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About Ash20

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  1. 15 Month Update

    @Ready4Change Amazing and inspiring progress!! Thank you for this update. The sensitivities (sensory and emotional) as well as paranoia are big for me as well. What you stated about TV was spot on. I was off of Adderall for 2.5 years (pulling myself out of a 3 month relapse now). I know that I had these sensitivities prior to Adderall. I’m actually not sure if they got worse following Adderall or not. I would love to keep in touch for ideas to mitigate them. One thought regarding the paranoia - your intellectual profile may predispose you to paranoia. I have had to take formal IQ and achievement tests since age 10 (way before Adderall use) and I’ve always tested through the ceiling on a section called verbal abstract reasoning. I suspect that many others in these forums would also test high in this area (given a link to NF personality types). The psychiatrist told me that very high scores in this section strongly correlate to high levels of paranoia - I’d imagine that it is related to the rate and manner in which you connect the dots. My belief is that Adderall actually impaired my verbal abstract reasoning ability when I was on it, and I thus became less paranoid. The return of paranoia when off of Adderall indicates the return of this particular intellectual ability. Basically, your paranoia may indicate that your brain is up and running like it should be again. There may be factors beyond this impacting the paranoia - but I’m hoping the above is validating or encouraging to you in some way. I would also love any advice on how to channel this paranoia to be helpful rather than hurtful in daily life. I no longer wish to be paranoid about paranoia!
  2. Back 2 work

    @sweetupbaaby My dad, who has been in recovery for over 20 years, always says this, in case it helps: “you don’t need to get through everyday, only today.”
  3. Back 2 work

    Hey @sweetupbaaby - I have been following your story and am so impressed with your progress. You have come so far. 3 and a half months clean is something to be proud of. Please know that you have the strength within you to stay off of these evil blue pills - work or not. Nothing is as important as continuing to stay off, for good. This is my first time posting but I saw what you wrote and knew that I had to say something. You are smart and insightful - I can tell from your posts. Trust yourself and know that you will be fine at work without these pills...And on the off chance that they find some fault with you - then that’s their loss! It is safe to say that you’ve inspired members of this community to get off and stay off - you’ve made a difference in my life at least. Please keep us updated. It’s not too late to get off again. We are here for you. You are awesome.