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About Sunbeams_findyou

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  1. When will I be normal again?

    I think you being on here and posting proves that you already know you're better off without it. Being only a few months into my recovery myself, I can empathize with how you feel. I feel the exact same way right now. Also like you I don't fully understand why my loved ones like me better now. It must have to do with the fact that I'm not putting them through hell anymore. They believe I can and will fully recover even though I sometimes don't. If you can't stay off it for yourself, maybe start by staying off of it for them. I don't know you, but I do know that you are incredibly strong for being able to quit for your baby.
  2. Trying to make it through PAW

    Thanks for the response. I'm trying to believe it when I'm told it will get better, I need to believe it, but I often doubt I can make it until then. I'm currently taking Wellbutrin XR and have been taking it for years now. My doctor just increased my 300mg to 450 so we'll see if that helps. I'm going back on amitriptyline to help with sleep too. I've had luck with it in the past, but it knocks me out a little too much the first month I take it, and I worry that I'll be even more useless than I am now when it comes to getting anything done. The sick part of me hoped that she would but me back on the Adderall, but she's a good doctor did not.
  3. Trying to make it through PAW

    Hey all, This is my first post here, and my brain is mush, so please forgive any mistakes or confusing text. I quit Adderall back in July after it put me in the ER for the third time since I had began taking it. I was only on it for about a year and a half but somehow worked my way up to the maximum dosage, which is 60 mg daily here. I often took more than that though. Fast forward about three months and I feel worse off now than I did back when I first quit. My depression has increased, my focus is garbage, and I've already gained at least 20 pounds. Financially I'm still fucked and I also may not pass the 5 credit hours required this semester for me to graduate. I have very little motivation or will to do anything, and when I do it is caffeine induced and very short lived. I keep making the same mistakes that I did while I was strung out. Last week I found myself desperately searching my home for any pills that may have been lost. I often think that I'm so miserable without it, that I may as well be on it and at least somewhat enjoy my misery. Illogical thinking, I know. I made an upcoming doctor's appointment to talk about the withdrawals and a possible increase on my antidepressant. I've tried asking her about non-stimulant meds for my adhd before, but she said the only option there was is something I cannot afford due to my lack of insurance and little income. I'm going to ask again and see if anything has changed. In the meantime, does anyone have any experience with PAW they would like to share? This is my first time speaking to others who've gone through this. I appreciate anything that anyone has to say, just please be nice.