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Everything posted by Cassie

  1. Modafinil / provigil

    I laughed at one of the article comments: "Speed your mother can take."
  2. One Word Status Update

    Hiking and canoeing in northern AZ
  3. Secret Dependence

    Welcome. Amphetamines definitely turn you into a shell of a person. For me, it was like like a third person always looking in and directing my thoughts and actions, never fully inhabiting myself. Do you have a plan to quit? Also, out of curiosity, why do you use the term 'dependence' rather than 'addiction?'
  4. Recovery Time- LONG

    Thanks AlwaysAwesome! You've come a long way. On this topic, I'm always annoyed when people say: 1. You'll feel recovered after x amount of time (where x is not that long, i.e. 30, 60, 90 days, 6 mos, 1 year). Physically maybe, but it took me years to feel really good again mentally. 2. You'll feel a little better each day. WRONG. Recovery is NOT a linear process and you'll have major ups and downs. Only looking back over a long period of time will you see the general upward trajectory. I keep it real because people relapse when their expectations don't match their reality. I only succeeded when I lowered my expectations of recovery time. I believe Mike,this site's founder, said it best: "Recovery is a multi-year process."
  5. Adderall and Decision Fatigue

    If you need a kick in the ass at some point, I highly recommend Steven Pressfield's book, The War of Art. Really got me back on track with work and hobbies (but I have been sober a long time as well)
  6. Adderall and Decision Fatigue

    It made me calm at first too (like for the first year or so). However, whatever adderall (or any drug) gives you in the beginning, it takes away in the end. I'm guessing you weren't on it long enough to experience that, which is a good thing because you'll recover faster. The downside is you will romanticize the drug more.
  7. Adderall and Decision Fatigue

    I had the opposite experience on adderall. I felt the need to overconsume information and overanalyze everything to the point of decision paralysis. I could spend an hour writing a two paragraph email. If I was ever confident and efficient on adderall, it was during the honeymoon period only. I think you'll find that your executive functioning returns to normal over time. Think about how inconsequential your daily decisions are in the grand scheme of things - that might help.
  8. For fast cheap food I like El Pollo Loco better than Chipotle. A lot of their bowls and salads are under 500 calories (and filling), while Chipotle is a calorie bomb.
  9. Recovery Time- LONG

    Now that I've been sober for 3.5 years, I realize that the one year mark was still pretty early recovery for me. Definitely took 2+ years to feel 'totally recovered.' I'm starting to feel a lot more motivation returning this year which is really exciting! So yeah, this is par for the course, and your mental and physical state will continue to get better. Read up about PAWS (post acute withdrawal). This should give you some more perspective about why it takes a long time to recover. Ps. Don't compare your progress to people you don't know who post a success story at one point in time. Someone who has a lot of energy one day might be feeling shitty and battling cravings another day, you know?
  10. Just wanted to add: if you read my original post on this site from 4 years ago (search for the two month itch) you'll notice that I use the words Adderall and Vyvanse interchangeably throughout the story. What does that tell you?
  11. Netflix Ideas?

    Started watching Sense8. Pretty compelling show, even though you don't really know what's going on most of the time. Beautiful filming.
  12. Ditto to what Greg said. If you were addicted to one, you'll be addicted to the other. They are both schedule II amphetamines. Don't fool yourself. Ps. This is a repeat of the 50s and 60s, when amphetamines and methamphetamines were prescribed for weight loss. They were banned of course, and now Shire is sneaking them back in..
  13. Hi

    Read some of the relapse stories on this site. No one ever said "I'm so glad I went back on adderall. I'm not addicted anymore." It's normal to have cravings. A year is not that long. Give it another year, then another. Your brain will let go - it takes time and distance. I went to some Smart recovery meeting when I had bad cravings st 18 mos. I needed to remind myself that I was an addict. I'm still on this site 3.5 years later so I don't forget and do something I'd regret. As for your other habits, maybe just tackle one at a time, if you want to quit. Again - one year sober from a drug is not that long. Remember this.
  14. I thought i knew better

    Paradoxically, my focus and energy skyrocketed when I cut out caffeine. Been off adderall 3 years. Also, meditation every day for 10 mins. Drugs aren't meant to be long term solutions, and adderall will definitely make your depression worse over time.
  15. I took adderall for one year, then vyvanse for four. Same drug, only stronger and longer lasting.
  16. Yes, same abuse potential. Don't do it.
  17. Yeah, if it's addictive, it means it gets you high - in the beginning anyway. Once you're addicted, you're taking the drugs just to feel normal. Amphetamines make everyone feel good, more energetic, focused, and confident. It doesn't matter if you have ADD or not. I believe Straterra is the non-stimulant add drug option.
  18. You can get addicted to all of them, if that's what you're asking. They are all classified as Schedule II drugs, which means they have high addictive potential.
  19. Netflix Ideas?

    The Birthday Boys
  20. Down the toilet

    Welcome! You came to the right place, and your husband reminds me of mine. Tough love from my husband was extremely helpful in my recovery. Did you cut yourself off from your doctor/supplier as well? If not, will you be able to resist a refill when you are lazy and unmotivated at work, and Dylan is not around to object?
  21. This is another good exercise, a good counterstretch to the one I explained:
  22. I think some of it has to do with getting older too. As you age, you tend to get more cautious and less risk averse. I'm afraid of becoming boring.