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About MahomeboyKC

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  1. I wish for more connection...

    Just chiming in as a new forum member to let you know that I completely agree. Found this site a few hours ago and never felt the precise type of comfort knowing that there’s a community like this. I always thought no one (not even my psych) could ever understand the long term complexity of this drug and trying to quit.
  2. Maybe I haven't lost my mind

    ...thank God. Just stumbled upon this post and had been terrified of this as well, since I always notice in on the days before my refills. Glad to know it’s likely not permanent upon quitting
  3. One sentence personal history: Late twenty-something year old sr. level tech professional who has taken adderall since sophomore year in college (nearing a decade...Jesus) and wants to be done with it and live the happy life I lived before the drug. Ok now to the title of the post. I’ll cut the extras and get to the chase. It’s this off-putting feeling/experience of (after long term use and complete integration into my life) realizing and suffering the consequences of not having consistency with your drug-self vs non-drug self. Feeling like one half of you is basically a fraud at any given moment (especially while on adderall) and knowing that, “hey, this project that I just had a super serious conversation with my client about regarding it’s importance and necessary completion? I know for a fact that I’ll wake up tomorrow, sober, or Monday morning will come around and if you asked me how urgent or significant that same project was in the grand scheme of things, I’d tell you: “...probably not that big of a deal...””. Now, obviously that example could be it’s own little issue, but what I’m starting to experience in my adderall journey is that I notice and worry that that “disconnect between selves” could potentially be happening at a much larger scale in life now. Like time spent on certain hobbies. Friendships. Serious relationships... I just got out of a horribly emotionally abusive/manipulative relationship with my (ex) fiancé, which is great, but now as I start to make new friends and meet people and remake my life in a sense, I want to make sure that the person I’m showing to the outside world is the same one that will be there when I stop taking the drug. This is, after so many years, the final f*cking “side effect” of this drug that drove me to create an account on this forum and make this post. I’ve never been more sure of wanting out than right now. Sorry if I rambled or if the end of my post bears no resemblance to the start... #adderallThings Thank you!!