LWILL75

I am a mom who abuses Adderall. I have four kids, 25, 17, 15 and 3 and am 44 years old. I started taking Adderall on a whim one day about ten years ago. At the time, my son was prescribed it and I wanted to see what it would do. So, I took it and man did I get a ton of stuff done that day!! I've been chasing that high since then. I have my own prescription of 60 mg of XR and 20 mg of IR per month and then I take my daughter's medicine of 30 mg XR and 10 mg of IR. On a good day, I'm taking about 150 mg a day. I run out every single month and every single month at that time I panic. Counting down my pills, trying in all earnest to stretch them out and I never have the will power to do that. Those days when I don't have Adderall are spent counting down the days/ hours until I can get more. I have my own business and days when I don't have Adderall, I don't work making me look incredibly unprofessional. I don't engage with my kids and just want to be left alone. I'm in school for my masters degree and can't do any school work when I don't have Adderall or I at least convince myself that I can't. I know I'm doing some pretty intense damage to my heart but that again doesn't seem like an incentive to stop. I don't like how I feel without it yet continuing to live this insanity can't go on. I ran out of Adderall today again and I'm already dreading the next few days. Of course, I'll call my clients tomorrow and tell them I can't make it yet again and then feel terrible and like a loser all day. I can't even believe I'm in this situation. For years, I was married to a heroin addict and tried to love him sober, unsuccessfully of course. He's now two and a half years clean and now I'm the addict. All I can think about now is Adderall. My three year old wants to play but I can't even think about anything but pills. Isn't that sad? I feel like a worthless loser. My husband and kids know that I have a problem with Adderall but they all think I'm not taking it currently. So, long story short, you're not alone. I feel like I need Adderall for everything.