KAnn

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About KAnn

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  1. When will I feel again?

    Thank you for your reply, I completely agree. I still felt all the normal emotions while on it, but that feeling of being happy no matter what came my way made me feel like I was super mom. Like no worries my meds can handle this for me and I’ll get shit done. I now see that it’s okay to not feel like you have it all together because that’s life and things happen. I know the sun will shine again even though right now I can’t see past tomorrow. Hopefully I’m on the road to a better me.
  2. When will I feel again?

    Thank you so much for that. It helps to know I am not alone in this. Patience is definitely key to this recovery and I have to give myself some grace I guess. I do know I don't ever want to see adderall again, I had no idea this was on the other side of quitting. Again thank you for your kind words and encouragement it means a lot!!
  3. Hey everyone, I've been looking at this forum for a couple of months now just for general info and reassurance purposes. I stopped taking my prescription of (5mg IR 2x daily) on August the 7th after having some anxious and depressive episodes and thinking the medication in general just wasn't working anymore. I stopped cold turkey. I have taken it for almost six years and took it as prescribed for the most part. There for the last couple of years I was starting to run out of my prescription early or taking 3 a day instead of the prescribed 2 pills. I know it's not a high dose but non the less it was becoming a problem and I was fully dependent. I never in a million years thought that withdrawal would be the nightmare that I have been living the past 12 weeks. I've been severely panicked, had obsessive thoughts that continuously loop, had dark intrusive thoughts, intrusive suicidal thoughts, thoughts that I wasn't real, fear, paranoia. Just all things bad in general, things you never thought the human mind could be capable of thinking let alone someone like me. I'm an optimist, happy, empathetic, compassionate. Now I feel nothing. I know just from reading your stories here that things will get better, but I feel so utterly defeated. I have three beautiful kids, an amazing fiance, and I feel so completely detached and emotionally numb towards them and it's absolutely killing me. I hate myself honestly, and don't know who I am anymore or who I was before this. My memory sucks, and quite honestly I feel like i'm going insane. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back at me and feel detached from myself. I've been talking to a psychologist for the past few weeks once a week and that helps momentarily until the negative intrusive thoughts come flooding back in. She assures me that what I'm going through is temporary and I'm in recovery and my brain is healing and me stopping cold turkey like I did kind of just put my brain into shock and depleted my serotonin. I'm getting married next October and could care less about it. I feel like an empty shell of a human being and this is not at all who I am. My therapist referred me to a psychiatrist who wanted to start me on Zoloft, needless to say I took it once and woke up that night with the most severe panic attack and what I could only described as the kind of nightmare you see in a horror film, for real thought something was after me, shaking, sweating, couldn't talk. It was horrific and obviously I'm scared to do take it again, just not worth it. I've lost all hope in myself and hope that things will get better, depression has hit pretty hard and I need things to turn around or I feel like I won't make it through this. Any tips or just encouraging words would so incredible.