Hi guys,
I've been lurking on the forum for a couple of weeks now I've gathered enough motivation to call it off for good. Like many of us here, my dex (Australian version of adderall) use is closely tied to academic performance. I'm actually completing my last 2 subjects of my bachelors degree and my final exam is in a week! I have been using stimulants for school-work since 16, so this is a huge jump after 5 years of use. Prior to stimulants, I was a disorganised, unmotivated mess who did everything last minute. I'm still the same person. The delusion of dex-fuelled efficiency is well and truly over. *sigh*
I thought I'd post this to hold myself accountable throughout this journey. I was committed to quitting two days ago, when I took 7.5mg IR and did shit all. All I felt was a stiff neck and regret. Yesterday, I had an insanely productive dex-free day using the pomodoro method. I made my way through 2.5 hours of lectures!!! I was driven out of pure spite for the drug and being fed-up with having no faith in myself - its a miserable way of life even with stims. The day before (on meds), I only made it through half a lecture. Then, this morning, I got through one horrendously boring lecture and caved around 2pm because I had some serious brain fog. The meds didn't take away the brain fog and actually added a couple of unwanted symptoms. So, I've decided today's dose is my last.
This decision is scary and difficult, but I'm kinda nervous-excited for whats ahead. I'm only in my early 20's and these meds have ruined my body. I have cellulite all over my legs like a 60 year old lady. I'm pale and have chronic neck, back and jaw issues. I'm ready to pursuit my health, wellbeing and self-efficacy - all things that were stunted when I started taking meds at 16. I'm determined to start off positive. I've found myself laughing a lot more on my days off meds (something I previously didn't do) - particularly about how comically BORING tasks are. Like jeez, how the fuck did I ever watch 6 lectures in a day and not want to die?
As I've decided to do this a week before the end of my degree, I've spent a lot of time reading into productivity tips on this site and elsewhere. If anyone needs some anti-procrastination info, I highly recommend this blog series by WaitbutWhy https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
Lets do this!!!!!!!!!!!!