@addforone I really enjoyed your post, you are very well spoken. I feel like I understand your situation 100%. I am an ER nurse practitioner with two children. I work swing shifts in a rural hospital. There are a small number of providers there and I am the youngest and least experienced (at 35 with ten years as an rn and six as a midlevel). Management posts our productivity numbers in the break room for all to see and have struggled to keep from being at the bottom every quarter. Although one of the hospitalists has told me I'm the most thorough. So if you think the struggle and the grind end with your education, I'm here to inform you that sadly that is not the case. This is even more true if you have a family. I do not suffer from ADD(I do have depression and mild OCD), I just needed super human levels of energy to keep up the pace of my life. Because I work in a rural ED, the docs sometimes have 24 hrs shifts. There were many times the doc would sleep and I would only wake him up for a code or intubation. This meant that I can't miss a detail. It is literally a matter of life and death for me to stay sharp. I was so relieved to read your post because I know you understand this unique struggle. I am ten days clean and still struggling but surviving. I am afraid to go to NA. If word gets out, I would have to report this to the board. Medical professionals are held to a higher standard. We are expected to be perfect, hide our struggles, keep grinding, don't miss a diagnosis, etc or be shamed by our own community.
I wish you success in your journey. Statistically speaking, medical professionals are more prone to addiction but more successful in recovery than non medical professionals. Let's embrace that fact keep trudging along. I just keep reminding myself that plenty of people do this job without stimulants. It is possible...
