DelaneyJuliette

Just wanted to drop in at 4pm in the afternoon rather than 4am in the morning and say that I really did it. After a year of telling myself I was going to quit I gave up all my adderall with no way to get more and I'm done. I just have to get through this period of time that sucks but I know I can do it. I just wanted to thank all of you for loving me through this ridiculous journey. As I said in another post, I am exhausted, keep bursting out randomly into tears, terrified, lonely, scared, anxious, worried, and... relieved. So I'm gonna focus on that last one.

Yup, time to try something different. I quit cold turkey two days ago. I gave up all my adderall and no way to get more. It's scary, emotional, exhausting and also relieving. I will make it through this time.

Well I tapered successfully once, and then started again, and then realized i've been lying to myself for the past year that i was going to taper again and it was going to work this time b/c it worked before. So, i just stopped cold turkey 2 days ago. Gave up all my pills. So... it's day 2. I'm tired and emotional but ok.

Let's talk!!

@sydney, how is it going?

Sooo.... should we start a zoom one?

So, if you go to the place where it talks about meet-ups in certain locations, I posted about zoom. There was a lot of interest, but nothing got started. Perhaps that would be a good place to post this? Did you ever end up having a meeting? I really want to join one. My desire is to find a regular day and time to just have a meeting and whomever wants to come can come. I wonder if we could make this work... I also wonder if we should do one with some structure.... or just talking?

what?! me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So can we do it?! Let's make it happen!! PM me!

I want to go through these questions. My pattern is that I have too many clients on one day so I use that day. Then I stay up too late and then use the next day to make it through. Then the next day I am home and use b/c i am trying to organize my house to move.. Then I have too many clients the next day so I use to get through the day b/c I don't want to feel. Or rather I do want to feel... I want to feel like I feel when I'm on it... then comes Friday and I slow down... but then comes the weekend and my significant other triggers me so badly that I just want to not feel and so I use and focus on stuff to get away from him and be present with the kids. Sounds like a winning combo. So what am I actually going to do?? I don't know. I keep saying I'm going to taper and then I keep not doing it.

Agreed. But how do I figure out WHEN to quit? There will never be a good time.

Here's the problem... when I am off them I am irritated and anxious and worry about all kinds of shit that I know doesn't matter. When I am on them I am able to be present with the kids and tell myself that nothing else matters but them. I take them on fun adventures and don't worry about schedule and time and all the stupid stuff my anxiety brings when I am not on them. So this makes me justify use even more. Plus, we are moving to a new house (same city) in december and I can't imagine how i will pack everything up and move without it. So this also makes me justify use. I know these are excuses. FML.

I felt like i responded to this but maybe not. Seeing clients via telehealth.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired, but not sick and tired enough to stop. (And apparently rebellious because that was 16 words, not one.)

Thank you for sharing. It reminds me that it is possible and I was once there too. But now I just don't know where to start. Lie. I am too ambivalent to start and keep making justifications why now isn't the right time.