoping to reach out to some counselors once I come out of my post adderall fog. No one deserves the torment of being an addict. I hope someone else can read this and know failure happens, but success can be achieved as long as you keep trying and try I will. Best of luck to everyone trying to kick the addy addict in them. We can do this!
  15. UGH

    @FarFromPerfectMom Hello! Just left ER to be a supervisor at a women’s clinic! Completely new world to me but I needed a new start with my new life away from stimulants. This time I’ve been off for a little over 2mo with 2 small one day relapses. Longest I’ve gone is 4mo before I relapsed completely. Just taking it one day at a time, the new job keeps my mind more occupied so as not to dwell on the ‘what ifs.’ How about yourself? Feel free to message me.