DelaneyJuliette

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About DelaneyJuliette

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  1. Day 1

    Okay, here we go! It's my first official day 1! (Again, lol, but this time I mean it.) I have a minor outpatient surgery this morning and I took the rest of the week off. I feel pretty much prepared to stop (at least physically), as I have been decreasing dosage over the last 6 days after my last adderall/benzo fueled 4-day bender last week. Yesterday I only had 5mg of Adderall and 5mg of Klonapin. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past week - withdrawal sucks! I'm hopeful it won't be so bad now that I've spent a week taking less and less. I do have a ton of anxiety though, but I am committed. I will be accountable too! I'll check back in later! I'm grateful for the support and it helps just knowing others get it and I'm not alone!
  2. HOPE

    So glad to have this site!!
  3. Friday night sober ramblings

    I literally just emailed your quote to myself: I have a tendency lately to forget that I am in recovery...a tendency instead to get into this head/heart space of, "What's WRONG with me???" and when I can remember, "OH RIGHT!! DUHHHH - I recently quit an amphetamine addiction cold turkey!!!" I am better able to be kinder and gentler with myself and set some reasonable goals for my day. I am having brain zaps and feeling crazy. Mood swings all over the place and I can't get anything done. Going from crazy high anxiety to exhausted and apathetic. Foggy. Can't wait to get through this. There is another side to get to, I will keep telling myself. I know it to be true, but damn I want to get there NOW.
  4. Friday night sober ramblings

    Yes, it is very hard to be honest with myself. Man I am good at self-justification. But the reality is that I ALWAYS go overboard eventually... I think it really is time to stop. Monday will be day 1.
  5. Please Donate

    I just donated! I hope it worked!
  6. L-Tyrosine?

    Monday will be my first day off adderall (I've been decreasing dosage.) Any thoughts on taking L-Tyrosine?
  7. That is the story of my life. I give it up then convince myself I "need it" and then it doesn't work, and then the only way to get it to "work" again is to say fuck it and abuse it by crushing it and snorting it. It's awful. I kind of can't believe I'm actually in a place where (most of the time) I am wanting abstinence. Monday is going to be Day 1, as I'm decreasing the dosage.
  8. This is what started happening to me that has given me the indication that I really have to quit.
  9. This makes so much sense to me. I love your phrase, "i'll be fine. I can hang." That's endearing. I've been decreasing my dosage this week in preparation for next week which is going to be my first week without. I have an outpatient umbilical hernia surgery on Monday and I took the rest of the week off. I feel like having one week without working without using any will be a good start. I know there are lots of cues and when I'm back at work the next Monday it will be hard. I've not been on this site much due to lethargy. It's crazy to me how just cutting down has created so. much. tiredness. ugh.
  10. UGH

    L-carnitine... not L-Tyrosine? All of these supplements confuse me!
  11. Irony

    I tried to post this as a response to the main page where it was listing out Adderall Movies, but it wouldn't work for some reason. So I thought I'd post it here b/c this is not a one time occurance. "So, I haven't quit yet and here's a nice piece of irony. I spent the night at the office, and now, instead of going home and being with my 4 kids on this Sunday morning, I am sitting here (adderall-fueled) voraciously making a list of these movies so that I can order them so that I can watch them at some point (I tell myself, maybe when I quit?) even though I can't remember the last time I watched a movie that wasn't a Disney movie with my kids. This has to end. It is f-ing ridiculous. I totally lose all of my priorities when I'm like this."
  12. Friday night sober ramblings

    I'm so scared to stop.
  13. OH. MY. GOD. I am also a therapist in private practice whose Adderall self has filled my schedule with back to back clients. I could cry right now it is so relieving to make a connection to someone who completely gets my situation. I am TERRIFIED of quitting b/c of exactly what you said. When I'm on it, I am either excited to see clients, or at least it's tolerable. But the thought of seeing person after person, hour after hour is filling me with dread. Of course I can slowly make changes in my schedule, but not immediately b/c I can't just tell established clients I'm no longer available. (Plus I have a terrible fear of economic insecurity, which is not really based in reality, but helps fuel my continuing to schedule people.) Thank you thank you thank you. I hope we can keep connecting on here. I will need support. (I say "will need" because I haven't yet quit. I drastically reduced, and then went back up.)
  14. UGH

    This is my first post. I had 8 years free from all substances and then I got a prescription again for adderall. When it works, it works. And when it doesn't, I relate to every single freakin' thing written on the homepage of this forum. I have so much tolerance that the only way I can get it to have any effect now is by snorting it, and even then it only works sometimes. But the problem is, when I try to quit, I am so tired that I can't even muster up the energy to go to this page!! I keep getting to the point where I know I need to, and then I have a moment where it "works" and I can actually get stuff done again and I can't imagine quitting.... I need to order the appropriate supplements NOW ahead of time. I have 1 week off starting Dec 9th and I'm hoping to do it then... but I am scared that I won't follow through. I have been on this merry go round for far too long.
  15. I am new here and just joined. I have clearly become dependent on my Adderall. I was taking 5mg instant releases every 4 hours, and now I'm at the point where I can take 10mg and go right to sleep. It's not working. I am prescribed 20mg 2x a day, along with 1mg Klonapin 2x a day. I would like to taper off of both of these, but I recognize that this is just an adderall forum. In the past, Adderall worked wonders for me. I clearly have a huge tolerance now. My doctor wrote me a script for 20mg of intstant Release Ritalin 2x a day, but I was scared to get it filled in case it didn't work and I didn't have any back up adderall. I'm not completely clear yet if I want to be adderall free for life, but my therapist tells me to stay in today and just worry about that later. I'm not really sure the best way to taper. Would it be to take 10 mg every 4 hours for a few weeks, then 15mg every for hours for a few weeks, then 10, then 5, then none? I just joined another site to ask about the benzo taper. Any thoughts would be greately appreciated.