Ready4Change

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About Ready4Change

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  1. That is some light easy reading. LOL. I appreciate the link but my 9 month recovering brain really struggled getting through that.
  2. Help- Please tell me I am not alone....

    Congratulations on stopping and making positive changes that the future you will be forever grateful for your Temporary sacrifice. The only comfort I can provide you with is that the anxiety you are feeling is very normal and I personally found it crippling. The initial withdrawal was bad the first 3 weeks. It physically leveled me. Months 1-4 was the beginning of the anxiety, anhedonia and depression. Months 4-8 took on an entirely new and different level of suffering. Everyone has different biology, brain chemistry, age and length of use. Acute withdrawal and chronic PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) varies a great deal from person to person. Mine has been particularly bad. It can be dealt with and you don’t have to use adderall no matter how bad it gets. I chalk it up to paying the tab for 15 years of use. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. You will find the strength inside yourself to endure what needs to be done in order to free yourself from the chains of dependency on those pills. This day was inevitable and their is no better time than now. You got this. My anxiety is slowly lifting at month 9. That’s some hope for me beachside I felt like I was permanently damaged. Hold on tight.
  3. You have all helped me

    Hello my strong and inspirational friends. This is a long and scattered post and I’m not the greatest writer. I need to finally introduce myself. My name is Brian. I am new to posting in this group but many of you have been my daily strength and you have unknowingly helped make me feel less defective and alone these past 8 months. It has taken me this long to be capable and willing to take steps and create an account to post. My inability to write coherent enough to post has slowly lifted. (Thankful for that) This initial withdrawal process and now the intense PAWS has been the HARDEST THING I HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE. I am 41 years old and had been on Adderall for 16 years and I built my life around the help the pills provided me. I never abused my prescription and my life was made better for a long time because of Adderall. Marriage, career, home and many more life goals met. I have pretty intense ADD from childhood and Adderall all but cured me. Nothing lasts forever and time goes bye so quickly. I got to a point where I had to discover if I can be Adderall free. An inner voice needed to be heard. I had been experiencing anxiety and depression while on Adderall. I also was having concerns about long term use and my heart and mental health possibly declining. I was willing go through hell to find out if a healthy and prosperous life was possible without the pills. I know the pains of withdrawal. I got off 13 years of Effexor 2 years before I stopped the Adderall. (Brutal withdrawal too) I got tired of the monthly trips to the psychiatrist. The pharmacy running out of them. Travels abroad where Adderall is banned. Feeling shame about being dependent on amphetamine and not truly owning my personality and accomplishments. I guess I wanted and needed to be tested and to build up true strength and resilience. I needed to know who I am and what I’m capable of. The Authentic me. That’s easy to dream about but much harder to live the process. I can relate to mostly to everyone in these forums about the withdrawal. The anxiety, depression and lack of pleasure has been unbelievably difficult and disruptive in my life. Every area has been negatively impacted. You all know everything I’m saying because reading your processes was like reading my own. (It’s helped soooooooo much). The first month of sleep and dragging was hard but WAYYYYY easier that what has come in months 4-8. OMG . I am amazed I have survived and I’m not being at all dramatic. I feel like I will have PTSD from how difficult it has been and currently is. I’m entering the wave portion of this process I think. I can sense a tiny bit of relief. Some days the panic slightly lessens. I feel a bit more hope and that is awesome. Panic attacks are hopefully lessening. I’m still significantly disabled compared to my former self but maybe a tiny bit better than last month. From everything I’ve read on here the upcoming 9-12 month time frame I will reap the rewards of my suffering. That brings tears to my eyes because I am battered, broken and beaten down. Some days just coming here and reading what others have went through is the only bit of hope that drives me forward. I have read almost every post. I have not come across a better resource of real stories that justify and acknowledge the reality of my suffering like this group. Before I found this I truly felt alone, defective and crazy. You all made me feel like I was in exactly the pain I was supposed to be. Somehow that helps. Thank You. I am proud to be in the company of such strong people. I will try to be more involved as I continue getting better and growing stronger.